This story BELONGS to @irisinlovee, all credits to them.
I'm just writing an alternate ending teehee.
not her, just you — spencer reid
pairings: spencer reid x profiler!reader theme: hurt to comfort summary: when she sees spencer kiss lila archer (s1ep18), something in her decideds that she will never be the girl for him. content warnings: none!
She and Spencer had always worked like two halves of the same mechanism. They joined the BAU so close together that people often forgot they hadn’t come as a set. From the beginning, it was obvious they were better together.
Spencer’s mind raced ahead, leaping from data point to data point, probabilities stacking and branching like a tree growing faster than anyone could prune it. She was the one who slowed him down just enough. Who asked the right questions, who took his spiraling thoughts and lined them up neatly into timelines and action steps.
They closed cases faster when they worked side by side. Hotch noticed. Before long, they were partnered more often than not.
Outside of work, that understanding only deepened. Friday nights were sacred. Spencer’s apartment always smelled faintly of old books and tea. She knew where everything was, where he kept the extra chopsticks, which cabinet held the mugs that didn’t chip, and how to fix the loose leg on the coffee table without asking. It was as if she lived there too, and it was a kind of slow comfort they loved and shared.
Doctor Who reruns played in the background, but after a while, neither of them paid attention. Spencer would pause the episode constantly, launching into trivia about production timelines or alternate story arcs. She’d always nod, smiling and let him talk.
Sometimes her head rested against his shoulder. Sometimes his knee pressed into hers. Once, half-asleep, she’d reached for his hand without thinking, and he’d laced their fingers together like it was the most natural thing in the world. Neither of them commented on it.
They never named what they were, and maybe that’s why the Lila Archer case hurt so much.
The assignment felt wrong the moment it happened.
“Reid,” Hotch said, “you’ll be assigned protective detail.”
“You’re non-threatening. Observant. You’ll stay with the victim.”
She waited, heart slowing, then speeding up again, for her name.
“You’ll remain at the office,” Hotch continued, turning to her. “Coordinate from there.”
Something hollow opened in her chest.
“Understood,” she said automatically.
Spencer frowned. “She should be there. We work—”
“It’s decided,” Hotch said, final.
Spencer looked at her then. Really looked. Like he was trying to memorize her face.
“I’ll call,” he said quietly.
“You always do,” she replied, smiling like it didn’t matter. It did.
From the bullpen, she watched everything unfold through screens and updates. Lila Archer was stunning, effortlessly so. Even in stress, even under threat, she glowed. She leaned into Spencer when she spoke, touched his arm casually, and laughed at his awkward jokes. Spencer looked different around her. That realization sat heavy in her chest. She tried not to read into it.
Then Garcia gasped softly behind her.
“Oh my my my, Dr. Spencer Reid.”
She turned. The pictures were everywhere. Spencer’s hands cupping Lila’s face. Lila leaning in, kissing him, once, twice, again. Spencer froze, but did not pulling away. Not stopping it. Her vision blurred. Something inside her broke, not loudly, not dramatically, but completely. Cleanly. Like a bone snapping under pressure, you didn’t realize that it had been building for years.
So that’s what that was, she thought numbly. That’s what he looks like when he wants someone.
The next morning, the magazine hit the table. THE MYSTERY MAN IN LILA ARCHER’S LIFE
Morgan laughed. “Spencer Reid, you dog!” Clapping a hand on his back.
Elle raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t know you had game.”
Penelope squealed. “I knew it! Our boy’s a romantic.”
She laughed with them. Made a joke. Even nudged Spencer’s shoulder once and said, “Hollywood suits you.”
But after that, she started pulling away.
It wasn’t obvious at first. Not enough for anyone else to call it out. Just enough for Spencer to feel it in his bones.
“Hey,” he said one morning, hovering near her desk, fingers curled around a case file. “Did you finish the geographic profile? I had a thought about—”
“It’s in your inbox,” she replied without looking up. “Page three. Bullet points.”
“Oh,” he said, blinking. “Okay. Um, thank you.”
She was already standing, grabbing her jacket. “No problem, Spencer.”
He watched her walk away, confusion settling into his expression. Spencer. She had never called her that. It was always Spence or Spencey.
Later that day, he tried again. “You take cream now, right?” he asked, holding out a coffee he’d grabbed without thinking. “I remembered because you said—”
“Black is fine,” she said, taking it briefly, already distracted. “Thanks.”
She didn’t sit with him at the roundtable; he slid into the chair beside her out of habit. She moved. Not far. Just enough. Spencer frowned, glancing at the empty space she’d left behind.
When Hotch asked for pairings on the next case, Spencer spoke before he could think. “She and I can—”
“I’ll take Elle,” she said quickly.
Spencer turned to her, startled. “Oh. I thought we usually—”
“I just want to switch it up,” she said lightly, already gathering her things.
The next case was JJ. After that, Morgan. Never him.
He tried to joke about it once. He said carefully, walking beside her toward the elevators, “You and I have the highest case-closure rate as a pair.”
“That so?” she replied, eyes fixed straight ahead. “By almost thirteen percent,” he added, hopeful. “Which is… significant.”
She pressed the elevator button. “Hotch didn’t seem to mind.”
The doors opened. She stepped in without him. Spencer stood there for a second too long, watching the numbers tick upward.
By Thursday, he stopped trying, and when the next Friday came, she stayed home.
The apartment was too quiet without him. She curled up on the couch, flipping through channels, not really watching anything. Every commercial break felt like another reminder of what she was missing.
The knock at the door startled her. When she opened it and saw Spencer standing there with Chinese takeout in hand, her heart jumped straight into her throat.
“Hey,” he said softly. “You didn’t come.”
“Sorry,” she said quickly. “Wasn’t feeling good.”
Concern immediately overtook him. “Are you sick? Let me in. I can help.”
She stepped aside before she could stop herself. He always got in. She sat back down where she’d been, hugging her knees to her chest. Spencer set the food down carefully, like he didn’t want to disturb her.
“I got soup dumplings,” he said, holding out the container. “You don’t say no to soup dumplings.”
That stopped him. He sat beside her, close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body. She flinches. It was so familiar. “Okay. What’s going on?”
“You don’t talk to me anymore,” he continued, words spilling out faster now. “You switched partners. You didn’t come tonight. Did I do something? Please—if I did, I need to know.”
She swallowed hard. An uncomfortable silence wraps around them. For a few minutes, she thought about what to say. Spencer watched her look at the palms of her hands, rubbing them together occasionally. He knew this was her coping mechanism when she was anxious, and just as he was about to say something, she finally spoke.
“When I saw the pictures,” she whispered, eyes fixed on the TV, “something in me broke.” Spencer froze.
“And that’s crazy,” she continued, voice trembling, “because you and I are...nothing, but it made me realize that everything I thought you felt about me… I made it up.”
He turned toward her fully.
“I just needed space,” she said. “To move on. To accept that you’ll end up with Lila, or someone like her.”
She laughed softly, bitter. “But it’s hard when you’re this close to me, and all I want to do is to be close to you.”
"It's hard when I look at you all, I canonly think of how you folded and melted in her touch,"
“She kissed me,” Spencer said quickly. “I didn’t start it.”
“I know,” she replied gently. “But you held her face. You let her keep kissing you, over and over, and over. Twenty pictures, Spencer. There were twenty pictures on the whiteboard of you lost in a trance against her lips that I had to stare at to solve the crime. It didn't help that the moment Morgan arrived in the bullpen, all he could tell me was that you confessed your interest in each other after." She continued.
He didn’t deny it. He wanted nothing but to touch her, now, to hold her hand, but he felt like he was glued in place.
“So I decided to get over you,” she finished. “I still love you as a friend. I don’t want to lose you. So please, can you just give me time and I'll be back to normal, I promise.” She says, sounding defeated.
Spence looks at her, almost hopeful when he sputters, “But I don’t want you to move on.”
She finally looked at him, eyes shining with tears. “Don’t toy with me, Spencer.”
“I’m not,” he said again, more urgently now, voice cracking under the weight of it. “I swear I’m not toying with you. I just, I didn’t know what to do.”
She scoffed quietly, turning her face away. “You always know what to do, Spencer. That’s kind of your thing.”
“Not with this,” he said. “Not with… feelings. Or proximity. Or expectations. When a girl gets close to me like that, my brain just stalls. I go blank. I freeze. It’s like my body doesn’t get the memo that I’m supposed to move.”
She swallowed, fingers tightening in her lap.
“But none of it was real,” he continued, words rushing now, afraid she’d stop listening. “Not the pictures. Not what people thought they saw. Not what Morgan said, I told him, I didn’t even realize how it sounded until after.”
Her breath hitched. "But you don't freeze when it's me..." She whispers, thinking it was wrong. Spencer's mouth presses into a line, sighing. "Because with you I feel safe."
“I liked that someone thought I was… worth wanting,” he admitted quietly. “That someone looked at me and didn’t see the awkwardness first, but that’s not the same thing as wanting her.”
She turned back to him slowly. “Then why didn’t you stop it?”
“Because I was thinking about you,” he said, the words tumbling out like they’d been trapped for too long. “And that scared me more than anything else.”
A small laugh scaped her lips.
"you didn't stop the kiss", she turned to look at him with a smile on her lips and a tear falling on her cheek. "Because you were thinking about me... About me?! How stupid do you think I am!", she stood up and walked left to right in front of the couch, between crying and laughing in desbelief; but Spencer didn't know what to do.
"I didn't say that! please... don't say those things", he pleaded at the names being thrown now. She got really close to his face.
"how dare you come into my house to explain that you kissed another girl because you were thinking about me! you were just thinking about yourself!", she stepped away, this time walking to the kitchen. Tears ran down her face but something made her feel like she had a lot of energy that she needed to release, so she kept walking for a little around the kitchen.
Tears ran down his face too, his hands twitching and rubbing together in anxiety.
"leave... please", she said not daring to turn to look at him
"I don't want to leave with you thinking that low of me", he did turn to look at her sad figure on the kitchen.
"you showed me how low you can go. Leave", and with that she went into her bedroom and shut the door.
At that, Spencer left the apartment. He wandered on the streets for a little before deciding to return to his apartment.
He plopped onto his bed and rubbed his face in frustration. He ruined everything, with y/n, with Lila... he didn't even care that much about that one.
"why did I kiss HER? Why? Why?", he turned on his bed.
He flipped and turned, trying a million different positions with no success. It was 3am, he had to sleep.
She wasn't sleeping either, the tears stopped and continued and so on for the rest of the night; but everytime she stopped and tried to sleep, a sad memory came to mind, starting it all over again.
"I feel so stupid", she covered her eyes with her arm as she started another round of tears.
The next morning, at the office, they both looked terrible. Red, dehydrated eyes, dehydration signs around their mouth, eye bags and constant yawning.
He immediately went to the coffee, with a bunch of sugar, of course. She wasn't going to get anywhere near him today, or so she planned.
"Child kidnapping, I'll explain on the jet, wheels up in twenty", Hotch announced before going back into his office. I stood up from my desk and started to prepare myself.
At the jet, Hotch explained the case to all of us, assigning our areas.
"six year old, this seems to be a pattern, so we might have 72 hours, but let's not trust that blindly either. Morgan and Rossi, I need you to go to the morgue, JJ and Emily talk to the parents of the child, and Reid and y/l/n, you will come with me to the station"
That was my first and only thought, I didn't even turn to look at him, just focused on my file.
When we arrived at the station, Hotch introduced us to the officers there. We shook hands and walked to where we could set our geographical profile.
Hotch left to speak with the captain while I took the pictures out of the boxes.
Spencer was putting his map up and pointing the location of the previous cases.
"where did the third kid disappear?"
Are you kidding me? This was so obvious a play dumb, he had an eiditic memory.
"I thought you read it", he turned
"I know you read it too", I turned to the opposite direction, ready for that cup of coffee now.
When I returned, everything was placed on the boards, but Reid was nowhere to be seen.
48 hours went by, we still weren't close to anything when Hotch got a call.
"mhm, I understand. We'll be right there", he hung up and turned to look at us. "They found the body"
"so this isn't the same unsub", Morgan started the debate.
"he waited 72 hours with the other children", Rossi stated.
"maybe something external happened that made him change his plans", Emily added
"maybe someone almost caught him", Reid and I spitted at the same time. I got really quiet and leaned back in my chair. I didn't want to give another opinion anymore, my brain completely shut down.
"Morgan and y/n, you go to the site. Rossi, you and I will go to the morgue and the rest stay here"
I got into the car and put the seat belt on. When I turned back to the front I felt a pair of eyes on me, making me flinch.
"why are you so on edge? Problems with the pretty boy?"
"I don't wanna talk about it"
"I see. I don't like liars either", he stayed silent for a bit. "Can I ask what did he lie about?"
"you wouldn't understand"
"you're a guy, you probably think the same way. Besides, he's your best friend, you'll obviously take his side, and I'll just be left like the crazy one"
"then you shouldn't be afraid of me thinking that"
"he said he kissed Lila because he was thinking about me"
His eyebrows raised in surprised and he cleared his throat.
"so he lied about liking her?"
"he lied about the kiss, if he was actually thinking about me, he wouldn't have thought about kissing another girl and hurt my feelings", my eyes started to get watery again so I stopped talking, but a few years still managed to scape. "I'm just... Sad"
"that's totally understandable. You're not crazy, he tried to dance the tango with two girls, and that's never correct"
I smiled lightly. I was sad but it was nice to hear someone agreeing with me.
I didn't know, until Morgan told me later, but that night he went to Spencer's room to talk to him.
The next morning I woke up, got ready and left the room, but when I opened the door I found a bouquet of flowers on the floor with a note.
"I'm sorry. I really hope you can forgive me"
I sighed and took the flowers inside to put them in a vase. I was thinking about the thought, but I was pretty sure it was Morgan's pressure that got him to finally do something about it, so even that felt fake. I sighed again, this time more disappointed, and left the room.
That day, as any other, we were paired by Hotch.
"thanks for the flowers. It's nice to see a man keep the traditions up"
"it's nothing, I hope you liked them"
"I did, I'll thank Morgan later for HIS thought", I said leaving the room.
After that, we didn't talk unless it was about the case.
"another kid went missing, we have around 48 hours, but like I said before, we can believe that blindly, we've seen him cut the hours before", Hotch got into the conference room and gave us the details and areas to work. I was paired with JJ this time. I guess Morgan also talked to him.
This time we were sent to talk with the parents of the now missing kid.
They invite us into the house to be more comfortable. While JJ did they questions I wrote everything down.
"he was an active kid. He was always out, running, jumping, playing with other kids. You know, the usual", the parents explained.
"how far was his school?"
"this is a small neighborhood, we all know each other, so the kids were always walking to school in groups"
I turned to look at the window and noticed a group of kids staring and peaking.
"are those his friends?", I asked pointing at the group outside.
"yes, yes, they were very close"
It was only the mom replying, the dad was just sitting there, quiet.
"I'll go and ask them", I said quietly to JJ and she nodded.
I walked to the group, waving and smiling.
"is Todd dead?", the oldest kid asked.
"no. We're looking for him. Can you give me anything we could use to find him?"
"any unusual people you've seen around? Someone staring at your group?"
"but he was probably staring to see his son's group. Any person that wasn't a relative?"
"he...", a girl started to talk but the oldest kid immediately squeezed her arm to silence her.
"we're trying to help him, we need everything we can. You're his friends, he would do the same for any of you"
They all looked down and at each other. The oldest kid nodded, letting the girl talk again.
"he came with bruises all the time, but last month he also had cuts, burns and some marks on his wrists, like he was wearing purple bracelets"
"do you know who did that to him?"
I turned to look at the house again, and the curtains were closed.
"listen carefully, I need you to go, always in group, to a safe neighbor's house and stay there with them, don't stay here. Do you understand? Go!"
I turned to the house, taking my phone out and calling the police and then Hotch.
I took my gun out and knocked on the door, but no answer. I broke a window and got inside. With my gun up I started to search the house. They weren't at the living room anymore.
I kept moving around the house, my gun always up. I started to go upstairs, but when I reached the top a big object was swung my way, making me drop my gun. I ducked down quickly avoiding the second hit. Grabbing the handle of the shovel, I pushed with all my strength so we weren't at the edge of the stairs anymore. That's when I noticed JJ unconscious on the bathroom floor and the old lady next to her. She seemed to be just following her husband's orders. He tried to push me but I pushed him harder and then kicked him.
-"please don't do that!", his wife shout.
He recovered quickly and punched me across the face. I stumbled back a little but when I recovered he hit me with the shovel, making me fall downstairs. Luckily for me, the stairs were padded with a thick carpet, but that still hurt. I went to stand up but a hand on my shoulder pushed me back down.
I just saw Morgan and Hotch walk by me and upstairs, and when I turned, it was Spencer's hand on my shoulder.
-"don't get up yet. Are you okay?"
-"I'm fine", I said pushing his hand off my shoulder
-"I'm just trying to help"
-"I don't want your help", I said standing up by myself. It hurt, but the pride gave me the strength to hide the pain. I walked outside and got into a car, regulating my breathing and where it hurt. My head, my lower back and my right shoulder. I swallowed and opened my eyes, and of course he was there.
-"do you need to go to the hospital?"
I didn't answer, just fixed myself on the seat.
I went to open the door and he locked it, so I just stare up front through the windshield
-"why the fight? we're still working together"
-"and I told you once, I'm fine. I don't need to repeat myself"
-"I know I messed up, but this attitude in our jobs is dangerous"
-"yeah, just like it is to kiss the victim you're supposed to be protecting, but I guess she was worth breaking that rule for", a single tear scaped my eye but I quickly cleaned it up and turned around.
-"you're right in being angry"
-"whatever. You can date, kiss, fuck whoever you want. But you lied, Spencer. You looked me in the eyes and lied. I thought you cared more about me, at least as a friend. But that... I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy", I stared into his eyes while I said this, tears falling from mine but I didn't care. I unlocked my door and got out.
He got frustrated and hit the steering wheel a couple of times.
A couple of months went by, the pain was almost gone. I mean, I was still grieving the lost of a friendship. And I was still struggling with the fact of not putting my feelings and my whole trust onto someone that could hurt me again like that. He kept his distance, we only talked if it was work related or absolutely necessary.
The rainy season was here and my car was at the shop.
-"Hey, P, can you give me a ride?"
-"oh, pumpkin, I wish I could but I don't have my car either, Kevin's taking me home"
I sighed dramatically and smiled.
-"but I know a very regretful soul who possibly can"
-"Oh, I know an even better bus than him"
-"baby, it's pouring out there"
-"I know, but no one dies because of some rain"
-"statistically speaking, Nearly 5,700 people are killed and more than 544,700 people are injured in crashes on wet pavement annually, so even if rain doesn't actively kill, it can create the perfect scenario for accidents to happen", Spencer got into the conversation, making me roll my eyes. "and I could gladly take you home. We don't have to talk on the way there"
-"fine, thanks. I'll go grab my things"
We got into the car and I fasten my seatbelt. The drive was a little long so I started to get bored.
-"are you seeing anyone?", I cringed at the weird question I could firstly think of.
-"sorry. It's just really quiet"
-"it's okay. I understand you might want to know if things went through with Lila given the last thing that happened between us was related to that, and also the curiosity of the topic"
-"yeah. I mean, at the end of the day it ruined our friendship, but if you truly liked her, I'm wondering if things actually worked between you two"
-"why are you laughing?", he laughed too while also making a confused face
-"because of the way you are, I never thought of you doing those kind of things, even if their normally related to men"
-"I'm truly sorry about making you go through that"
-"I forgive you. I did a long time ago, I just needed time to get over it and move on from the things I was used to with you"
-"do you want us to be friends again?"
-"I can't put myself through that again Spencer. Don't take it as a fight, I just do it for my peace"
-"I understand", he moved his hands on the steering wheel.
-"I really liked you. And I still admire you because of your intelligence"
-"thanks. I admire you too, you might say I'm intelligent but you've shown to be more mature and wise. I ruined our friendship and... I liked you too, so I ruined that too, and I don't even know why"
-"I didn't lie when I told you I was thinking about you"
-"can we please not talk about it anymore?"
We got to the front of my building and got out. Him first while he held the umbrella for me. He opened my door and I got out.
We walked together to my entrance, but before I could enter I slipped and fell.
I laughed at first at the silly situation, because now I was getting wet, but when I tried to stand up something hurt.
-"ouch!", my hand moved quickly to my ankle
-"are you okay?", Spencer got down to my level.
-"my ankle hurts when I tried to move it"
-"did you sprain your ankle under the rain"
-"we need to get you to a hospital"
-"it's raining, I've sprained my ankle before, I can take care of it"
-"yes! I just need help standing up and I can handle it from here". And with that he took my arm and helped me up. He didn't seem to struggle much given that his other arm was busy holding the umbrella. I got up and took a step but I quickly felt an arm around my waist. "I can walk from here"
-"you're going to go up 9 floors by yourself with a sprained ankle?"
-"it's still warm, as long as I keep moving it I can make it"
-"don't push it, I'm helping you up"
I rolled my eyes but I couldn't fight it much. We entered the building and he placed the umbrella in a bucket nearby.
-"please don't fight about this too", he said, but before I could process what he said he lifted me up and onto his arms, making me yelp because of the sudden movement. "I'm sorry", he said dramatically and started to walk.
There was no point in fighting so I just relaxed and placed my head on his shoulder.
-"it's a `can't fight cause I'm not really in a position were I can complain,because of my current state'"
-"awww, but you're always so good at that", he said making fun of me.
-"fighting or complaining"
-"at least I'm not good at kissing a girl while liking another", I said fast so he wouldn't understand me
I smiled with my eyes closed.
-"we're here". He placed me down, being careful of not hurting me any further. "keys?"
I took my key out and he took it and opened the door. Still grabbing me by the waist, he helped me right into my bed.
-"anytime. do you need anything else before I leave?"
-"no, don't worry, I can handle myself from here. Thanks anyway"
-"are you sure you don't need help brushing your teeth and so?"
-"don't push it, Spencer"
he raised his hands in defeat and said good-bye.
-"are you still in the building?"
-"I was just getting into my car, do you need something?"
-"I... uh... I migh need some help"
After he left I got my pajamas ready and got changed. The problem was walking to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face... I lost my balance and fell, and now I was at my bedroom floor with nothing around me to help me up.
Spencer got into the apartment, immediately searching for me, and that's when he found me on the floor.
-"you can be stubborn, huh?"
-"I'm sorry I'm having such trouble asking for help from someone who hurt me"
-"you don't have to rub it in every chance you get"
-"that's how I feel everytime I see you!"
-"I know", he got quiet as he held me up from my waist. I turned to look at him and he was already staring at me. "that's why I apologize everytime I can, and that's why I gave you the space you needed"
We got to the bathroom and he sat me on the sink. He grabbed my toothbrush and handed it to me already with toothpaste. After I brushed my teeth I guide him to get me my things to wipe off my make up.
-"soak the cotton with the liquid and give it to me"
-"can you see what you're doing from there?"
he placed himself between my legs and started to move the cotton over my face. I closed my eyes and just let him. When I opened my eyes he was still there, with the cotton in hand, but staring at me.
-"thanks. You're not so bad yourself"
he laughed and threw the cotton away.
-"I need to wash my face but... I need to use the toilet"
-"do you need help with that?"
-"no, I got it". He just helped me off the sink and got out, closing the door. I used the bathroom and washed my face. When I got out, Spencer was already fast asleep on the couch. I didn't want to disturb him, he seemed so peaceful. I just walked to my bedroom and fell asleep.
When I woke up I could smell the bacon in the air. Spencer was making breakfast. I got up and walked my way slowly to my bedroom door. But the second I opened the door he turned around.
-"woah, what do you think you're doing?", he started to walk towards me
-"good morning to you too"
-"I'm not putting my weight on my foot, I hopped"
-"and you think that's better?"
-"I need to get up sometimes"
-"that's what I'm here for"
-"to brag that both your ankles are fine?"
-"ha, ha. To help you, stubborn"
-"breakfast. a breakfast that I'll be taking to your bed, so don't worry about it"
-"I need to use the bathroom"
-"fine, come here", he immediately picked me up effortlesly again. I laughed
-"I think I'm getting used to this"
-"not surprised, let me know when you're all done, or if you need any help with anything"
-"sure", I closed the door.
We ate breakfast together and then he left to work. I called Hotch earlier to explain my situation. He said that if I needed anything I could tell them. And they'd also let me know if they needed my help in any case.
the apartment was quiet, so I turn the TV on.
I grabbed my phone and checked.
Spencer: work's slow today. How are you?
I sighed and opened the chat
y/n: I'm fine, watching TV. Isn't that a good thing? that means no people getting hurt.
Spencer: I didn't mean people getting hurt or not. Morgan's at a meeting, Penelope's locked in her office with Kevin and JJ also took the day off because Henry's sick.
y/n: so no crimes right now because the geniuses aren't at the office.
Spencer: are you insulting me?
y/n: no abuelito (grandpa)
Spencer: want me to take anything when I leave work?
y/n: you're coming back here after work?
Spencer: don't you need help?
y/n: don't worry. I can ask a girlfriend to come.
y/n: don't get upset, grandpa.
he didn't reply anything after. He texted back until he was out of work.
Spencer: did you call a friend?
y/n: if I say yes even tho I didn't will you believe me?
y/n: no one was available.
Spencer: what kind of friends are those
y/n: you really want me to reply to that?
Spencer: save the mean comment, I already know. The offer still stands
y/n: I was craving ice cream
Spencer: (your favorite flavor of ice cream), right?
y/n: eidetic memory is cheating
Spencer: it's your favorite flavor, and you never shut up about ice cream, didn't need my eidetic memory for that.
When he arrived he took a couple of mugs and served us some ice cream. We watched a movie but he fell asleep halfway through it. I wanted to go to my bed but I din't want to wake him up. And, honestly, my ankle was at the perfect spot there, so I just continued to watch the movie until I fell asleep.
I woke up from my buzzing phone. I stirred a little until I could finally open my eyes. I felt some weight on my shoulder. It was y/n's head. We fell asleep at the couch watching the movie. The TV was still on. I turned it off and checked my phone. It was my mom. I replied to her and turn my phone back off. It was Saturday, so I had the whole day free. I laid back again and close my eyes again. This felt nice. I opened my eyes again and noticed how close y/n was. She was right there, sleeping peacefully on my shoulder. She smelled like coconut oil and a sweet perfume. Her breathing was calm and her eyes moved slightly, she was probably dreaming.
When she woke up we had breakfast together again and I helped her do some chores around the house.
-"you can go now, Spence. Thanks for the help around the house"
-"it's nothing. Are you sure you don't need anything else?"
-"you've done more than enough. it's okay, Spence. This isn't your responsability, don't worry"
-"I'm not saying it is. Besides, maybe I owed it to you"
-"as a payment for what I did"
-"that's in the past, Spencer. Seriously, don't worry about it"
- "but you think about it, and remind me about it so much. And I'm not saying it as something bad, I just noticed how much it hurt because of it", he placed a strand of my hair behind my ear, leaving the palm of his hand against my cheek.
- "I don't want to be with you because now you have the opportunity. I want someone to be with me because they choose to be with me, from the beginning", I replied making emphasis in "choose". Placing my hand on his cheek. "You choose to kiss her, you felt things for her, and then you lied to me. You're very smart, Spencer, and that's a quality I find rather attractive. But it didn't seem to be working when you tried to tell me that you kissed her because you were thinking of me"
After that, we said our goodbyes and he left, we were just repeating ourselves, it was tiring for both. The apartment was dark and cold, I pulled my blanket up and decided it was time to sleep.
I bought a coffee before going to her apartment. It was around 7 am and the weather was rainy, so a hoped a nice cup of coffee would cheer her up.
I knocked and waited, not for her to open, because she couldn't, but to let her know I was about to come in with my spare key.
Suddenly the door opened.
- "hi, she's taking a shower right now", said a tall guy
- "oh, I'm Spencer. Her coworker, I just brought her a coffee", I introduced myself, hoping he'd do the same.
- "I'm Tom, her friend. I've heard about you, you're the genius of the bunch"
I laughed at the unexpected remark.
- "I guess. Can I enter and wait to give her the coffee?"
- "ummm. I don't think it's a good idea, she's gonna come out any moment to get dressed and all that. But I can give it to her later, if you want", he crossed his arms and lean on the door frame. That made his biceps stand out.
- "let him come in!", we both heard y/n yell from inside.
He shrugged and moved so I could come into the apartment. I sat on the counter, waiting for her to come out, he sat on the couch. He was watching a movie on the TV.
After a few minutes we both heard y/n's voice and stood up.
We turned to look at each other, and he grinned.
- "Tom, can you come and help me, please?"
I mean, it was kinda obvious she was gonna expect Tom to help her, she called him for that specifically.
He smiled even more and entered the bathroom. I just sat back down, staring at the coffee in front of me.
When the both got out of the bathroom, he was carrying her, already dressed. I felt like I was an extra there, so I got up but then I remembered about the coffee. I took the coffee in my hand but didn't lift it from the table.
- "hi Spencer", she turned around from the couch and smiled. Tom had kneeled in front of her to help her put her socks on, her shoe and special boot.
- "hi y/n. How are you doing?"
- "I'm better, Tom came last night after you left, and he's been helping me too. I have to thank you both"
I smiled, even tho the idea of him spending the night here made my stomach twist.
- "I brought you a coffee"
- "thanks! Can you put it in the fridge, please?"
- "sure", I placed the coffee in the fridge and now I was ready to leave. When I turned, Tom was massaging y/n's shoulders. She seemed so relaxed in his hands. I got out with my head down.
- "bye, see you another time"
I can't be jealous, I should be grateful she has a friend that's helping her. A tall, muscular and handsome friend, who spent the night right after we discussed that I kissed another girl.
I wanted to punch myself in the face for that one. I couldn't ignore the fact that it was all my fault, I was just dealing with the consequences of what I did.
I sat in the car for a while, processing everything, before heading back home.
- "that's the guy you told me about?"
- "I mean, okay girl, you straight girls have such unique taste"
- "oh, please, I've seen the guys YOU date, don't even try"
- "honey, you know the guys I sleep with, there's no more to it, okay?"
- "but you were right, he did seem jealous", he said laughing loud, making me laugh too
- "I told you, he doesn't know what he wants! Fr"
- "oh, y/n, he knows. It's written all over his face. You're the one not letting him"
- "and I won't let him, not after what he did"
He shrugged his shoulders.
- "I don't know, he doesn't seem half bad in comparison from what I've seen at the clubs"
- "you can't compare anything to the dramas that happen there", I said making us both laugh.
Spencer didn't come back after that. He did text me, so did the rest of the team. Although, they did visit me a few times after.
Spencer even asked me if Tom was still there. He left after three days, because I could walk better by then, but I lied and told him he stayed the whole week.
Today was the day I was returning to the office. I could already walk, but I still couldn't run or do heavy work.
The whole team received me at the elevator with a hug. They told me how they were happy about me being back and asked me so many questions.
Spencer just told me he was happy I was back and after that he returned to his desk.
We left for a case. On the jet, Spencer didn't even talked to me at all, but I was okay with it. I knew exactly what he was going through.
After Hotch explained the case, I was assigned to go with him to the precinct. Since I couldn't risk anything yet, I was left doing the geographic profile and setting the board.
The case took a few days, but we were getting nowhere. Until a neighbor of one of the victims gave a hint we followed. JJ, Spencer, Morgan, Rossi and Hotch left.
I was left with Penelope.
-"The neighbor said the suspect carried a big gun, so don't go too far", Hotch announced through his earpiece.
We couldn't see anything, but we could hear what they were saying.
-"I don't feel so good about this, P"
-"I never feel good when you go to adventures like this. Now you know how I feel"
-"It's a nightmare just being able to hear but not see anything"
she nodded and gave me a "now you know" look.
I smiled faintly at her face and focused again on the team.
-"FBI! PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM", Hotch's voice
-"DROP THE GUN!", Morgan's voice
-"You don't have to do this", Spencer's voice
-"DROP THE WEAPON", JJ's voice.
Hotch and Rossi started to talk to him, about thinking what he was doing and all that.
Penelope was holding my hand and at this point I was holding her hand in fear too. Just listening to everything withouth being able the see the whole picture is scary, it leaves everything to the imagination.
-"oh my God", Penelope tighten my hand. I froze.
-"This is agent Hotchner, from the FBI, we need a medic now, agent down, I repeat, we need a medic now, agent down!"
Penelope got the medic to the scene and we ran, as fast as I could, to the hospital.
When we arrived we had no idea who was hurt.
-"I'm here sir, what happened? who's hurt?"
Hotch opened his mouth but quickly shut it when he saw me next to Penelope. He took a big breath and opened his mouth again.
I froze again. Penelope hold my hand again.
-"what?! what happened?! is he okay?", Penelope started to ask quickly, trying to push Hotch back and enter the surgery room and letting go of my hand.
-"he's fine, he's in surgery right now"
I turned around and sat on a chair.
-"what? yeah... we have to wait, so I figured we better sit for that", I threw my head back.
-"I know you weren't in the best terms with Spencer, but how are you feeling right now?"
-"I don't know. I mean, we weren't on good terms but that doesn't mean I wished for something like this to happen. I just hope he'll be alright"
We spent the night at the hospital, waiting for the doctors to give us good news. At midnight we were told he was out of surgery, and that he was fine, that we could return in the morning. And so everyone left to be there first thing in the morning.
I arrived at 6am. I entered his room with a small teddy bear and a "get well soon" note.
I placed them on the table when I heard something move.
-"of course I did. You got hurt. How are you feeling?", I sat on a chair next to his bed.
-"it was a shoulder shot?"
-"do you want me to call the nurse?"
-"no, it can wait. I want us to be alone right now", he sat up, grunting in pain.
-"what are you doing, stay down!", I placed my hand on his other shoulder, but he quickly removed it.
-"no, there's something I need to tell you", he stared into my eyes with those big, brown, puppy eyes of him. "I messed up, and twice, I messed up with Lila and now... I know you're with Tom, and that's fine... now I know how you felt. The jealousy, the regret, the sadness. I'm sorry, I said sorry before and I did mean it, and I mean it now too. I don't want you to think that I'm sorry until now that I feel the same. I've been sorry since the moment I kissed Lila, because it wasn't worth it, because it didn't mean anything. And I could've had everything if I would've just been wiser. I'm sorry, y/n. And I love you"
I smiled, a few tears falling.
-"I love you too, you dork"
-"I know now we can only be friends, but I'm okay with that. Just wanted you to know that deep down, I'll always love you"
-"Spencer, I love you too, deep down and on a surface level too", I started to laugh and he gave me a confused look. "Tom's gay"
He was shocked at first, then relieved, and then he started to laugh.
-"it was your idea, right?"
-"actually, it was his. But I guess it worked"
-"can I kiss you?", it melted me how soft and sweet he asked me before doing something we both so clearly wanted.
-"can you reach?", I teased him
and with that, he placed his hand behind my head, pulling me in for a kiss. I placed my hands on his face to deepen the kiss and he placed his on mine.
-"finally!", we heard a voice say behind us and a lot of cheer.
-"I knew it, my ten bucks!", Penelope told Morgan
-"come on, all the girls in the team knew", JJ laughed.
Damn, I did get a little carried away with this oneee lmao
This story BELONGS to @irisinlovee , all credits to them.
