#minfilia.

[eikons]

@charmingbrute foretold:  ❝   i need you. don't you get that ?   ❞

❝   others need you far more than you need me, can't you see ? it is not my place to forsake that which hydaelyn has in store, you cannot ask this of me, and i will NOT allow our friend's sacrifices to be in vain !   ❞

HEAVY HEART STAYS A TONGUE LADEN WITH GUILT, regret lingers bitterly in the rise of her voice echoing throughout the tunnel, for his words break her; burns her like ice, for what could she do ? the distant sound of crumbling stone nestles a cold home deep within her soul and pulls at her taut, nerves a frenzy and she can do but little save for holding onto her own skin with fists clenched so tight there were sure to be crescent marks dug into the flesh of her palms with what little protection gloves could offer. for all her hopes, her prayers, the faith she clung desperately to and begged she not falter in her path, here she felt the fool ─── a puppet strung by the wires of her heart, dancing along with the strings of tragedy for such was her tale, she knew it to be true; hers would be no happy end, though hydaelyn would call upon her and she had witnessed the world's wonders at hydaelyn's hand laid bare, this truth she would accept and bear strong.

AND SHE NEEDN'T FALTER IN HER PATH, for as long as she so willed it, kept her hope and breathed the truth of hydaelyn, she would see her friends reach a resolute dawn she could not face be it hydaelyn's will ( even in this crumbling cascade, she would have faith in them, in their escape; and were she able, when hydaelyn's audience comes she'll beg for their survival ). they would achieve what she failed to accomplish, for she would guide them with all she was able, in her stead they will seek the joyful 'morrow she fought desperately for; yet, even still, it rings bittersweet and she wonders if things might've been different had she been a little more selfish ? a little more wise like louisoix, or vigilant like her father, or just .... just once if she had ever chosen herself would they still be like this ? dearest friend's on the cusp 'tween life and death, and meteor ─── even now she couldn't tell him what she dared hoped for had things not turned out the way they did, for if she did he'd never let her go, and this she could not abide by ( but oh how she wanted to ).

SHE CAN SCARCELY LOOK HIM IN THE EYES, her own firmly shut and she levels her breathing as the ever distant collapse nears closer and hydaelyn's call rings featherlight and sharp. they're running out of time now and there's so much left to say, so much she wished to say, to do, so much and not enough time ───

❝   meteor, i am sorry. i truly am, were there another way, had it been within my power, this ─── never would you have been put through this. i made a promise that you wouldn't be in this position again, i have failed, and for that words alone will not speak for how sorry i am ───   ❞

SHE INHALES, EXHALES SHAKY, and resolute does she reach out. unable yet to meet his gaze, fearing all that laid there, unwavering emotion and the truth of what she couldn't speak and her own desperation that would pull her asunder if she let it. but she reaches out with blues trained 'pon his hand and laces it with hers, squeezes with what strength she has in hopes he'll understand; the warmth of his palm and how easy his hand felt in her own, maybe in another world this might've been her home, where one day she would've entrusted her heart and thoughts to him and together they'd see the world anew ───

BRIGHTER AND TOGETHER, a world where she'd whisper summer hymns into skin, and share the burden that lay heavy on his shoulders. one look to pull her from paperwork, and the teasing she'd hoped to one day speak aloud over linkshells in the interim 'tween his travels and their meetings ( she never could, tempting as it was, she would always bury mindless thoughts and questions in the back of her mind ─── he was relentlessly busy, and she'd not do him a disservice by pestering him ). to see the sun in his smile if only once unburdened by being the hero eorzea clung to and to simply see him free; to witness all he'd yet to show her, and perhaps she too would relinquish her hold and let another in.

❝   there isn't much time left, hydaelyn's call grows stronger ─── but know this, my dear meteor. i have treasured our time deeply, and without you many including i would not be here. fate will ask much of you, but do not lose heart, you are worth more than you know. you will always be ───   ❞

HEAD TURNS TO FACE THE TUNNEL BEHIND, and she finds herself squeezing his hand once more, lips pressing together in a thin line. she'd said too much already and now she was out of time. turning her head back, she catches her eyes with his a final time, unsurprised to see the furrow of his brows and the rawness of his gaze, as though he could see right through her ─── strip away her guard and witness the festering wound of wanting, of uncertainty, things that have yet to be said and everything that she is. she pulls back quicker than she knows it, resolution, sadness, and guilt a whirling storm in her blues, speaks her final goodbye through gaze alone and she runs 'til she could run no more.

[eikons]

❝   we're  bound to make mistakes, but ultimately i believe we'll be okay. it's cliche to say these things but repetition is a key        though, i worry when you're gone.   ❞

ultimately   /   khai dreams            @charmingbrute​.

[vierandancer]

"I leave her in your hands. Hurry!"

It is such an important moment for Meiko's development, as well as her relationship with Thancred, when he bids she take Minfilia (whom I'll call Ryne from now on for sake of simplicity) and leave him to fight Ranjit. Because this has happened before -- at the end of the Bloody Banquet, there is an unspoken understanding between two older siblings and friends: I trust you to protect my family when I cannot.

And then, immediately afterward, Minfillia is taken away by Hydaelyn. It isn't like there is anything that could have been done, but Meiko is twisted up by guilt from that point on and all throughout Heavensward. This is covered in a drabble I wrote here.

Ultimately, by post-Heavensward's end, Mei and Thancred finally talk -- maybe, kind of -- and she understands that he does not blame her for Minfillia's loss. Like, obviously it wasn't her fault, but it helps absolve most of the guilt she has around it.

Throughout the events of Shadowbringers, Meiko is immediately protective of "Minnie", not just because of her importance, but because she sees herself in Ryne's helplessness. She does not call her "Minfilia" because she does not want her to feel like a mere reincarnation. She builds her up, reassures her, and does her best to instill her with as much confidence as she possibly can. She is also hyperaware of Thancred's struggles, and empathizes with him (although she's not so sympathetic that she won't call him out if he hurts Ryne unintentionally).

And then the scene unfolds, where once again, Thancred is entrusting someone he loves to Meiko. It is the same scenario and yet so much different, as both of them have grown so much as individuals and as friends. Now with confidence, Meiko accepts the task and does not hesitate. She succeeds in delivering Ryne to her destination, and both she and Thancred find true closure in what happened with Minfillia.

[vierandancer]

Of all people Minfilia expected to demand to talk to her, A’kihiko’s sister most certainly had not been one of them.

She supposed it was understandable, truthfully. There were dangers aplenty in the path he threaded, and it was a blessing he had so altruistically chosen to help him as he had. Not once did she ever send her fellow Scions anywhere without a heavy heart, always bound to wait and hope and pray for the best rather than to join them in the field. For a sister to learn of the dangers her brother had been facing like that…

Well, Thancred had ever been much like an older brother, and he had often been protective enough of her, too.

When the door opens once more, Minfilia is already standing, hands entwined in front of her body. “ You must be Meiko, ” She starts, in deliberate attempt to be as friendly as possible. Though the Viera may well already know, the woman introduces herself all the same. “ I am Minfilia, the acting Antecedent of the Scions. It is a pleasure to meet you, although I wish better circumstances had brought you here. ”

“ Pray, take a seat so we may speak comfortably. ” With one hand, she gestured to the chairs that had been placed in front of her desk, but waits for the other’s reply before sitting herself. “ I do hope we may talk peacefully. Your brother spoke of your concerns, and I shall be most glad to discuss with you anything that might alleviate your worries. ” 

Meiko had been all riled up, ready to scream and cry and fight, when her brother informed her that Minfilia would speak with her. Now, without any argument or resistance. Like, right now.

And then here she was, a young woman who couldn’t have been much older than Meiko herself, polite and accomodating. Speak peacefully. Ah, had Hiko said how mad she was? She shouldn’t have been surprised, and yet suddenly she wished he hadn’t. The fight in Mei went out like a sputtering candle in the rain, and suddenly she felt a bit embarrassed, and even more in over her head…

But she still had a goal, and so she would work towards it. She still needed to know that A’kihiko would be looked after.

“Aye, that’s right.” Right. The Scions were full of scholars. Now she understood firsthand why Akihiko thought it better to adjust how he spoke. She was suddenly very much aware of her accent and the fact that she had no idea what the fuck atec-something meant.

“Hiko told me some of what you all do. But you have to understand, hearin’ your wee brother just fought a – a thing that the bloody desert lizards intended to sacrifice him to, it’s hard to just let that slide. Even if that wasn’t the plan, it still happened. And m’sure it’s likely to happen again. S’not like him goin’ off to war against another faction, it’s…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s not the norm, even for adventurers. Damn near gave me a heart attack just explainin’ it to me. And I know Hiko wants to. He’s always been that way. But if he won’t worry ‘bout his health, then I’ve no choice but to do it for him.”

Hands in her lap curled tighter now.

“I know it’s overprotective of me to go this far, and I’ve no right to interfere with whatever it is you’re doin’ here. But I can’t do nothin’ either.”

[eikons]

@charmingbrute foretold:   [ CLOSE ]. while standing remarkably close to one another, the sender is unable to stop themselves from running their gaze across the receiver’s body, lingering for a moment on their lips, before returning to initiate prolonged, intense eye contact.

IN THE WAKE OF EVER SUNG VICTORY was where she could hope to catch her breath again amid the chaos. for all the scions and their gleeful touting, far few and between was their jubilance, free, unrestrained and real; she was no stranger to pretense, she'd held it all her life, held it until she no longer could ( f'lhaminn's heart guided her path through grief unrelenting ), in the world of diplomats and the road for weary spirits it was a necessity — she could call them as she saw it for they mimicked her, a young child barely seventeen with all the world dragging at her heels and a masked anguish she'd hardly contain, a layer of anguish buried 'neath half cocked jokes and studies alike. ever did it pain her, though she needn't press, never pity, for she understood the rawness in the face of loss and renewal, merely proffered a gentle hand and suggestion ( whatever they asked of her, she'd provide as much as she was able / at the cost of herself, thancred would sometimes warn ).

YET HERE IN THE WARM ORANGE, accompanied by close friends and acquaintances alike, she felt an ease touch her. for in this moment, there was no pretense, no lie to be had, to be delicately inquired over. their work had come to fruition, though at the cost of a great many, a facet which bore it's mark deeply 'pon her soul, and the time for celebration was before them. if only for a brief moment, she'd decided for herself. paperwork was ever palpable and if she ceased in her duties for one second, she was sure tataru would be up to her neck in a sea of official documents, requests, scholarly pursuits — a cacophonous roar of text she was certain.

THE THOUGHT WOULD LET SLIP DULCET LAUGHTER, soft and hidden, a hand held to her heart tightly with a fondness beyond words ( yet still, the grief of fallen comrades would linger; and when she later retired back to her work, she would mourn in silence ). with the distant chatter, laughter, cheer and song alike playing a pleasant backdrop, she'd scarcely heard the presence soft footfalls beside her, sharp gaze 'pon her tingling the back of her neck; and thence do icy blues flutter open, lost from reflection, roving sharp to catch his ( vigilance would ever be hardwired within her, try as she might to soften roughened edges ).

GENTILITY ENTOMBS HER WITH SMILE WARM and her stare softens meeting his, and if she could beam the sincerest of thank you's through gaze alone, she would do her best to achieve it — one day she would repay the debt, repay his assistance ten fold, this she was resolved on. words weren't simply enough, they would never be enough for the threat he faced, the lives he'd saved ( thancred, f'lhaminn ... had it not been for his aid family may have been torn from her, again ), one day she'd find a way.

AND FOR A MOMENT SHE HOLDS HIS GAZE, content to watch in silence, if only for a moment, for soon they would return to the world and her with gratitude unbound ( was it not enough to simply enjoy this instance as it was ? ) — and it's there that she catches it, the tell tale rove any warmblooded ul'dahn could contest to ( her mother did have many admirers after all ), and all her words prepared scatter as quickly as they'd come. there was an intensity to his gaze unparalleled to any she'd known, it catches her, unguards her, washes the air from her lungs as quick as it came.

SHE WAS NO STRANGER TO HER OWN SHARE OF ADMIRERS, though she not nearly had as many as f'lhaminn nor had anything of much merit come from those pursuits; a hidden jewel, one had called her once ( she'd laughed and asked which one to their embarrassment ), and strange as she'd thought it at the time it must've been true — hidden for she neither had the time nor patience to engage in hapless forays, much as she would like to entertain the thought ( not many were willing to wait for someone as busy as her and she hadn't the opportunity to seek those who would ). and yet here she finds the slow creeping heat of roseate hues painting the back of her neck and warming her ears alike, tongue dating out to wet her lips — a mistake, for no sooner does she do so, his eyes flick down, and she finds herself mirroring.

IT WAS A BUZZING GIDDINESS AKIN TO ONE'S FIRST CRUSH, all nerves with naught to say, caught 'tween propriety and the free fall of what if's. few had begun to spread the word of the warrior of light, talk of the quiet charm he exuded, and she was no exception to admitting in the furthest reaches of her mind that, perhaps, in strict admiration as a friend and companion alike ... there was an appeal to be had ( soul deep, for she found beauty in all, but his kindness ... it caught her more often than she'd like ) — and it was there they would stay, hidden away in private musings she'd ruminate over. duty came first and as antecedent she'd not sacrifice impartiality, a guilt already lingered from pulling him so suddenly into the fold ... a dalliance would complicate things ( if the scions were to lose a cherished friend for a mistake she made, she'd never forgive herself; aid was aplenty, but naught else could replace the time they'd spent together ).

SHE FINDS HERSELF DARING, holding him strong in her blues, an unsung challenge of who would pull away first — and had she been younger, wilder in her ideas, she might've held on. but she doesn't. fingertips brush his featherlight, nothing more than a touch, 'fore she glances astray with a careful clear of her throat.

❝   forgive me, there's some paperwork i'm in need of doing. please, enjoy the night, and pray seek me in the morning if the celebrations haven't encumbered you; i've yet to speak my gratitude, though i'm positive you'll receive more than enough here. it is your victory among many that we're celebrating, after all.   ❞, although her eyes cast astray, her lips follow the ever familiar ease of curling up — a smaller smile, rare and private, the barest hint of embarrassment lingering.

❝   — and, full glad are we that you're here with us, meteor.   ❞

[eikons]

❝    i’m  alright  if  you’re  alright            it’s  just  a  little  bit  lonely  in  this  home,  it’s  always  colder  on  your  own.   ❞

this  december   /   ricky  montgomery            @sorcerhul​.