Javier Once Made A Man Piss Himself And For Some Reason Rockstar Hasn’t Released The DLC
This is the single best part of the entire game and if you disagree you probably spit on the sidewalk and that’s that on that
In this elegant retelling, Bill “Fuckstick” Williamson goes into great detail on how Javier “Maybe He Was Born With It” Escuella made a man soak his trousers with a single (1) look. It’s another blink-and-you’ll-miss-it camp interaction that also involves some characteristic notice me senpai UwU from Sean “What Do You Mean Santa Isn’t Real” McGuire.
Throughout the whole conversation Javier has some fantastic microemotions that betray his complex thoughts on his identity as a feared outlaw:
“oh yeah I totally did that, huh”
Javier is so turned off by the mere idea of Sean’s continued future presence he promptly gets drunker and pisses off did you see what I did there
javier makes me pee, too, but in a different way huehueheuheueheuehuehueh
This is one of the many reasons Javier remains one of my favorite videogame characters of all time. How badass do you have to be to hear a retelling of one of your scariest moments and treat it as little more than water cooler talk? To casually bob your head and be more interested in the last inch of shitty beer in your bottle?
Keep in mind this is the same pint-sized powerhouse that regularly puts Bill in his place, verbally or otherwise. Case in point:
In other words, one of his biggest harassers is also his biggest fucking fan. This is why you say good morning to Javier Escuella only!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tfw your badass moment turns into a golden shower roleplay
Hello? Yes, hello, I’m calling to file a complaint about the latte I ordered? Yes, it was delivered five minutes late and the foam is slightly deflated. It upsets me a lot to be the recipient of the ultimate first-world problems and I would like to end a part-time worker’s entire job because of it. No, my name isn’t Karen, it’s Janet
