#minorityblogs

[minorityblogs]

I thought you were the one. Am I unloveable?

weird. because you knew the way to my heart. my family. I could see a future. Its been four years and I still think about you. I think about how I had fallen so fast. But I also think about how disrespected I was.

I may never forget how you made me feel. how you tried to reconnect again. But I hope, I hope a man can make me feel what you did. and show me I can be loved.

I know the immaturity i carry is because what you made me go through. and also the life I live. the love I desire from an alcoholic father. from a mother that was absent. I now know I find myself in these situationships because I crave attention and love. The one I never received from those who created me.

[minorityblogs]

never related to #whatwasimadefor sm. its hard. you dig yourself in a hole so deep and cant get out. dont want to victimize but also feel alone.

[minorityblogs]

Is it me. I don’t even know. I feel like the lack of respect really gets to me. I want to leave but I feel trapped. Im trapped because I took stupid decisions that lead me here. I want to take action but the action itself scares me. Or am I just afraid of holding myself accountable? All I know is I need to take charge of my life because I can’t live letting others decide my life for me and not knowing the truth. It’s like I want to go away and hide until everything is fixed. Until im okay.

[minorityblogs]

GONE

ive been gone a while. maybe its because ive been booked with my last semester ever. im a little nervous but im glad its almost over. 

Ive been struggling with my self. ive been in this funk. like im doing okay but my mind wants to go back to the old bad self me while im trying to go back to how i was before my reckless phase. 

im sad things wont ever be the same, but i also need to move on and stop making excuses for myself. 

Maybe I need to reach out again. UGH self accountability sucks. and so does emotional awareness 

[minorityblogs]

the question of what maturity is and isn’t

since when is wanting to help immature? im so confused on how me trying to make time for everyone makes me immature and how that has to do with my degree and education? 

is this gaslighting? or whats the reason? I don’t get it. but she sure knows how to trigger someone.