Unknown Minority

everyday stuggle of being a minority and a young adult. Lets struggle together.

[s-boy-world]

¿Qué hacer? Cuando no te queda nada, ni nadie y solo te sobran las ganas de escapar.

Sad_Boy_World

[minorityblogs]

No es que no funcionó. Es que no me querías tanto como tú lo decías.

[caostalgia]

Y entre tanto caos, encontré paz en esos ojos cafés.

Windkjoon

[minorityblogs]

me decias que mis ojos de caramleo te encantaban y te fuiste. Que pasara contigo. me pregunto si eres feliz. encontrarias a alguien?

[expressions-of-nature]

Midnight in Faskrudsfjordur, Iceland by Jónína Guðrún Óskarsdóttir

[prettyboyprettymuchmoved]

“you give me a sense of pride i’ve never felt before” that’s something you said to me and i’m still fucking feeling it down to my core it gives me the same heart stutter as the line “nothing could’ve prepared for the privilege of being yours” that’s how i feel. every time i see your smile. whenever you catch my eyes lingering, i am memorizing every inch of skin engraving the image into my eyelids. when you grab my chin and my eyes flutter closed i promise i will still be seeing you. in the moments where i am able to think past the haze your love casts on my brain i am thanking every tree that you’ve ever drawn air from for providing for you. i am sending out little bits of my adoration to any deity who wants to take the credit for the beauty of your creation. i never thought i would be blessed with a man so loving and kind someone to take my face in his strong hands and hold me like the most precious thing in his world. and yet here i am with your name taking up space in every forgotten corner of my brain like a lifeline, drawing out the parts of me that have never felt safe. ”you give me a sense of pride i’ve never felt before” will be the thing that stills my hand before every bad decision, without even trying you have given me a new mantra. again you provide for me, simply by doing me the favor of existing.

[minorityblogs]

The ghost is in my dreams

[minorityblogs]

I thought you were the one. Am I unloveable?

weird. because you knew the way to my heart. my family. I could see a future. Its been four years and I still think about you. I think about how I had fallen so fast. But I also think about how disrespected I was.

I may never forget how you made me feel. how you tried to reconnect again. But I hope, I hope a man can make me feel what you did. and show me I can be loved.

I know the immaturity i carry is because what you made me go through. and also the life I live. the love I desire from an alcoholic father. from a mother that was absent. I now know I find myself in these situationships because I crave attention and love. The one I never received from those who created me.

[minorityblogs]

never related to #whatwasimadefor sm. its hard. you dig yourself in a hole so deep and cant get out. dont want to victimize but also feel alone.

[minorityblogs]

I think it's a sign that I have to tell the truth and leave but I can't

[minorityblogs]

The man with the beautiful soul.. so far?

Its weird because, I enjoy his company, is soul, heart, mind.

I like that he cares for the same culture and that he's so smart.

I'm afraid I care about the things that don't matter like looks and his choice of clothing. but then i feel like if this goes long term and I'm not physically attracted... then it might not work out again.

I don't know why im putting myself in these situations. I also remember i wanted to have someone with all his characteristics and when i thought i found them i was starstruck. but then I couldn't move on.

so am I just still stuck on the starstruck guy I can't see the good in anyone? am I still starstruck where I cant find love the natural way?

I think I might be afraid of commitment? or is it afraid of what others will say? It shouldn't be this confusing right?

but it also is only a week in, so we might have some time?

I'm also concerned he's emotionally available and mature and I'm not. not because of age but because he's able to articulate what he feels and wants and I don't.

its a whirlwind of confusion and I hope God or destiny will give me answers.

[minorityblogs]

Is it me. I don’t even know. I feel like the lack of respect really gets to me. I want to leave but I feel trapped. Im trapped because I took stupid decisions that lead me here. I want to take action but the action itself scares me. Or am I just afraid of holding myself accountable? All I know is I need to take charge of my life because I can’t live letting others decide my life for me and not knowing the truth. It’s like I want to go away and hide until everything is fixed. Until im okay.

[minorityblogs]

GONE

ive been gone a while. maybe its because ive been booked with my last semester ever. im a little nervous but im glad its almost over. 

Ive been struggling with my self. ive been in this funk. like im doing okay but my mind wants to go back to the old bad self me while im trying to go back to how i was before my reckless phase. 

im sad things wont ever be the same, but i also need to move on and stop making excuses for myself. 

Maybe I need to reach out again. UGH self accountability sucks. and so does emotional awareness 

[minorityblogs]

The shittiest part of growing up is uncertainty.

I quit one job to another because of pay and because it’s sort of related to what I’m going to school for but It’s not guaranteed I’ll move up. I’m also not really doing much with my degree because it’s related but not the same. Sooo now my anxiety kicks in and makes me think Did i pick the right career? What will happen?

Am I mediocre for conforming with something that will help me get by but won’t help me grow in my area of focus?

[minorityblogs]

I’m excited to see you even though I know it may not be good for me.

I know there’s nothing you have to offer. You haven’t given me reason to believe there’s something there.

But the way we met, I fell. Hard. And now that you’re simply trying to be a friend, I keep going back to the way I felt when we first crushed. The young innocent girl you met at 19. The first kiss, and me hoping Id find a soul mate while you were hoping to get a one night stand.

It sounds sad. For 3 years, I was stuck on you because of how we met. I choose to believe one day you’d come around.

It hasn’t happened. And now writing this and thinking of the anxiety I get when I’ll see you. I have to force myself to see that I can’t change how you feel. I need to move on. It’s time. I hope when I see you, I’ll get the final confirmation that it’s on a just friends basis. I hope that this is the last time I get excited to hear from you and see you.

The 19yr old girl must get the hint and move on that there’s nothing there, nothing to hold onto. She should’ve learned when she saw you take another girl into the same room you declared your love for her. But she choose to cry and turn the blind eye.

It’s time. The weekend is the end of the 19 year old girl and what she’s holding on to. She must move on. She’s stronger than we think but she can do it and she will do it.

It’s time to turn the page on the crush that will never be.

[minorityblogs]

HUH?

what the actual f*? I am feeling as if my feelings aren't valid. AM I THE PROBLEM? I hate it here. 

I hate my uncertainty. I hate me. I hate how i am. I hate that im emotional. I hate how this family thinks that getting education makes you inept or how they think that because you went to school you're now a liberal a rebel, and that you think your better than everyone else. 

I hate that everyone wants to paint this perfect picture. I hate it all. 

[minorityblogs]

the question of what maturity is and isn’t

since when is wanting to help immature? im so confused on how me trying to make time for everyone makes me immature and how that has to do with my degree and education? 

is this gaslighting? or whats the reason? I don’t get it. but she sure knows how to trigger someone. 

[minorityblogs]

Give into something so quick. Or stay and enable this behavior that fucks up by mind?