Samisa would be perfect for some sort of scott pilgrim au where sam has to fight all of misa's ex and current boyfriends/situationships and mis remains largely oblivious to it all
unfortunately i’ve never seen scott pilgrim but that doesn’t even matter, we all get the gist. sam was very much under the impression that misa was not a prude exactly, but not very uh active, and then all these damn people start coming out of the woodwork. sam is deeply confused and more importantly on edge
malcolm spence is this complex childhood friend that misa still has. evidently nothing really happened between them but that doesn’t fix any of the tension and discomfort and haunting going on. it’s a lingering thing, a thing sam might just need to glaze past and keep moving because misa’s too non confrontational and spence is stuck in michigan (and with a girlfriend sam suspects misa also has complicated feelings about). sam can understand weird childhood homoerotic friendships, he doesn’t want to touch it.
zayne parekh though, he’s actually a fucking problem. not because misa and him are in love, it’s much worse than that, zayne is his best friend. he gets all the privileges that come from that like priority on hanging out, and texting back, and a strong influence over misa’s life decisions. and zayne doesn’t like sam, he thinks he’s sort of an asshole, annoying, and that misa could do so much better. zayne has no qualms saying this all to misa even when sam is in the room. the only silver lining is that zayne also hates pretty much all other guys that misa is into, which sam can get behind, misa does have bad taste. except for him, he’s a great option. also zayne and misa apparently have a history of getting high and shotgunning weed and making out. sam doesn’t love that.
the nic sima of it all is flat out gross to sam but on rare occasions misa entertains him a little bit so sam has to send out preventative measures like making misa wear his hoodie to go out for drinks with him. he’s not a threat, sam would hope misa would never stoop that low.
schaefer is….. complicated. it’s not like him and misa are that close but sam has seen things (re: the photo) and he’s cautious about it. keeps an eye out. no, this is totally not more about sam’s insecurity than the reality of misa being into other people. why would you think that?
trying to guard dog misa away from cherny is almost impossible. cherny is a nice good option, even a zayne parekh approved option, so it’s hard for sam to wedge himself in between there. he had the cherny can’t really speak english thing going for him for awhile but now cherny is getting way better and it’s kind of fucked. he pulled out the word everlasting the other day, sam doesn’t say anything like everlasting, he only beat ekky in words with friends once and thats another esl guy! sam’s plan is more or less to be an accessory, if he can’t stop chernymisa from happening then he’ll just have to join them, however that saying goes.
sigh. porter martone. he’s simultaneously the easiest to fight off and the worst. marty is just so so so in love with misa and so around, but also misa is never really responding to his texts on time. then there’s the flyers games where marty always invites misa out, and sam has to come with, has to invite barkey and bump too. takes all the preventative measures here, like telling marty his fly is down and then whisking misa away from the parking lot.
nick lardis is somehow the most complicated because he’s the most nothing man alive and yet he just won’t stay down. no matter what, misa is going to boot up rocket league and message him down 2 duo???? and sam draws the line at ranking up just so he can try to bump lardis out of his spot in misa’s life. sam just kinda has to live with it, and luckily nick lardis doesn’t seem so keen on fighting sam for more of his misa time.