I’m sharing my story (again) to let people know more about a common thing that happens to many families. I’m not asking for attention or even people to feel sorry for me.
I feel that when people are suffering they don’t often want to share it because of what people might say/think and not wanting to upset anyone. It’s not nice to find out sad news, but life isn’t all rainbows - sadly bad things happen and the way to deal with them is by sticking together and staying strong (a lot easier said than done).
Miscarriage - the word isn’t great and it makes people squirm. Or at least I’ve found. I think a lot of people are afraid of it so they choose to ignore it/don’t want to know because it scares them- but with attitudes like that it makes the world a lonely place for those who have suffered a miscarriage. You only know if you know but I personally think education is so important. I had no idea what it was before it happened to me and feel quite bad not realising how life changing it is. I knew of the term, I knew what it meant but I didn’t understand how much of a traumatic experience it can be. There’s no happy ending - just hopes and dreams shattered.
In terms of helping people - it’s only really the Dr’s and nurses who can medically help. But before/during/after is when you need your family and friends. Some support. People to tell how terrified you are that because you’ve been through this before you’re scared it’ll happen again. Or that you’re experiencing it for the first time and feel terrified of what’s going to happen. No amount of positive attitude will stop the negative thoughts creeping in.
Sadly, I’ve just experienced my second miscarriage. It was called a threatened miscarriage where I sit and wait - but I know what’s happening. Did I think it would happen again? Yes. And it did.
I don’t know why, I don’t know if it was something I did, or whether I was just the 1 in 4 who had a miscarriage again. All I know is that until you’ve had 3 consecutive miscarriages you can’t be referred for extra testing. So now I know I have to ride the waves again when the time is right and wonder if it’ll happen again. It’s definitely the most scared I’ve been about anything in my life because there is no certainty or way of knowing what will happen next. All of the familiar phrases I’ve used to get by before like ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ don’t seem to be cutting the mustard for me this time around.
I’m a lot stronger having gone through it all - I’m proud of myself and my partner for how we are staying positive but there have been some dark moments.
I just think everyone should remember everyone has a story and people really should find ways to help if they can. Not just with babyloss but so many other things that people go through that don’t always make the headlines.
If you can take one thing from this post - please remember to be open minded, learn, care, and be there for your friends and family as you just might help them if they are struggling now or in the future! ❤️
I also want to express how amazing Tommy’s and the Miscarriage Association charities have been throughout this journey. Speaking to other women who have been through the same/similar/worse has helped me share and keep going. Nobody wants to be in those groups but without them I’d be a wreck and I’m forever grateful :)
