Soooooo, how you guys hanging after Invisible Victory? Still waiting for any updates for season 5? Just thought i asked after binge watching the series lol 😅
Always waiting... Always suffering... ;o; We were promised a finish.... but the company went under... Gatoh is truly cursed..... orz
Guess what? Justin finally sent the other campers and me a link to a rough cut of the documentary and let me just say... I’m underwhelmed...
So, I watched it earlier today. And I’m pretty sure I mentioned it before, I keep my FB group chat on mute, so... I missed out on the group’s thoughts about the documentary earlier, but I did reread the messages.
Anyways, first, my thoughts.
Well, I knew that I was gonna get cut out and my story wasn’t highlighted anymore, and I knew that I wasn’t the only one getting cut... However, I didn’t expect so much other narration on top of the campers. As in, the documentary didn’t feel centered on the campers at all, which was what the project was supposed to be for... I suppose.
I don’t know, I guess I didn’t expect so little of the campers’ voices being heard. There were the few story spotlights I saw coming, and of course it makes sense for some of the mentors to share their own voices, but I didn’t expect us all to be cut out as voices.
And some other thoughts... I guess... But those are more personal, I guess.
But that’s what little I have to say. It’s all mostly just one... What the hell?
During camp, I looked like this. Long hair tied up, big ol’ forehead lol.
Just wanted to start with the fact that since then, I have cut my hair and I now look more or less like this... I shave the sides every few months and my bangs sometimes get my in way lol
But anyways, now that that’s been cleared up. This is the story that got me into Camp MORE... I think.
When asked a bunch of questions for the application video, I just went on about my life at home and that’s what got me noticed, I guess. I talked about my family life a lot during Camp, so I guess I’ll focus on that.
I grew up in a pretty nuclear family. Me, my brother, my parents, and my grandparents. The only problem was that there was so much stress and tension between my parents and my grandparents, my grandma especially. There was a lot of yelling and screaming when I was little, I’d run and hide a lot, or sometimes I’d show my face because it was the only way to get them to stop screaming.
Sometimes my dad would slam the door and leave the house and my mom would be waiting for him to come home. She’d stand outside until 2 or 3 in the morning until he came back.
But that’s the basis of it all. What I grew up with.
Now, it sounds bad, but it’s not like I was yelled at myself or hit or abused in anyway. And fights didn’t happen everyday. It’s just when they did happen, the tension lingered for days.
My parents are very loving and caring and understanding. They’re not traditional strict Asian parents that wouldn’t let me out at 8PM at night. They let me have my freedom, they let me pursue what I want. It’s amazing.
It’s just the basis of my story was me growing up in fear, I guess. It took me some self-reflection to try to just think about how my past has affected how I grew up.
I grew up scared of my dad leaving the family. I grew up scared of going out because I was scared to come home to something bad, or someone missing. So, it’s not that my parents sheltered me, but I sheltered myself.
I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, only I was allowed to hurt myself. If I knew that someone wouldn’t stay, I’d make sure that I gave them a reason to go, so I knew why they left, so I wouldn’t have to wonder why they left. It made socializing really hard and really awkward for me. Something kind of focused on in the doc. My “struggles” of opening up and creating bonds.
And as my life went on, I grew up as this “strong” and “caring” person. I worry all the time for my friends, I never let things phase me, but I’m so tired of carrying that around.
My family life hasn’t gotten any better since the documentary. Things stayed the same, maybe escalated a little, I don’t know. It all feels the same now.
This is exactly why I’m glad my story got cut from the documentary. I don’t know what my story is. I just know sometimes I feel like my life is a mess, and sometimes, it’s just like, I think I’m okay.
Honestly, if anyone does wanna stay caught up with me and try to figure out my story or my life, it’s easier to follow my personal blog: mitchimisa.tumblr.com
My thoughts are more cohesive there (or at least, more on the spot, so I can keep my things in order). I might not blog about everything there and it’s also mixed in with like, nerdy fandom posts, but my personal posts are easy to navigate through.
But yea, I was accepted for my family story and I guess how I grew up with it and how it made me who I am and how it’s affected me, but it’s hard for me to really put all of that into words. I just kinda live through it.
Keep up with me if you wanna, or if anyone even reads these anymore, and I’ll catch y’all later.
I’m not even sure how relevant we really are anymore but, oh well, guess who’s back.
I don’t know why I’m always posting after a follow up call, but I just got off another follow-up call with Justin.
He pretty much just explained to me the status of the documentary and how it’s being finalized and they’re almost ready to let us campers finally see it.
But the thing is, the documentary had a lot of cuts and changes made to it in order to tell a cohesive story, so not all of our stories will be showcased anymore.
I know that much because Justin told me that my story is one of the stories that won’t be showcased anymore.
Personally, I’m kind of glad my story was cut because, like I said in the last update I made, I didn’t feel genuine and vulnerable in the documentary anyways, at least, when the camera was actually on me. So, if my story was showcased, it wouldn’t have been truly vulnerable or even truly my story.
But this blog exists, so I’m gonna make another post and try to talk about my story anyways, since it won’t be shown in the doc.
