CAMP follows a diverse group of 17 teenagers from across the US in the mountains of Big Bear, CA throughout a transformative seven-day art and leadership camp.
Guess what? Justin finally sent the other campers and me a link to a rough cut of the documentary and let me just say... I’m underwhelmed...
So, I watched it earlier today. And I’m pretty sure I mentioned it before, I keep my FB group chat on mute, so... I missed out on the group’s thoughts about the documentary earlier, but I did reread the messages.
Anyways, first, my thoughts.
Well, I knew that I was gonna get cut out and my story wasn’t highlighted anymore, and I knew that I wasn’t the only one getting cut... However, I didn’t expect so much other narration on top of the campers. As in, the documentary didn’t feel centered on the campers at all, which was what the project was supposed to be for... I suppose.
I don’t know, I guess I didn’t expect so little of the campers’ voices being heard. There were the few story spotlights I saw coming, and of course it makes sense for some of the mentors to share their own voices, but I didn’t expect us all to be cut out as voices.
And some other thoughts... I guess... But those are more personal, I guess.
But that’s what little I have to say. It’s all mostly just one... What the hell?
During camp, I looked like this. Long hair tied up, big ol’ forehead lol.
Just wanted to start with the fact that since then, I have cut my hair and I now look more or less like this... I shave the sides every few months and my bangs sometimes get my in way lol
But anyways, now that that’s been cleared up. This is the story that got me into Camp MORE... I think.
When asked a bunch of questions for the application video, I just went on about my life at home and that’s what got me noticed, I guess. I talked about my family life a lot during Camp, so I guess I’ll focus on that.
I grew up in a pretty nuclear family. Me, my brother, my parents, and my grandparents. The only problem was that there was so much stress and tension between my parents and my grandparents, my grandma especially. There was a lot of yelling and screaming when I was little, I’d run and hide a lot, or sometimes I’d show my face because it was the only way to get them to stop screaming.
Sometimes my dad would slam the door and leave the house and my mom would be waiting for him to come home. She’d stand outside until 2 or 3 in the morning until he came back.
But that’s the basis of it all. What I grew up with.
Now, it sounds bad, but it’s not like I was yelled at myself or hit or abused in anyway. And fights didn’t happen everyday. It’s just when they did happen, the tension lingered for days.
My parents are very loving and caring and understanding. They’re not traditional strict Asian parents that wouldn’t let me out at 8PM at night. They let me have my freedom, they let me pursue what I want. It’s amazing.
It’s just the basis of my story was me growing up in fear, I guess. It took me some self-reflection to try to just think about how my past has affected how I grew up.
I grew up scared of my dad leaving the family. I grew up scared of going out because I was scared to come home to something bad, or someone missing. So, it’s not that my parents sheltered me, but I sheltered myself.
I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, only I was allowed to hurt myself. If I knew that someone wouldn’t stay, I’d make sure that I gave them a reason to go, so I knew why they left, so I wouldn’t have to wonder why they left. It made socializing really hard and really awkward for me. Something kind of focused on in the doc. My “struggles” of opening up and creating bonds.
And as my life went on, I grew up as this “strong” and “caring” person. I worry all the time for my friends, I never let things phase me, but I’m so tired of carrying that around.
My family life hasn’t gotten any better since the documentary. Things stayed the same, maybe escalated a little, I don’t know. It all feels the same now.
This is exactly why I’m glad my story got cut from the documentary. I don’t know what my story is. I just know sometimes I feel like my life is a mess, and sometimes, it’s just like, I think I’m okay.
Honestly, if anyone does wanna stay caught up with me and try to figure out my story or my life, it’s easier to follow my personal blog: mitchimisa.tumblr.com
My thoughts are more cohesive there (or at least, more on the spot, so I can keep my things in order). I might not blog about everything there and it’s also mixed in with like, nerdy fandom posts, but my personal posts are easy to navigate through.
But yea, I was accepted for my family story and I guess how I grew up with it and how it made me who I am and how it’s affected me, but it’s hard for me to really put all of that into words. I just kinda live through it.
Keep up with me if you wanna, or if anyone even reads these anymore, and I’ll catch y’all later.
I’m not even sure how relevant we really are anymore but, oh well, guess who’s back.
I don’t know why I’m always posting after a follow up call, but I just got off another follow-up call with Justin.
He pretty much just explained to me the status of the documentary and how it’s being finalized and they’re almost ready to let us campers finally see it.
But the thing is, the documentary had a lot of cuts and changes made to it in order to tell a cohesive story, so not all of our stories will be showcased anymore.
I know that much because Justin told me that my story is one of the stories that won’t be showcased anymore.
Personally, I’m kind of glad my story was cut because, like I said in the last update I made, I didn’t feel genuine and vulnerable in the documentary anyways, at least, when the camera was actually on me. So, if my story was showcased, it wouldn’t have been truly vulnerable or even truly my story.
But this blog exists, so I’m gonna make another post and try to talk about my story anyways, since it won’t be shown in the doc.
Sorry for the lack of running this blog. I suppose we all sort of just, got caught up with our lives now. Or at least, I know I have. I’m sure everyone else has, too. Even our Facebook Group Chat isn’t as lively as it used to be (not that I was ever really a chatty one in it).
Anywho, I thought I’d come back to write a little bit since I just had yet another follow-up call with Justin.
Honestly? I feel bad kind of admitting this, but I don’t think Camp MORE really opened me up as much as they believed they did. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand all the exercises and everything we’ve gone through, but I don’t think Camp MORE was my main source of initial growth. I’ve always been growing. I’ve always attended leadership camps in hopes of me becoming more outgoing. Camp MORE was another one of those opportunities, this time, just centered around more on the arts and an individual’s creative side.
Now, I’m not saying Camp MORE doesn’t help you grow. It’s definitely a part of my growth. But at the same time, when I look back at my experience, it just feels like another one of those camps I’ve been to, just... Different people. Justin talked to me about my growth and how proud I should be that I’m more outgoing and less anti-social and all, but I couldn’t really help but shrug off the praise. It’s something like... Yes, I grew, and yes I changed, but... It’s life. I don’t really see a point of being proud of myself, I’m just happy being me. It’s not like I ever really hated how I was, it’s more like, I like every new me that comes along.
Since Camp MORE, like I’ve said in my last update post, I’ve gone through high school shit. Drama, graduation, clubs, team... It was really through all of that where I truly threw myself out there and did what I had to do.
Now, I’m my first year of college. I’ve survived first semester somehow (I even made it on the Dean’s Honor list with my grades, to my surprise). I’ve joined clubs, I’ve become closer to my closest friends, I’ve made so many new friends, I’ve become so much more open to talking to people... Hell, I’ve been in a relationship for about... 7, 8 months now (something I never would’ve guessed to happen in my first year of college).
What I’m saying is, in my last update post, I feel like I said things because I didn’t want to sound ungrateful to the camp and the counselors and mentors and the experience. I said “Camp MORE truly unlocked my skills” and I think I might have over sold that a bit for my personal experience. It’s just definitely given me new perspectives on things, mostly myself of course.
When Justin mentioned the documentary, I thought back to the me at that camp two years ago and the message I wanted to convey... And honestly, I kind of wish I had something else to say, or at least I wish I was more knowledgeable about myself at the time because from what I can remember, I don’t think I really got a message across. I just remember my tears when talking about my family and my terrible explanation of my lack of social skills and self-doubt.
I’m somewhat disappointed in myself, but at the same time, it really couldn’t be helped. Different me from a different time with a different struggle. It’s understandable. I guess I see it like that because I’m going through new struggles now, and what I went through back then doesn’t seem so terrifying anymore. I also feel disappointed in myself because, even though the documentary was supposed to be natural, and I’d say about 80% of the time at camp, I wasn’t minding the cameras, the fact that we were being documented definitely affected who I was at camp. When I look back, I do feel like I was acting a little bit for the camera. My role? Troubled child with no social skills. I feel like I only skimmed the surface of that issue within myself and I never really got too deep with what I was really going through at the time. So, sometimes, I can’t help but feel I wasn’t 100% genuine, and that makes me feel a little guilty sometimes.
Wow, where did this update even go? I ended up ranting a little too much, haha. My bad.
I do want to end this update with saying that Camp MORE had a different affect on all 17 of us. It gave some of us a much needed family away from home, it gave some of us a support system we never had, it gave some of us encouragement to do great things... Just because I feel how I feel about Camp MORE doesn’t give it an less value. It’s still an amazing cause with an amazing message and an amazing mentor group. Don’t let me persuade you in anyway that this camp is not doing it’s job or is an overly amazing dream.
You just gotta experience it for yourself, and hopefully in the future, you’ll be able to.
I can’t believe over a year ago I attended this amazing camp.
It’s been a really big roller coaster in my life for me since then.
I will be honest and say that I feel like I’ve drifted away from my camp peers as camp became more of a faded memory in the midst of my high school senior year.
I’ve gone through so much high school drama, the college process, club drama, club responsibilities, team responsibilities, and family tensions in the past year. Amazingly, I made it through okay, not necessarily alive, but I made it.
I wanna say it’s because I don’t want to take this camp, or any of the other camps I’ve been to, for granted. I’ve attended 3 leadership camps before Camp MORE. Camp MORE truly helped me to unlock all the skills I’ve learned from the other camps, and I feel like it’s just that little push in the back of my head to keep it going.
I feel kind of far away from my camp peers, despite being in a camp group chat (though it is hardly active lately). I’m okay with that, though.
I’ve come to terms with being able to realize that if anyone was meant to stay close in my life, they would, and if not, they’d slowly or quickly leave, and anything I do to stop them would just be prolonging the inevitable. (This may be a suckish way of thinking, but it’s something I’m comfortable with. My real friends have stayed with me through so much, I feel like it’s something that I accept)
This might be a vague little update, but it’s just to let everyone know Camp MORE is still in all of our hearts and we still think about it.
Wearing what you want is not a privilege afforded only to thin people. Wearing what you want is an important step in self actualization.
Destroy the idea that you should only wear what makes you look conventionally attractive. Wear whatever you want, however you want, no matter how it makes you look.
You are worth more than who you fuck
You are worth more than a waistline
You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim
In the shadows, more than a man’s whim
Or your father’s mistake
You are no less valuable as a size 16, than a size 4
You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood
Wisdom
You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out
Reborn
Body Love (Pt 1 & 2) – Mary Lambert
I declare this Body positivity day on Camp More blog.
Don’t stand there fussing over your imperfections. You’re imperfections are what make you unique, they’re what make you beautiful. You’re perfectly imperfect. Never give up your imperfections.
Growing up, I always had a love for fashion, I frequented fashion blogs quite often. But instead of finding inspiration, I would feel that I wasn’t made for beautiful, well-fitting clothes. I was a teenage girl who lifted regularly and hiked actively, my body set was entirely different than those of the women on the fashion blogs. I wasn’t white, tall, or thin. I remember running into Claire Sulmers’s blog; seeing a woman who was fit and wore high fashion, traveled and attended all the fashion weeks and it made me feel beautiful to see someone who reminded me of me. That’s why I preach seeing diversity in the media, if what you’re looking for isn’t mainstream, dig for it elsewhere. Find someone who makes you believe, that you the way you are is beautiful. For us women of color, don’t give up or believe that only Eurocentric beauty is the only type of beauty. Or take inspiration from your Momma, Aunties, or Friends. Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re less than. Claire made me BELIEVE that I too was beautiful.
#wcw xoxoclaire
Repeat after me: Body Acceptance/Positivity is for all body types. It does not mean you can express a negative opinion about someone else’s body because it’s different to yours.
If you are a fat/curvy person, DO NOT call out petite people for not being Real women, or for having a small figure.
If you are a slim/petite person, DO NOT degrade bigger people, no matter how big.
One month ago today began the week long adventure that would absolutely change my life. Camp More was the biggest blessing to ever come my way. Not only did I get to spend a week with the person who has continually kept my alive, but I had the opportunity to undergo a transformation of a lifetime.
By the end of Day 1, I honestly felt more connected to the other 16 campers and the 7 mentors than I have ever felt towards anyone in my entire life. Through late nights in the girls cabins, cuddle piles on the floor, self-growth workshops, opening our hearts and souls to each other, and ultimately sharing our life stories, we were all able to become more than 17 best friends....we were a family.
In just 7 days, I was able to find a home with Camp More, and having to leave these incredible inspiring souls behind has left me eternally homesick.
Camp More taught me that I deserve all of the happiness and love I have found in this life. It taught me what it means to be alive and that I will be living this life for a long long time. I learned that age does not define ability and that I am fully capable of being the positive change I want to see in the world, and my dream of saving people through my writing is not even remotely unrealistic. My campers taught me what it felt like to be completely understood and they fully embraced me and who I am. I felt completely myself around them, which is something I haven't been able to do in a very long time.
I developed a greater sense of compassion, empathy, and understanding, which is really the one component that our world is truly missing. When we are able to open our hearts and empathize with one another, even if we cannot identify with their direct experience, understanding each other's emotions leads to a greater sense of peace and love. We have all felt sadness, emptiness, anger, fear, and grief. And we have all felt happiness, love, and the feeling of truly being alive. It is when we can identify those emotions in ourselves and each other that we are able to fully embrace our differences and love other people.
Camp taught me that I need to communicate my needs, because there is no shame in asking for help. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and fully opening yourself up to someone else. It can be the scariest thing you will ever do, but the outcome is priceless.
Having spent a week at camp with absolutely no contact with the outside world, I learned the importance of being unplugged sometimes. When we are able to be present in every moment and truly be in tune with our emotions and in touch with others and the world around us, we will be significantly happier. Happiness is found in simplicity, and if we can learn to be more aware of the small things, like a butterfly, the warmth of a sunny day, a great hug, a gorgeous sunset, or an infinite starry sky, life will seem so much more beautiful and so much more worth living every day. Today, I am alive and I am able to love myself for every breath I take.
The greatest part about Camp More being turned into a documentary, is the fact that people of all ages from all over the world can see the work that we did and be inspired to step out of their comfort zones and apply the same skills in their own lives. I truly believe that the stories my fellow campers and I have been lucky enough to share will go very far and truly change the world.
Thank you to Be More Heroic and the River Phoenix Center for Peacebuilding for giving me the chance to alter myself, my perspective, and my life. Thank you for giving me enough courage, bravery, resilience,and strength to take the world head on and be the person I want to be. Thank you to my campers for giving me a family and for being my home. Thank you for loving me. I am so thankful to have been given this experience and I cannot wait to co-create a beautiful world with these incredible souls.
What are some of the Hardest challenges some of you have had to face?
All of us have struggled with things such as identity, sexuality, abuse, illness, disabilities, ect.I personally was a victim of sexual abuse for many years, but I have overcome the struggle and recovered from it. I have used my past as a way to become strong and help other people.- Madi
CAMP follows a diverse group of 20 teenagers from across the US in the mountains of Big Bear, CA throughout a transformative seven-day art and leadership camp.
Only 3 days left to donate to the Camp: The Documentary Indiegogo! Every dollar counts towards the post-production of our incredible documentary! Help us share our stories and the lessons we learned with people all over the world. Your donations could get you anything from a signed DVD from Joaquin Phoenix, Be More Heroic, and the River Phoenix Center for Peacebuilding, a digital download, or some cool Camp More Merch! :)
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