#mmsyc

[grassyfieldart]

incredibly quick

[nothingexceptwords]

The time is coming. I am nineteen years old and living with my parents is becoming more and more of an issue. I just have a feeling that at night, they lie in their bed and plot what to do about me. I have a bad feeling that me deciding to quit school is going to lead to them wanting to kick me out the house. Well honestly, bring it on. They support absolutely nothing that I'm doing right now, I'm guessing they told my sister so that she could try to talk some sense into me, I don't know. My mom told me that I don't have the drive to do anything. I am basically on my own with my decisions now. Which I can't say I'm surprised either. They have thought a lot about me, a lot being bad things. It is definitely possible that I am screwing myself over, but let me screw myself over and see that I have screwed myself over, gosh.

I do need to sit and think about where I'm going to move when I move out. I have some hard decisions to make and they need to be made asap so that I can have a solid plan and not a fuzzy one. Either I am going to save up to move into an apartment, then save up to move to California; or I'm going to save up to move to California. I just know that I will be saving up to move out.

I've grown up.

It's time for me to grow up more.

[nothingexceptwords]

The antlers Bombay bicycle club Portishead  Silversun pickups The strokes Grizzly bear The national The bravery Arctic monkeys Fleet foxes The VeeVees The cribs The horrors  Noah and the whale Bon iver City and Colour

[nothingexceptwords]

Text Messages: Manny

August 23rd 2012 ~ 3:12AM

Lol, I can identify with that too. Believe me. I said the same thing once, but then you and I became best friends, so go figure. Lol.

August 26th 2012 ~ 10:01PM

Hurmph. Don’t try to kill yourself in general. You is too important to me.

August 26th 2012 ~ 10:04PM

Nahh. I love you too much to give up hope.

[nothingexceptwords]

So I believe this is the second time Adam Deacon has retweeted me & that makes me so happy. A few hours ago, he tweeted saying he was headed back to London. I hope that with the Olympics still going on, that he shows up to an event and I catch him on camera. I’d spaz so much, omfg.

Other than that, I feel like shit. On a good note, I got even closer to crying just a moment ago, but not quite. Sucks.

[nothingexceptwords]

I’m sitting here listening to Maroon 5. Not the album I’d like to be listening to from them right now. It’s not quite fitting my mood. But I love them and I haven’t listened to this album yet. Anyway, I’ll get to the point.

So. I have had it. I have had it with the awkward conversations with Alieah, Heather, Louie, Syd, and Alba (and on occasion, Dart). I’ve had it. I can’t take it anymore. Because no matter what, if I’m in a nice mood, they aren’t. If they’re in a nice mood, I’m not. Either I don’t feel like putting forth effort in a conversation, or they don’t. There is never a time that I have a nice conversation with anyone anymore. It’s annoying now. So I’m forcing myself to stop. I am not going to Tweet anything, text anyone, or post anything on either of my other two Tumblrs. I am ending all contact with these 6 people. I say six people because they’re the ones I text the most, but in reality, I’m ending all contact with everyone.

I’m going Heath Ledger on people. Taking away the already poor social life I had and  engulfing myself in nothing but my thoughts. I actually look forward to it driving me insane. It excites me. Maybe I will actually finally be able to cut. I’ve been thinking about cutting my thighs, but haven’t been able to bring myself around to actually doing it. Sucks. I really want to do it. But I don’t think I’m completely to the point where I can cut yet. I need to stop worrying about what Louie will say. He’d never know since I’m not going to be talking to him anymore.

Speaking of not talking to people anymore, I really regret not moving to Tallahassee. Sucks ass to be honest. Now I’m counting on not getting into Valencia so I can move in with my sister in Tallahassee.

I have a feeling that I will be trying to commit suicide again. Yeah, most likely. That sounds like me.

Hm. Well. I think I’m done. I thought I was going to write more than this, but… I think I’ve said it all already to be honest. That sucks. I figured I’d be able to write more.

Oh.

Well although I’m not going to talk to anyone, I’m going to check my phone. See if anyone tried to text me. Read the text, not respond to them though. I’ll check my private Tumblr to see who post what and I’ll Tweet watch people. I’ll be there, but I won’t be there. It’s full-proof, I know. Thanks.

I’m actually interested in seeing how long it takes for someone to text me.

What if it’s a whole fucking week bro?!

Lawlz, that would be pretty mother fucking sad. I’d shun my motherfucking friend in a heartbeat, I promise you that.

[nothingexceptwords]

TIA TIA TIA!

If you see this, then I love you darling. And I know I’m sort of bipolar with everything I tell you, but I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. EVER.

I know what I said before, but I remember what you told me. And I want to be someone (if not that one) who does not walk out of your life. Because YOU’RE GREAT.

You’ve been more than astounding friend to me and I cannot thank you enough.

I hope that you can forgive for leading you to believe I didn’t want to talk anymore. I DO I DO I DO!!!

Whenever you feel like it.

Have I embarrassed myself yet?

Lol okay.

I love you lots again Tia!!!

[nothingexceptwords]

LMFAOO!

GUISE! NEEEVER listen to me. Like, seriously.

I talk gibberish.

I say things I don’t mean half hour later

I lie

I speak the truth

I manipulate my words

I manipulate other people’s words

I encourage others to honestly stay away from me. Although I love meeting new people, I have to make it fair and warn people who do not already know me, that I am no good. I will accept you. You can come into my life. But I don’t know how long I will think like that. And tbh, I don’t know if I’ll even accept you.

What I do know, is that if you already know me, you aren’t going anywhere.

I won’t let you go because you’re special. And the especially goes for my new and amazing friend that I have met over this wonderful site who goes by the name of Tia.

She’s great and I better friend I could not ask for in her because she’s already that.

So cheers to those who are in my life.

And three cheers for Tia guise.