TW: Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse
I think I’m looking for reassurance.
I’m pretty sure I live in an abusive household but lately I’ve been doubting myself. My mother has been beating me and verbally abusing me since I was a kid. She’s told me horrible things about myself my entire life. Shes said that she doesn’t like me, she wouldn’t care if I died, I’m selfish, I’m difficult, I’m horrible to be around, no one wants to be around me, I’ll always be alone, stupid, lazy, etc. Ive been beaten for little things like dropping plates or getting Bs or Cs on tests. I was never allowed to express myself or I’d get told to shut up and that it doesn’t matter what I want, I just have to do what I’m told. I wasn’t allowed to get cry or get upset whenever she was mean because she’d just hit me harder or yell more. She’s also really manipulative and uses things/people that I care about to get me to do what she wants and gets really angry when I’m not doing what she wants. Like she’ll cry or yell or be more affectionate to my siblings and ignore me. Or she’ll threaten something bad happening to my siblings or try to make me feel bad.
I’m confused because she says that she does so much for me and she’s sacrificed so much but she kinda….doesn’t. I’ve been doing everything by myself since I was 12. I do all the laundry (washing, drying, folding), clean the entire house, take care of my siblings (food, homework, medicine, etc), and do everything else for myself. And I’m expected to keep my grades up and have extracurricular activities. But she always says that I shouldn’t be tired and that I’m never doing anything. She always gets angry when the house isn’t clean even though she doesn’t work for half the week. She doesn’t cook, my grandmother does. She drives me to and from school/extracurriculars though.
Now she says I’m allowed to express myself but anytime I do, she yells at me. Anytime I get upset at her she tells me that she’s sacrificed so much for me and that she does so much for me and that I’m ungrateful and selfish. I’m nervous that maybe I’m the crazy one because she and my family act like I’m the bad one. She says that I’m an ungrateful child and I just keep making her sad and hurting her feelings. I know I can be rude/mean sometimes and that I can be hard to deal with but this makes me very sad.
I just don’t know what to do because I’m seeing one thing and being told something else. On top of that, I’m completely alone. I literally have no one.
Hi, Ari. You are not the bad one here, trust me. I am so sorry all of that is happening to you. Your mother is extremely abusive to you and it is not your fault.
Abusers often play the victim in order to manipulate us and stop us from criticizing them and their abuse. She is actively trying to brainwash you by making you feel like you are the problem and that you deserve the horrible things she does to you. It is all an act. I know its hard, but try not to let yourself fall for it.
You do way more than a child should, by what you said in your message. You take care of the house and your siblings on top of going to school and after school activities. That is way too much to put on a child, and the fact that your mother doesn't acknowledge that and instead tries to discredit you by saying you don't do anything is horrible.
You are a strong person and you deserve to be loved, protected and appreciated. You are not mean for telling her what you feel, you are not hard to deal with just because you try to express yourself. Do not let anyone devalue you like that.
I assure you that nothing that is happening to you is your fault at all and I wish you will be able to get out of that situation as fast as possible and that you will come to see how wonderful you really are. Stay strong.
