#mod riah

[just-graysexual]

💙💗💟💗💙

Happy trans day of visibility to graysexual and/or otherwise a-spec trans people!

🖤⚫⚪💜

[just-graysexual]

Is it possible to be sex repulsed but straight and not ace? How would I know if that's what I am? Everyone keeps saying Ace is an orientation and you're born with it, it's not a choice. If that's true, I'm a female & I've always been attracted to men only. Still am. I just find sex gross, & don't want to do it. Does that make me Asexual too? Or just straight & sex repulsed?

Hi!

I can't tell for sure what you are but from what you say it sounds like you could be heteroromantic and asexual/on the asexual spectrum maybe? It is also possible to be sex repulsed and not asexual, as asexuality is about the lack of sexual attraction not general interest. I'd recommend looking into different types of attraction and consider whether it is sexual attraction or only other types of attraction you feel toward men.

Hope this helps!

- mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

Some general ace/ace-spec pride!

- mod Riah

[Image descriptions: text on black background with ace flag colors and various phrases: "asexy", "ace of babes", "ace, ace, baby", "(cake/pizza/pasta/ice-cream) is better than sex", "Mmm, asexualiTea tastes delicious", "sex? Nah thx", and "100% free of sexual attraction". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Ace-spec pride!

[Image descriptions: pictures with ace flag colors and verious text: "my sexual preferance is eeeh, maybe?", "my sexual preferance is potentially eventually?", " mmm, (gray-/fray-/demi-/wtf-)sexualiTea tastes delicious", "amazing grayce", "Grayceful", and "demi diety". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Ace-spec pride!

[Image descriptions: pictures with ace flag colors and verious text: "my sexual preferance is eeeh, maybe?", "my sexual preferance is potentially eventually?", " mmm, (gray-/fray-/demi-/wtf-)sexualiTea tastes delicious", "amazing grayce", "Grayceful", and "demi diety". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Ask box opened

Hi everyone!

The ask box is open again for a while at least, though we probably won't be able to leave it open for too long as both of us mods have quite a bit of other stuff going on currently.

But for now, ask away!

- mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

I've been reading up on alterous attraction bc Feelings Are Weird and I'm not sure what they're doing. There are two people about whom i have feelings that might fit the bill for alterous, but those feelings about those two people are very different from each other. Is that possible for alterous feelings to vary that much? also, is alterous different from queerplatonic? if so, how might you distinguish them?

Hi, anon!It’s totally understandable to be confused about this, and I recommend trying not to worry too much since you don’t have to know exactly what a feeling is called. I personally don’t have much experience with alterous or queerplatonic attraction, but I’m pretty sure alterous attraction toward different people can feel at least somewhat different. Alterous attraction is somewhat loosely defined: it’s an emotional attraction not platonic or romantic - so that can mean different things and might feel different to different people. So, short answer to the first question: yes, I think they can. As for the difference between alterous and queerplatonic attraction, I’d say there is a difference, but they can definately overlap and combine, and do so for several people. I’m not an expert and I’m not very imersed in the aro, alterous or queerplatonic community, but this is how I understand it:

Alterous attraction is wanting to be emotionally closer to someone in a way that exists outside platonic and romantic

Queerplatonic attraction is wanting to be in a queer-platonic relationship (QPR) with someone

QPRs can vary a lot and include different things for different people

So: wanting a QPR with someone does not necessarily mean you want to be emotionally closer to them, it may rather be based sensual and/or platonic attraction in addition to queerplatonic attraction. 

And also: wanting to be emotionally closer to someone in an alterous way may not always mean wanting a queer-platonic relationship as some may feel that a platonic or romantic (since some aro people are still open to this and not repulsed by romance) relationship can work just fine as long as they get emotionally closer and have these alterous feelings satisfied. 

Now, when I tried to look at what other people think about this, I couldn’t find that much specific information, and it seemed the definition of queerplatonic is somewhat discussed and varying from person to person. So it seems parts of this is kind of vague and hard to separate, but from my understanding there is the difference I described above, which I hope made sense. But, since I am not (very) aro-spec (I think), I’m gonna link some aro blogs that can maybe help clarify more or agree/disagree: @aro-aceplace @aro-allo-positivity @alterous-albatross @alterous-aroace .I hope this helps, anon! - Mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

I'm confsused. I do feel sexual attraction sometimes (it's very low tho) but I don't feel the need to act upon it. And most time it kinda fades as soon as there's a sexual action? Does this sound weird?

Hi anon!No, that does not sound weird to me! It seems quite like you may be graysexual or otherwise on the ace spectrum! The definition of graysexual is experiencing sexual attraction only some times, and/or only weakly. It can be used as an umbrella term for people who are on the asexual spectrum that still experience sexual attraction at times. I also think looking into whether you may be lith-/akoisexual could be helpful, which is when you experience sexual attraction but it fades if reciprocated or you don’t want it reciprocated.Good luck in defining your identity if you wish to do that! You are very welcome in the graysexual and ace-spec community!- mod Riah