#moje 3

[heather-rose-owens]

Clear to see my tastes haven't changed in 8 years 😏

Give me a Serbian girl group and I'm happy 😍

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 195 - 191

195. Ilinca ft. Alex Florea - “Yodel it” Romania 2017

[2017 Review here]

Is this a shock boot? Well, “Yodel it” kind of slaps but it’s not without its problems, sadly enough. It’s one of those over-the-top, ridiculous genre fusion entries that sap your fucking soul if overexposed to their overpowering loudness. Fortunately, I didn’t listen to “Yodel it” for over a year, so I’m fully able to embrace it shittasticness. “Yodel it” is a geiser of mirth in a fruity folk/schlager package. It has a silly, but relatable message about burn-outs buried underneath mounds of yodeling and a language that vaguely approximates coalminer’s English <3 It’s not a song that I would listen to on repeat (which is something I greatly care about), but it slaps. However, the best part of this entry has to be dynamic between Alex and Ilinca. You know how the greatest ESC duo’s of our time, such as ZalaGasper and The Common Linnets had amazing onstage chemistry. Illinca and Alex, otoh-

- actually have so little chemistry it circles back into hilariousness .There’s a strong sexual undercurrent here, where it’s clear that Alex is desperately trying to get into Ilinca’s lederhose panties and she is 100% not interesting in doing anything non-platonic with this insectoid creep. This nomance’s glorious conclusion came during Selectia Nationala 2018, the Ilinca-fronted jury mercilessly shived Alex’s song in the heats. True love really runs deep, y’all~

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194. Victor Crone - “Storm” Estonia 2019

MORPH! I’ve actually somewhat warmed to Victor and I don’t feel the least bit sorry!🤭 Naturally, the song is still counterfeit Aviicii material that should be pulverized underneath a hydraulic press. 

However, somewhere between the semifinal and grand final I realized that Victor, the arguably the Whitest Dude in the history of White Dudes (you know the type: handsome dopey face, no discernible personality, offensively inoffensive, leather jacket, guitar, the Lisa Rinna hair, handkerchief hanging from the belt), was middle-aged spinster catnip, resulting in a sudden, hilariously bloated televote score for a song that was ignored on both Youtube and Spotify <3

And I’m, sorry but that’s just hysterical to me. The idea that, out of the myriad of hot guys in this year, the catladies fainted in droves for Victor is beyond hilarious. It’s fucking hysterical. Older women and nobody fucking else.🤣  Did I mention his surname is the poetically appropriate “Crone”? MILK THAT CAREER OF SINGING AT RETIREMENT HOMES, MY SWEET WHITEBREAD PRINCE! MILK IT TO THE LAST NOTE!!!

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193. Moje 3 - “Ljubav je svuda” Serbia 2013

Speaking of catnip, “Ljubav je svuda”’s trinity of campy drama, female-fronted trash and ethnobop is a trap for the unassuming Eurovision-obsessed homosexual. Naturally, upon selection many, myself included, instantly started the pyramid-building and human sacrifices at the altar of Moje 3 and their hilariously literal interpretation of shoulder angels. 🤭 Sadly, for some fucking reason, Serbia decided to dress them like Indonesian fertility demons and it all fell apart as a mildly amusing, but utterly NOT-wigsnatching hot mess. 🙄 Is it unfair to blame NevenaBore for the floppage? Well, considering that Mirna single-handedly carried the song and Sara is a facial expressions goddess...

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192. Anmary - “Beautiful Song” Latvia 2012

Welp I guess I lied when I said I wasn’t cutting Anmary soon, lmfao. 😂 Anmary’s placement on the list appeared a lot further away in the spreadsheet, don’t @ me!!! 

Like Moje 3, Anmary was a force of hilarity upon her selection. NF Beautiful Song is.. a thing of beauty. It’s unfiltered Baltic INSANITY at its peak. Sharing this wonderful caption with you because it’s too iconic to hold back:

Beyond the general cheesy schlager we find on display: crazy eyes, unfathomable hubris, a dress change from an ugly dress into an even uglier dress, terrible ‘English’ (omg the Mick Jagger line, kills me every time. “JAGGERMICK”😂 holy fuck i am deceased. Refering to him as if he’s like.. the antagonist of a Lewis Caroll novel <3) it has the full fusedmarc package!!!

Un-very-fucking-fortunately, Latvia decided to lather Beautiful Song up with the Dettol brush and the end result was... still pretty funny, lol? It served some ~Real Housewives of Daugavpils ~ realness, with its cocktail party-chic aerobics as Anmary’s disaster notes echoed through the void of the Crystal Arena.

However, it was significantly less funny than the original, which is killing for an entry whose entire appeal rests on its hopeless, cheesy incompetence. At least she got a call from the Jaggermick out of it~ ________________________________________________________________

191. SuRie - “Storm” United Kingdom 2018

[2018 Review Here]

Storms don’t last forever, remember~

You’d be inclined to believe that SuRie ranks this high ONLY because of spillover sympathy due to the stage invader and well... that certainly DID factor in my final ranking. Not everyone is able to recover from *that* blatant display of FUCKING ASSHOLERY as unscathed as ms Susanna Marie Cork did. What a inspiring display of professionalism. 

However, by that time I had already warmed to “Storm” itself, whoops! You see, as generic as “Storm” is (are “Storms” the new “Shines”?), SuRie is one of those performers that just has tonnes of natural charisma and manages to brighten any shitty song by her mere presence. 🤗 That she turned that stage invasion into a moment of self-empowerment is only the cherry on top of the sundae. BRING HER BACK BBC!!! She may not be the artist the UK deserve, but it’s artists like her that they need. 

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[synthvalet]

I wonder if Soma should have his Photoshop access restricted or expanded bc this shit made me burst out laughing in the middle of the nightly Instagram scavenging 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[eurovisionopinions]

[womenofesc]

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[escunited]

The "Expert" Panel reviews Serbia: Nevena Božović - Kruna | (Eurovision 2019)