she was like “rat have you ever thought about adopting a pokemon?” and i was like “yea but i wanna catch it.” and she was like “i understand that but theres lotsa perfectly good pokemon waiting to be adopted” but i was like “but mom you don’t understand catching the mon urself is like a big thing for a trainer!” and she was like “i know rat i was a trainer too but you hafta understand a wild caught mon is usually harder to raise than an adopted one” and i was like “i know but i promise i can handle it ill feed em and bathe em and take em outside n everything!” and she was like “i believe it. but wild mons can be aggressive at first” and i was like “oliver wasnt” and she was like “oliver was hurt and you saved his life, of course he warmed up to you quickly” and then i was like “if wild mons are so hard to raise then why did you catch em as a kid?” and she was like “times were different back then.” and then she got a call from work and had to go run aarons
I miss my momma T tonight. She used to make homemade vanilla extract. She sent me home with a bottle once. My whole carry-on smelled like it and I loved it. TSA found it interesting and I thanked the heavens that momma knew to send me with a 3oz bottle.
Momma would have a cure for all this heartache. I can hear her say, with conviction, that she loves me to the moon and back. That we'd be together soon, once this shit cleared up.
I just want to be on that porch beside her, buzzed and toasted, relaxed and warm. The sound of Smitty's TV in the background. Co's soft voice as he asks where the keys at cause he's fixing to drive over to a friend's. The light of Kay's cigarette and the flip of her ponytail as she answers. Joe Boxer at our feet, sleeping through it all.
So much of my trip there in November went horribly wrong. I keep thinking momma is asleep in her room. Or she'll be there when I call.
I'm still hoping it's not true. That the phone call from Kay never happened. That I fell asleep Monday and woke up Wednesday. We can skip that Tuesday, it don't matter. Ain't no thing.
Momma told everyone the bare bones truth. Except me. She never approached me with anything but sweetness and fierce protection from a cruel and unjust world.
Grief is not simple. I can hear myself asking Kay what happened. How. Why. What do you mean she died?
Grief is also a trickster. A shapeshifter. A warped shadow that moves when you stay still.
A companion I never wanted, and yet, I'm scared of its absence.
I lost someone in my life who unconditionally loved me. Hands down, rib crushing hug, you're one of my kids, you belong here no matter what, anyone who hurts you is gonna answer to me kind of love.
I remember telling her my guilt about getting involved with a married woman back in my twenties, when I was stupid and didn't care who got hurt. She could have cussed me out. Told me, yes, you were stupid and what did you expect? But she was never one to put things in a harsh way, not with me. She rubbed my back. Said how she noticed that I must have been so in love, and that I'd feel the effects of the whole situation for a long time, because hopefully I've learned. I look back now, at this juncture of similar pain, and realize that yes, I loved that woman so much. But I know better now. I know not to accept the apologies or excuses or justifications from anyone I wouldn't deem fit to introduce to momma. Someone can adore me and still be six kinds of wrong for me.
I miss the truth delivered with love.
I miss watching her brush her hair and pull it back into a twist. I miss how her face would get red from how hard we were laughing. I miss her asking me to move down south and she'd built me a redneck cottage of my own. I miss watching her take care of her horse with the utmost attention and pride. I miss her curiosity and eagerness to learn more about art. I miss her die hard love for the Cowboys and her story about that one trip to Dallas.
I miss how the world felt more bearable because of her.
Grief is thick, like Granny Opal's potato gravy. Heavy, like Tennessee humidity. Difficult, like that first cool breeze of fall everyone's been waiting for.
Grief is someone sleeping in a room behind a locked door.
I miss my momma T something awful always, but especially tonight.
tagged by @naeuns and @sanshine-on-a-cloudy-day , thank you for tagging me sweeties ~
rules? answer 17 questions then tag 17 people
nickname?
zodiac? sagittarius
height? 158cm (someone else convert that into american stuff, I’m to lazy^^)
hogwarts house? hufflepuff
last thing i googled? oz to cl (in the end i closed it and improvised but the cocktails were good)
song stuck in my head? there are like 4 or more songs playing simultaneously in my head atm
number of followers? 576 (even tho I rly don’t know where they all are ._.)
amount of sleep? 7 or 8 hours (i didn’t count)
lucky number? 13
dream job? teacher (or basically anything with kids by now, studying is killing me)
wearing? the shirt I wore for sleeping (I just woke up^^)
favorite song? I don’t choose favorites easily, so I don’t have one
favorite instrument? piano i guess
aesthetic? soft and dark, i go both ways I guess xD
favorite author? I haven’t read books in a long time sadly, but for fanfics it’s Fie (@atiny-piratequeen)
random? Even tho I sleep a lot at night aI need at least one more nap during the day to function and at this rate I start to believe that something isn’t right
tagging (i dont have 17 ppl to tag sadly so 7 has to be enough^^): @yeosavage @atiny-piratequeen @atinyidea @dimpledsatan @chanberrys @celestial-yunho @songmingki
update so far. we've run into a few pokemon but none that really like. speak to me yknow? its starting to get late and my moms sayin we should head back cuz its already dark in the forest and the suns just about gone and hey wait whats tha
when i went “whats that” and then dropped off rhe face of the earth!!! what happened was something leapt from the bushes and gave me a lil zap that made me drop my phone. then it nabbed it off the ground and totally drained the battery. it tried to run away with my phone but mom’s furret blocked the path. then my mom told me nows my chance to battle it so i sent out oliver and they fought and sparks were flying everywhere and it was so awesome!! oliver almost hit too hard after getting paralyzed but it worked out okay and i threw a pokeball and I CAUGHT IT I CAUGHT IT I CAUGHT IT!!!!!
