Yesterday was the hardest most traumatic day of my life. Izzy was playing on the porch with her cousins while I was inside. I thought she was safe. I thought if I could still hear her it’s okay. The kids started running around coming in and out of the house, and I guess she wanted her shoes and so she wandered off. For five minutes we could not find her. I started to panic. I’ve never been more terrified in my whole life. I’ve never felt that kind of pain before and honestly never want to again. Luckily we found her in the garage getting her shoes. She was scared and turned around, but safe. I cried the whole rest of the day as I held her close. I’m still working through those feelings. But she’s already forgotten. Mama found her and held her and that was enough. Going from being a stay at home parent, to then not being it for over six months, to going back being fully at home has been such a roller coaster. In a toddlers life six months can bring a lot of change and growth. Last time it was just her and I she was still an infant. And now it’s like I’m having to catch up with her. I’m having to learn who she is in this stage more. I’m having to learn other ways of regulating my emotions to be better for her. Before I was growing with her at each step and somehow she outgrew me in a way. Yesterday was a wake up call for me. A realization that even though she’s not an infant any more she still needs me just as much. I’m in no way going to be a helicopter parent but I’m more cautious even in the comforts of our own home. I’m even more attentive than I was before. I’m more purposeful. I don’t think I was a bad mom before in anyway and honestly our situation can happen to anyone. Especially at home where you let your guard down. But it’s this realization that even at home they still need that protection as of you were out at the store. That even though she’s strong and smart and independent in a way, they still need you like they did when they were an infant. Being a stay at home parent is hard, and I’m learning more everyday. And I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. #momlife #sahmlife #momtruth #reallife https://www.instagram.com/p/CfMhXMduwA5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
