using the shipping feels =_= tag with hadris and monaz is a little strange. i think what hadris feels could really be either romantic or platonic love and the love that monaz feels - for hadris and beyond - is more along the lines of agape
both romantic and platonic relationships get ship tags tho so #yoloswag
thingken of hadris and monaz's relationship bc of shad
syol spoilers under the cut but nothing particularly devastating, i guess if you want to get technical there's mild vn spoilers too
hadris and monaz have known each other for like 10 bazillion years (not actually that long but they've known each other for a really damn long time) and like to talk to each other about how interesting humans and mortals are. hadris always used to kind of see them as pawns and tools and strange allies but monaz has always been a really empathetic kind of person - xe has always had a desire to be closer to humanity both in person and in spirit. probably has something to do with monaz being able to read thoughts and feelings
i think meeting monaz is what really kick-started hadris' change in personality. like originally he was a pretty typical ruthless evil overlord and the original lineup of Representatives - most of questionable morality and/or lacking in emotion - both shows that well and helped to enable his behavior. monaz befriending him started to soften him in a way that he didn't perceive as someone trying to change him, because really monaz wasn't. xe just wanted to talk about mortal feels =_= with someone and monaz was able to answer a lot of hadris' questions and then some
(vemenna was kinda like that too but vemenna is kind of a literal sociopath, so,)
hadris started to become fascinated with the subject and started making more personal relationships with people who were less blatantly evil or at least people who cared about more than victory and/or having fun. this kind of alienated his allies who wanted to kill everything and make Entirety kneel to them in terror which led to memen's release but that's another story entirely
in light of memen completely wrecking his shit and offing several of his closest friends it was monaz that was able to help hadris the most, especially as he was beginning to feel emotions other than joy, anticipation, and anger. like he felt real loss and regret and pain and for a being born without feeling that's really fucked up to feel. monaz kind of served as his counselor because man did xe know that feel
i think there was something else there, something hadris couldn't bring himself to talk about because it wasn't something he was capable of recognizing.
after the third memen incident (around 200-300 years before syol and therefore before most of the modern Representatives joined up) monaz was pretty broken up xemself. xe felt completely useless because xe didn't really have any abilities that could help. xe felt at fault for all of the death and destruction that was caused because xe couldn't do anything to stop it. xe felt completely unworthy of being a Representative and felt like a failure not only to xyr allies, but to hadris. xe knew hadris was upset as well and felt guilty for wanting to give up and run away when he needed xyr the most.
xe did it anyway - not immediately, but with a false smile and the assurance that it wasn't his fault, that there was nothing he could have done, that things would be better and xe needed some time and that xe might come back someday once xe sorted xyr thoughts out, if only as an ally and not a Representative
what hadris regrets most is not being able to be there for monaz in the same way xe was for him - that he couldn't understand xyr feelings or recognize when there was more going on with xyr than xe ever said. losing xyr cut him deeper than watching his kingdom be destroyed, being betrayed, and losing his dearest allies: not only did he lose the most important person in the world to him, he now had to face his evolving humanity alone
losing monaz was a bigger motivator to hire new Representatives than the fact that he had empty spots now. he had xyr in mind when deciding to raise valence, to spare septicemia's life, and a number of other more spoilery things. it's because of xyr that he insists all of the Representatives become friends with each other and he keeps orange and aedi so close when he shouldn't. he knows that in a technical sense it's making him weaker and more vulnerable, but he can't help himself. he loves to feel because it reminds him of xyr, and he hopes that continuing down this path will bring monaz back and prevent xyr from ever wanting to leave again
should hadris ever meet chalcedony, i'd imagine it would be his first time feeling earnest jealousy
