#monster pidge

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

okay but what if kuro really does t understand memes. he asks pidge to help but she laughs

…this is accurate

like, he’s got all the memories and he’s actually pretty smart but trying to pieces all these things together from this weird mishmash of pop culture is just… so much

he’s more of a dictionary kind of guy, honestly.  hearing people making up words on the fly just serves to confuse him.

pidge just cackles, but matt takes pity on him and tries to explain (lance, meanwhile, is THRILLED to hear about the Internet)

they end the night drawing doge memes (kuro’s drawings are… Not The Greatest) and even though Kuro still doesn’t really understand, he’s having fun :D

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

eventually everyone is so busy with missions that they can't help pidge hunt so she gets stir crazy and attacks bby kuro but then shiro possesses her to back away and he realizes how starving she really is and tells her maybe when they have time they should stockpile food in a magic fridge so it'll stay 'fresh' and so Keith can get his soul quota and kuro is scared of her for the rest of the week and they also have to keep her away from ttam

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

if this happens after they make Shiro’s outside shoes, you can BET that they sacrifice those to her.  if it’s before that, well...

poor bab.

She’s trying so hard to keep doing her Science stuff, she just wants to be smart and do cool things, but she keeps getting distracted by these CRAVINGS.  

She’d go to Keith and make a deal for a body, but he’s dead fucking asleep after dying twice in a row (it was a bad day) (he doesn’t want to talk about it).  Hunk is outside dealing with a Fae crisis of some sort (damn those Fae why are they like this) with the Alteans.  Lance left a few hours before wiggling his eyebrows and talking about the Dryads next door.  Matt and Ttam are busy trying to buff the Castle defenses.  Shiro faded (he should be back in an hour or two, but he’s a ghost, what can he help?).  Slav is useless.  And she is so... fucking... hungry.

honestly the Cryptids are the Alteans worst nightmare because they need so many fucking RULES just to keep the Cryptids from tearing everything apart.

Rule #87: REMEMBER TO FEED THE WENDIGO

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

what if at first Pidge was so opposed to the idea of eating people so she didn't but almost literally starved to death and realised that if she wants to. think clearly she'd have to eat

WELL.  The general consensus is that she has no qualms about eating people who are assholes, otherwise she wouldn’t have eaten Iverson to begin with.

I can see her being somewhat... picky with her food, though.

Like, she’d hack into criminal records and look specifically for people who committed pedophilia or child abuse and be like... that one, I want that one.  And then Keith and Hunk have to go out and get them lmfao.

Keith is the one that actually goes in and ties them up, and Hunk carries them back.

Of course, sometimes the team doesn’t have time to do this, so sometimes she does get starving.  This is usually when Kuro starts offering limbs, to Shiro’s utter despair.  If it goes on too long, she WILL attack anything human that gets too close.

Overall, she’s thrilled to be a monster.  It was a little scary at first, but tbh... she was never fond of Iverson, so it could have been a LOT worse.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

in other news, Pidge is a Tokyo ghoul fan

HA

NICE

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

Just real quick--what if McAU Keith's glamour was so strong that he never even looked tired? Like, no matter what time of night it was he always looked like he had a full face of carefully applied foundation and blush? Pidge is at the university putting up signs like 'cryptid photos wanted' and Keith goes up to her and says "I dont think I'm fully human" She laughs at first but then she gets suspicious like... why not? He just points at his face like "dude... never had a zit in my LIFE" She gasps and IMMEDIATELY brings this strange boy home to test him, on the phone the whole time because "Matt I'm serious this might be the closest we've ever come to a cryptid in our LIFE it's just not natural tHIS IS NOT A DRILL YOU GOTTA SEE THIS GUY"

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

monster club pidge things: when she first wakes up as a wendi she tries so hard to walk normally but eventually decides climbing tress is much easier. freaks out about being starving and then even more freaked out when she realises there's a human arm next to her and laughs and sighs and then screams. lance and hunk hear this. she is pacing around on a tress branch freaking out. more so when she sees a weird fish monster and rock person coming her way. she grabs a stick and points it at them.

pidge: “i don’t know who you are but i need my laptop right now” hunk, slightly freaked out by her appearance and the point stick: “we don’t have technology like that or even access to human wifi” pidge: “I was human once! i don’t remember how i got here and like this… but still!” lance thinking of all the ways humans can turn cryptid, ruling them out: “HOLY CROW THAT MUST MEAN” he hides behind hunk. “you’re not gonna eat us, right?!” pidge, smiling: “depends” hunk: “she can only eat people”

Hunk: DON’T POINT THAT AT ME I’M SOFT AND VULNERABLE

Also Hunk: *is literally made of rock*

lmfao that was a wild ride for Pidge.  Lot of emotions come out when you find out you ate the dean of your school.  Pidge doesn’t really find her voice for a while after she becomes a cryptid--it’s hard to reconcile a human voice with becoming an inhuman monster.  She kind of has to reconcile what she was--college kid, cryptid blogger, small but determined--with what she now is--hungry, strong, and the thing in the dark that used to fascinate her in a clinical, scientific way.

I love the idea of Hunk and Lance just standing there for a minute trying to figure out what the FUCK this tiny tree gremlin is.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

u know that antler guy in undertale? people (kuro usually) do that to keef's horns

*SNORT* that guy was my favorite, even though it took me like ten minutes of wandering to find him when i played on my own

...listen i know it should not take ten minutes, but i’m bad at games

BUT YES

kuro and keith share a love of stimmy things, so of course kuro thinks its logical to hang a bauble on keith’s horn.  of course.  and then everyone gets involved and it never stops, never.

if pidge sits still long enough, they can get some on her antlers, too, but she tends to be too slippery and/or high up.  rip.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

KEEP👏PIDGE👏AWAY👏FROM👏KURO👏AND👏TTAM👏

This is Allura, making the list of rules for the Castle.  She’s saying it out loud as she digs a pen into a piece of paper way too hard.  Everyone is staring at her.  She doesn’t care.  She’s tired of these damn Cryptids trying to eat each other.