hi! I've been reading some of your TRC fic over the last few days (thank you, holiday from work!) and oh my god, I just got to the tumblr ficlet with Ronan and Adam soothing Gansey down from a panic attack in his bed and it was like it SPOKE TO MY SOUL PARTS <3 (also a+ photographing, noah)
Noah has Blue’s back 110% of the time and we all know it.
But thank you! It also SPEAKS TO MY SOUL PARTS! God, Gansey tries so hard to keep it together. He was taught from the beginning that extreme emotions are unpleasant and inconvenient and he’s been folding severe trauma into that since he was ten. TEN! He was so young! He is still so young! And he looks at what his friends are going through and he thinks that his trauma is somehow not valid because theirs is happening now and his happened so long ago. Except it wasn’t so long ago! He was ten! And trauma doesn’t have an expiration date! AND HE LITERALLY DIED AND FELT HIS HEART STOP BEATING AND THEN CAME BACK FROM IT. HE KNOWS HE’S NOT INVINCIBLE.
Kids should be allowed to feel invincible. Kids should be allowed to process their fears and he never was, because he was taught that fear and anxiety are character flaws that should be buried. He is actually afraid that if he shows any of this to the people who love him most in the world they’ll decide he isn’t worth the effort. Because why? Because his parents telegraphed to him through their actions that his fear was a burden to them? Because the other people who love him most in the world couldn’t handle it and they’ve had so much longer to deal with it than his friends? Because keeping up appearances is so much easier when your appearance can be polished to within an inch of its life and trotted out for campaign fodder?
Every one of these kids needs a good cry and a hug, but Gansey needs a group hug. Gansey needs his friends to show him how invaluable he is to them, because he is, but none of them speak his love language so he interprets their silence as disinterest and that breaks my fucking heart. If I have to fix this broken heart one Gansey’s-friends-are-there-for-him-even-when-he’s-too-afraid-to-ask-them-to-be fic at a time I will.













