Unsaid - 2nd November 2016
I presume the reason you have not looked for me to confront me so far, despite your apparent anger and unhappiness with me, is that you know deep inside that you have no ground to stand on.
But of course, you claim that you were taken against your will, that you had no choice. You claim that you loved me. You claim you were hurt by how I “sold our son” to my current husband and gave him his name instead of yours.
What I find hilarious is how you can claim to have loved me yet hate me for these reasons, in the same breath.
Allow me to enlighten you:
I knew why you disappeared.
I went to Coldarra, every single chance I could, outside duties at home - our home - and outside official duties. I did this carrying Nivendi'en in my womb and after he was born. Almost every day, I faithfully went there to ask to see you. I was never successful. Did you know this? No, you did not. Well, now you do.
Did you ever struggle? Did you ever protest? I would have comforted me a little to know, back then, that you did, but I remember your placid acceptance when they came to warn you, before you disappeared. I remember their same offer to myself, when one of them sat in our home then, to speak to you about it. I said no. I would never do it, knowing that I carried our child, knowing that I have a duty to our homeland and our people. But you - you accepted it, without so much as a protest.
Power is something we all want, is it not? Even beyond love.
I eventually stopped going to try to see you, because I discovered your lies.
I might have forgiven you for never telling me, in all the time I have known you, about your previous family, that you have a grown daughter.
But keeping Sylvarys’ body in its state?
I read your tomes hidden in your private library. I figured out why you did so.
And my eyes were opened to your selfishness. The selfishness you kept from your wife, whom you claim to have loved.
Oh, I never gave Nivendi'en my husband’s name. The name he bears is of the one that my husband and I chose together, that we both now bear. Before that, Nivendi'en bore both my name as well as yours. This -is- after all a new start for him and myself, for Nivendi'en, and for every single person we lead and are responsible for in our respective households. It is what being a Sin'dorei is about, is it not? New beginnings, being reborn from he ashes and being stronger than ever.
But you wouldn’t know that would you?
Do you still Illusion your eyes, by the way?
You hate me, resent me, are angry at me because he no longer bears your name.
See, it is interesting: my husband wanted to give up his name to take mine, despite coming from a lineage as old as yours and mine. He would do so, because my son and I are more important to him than a name.
You, however, would hate me for changing our son’s name to a new one that I had chosen for us.
What is love to you, that you’d say you love your then-wife, yet your actions and words and attitude show otherwise?
I could possibly forgive you your delusions of grandeur, your power hunger so great you’d placidly accept your fate by your new kin (who, by the way, are struggling in the Broken Isles, I wonder why you’re not with them and are instead lingering in Silvermoon pretending to be a Magister), that you’d lie to me about your previous family, that you abandoned me and our son.
But I will never forgive how you can lie about how you love me, when you clearly do not, and probably never did.
I will never forgive your selfishness in the suffering that you brought your apprentice, your brother-in-law then.
Above that, I will never forgive you for viewing Nivendi'en as a commodity and not a person, for seeing him as merely a vessel who exists only to carry your name. Don’t you dare to deny this, for why else would you hate me this much and be so angry at me? You never knew your flesh and blood. You were never there. Even when you came back, you did not care enough to even seek myself out to see him. Your anger was more important for you to nurse and harbour. Your pride was more important. Truly, you care as a father, don’t you?
So, Lord Dawnlight, you truly have no right to be angry at me, given everything. You were the one who broke my heart. I had to move on for myself and for the child you sired while you mingled with your new brethren in your new life in your new lair. How you dare even imply that I am a bad mother, to accuse me of “selling our son”, is beyond me.
I am with a better elf, who is my husband. He is everything you are not, and you have never been.
And if you dare to use Nivendi'en, manipulate him as you did Sylvarys, if you ever hurt him in any way, even emotionally, you can be sure that I will not sit back idly, and neither will his father, or anyone else who truly loves him.
Which you clearly don’t.