Never meant to come to this.
James’s whole body ached and not that good kind of ache that comes from a good exercise, no, this kind of ache came after you have been slammed into one too many times on the quidditch field. That was how James felt as he stood out in the sun with his best friends in the school court yard. It bore down, smiling on him like it wasn’t making him feel like he was in the deepest pits of hell. He needed to find shade somewhere.
The summer had been good to him. Until about 3 weeks ago when James suffered a terrible attack and his whole world flipped upside down. Now he had a new found taste for the blood of his friends and family. He had managed to survive his parents' presence with blood packs from blood banks. He bought them under the table so no one would find out.
At Hogwarts it was similar but much harder. There were four times as many people and he was never away from his friends. He didn't want to expose them to his condition. Especially not Remus. While he wasn't 100% sure what his opinion was on vampires, he was sure it wasn’t good. Sirius was very vocal about his disdain of them and Peter… Well Peter didn't really care as long as one didn't try to bite him.
James gave up on looking for a spot and turned to his friends “Hey my head hurts. I think I’m going to go lay down.” He said.
“Oh uhm, alright mate. We’ll come get you for dinner.” Sirius said, giving him a small smile. James only half returned it before walking away and heading inside.
Now don’t get mad. He was going to go lay down, truly he was, but something had drawn him to the dungeons. It wasn’t normal for him to be down here so he wasn’t sure why. He just felt like it would be nicer down there. Maybe he could find a spot to sleep that was nice and cold. His skin still hurt from the sun.
He used to like being warm. Hot even, now he just hated it. Usually it was because the sun was casting hellfire on him, but also because in general light was hot or burned. He couldn’t stand it, not anymore. He walked down the corridors looking at the art lining the wall. Mostly Slytherin house heads all looking at him with different levels of disdain or disgust. He didn’t linger at any of them and made his way deeper.
As he descended into the depths of Hogwarts while looking for a secret spot to rest he heard the sound of someone cursing under their breath and bottles clinking together. The sound drew James closer to a door on his left where he found a certain raven haired boy brewing his latest creation. Normally James would go in there and mess with Snape just because it was funny and he could. This time however he didn’t do that. . Maybe it was the intense focus on his face as he added the next ingredient, stirring in a precise manner only natural to a true potioner. So different from how he usually looked.
Snape was different this year too. James could see it. He held himself with a different kind of indifference. Like he was suddenly too good for everyone else. Though it would seem losing Lily allowed him to truly become himself. After last year he had begun to hang around Evan Rosier and Regulus Black more often. Aspiring Death Eaters the both of them. James was sure Snape would follow suit. Still, as he watched Snape ,he couldn’t help but admire how he looked as he worked. So focused, so enthralled by his potions. He always had been, ever since James had his first potions class with him.
The way his eyes lit up with wonder and pure joy. It had almost stopped him from messing with him. Almost. It had started as a harmless prank. Something James did often to feel something other than bored. It wasn’t even that bad. But when Snape saw who was responsible for his ruined potion he had looked at James with the darkest and most hateful glare. He still remembered how fast his heart had pounded and the heat that crept up the back of his neck. At first he thought maybe it was guilt or shame, but it wasn’t. As time went on and things got more intense with these “pranks” he found himself getting… excited by these looks. It was different from the other looks he was used to. Snape's hatred fueled him.
Most always looked at him with this intense adoration. Like he could do no wrong, but he could. He did. Too often. Even Lily who should hate him too. Even after hurting her ex friend over and over again she only looked at him with indifference or sometimes annoyance. Only Snape had that hateful look. Only Snape could truly make James feel that kind of excitement.
His eyes flicked down to Snape’s neck where he saw the skin jump with his heart beat. James hadn’t intended for that, but he could hear it over the bubbles in the cauldron. It was so loud. Rushing through his veins faster due to his adrenaline rush from the potion. It made James salivate and his stomach twist. The blood packs were good, yes. They did the job enough to restrain him, but he couldn’t help that he craved it fresh. This caused his mind to wander to dark places.
He wasn’t sure when it was but at some point during his gruesome imaginings Snape had stopped brewing and was bottling his potions. Once James caught on and Snape was cleaning up he knew it was time to go. He watched for a moment longer. The boy and his masterpiece. Then he left there quickly refusing a risk in his restraints that were already so close to breaking. It did not stop the dryness in his throat or the new ache in his canines.
—
A few hours later James was tucked away in his room alone drinking down his third blood bag. He would need more soon or he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He needed too many at a time to feel satisfied, and they weren’t lasting for him. He sighs running his hand through his hair just as Sirius, Remus and Peter come in. He quickly tosses the pouch into the bag on the floor and hides it under his bed. He was glad he had already been studying before eating so his books and papers were all out. He looked at his friends with a smile. No teeth of course, his fangs were still out.
“Hey Prongsy, is your headache any better?” Sirius asked his best friend. He had been pretty worried when he just left like that. The truth was they all were. They could tell James wasn’t entirely okay . He was distant and looked really tired. It had only been two weeks since school started, but they could tell he was struggling. He was awake all night, usually not in the dorms then back in the early morning before the sun to catch maybe 30 minutes. He would fall asleep in almost every class or any spot. It wasn’t like him. Sirius had tried to ask further but James just dismissed it with a smile and “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. It’ll get better soon. ” Before disappearing to do whatever it was he did. He didn’t like it.
“Yeah. I fell asleep. I figured I would study before dinner. Did I miss it?” James spoke, breaking Sirius’s train of thought. He shook his head “We came to get you.” He said. James nodded and closed the books on his bed.
Sirius watched his friends' movements. They were so… perfectly measured. Not at all like his usually clumsy way of closing and tossing them to the side. Weird He thought.
James paused for a moment and looked at his friend, “What?” He asked.
“What?” Sirius retorted, confused.
“Uhm.. Nothing, just thought I heard something.” He shook it off, got up and went over to them. When they didn’t move he gave them a confused look “Dinner?”
That seemed to remind them what they were doing and the boys filed out of the dorms. They stopped in the common room for Lily who followed with little hesitation. She walked with James talking about something called a nargle. He had no idea what that was but he didn’t care enough to fully listen. Her voice felt overly shrill to his sensitive ears making it too hard to try. So he pretended. Something he had gotten really really good at. Pretending to invest himself in another person's stories or tales or information he didn’t really care about. That was at least until Sirius interrupted Lily by moving her out of the way. “Yo Prongs look! It's Sniv! Come on we have got to pull something on him! I have a great new hex I found.” He said with a child like glee. James looked over to where Sirius had pointed. Snape was indeed nearby with his death eater friends. He watched them for a moment as they walked towards the great hall chatting about the most recent homework. He didn’t really feel like messing with him tonight. Not after earlier. Sirius would never leave him alone if he missed a chance to try this spell. “Hit Rosier instead. I think it would be funnier.” He said. Sirius looked at him very confused by his answer but didn’t argue, too excited to try the spell.
He hurried a little closer and James heard him whisper, “Cauda porcus” . Pink light shot from his wand and struck Rosier’s back. He was knocked forward by the jinx falling to the floor. He groaned and raised to his hands and knees. He now had the tail of a pig.
James' friends howled with laughter and made pig noises. He winced at the volume but didn’t laugh along with them.. He was too busy watching Snape. Who noticed his friend's misfortune and looked upon the other boys with burning hatred. He pulled out a wand and threw the trip jinx. It was a petty revenge game for what was deserved. It was a direct hit causing Sirius to trip and fall back into Remus.
They crashed to the ground in a heap of limps. James did snort a little at that. You should be angry. He shifted his stance, the thoughts making him feel weird. Why weren’t his feelings working for him.
A growl rang from Sirius as he got up causing James to look at him. Sirius fired the stinging hex aiming at Snape this time, but even as he prepared it didn’t hit him. In a blink James was in front of Snape and blocked the spell. Anger burned in his auburn eyes. He didn’t know where it came from. Couldn't justify it either. James took control of his emotions, lowering it wand. Sirius wasn’t in the wrong. He hadn’t messed with Snape first, but James couldn’t shake the feeling and couldn’t put reason to his actions either.
He stared at his best friend who stared back in shock, “What the hell James?!” Sirius said, his voice was full of what could only be described as betrayal. James felt his chest tighten. “No more. We’ve had our fun and I don’t want detention if we get caught fighting this early in the year. Let's just go to dinner.” He lied. He then, no longer wanting to see that expression, turned and walked down the hall. He tried not to look at the Slytherin watching him but it was hard not to look into those eyes.
Snape glared as James walked past him, his wand gripped tightly in his hand. Hate but also confusion burning into his soul. James broke the eye-contact trying to go past him like it was nothing. Then James caught the sweetest most inviting and mouth watering scent. He stopped abruptly and looked at the snake. They were right in front of each other, Snape’s scent wafting off of him like freshly baked cookies. He glared and James just stared.
While James had been close to a few people who smelled tempting, this… this was beyond anything he had smelled before. It was so strong and intense, filling every sense he had infecting his cells, and making his teeth ache for just a small bite.
He felt his body take a small step towards Snape but watching the boy quickly step back was enough to break him from his trance and retreat. “Sorry.” Was all he said before quickly heading for the great hall. He didn’t even look back to make sure his friends were following. He couldn’t. He was afraid of what he might do.
—
Severus didn’t know what just happened. Potter had… Why didn’t he attack me? Severus thought. Better yet why had he DEFENDED him? Severus looked at Potter's friends hurry after him, Lupin having to drag the mutt who looked like he wanted to murder Severus. The boy shook his head, getting rid of the weirdness there and turned to his friend. Evan gave a frustrated squeal “I am going to kill that prick!!” He oinked and huffed.
“We should get you to Pomfrey first. Severus, you should go ahead. I’ll be there after Pomfrey looks at him. save me some.” Regulus said, pulling a disgruntled Evan to the medical wing. Severus watched them leave for a moment before heading to the Great Hall.
However eating was the last thing on his mind as he sat down at his table. It was more occupied by Potter's odd behavior. The prick had the nerve to protect him after the stunt he pulled last year. He had lost Lily because of that. The thought still made him feel nauseous. He never should have called her that. He was so angry and overwhelmed. It doesn’t make it better. He just… He can only say he wasn’t thinking right. So why after all that was Potter acting like he suddenly had a conscious. That man was vile. He only wanted to manipulate Severus somehow. Ugh this is pissing me off. Severus stood from the table and walked around to the Gryffindor. He felt their eyes on him as he walked up to Potter, his hand shaking at his side. He clenched it tight as he approached. “Potter,” He said, his voice coming out more timid than he meant for it to.
James looked up at Snape, his brows furrowing as he faced him. He looked slightly nervous as he seemed to search for what he wanted to say. “Spit it out, will you Snivillous.” Sirius snapped at him. It seemed to do the trick. “Come with me.” He turned and walked away from them. Just trusting he would follow. James looked at his friends “Stay here. I can handle this.” He reassures me as he gets up. He Follows after Snape hearing Peter call after him “Use Betty if you need to!” This made James smile a little.
Sverus stood outside the door pacing a little as. He stopped when the doors opened and Potter stepped out. He had no idea where he was going with this. What would he even ask him? Just be straight forward Severus. You will never get what you want otherwise. Potter stopped a few feet from him and put his hands in his pockets. He didn’t have his typical arrogant smirk or stance. He held himself up straight. Unnaturally straight. His body was stiff and still he looked like a statue. Unmoving, unbreathing, nonexistent to this world. Severus felt like he could reach out and touch him only to feel cold stone.
“Did you need something Snape? Or did you just want to stare at me alone?” He asked. They both seemed shocked by the subtle flirting from the young Gryffindor. He didn’t try to recover himself almost to mortified to speak,
“Uhm.. I was just… Why did you defend me from Black?” He wanted to ask more but kept it simple. He was scared of the answers.
James had zero answer to that question. His mind drew a complete blank as to what to say. He had to lie “I have a massive crush on you.” He blurted out
“...”
“...”
“What?”
