this is all-consuming. someone put me down.
anywho, i wish drift would just snap already. like properly call aj out—because aj has NOT been real with her and drift has opened her arms countless times, and so aj walks up to her and leans towards her without touching, calls her pretty and tells her she'll try to be real, and drift is enough of a fool to think that the proximity counts as an embrace.
drift has begged for aj to be HONEST, and aj has slithered her way out of each conversation.
i know why—at least, i think i understand. aj is afraid that if drift sees the real her, drift will turn away. so aj puts on the front, lets it sit, leans into the insanity when she thinks it gives her control, and it only gets her feet stuck in the mud. they're both in fucking limbo and they felt the warmth of the other and thought they were moving forward, but they knew nothing around them was changing. and now aj's uprooted herself and trying to run, thinking that's what she wants.
it's like she's got the drift's earth on her skin, is itching at it like that'll make it go away, but it sinks deeper, smears, and leaves red marks and rashes from her damn nails.
it's like drift watches her go and stays sat in the mud, cries and begs for the earth to help her manifest and grow a shriveled, blackened rose. ignoring the decay that blends with the earth.
i'm going to put them in that jail cell and make them TALK to each other istg
guys this is all that's on my mind someone save me. i can't focus on my pre-semester work anymore. i need to slaughter the fixation