Something I thought about Morimen Keeper. How they seem to wake up as other people in the past. Becoming them. Having their memories. Their Emotion. Considering who they are, those people and them might be the same being. The same Butterflies that were dreamed into existence. Past, present and future blurring for the dreaming butterfly. What comes first? The keeper of the present that dreams into the past? Or the past that already happened?
One instance was, Keeper dreaming as Tulu's crown. The one that connects him to power.
So. My thoughts are about this are, well, Morimens Arc One spoilers ahoy, but-
This fluidity is a hundred percent due to the Keeper being a fragment of a dreaming god dropping into the actual dream of that same god.
When you get down to it, what really is the difference between the 'reality' of Kadath and the 'reality' of a dream in Kadath? On our dumb god's scale, it's the same. A dream within dream if a difference has to be noted at all.
The Keeper remembers things erased by the Dissolution for the same reason, because Dissolution is caused by God looking too closely at the dream and noticing that things aren't 'quite' to the scale of the reality it's more familiar with.
Like when you try to read a book in a dream and you realize that hey, the words are gibberish? Same deal.
BUT it flips around the Keeper being able to make those erased memories more real IN THE DREAM OF KADATH because well, the Keeper IS the Dreamer of Kadath.
If you really want a mind twist, consider this: what if the memories we see in dreams and flashbacks of Awakeners don't exist until the Keeper dreams them up/'witnesses' them.
"But what about how the Awakeners have backstory before we do a Psyche Dive-" Look. You can have characters in dreams act a certain way and do certain things WITHOUT ever knowing what their apparent backstory is.
A dream isn't the same as a book or movie or video game, after all.
Content: Platonic Relationship, Mourning/Grief, implied ships if you squint
Word count: 1649
Rating: General
Notes: IF YOU AREN'T PLAYING MORIMENS PLEASE GO PLAY IT I BEG I'M ON MY KNEES WAAAAAAAAAAAH anyway ch7 spoiler + tulu sidestory spoilers
Also you should go read the other fanfic I rebloged right before this 'cause it's very good, 11/10
It's about a week after the investigation in Remouahe that Tulu realizes something is wrong… and not just the general issues Awakers had experienced thanks to the Mother Tree. The little God King spends most of his days asleep, but in his few moments of lucidity he has found that he can be oddly perceptive, or so the people of Mythag have said
Given that he catches onto the small changes in the Keeper’s demeanour he's tempted to begrudgingly agree.
It's when he catches them in the periphery of his gaze, playing with the younger Awakers, and realizes that their smile is not as bright. It's in the subtle way their shoulders slump as they speak to Professor Doll and Ramona. It's in the way their eyes miss that mischievous glint as they invite him to hide from Miryam and the aforementioned Professor. He can't quite put the finger on how or why he knows, but he knows they're going through the motions, pretending they're normal.
The distinct feeling that something's wrong plagues him even in his dreams. He searches for an answer that the Eldritch whispers refuse to offer him, or maybe it's an answer even They do not have. When he next awakens Tulu’s uncharacteristically groggy, he wonders if this is that brain fog the Keeper complains about as they hunt for coffee in the cafeteria. This is not his bed, but it's warm and inviting. He wills the Aequor tentacles to lift the blanket, letting an accursed cold breeze into his warm fort. Ah… this was the Keeper’s room, they began allowing him to sleep there when he wanted to hide from that annoying woman and her sermons.
The sound of scribbling draws his attention across the room, there the Keeper sits at their desk hunched over some papers, homework or reports Tulu guesses. The tentacles that usually carry him around rustle the blankets and the sound alerts the Keeper. They turn to him with a smile, that smile that they always greet him with except it feels… off…
“Morning, Tulu~” It's afternoon, the clock on their desk tells him. Their voice is sweet in that sing songy tone, almost disgustingly so, it's forced he can tell. The lighting in the room is also dim, he realizes, the windows the only light source in the room, doing homework like that must've been taxing on their eyes. And still despite the dim lighting the Awaker can tell just how pale they are and… are their eyes swollen?
“Keeper, have you been crying?” The air instantly leaves his lungs as soon as the words slip out. Tulu can't fathom what possessed him to ask something like that, but he knows he's in no position that would give him the right to ask.
He cannot find the words to describe their expression. Despair? Surprise? Desperation? Resignation? He can't quite pinpoint it.
“Is it that obvious?” They drag a hand down their face as they sigh, the exhaustion now apparent.
“It is not.” Tulu answers, a bit too rigid. He was fairly sure of the answer at least, had the others caught wind of the Keeper's status there would be no end to their fussing and worrying.
“That's…” They pause, while reclining as far as their chair allows them, staring at the ceiling. “... good, yeah.. that's good.” Another sigh, they look to the side, gazing outside the window at the sky filled with grey clouds. The weather had never been spectacular, but as of late it somehow managed to be even grey-er than usual.
The silence that settles in the small dorm room is suffocating. Tulu hates it, Mythag's Keeper is not like that. Peculiar, nosy at times and even childish, yes, but not like this and it irks him that he does not understand why. Sometimes the knowledge bestowed upon him could be so limited.
“I liked him, you know…” Their voice is barely above a whisper. “... never told him, never probably would've either, but I did.” A bitter chuckle, almost mocking themselves. Tulu pieces things together to an extent. He remembers whispers of a funeral after the operation in Remouahe.
In his many years in Mythag's employ he’s learned that death was painfully common, but funerals were not. Usually Dissolution did not leave people with memories that would allow them to prepare something like that for the departed l, clearly this situation was different.
He doesn't remember the departed’s name, he's never had much interest in Mythag’s staff, but he wishes he remembered since the person seemed important to the Keeper. Wait… why does he care that they mattered to the Keeper?
The little King’s train of thoughts is interrupted by a Thud! When he checks he realizes it was the sound of Keeper's forehead colliding with their desk, and by the sound it must've been rather painful.
“Why didn't you, Keeper?” He dislikes the silence so he asks the first question that comes to mind.
There's a red mark on their forehead when they turn their head to look at him. “There was never the right opportunity. Our work doesn't exactly leave space for that. To begin with, being burdened by such emotions would only make our work harder.” They sigh. “And should the emotions not be reciprocated it would only make further interactions awkward and again that would get in the way of our work.” Excuses, upon excuses to ease the pain.
“Who am I kidding, I'm just a coward.” Their voice is quieter, barely above a whisper. “Who could like such a lazy coward like me…”
Several faces come to Tulu's mind in response to that, faces he can't quite put a name to but faces he knows would disagree. The child from his bloodline thrust into that cruel role by Miryam, that battle thirsty golem, the crimson lady and her maid and even the skull merchant seemed oddly fond of their Keeper… Of course, that’s without even mentioning the Keeper’s very own partner, Ramona, who either stopped trying to hide her affections or was merely very poor at it. But Tulu knows there’s no use in refuting the Keeper’s words with examples, they’re very clearly not looking for a logical answer.
“Tulu, may I ask you something?” The little King is instantly on edge from those words, Aequor limbs on alert. They’d never asked anything of him. Never. Not even once. He’d even offered to grant them knowledge, as a boon, a kindness from his magnanimous self, yet they always refuse. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t find it a bit annoying. So of course this was a golden opportunity! Not because he really really wanted to show how knowledgeable and trustworthy he was and maybe get praised for it, nope! Not at all… fine maybe a bit. Nonetheless this was still important, he wondered what they could ask, given their current worries he could wager some guesses, but whatever it was he was sure he would have the answer. He was after all the great God King of Lemuria, a veritable chosen one of course he-
“How did you cope with Noah’s death?”
That was probably what drowning was like. Gasping for air, reaching for a ray of light that cannot reach in the depths of the abyss, thoughts spiraling trying to find an answer.
He had none.
Their question was not intended for the God King of Lemuria… but for the child thrust into that position, wholly unprepared, and forced to watch his friends die to a needless sacrifice. The child who lost his final friend and could not even mourn him, for his position demanded his position somewhere else.
Just like the Keeper standing before him.
“I… I-” He recalls the scene, Noah’s wife hunched over his body, crumbling in despair over the one she loved. He remembers his attendants ushering him away… mountains about mountains of documents… and then nothing.
By the time he next awoke Noah’s funeral had long since passed.
He… he never got to mourn his friend. The realisation stings. He never really got to mourn any of his friends. Tulu has no answer for them.
When he looks at the Keeper their head rests on the back of the chair, gazing outside. The sky is grey as the skies around Mythag often are.”That was cruel of me, I apologise for asking, Tulu.” Their voice trembles a bit, he wonders if they’re crying. He wonders if they think he’s crying.
“Anyway!” The sound of screeching wheels on the carpet, how did they even manage to produce that sound, wakes Tulu from his melancholy. By the time the Aequor sovereign can register their movements the Secret Keeper is stood in front of him, hands on their hips and a clearly forced smile, now that he knows what to look for it’s so painfully obvious. “How about a trip to that mattress store that really loves our Tulu?” They ask in too gleeful a voice with that cheeky smile Tulu would usually chastise them for.
You don’t have to… Don’t have to what? Force yourself to look so happy… go out when all you want to do is sit inside and rot in your guilt… pretend it’s all fine… I don’t have time to mourn. Tulu can’t tell if the voice that echoes in the back of his head is theirs or his own, the distorted noise replays every time he considers asking them to not force themselves. “Sure.” He acquiesces.
“Perfect!” Their smile is pulled taut, strained, eyes closed because they know it wouldn’t reach. He can only follow quietly, letting himself be pulled by the Keeper. “Do you think they’ll give me a free pillow for bringing their favourite tester? Maybe one of those goose down ones.”
Their trip is filled with disjointed ramblings, questions Tulu answers for the sake of filling the silence.
