"People who have been through half the shit you have are already crumbled under it. Now to me if you can still smile like that, you are strong. You are good enough."
unprompted // always accepting
unsure what brought this on, brows twist both in thought and concern. while she wouldn’t admit out loud that she’s been through a lot – way too much for a girl her age, she knows it to be TRUE. no one, absolutely no one should’ve gone through what she’s been through – the fall of beacon, team rwby splitting up because of it, what happened to yang, the whole brunswick farms ordeal, ozpin, and then the leviathan… it doesn’t help that her life and the lives of the people she’s cared for have always been jeopardized leading up until now.
it always felt as if there was never a second to breathe or room to relax. it was tiring and just thinking about it was exhausting. and unfortunately, ruby can’t find it in herself to relax because… who knows what might happen if she did. even now, here, she can’t help but pace around her room, the island pondering over the minute details – how if she was stronger or smarter or faster, then she would’ve been able to defeat the necessary evils. that if she was all of those things and more, she would’ve been able to save the people she’s lost, and everyone from the heartache and pain.
and though she knows there’s no way to go back and change everything, the thoughts linger, infest her mind with doubts and fears – fear of losing, fear of failure. she can’t allow herself to become stagnant and let these thoughts overwhelm her. she knows this and she tries despite the constant struggle. she knows it and she tries too keep her eyes forward, if not for herself, for the people they had yet to lose. because everything that’s happened shouldn’t have to have happened in vain.
no life, no sacrifice is futile.
and she’ll KEEP telling herself that, use it as FUEL to propel herself forward. because her teammates are suffering just as much, if not more than she is. and as their leader, no matter how tough it got, she had to act like a beacon of hope. or at least that’s what she tells herself. whether or not it’s effective, she’s… not sure. weiss, blake, yang… they’re all here but… with blood soaked hands and pasts they rather not bring up, pretending like nothing happened, trying to return to a life of bliss and innocence is…. impossible.
she knows that and… her heart clenches every time she thinks about it. was it really enough to smile through it all? to put on a farce to temporarily soothe the pain?
he says she’s strong, that she’s good enough, but is she really? when she can’t even bring happiness to the people she cares so much about? when her efforts only temporarily ease their minds? was it truly enough?
but she’s still standing here, willing to continue to move forward. she knows nothing she does will erase all the suffering but she wants to be there for them, no matter what. and maybe he thinks that resolve to help others was enough… and she hopes so because otherwise, she had nothing else.
❛ i… ❜ palms grow sweaty and she attempts to put her thoughts into words. ❛ i’ve always wanted to be one of the heroes from stories. you know, the ones that always conquer evil and bring hope and joy to everyone? and i still want to be that but… the more i learn about my world and how some things are just… bigger than any of us ever imagined, i question if it really is as rewarding as the books make it seem. every struggle and obstacle we go through only proves to me that it’s NOT easy and it’s not a linear storyline. i’m… i’m aware of that now. – and i know i can’t keep going thinking the path of a huntress is easy because it’s not. so for you to say that i’m strong and that i’m… good enough, i WANT to believe you. but i think… i think i have so much more to do, so much room to grow until i can tell that to myself… ❜
