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Backs Against Each Others'

Who: Landon & Teddy When: Spring 2019 Where: London Description: An addition to the Future Task from a few weeks ago that neither of us have done yet. Teddy and Landon meet again after years of estrangement.

Landon fiddled around with the buttons and dials on the side of the camera, trying to focus in on Dianne. The clicking of her heel on the stone walkway was really grating on his nerves and he was seconds away from just letting her go out of focus if it would stop the impatient clacking. Seconds later though she finally stopped and Landon let out a sigh of relief, glancing up and making a mental note to thank his friend and coworker, Amber, for tearing her away to a different part of the horribly mangled building. To be honest, he was kind of surprised they let them inside at all, what with the way the building looked. There were rafters hanging down and the floor was still a bit wet from the flood, some spaces had already given way into the basement. The contractors had declared their area relatively safe though, so he wasn't too worried. The bright yellow hat they'd given him was another thing and he definitely wasn't looking forward to restyling his hair after they were finished. Especially since he had another stupid blind date to go on-- maybe he didn't owe Amber anything after all. The people he was always set up with never seemed to measure up to whatever it was he was looking for anyway. He bit his lip and dug around in the bag he'd sat down next to him for the bit of white printer paper he needed to adjust the coloring. It took him a minute but he pulled it out triumphantly and set it in front of the camera, starting to check the white balance. He fiddled with a few more nobs here and there and then pulled the paper back, glad he was finally finished setting up, when he caught sight of who had just walked in through the camera lense. His chest constricted nervously and his palms seemed to get wet and sweaty almost instantly; Landon bit his lip harder and stood up. What was he doing here? Last he'd heard Teddy was in the states, but that was a while ago. He never had the courage to bring it up whenever he got the odd call from Nate or anyone else they'd gone to school with. He tugged at the bottom of his tacky, bright red Manchester United shirt and tried his very best to not run out the door and leave both Dianne and Amber to struggle with the camera themselves.

Teddy shifted the hardhat that sat precariously on his, trying to find a way to tighten it. He let out a laugh in victory as he found and adjusted the dial at the back, tightening the fit and making two of the safety workers jump at his sudden outburst. He shot them some hurried apologies before speed-walking away to the entrance of the ruined building. It was beautiful once, he had seen pictures, and even now it had a look to it that Teddy couldn't tear his eyes away from. He clicked a few photos with his camera before he slipped into the historical site. The image inside was just as heartbreaking as the one outside. The water damaged beams stood exposed amongst debris that must have broken during the storm that hit a few days prior, one wall beginning to collapse completely. Teddy had just gotten into the city as the storm began, and after hearing the weather warnings, he knew there'd be a story for him soon. He was happy to be back in England, it had been years since he'd come to visit. There were a lot of memories in London and from Monarch that he didn't want to relive, but after four and half years, he decided to apply for a position at the London Times. Lucky for him, the storm hit right after they hired him. He scanned the building and saw some sort of film crew was setting up and he rolled his eyes; the people bustling about would definitely interfere with any photos he'd want to take. He was about to turn around to leave, maybe wander around outside while he waited for them to finish up when he caught sight of the man standing behind the camera in a bright red shirt. His heart jumped into his throat as he realized who it was and he wiped his hands against his dress pants before turning to look at the floor. What was Landon doing here? He had no idea he was still in the city, granted he hadn't heard from or about him in a few years, he had expected him to have moved to Hollywood or something by now. He gulped down the anxiety that began to build and glanced back up to see Landon was fiddling with the camera. This was his chance; he could leave now and hope that he hadn't been seen.

Landon could only stare across the room at the other man, blinking owlishly as he wondered what sort of horrible thing he'd done to have caused this. Of course, there was a small part of him that really just wanted to jump at the chance to talk to Teddy again but that part was being out-shined by the larger, louder part of him that really just wanted to go home and curl up in bed for a while until he was sure he could convincingly pretend he had never seen him at all. Landon ducked his head back down, practically all but shoving it into his bag, as he pretended to look for something, weighing his options. He could fake a stomach bug and leave, but he would have to pass Teddy on the way out if he left now. He could wait until he went off into a different area, but then they might already be filming and it would take too long to get someone else down here and that would probably get Landon fired, or at the very least reprimanded. His heart thumped a bit in his chest and he wondered for a moment if it would be so bad to just go over and talk to him. They had gotten on well enough at one point, more than well enough if he were being honest. Landon stopped biting on his lip when he started to taste blood and straightened up. He pretended not to notice Teddy as he uncapped his water bottle and took a sip, making a decision to stay and just act like he hadn't recognized that the first person he'd ever truly been in love with had just walked into the room. No big deal, really.

Teddy looked down at his notepad and back up at the room before him. It was already almost noon and he only had a permit to be here for today, he couldn't waste time avoiding someone he barely knew anymore. Maybe Landon did't even recognize or remember him. Let's go with that. Teddy straightened up and did his best impression of a casual demeanor as he walked along the perimeter of the room, taking notes. As he walked, he couldn't help but glance back at Landon, bent over his bag looking for something. He styled his hair different from what he remembered, and it looked like a lighter shade of brown too from what little he could see, poking out from underneath the hardhat. The past few years have been good to Landon, or so it seemed. He looked different than he used to, he must be different, Teddy thought, trying to remind himself that so many things have changed. They're not the same people they were back in high school anymore. Teddy had been sure he'd moved on a long time ago, but dating never seemed to work out for him. Now, after seeing Landon again, all the feelings he remembered having came rushing back like a tidal wave. There was a sudden pain in Teddy's leg and he cried out briefly, leaning back to see he had walked into a wooden bench. He covered his mouth and hoped he wasn't as red as he felt.

Landon fussed around with a few more things on the camera before moving his bag and taking a seat and another sip of water. He tried his best to act casual, but he couldn't seem to stop staring at Teddy. He wondered for a moment if maybe all the feelings he definitely didn't still have were all for somebody else. This person in front of him could be a completely different person by now. He frowned and looked down at his lap just as Amber popped back up next to him, "I didn't know you had a thing for the dorky, cute journalist type." Landon looked over at her and gave her a bit of a dirty look but didn't say anything on the subject, "Are we ready to start filming or is Dianne still powdering her nose," he asked, a bit annoyed. Amber pursed her lips and shrugged, noncommittally, "I suppose I'll just take some b-roll then." He then set about ignoring both her and Teddy as he started filming, getting a nice sweep of the area before settling on Teddy. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wondering if the other man had missed him in the past few years that they'd grown apart as much as he'd missed Teddy. It hadn't been all that long since they'd been goofing off in the dorms at Monarch, but then again it felt like an entire lifetime ago and, well, they hadn't ended on the best of terms. He really hoped Teddy had forgotten about him calling Teddy a self-centered wanker because he really hadn't meant it at all.

Teddy looked up and saw Landon talking to a young woman who looked like she was part of the crew and breathed a sigh of relief since it seemed like no one saw him hurt himself. He meandered around the place aimlessly, looking at windows and walls and scribbling notes he probably wouldn't even end up using anyway. With the camera hanging around his neck, long strap looped around his shoulder so it sat against his hip when he was wasn’t using it, he snapped a few more pictures before he gave in and looked back at Landon poised behind his film camera. He sighed unintentionally, the sadness he felt for giving up on them scratching at his insides and he turned away before he let his thoughts get away from him. There was a small part of him that wanted to talk to Landon, see how he was doing. An even smaller part still wanted to know if Landon still cared about him, but he quickly stamped it out. Thinking things like that wouldn't get him anywhere good. The best he could do was keep going about his own business and see if Landon even noticed him. It would work.

Landon frowned, watching Teddy through his camera as he moved about the building taking notes and snapping photos. He sighed softly, though it was cut short when Teddy looked straight at him. He pointed the camera in a different direction and hoped Teddy hadn't noticed him looking his way. Landon's frown deepened and he wondered what he would say if he were to go over there and try and talk to him. Whatever it was he was sure he would regret it later so he stayed silent, setting his camera down and made a bit of a snap decision. Walking over to where Teddy was scribbling into his notebook, he leaned against the wall and stared pointedly at Teddy. While he waited for the other man to acknowledge his presence he crossed his arms, trying to hide how they were shaking, and took a deep breath. This was probably a very bad idea. He could get fired if this ended badly, possibly still fired if it ended well since he was technically supposed to be working at the moment. Landon cleared his throat awkwardly and looked down at his feet, unsure of what to say or even how to begin a sentence though he'd played this scenario over in his head a million times. Yes, Landon had a well worded, thought out speech that he'd been crafting for the past four and half or so years but all of that was out the window now because he couldn't even seem to look at the man that broke his heart, let alone speak to him.

Teddy was writing something that sounded profound about the walls when he heard someone clear his throat. He stiffened immediately before turning around slowly. Shit. His grip on his notebook tightened, seeing Landon standing there with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his face only made Teddy's heart sink further. He knew they ended on pretty terrible terms -heck, they hadn't spoken in years- but he wasn't expecting Landon to just walk up to him like this, arms crossed and probably about to ask him to leave the premises. He didn't know what he had been expecting… maybe a picture perfect scene where they ran into each other's arms as if nothing bad ever came between them. Or at least that's what he hoped things would be like if he ever saw him again. But now that he was standing here in front of Landon, the realization that life didn't work that way drilled into him painfully, so he tried for something casual. "Hi," it came out a little shaky, but at least it wasn't unnaturally high-pitched. He gave a weak awkward smile. That's what you're supposed to do, right?

Landon bit his lip. This had been a bad idea. Now that he was over here he had no idea why. He should have just ignored him. Yeah, that definitely would have been a better plan. This was ridiculous. What was he thinking would happen? It was very unlikely they would have the big reunion he practically planned out word for word and it didn't seem like he would be able to find his voice for the well thought out speech he'd been planning since the day they'd last spoken. No, this was definitely a bad idea and the horrifyingly bad feeling he got in his gut only got worse when Teddy turned to look at him, the faint laughter lines of his face a little deeper than he'd remembered, and managed a shaky greeting and a smile. Well, at least he didn't look as upset at him as he'd been the last time they'd talked. Landon set his lip free of his teeth and replied, a little shyly if he were being honest, "Erm.. 'ello." He shifted on his feet a bit and crossed his arms, nervous as he waited for Teddy to say something else.

Teddy stared at Landon's face, the angles sharper than he remembered and the creases at the corners of his eyes more noticeable now. Teddy could hear his heart thumping in his ears as he racked his brain for what to say but all he could think about was what they were like back at Monarch, when all they had to worry about was homework and when they'd see each other next. They had a great two years before they split up, to be honest, the best ones Teddy ever had on the love life front... then he had to go and ruin it by suggesting they take a break. Teddy gulped down the lump in his throat, "Long time no see, eh? Uh... what've you been up too?" he asked in a tone he hoped was casual enough to hide the tenseness in his body.

Landon was trying to look everywhere but Teddy, knowing that if he caught his eye he wouldn't be able to hold it together anymore, "Yeah.. er, not much. I'm interning for the BBC News now.. not exactly what I wanted to do, but close enough.. and I'm uh, enrolled in the London Film School.. Nothing exciting.. what about you?" Landon asked, thinking about how awful he probably looked right now and had he’d known he would be seeing Teddy today he definitely wouldn't have worn the jeans with the rips in the knees and the horridly colored shirt that made him look pasty and this was all just wrong and not at all like he'd planned. Though he knew not everything went to plan and to be honest it felt really good to be around Teddy again anyway. Sure it was nerve racking and scary and he was definitely still angry and hurt at the other man, but he was also relieved to see that Teddy seemed happy and healthy which was really all he'd ever wanted for him in the first place, "You look... good."

Teddy glanced from the floor to Landon, seeing the casual rips in his jeans and the comfortable looking shirt he wore. It reminded Teddy of the soft sweaters he used to steal from the other, back in high school and he looked to the floor again, focusing on Landon's words before tears could start forming in his eyes. He nodded slightly, "That sounds really good, Landon," he said, looking up briefly, "It's good to hear you're at least doing what you love, still." He turned up to look at Landon completely with his compliment, feeling a spark of... hope maybe? burst to life in his chest. "You too," he said warmly, smiling weakly.

Landon nodded along as Teddy spoke, finally looking up and noticing the tears welling up in the corners of Teddy's eyes. Everything in him softened then and he couldn't help wanting to reach out and pull Teddy into a tight hug. He didn't though, not wanting to over-step the boundaries Teddy had so obviously set that night they split apart. That wasn't his place anymore and whoever Teddy might be dating now had the job of cuddling him when he was sad. Landon tightened back up then at the thought of Teddy with someone else. His face hardened and he replied tightly, "Thanks... what are you doing here then?"

Teddy raised an eyebrow, caught up in how Landon seemed to stiffen suddenly, almost missing the question, "Oh uh- I'm doing a piece for The Times, trying to get my foot in the door I guess you could say," he gave a hollow chuckle. He looked over Landon's shoulder and saw the other crew members still busy fidgeting with lighting and whatnot. Teddy didn't want to keep Landon from his work, but for now it seemed they didn't need him yet. He worried his bottom lip, mind flashing back to the night they last spoke in person, and before he could stop himself, words formed in his mouth, "Look, Landon, I know I said a lot of.. stuff back then and that I hurt you.." he trailed off, looking down at the floor with a vaguely shocked expression, surprised he was really saying all this, but he kept going, "I just want you to know that I'm really sorry and that I always cared about you." He looked up, the other man's figure blurred around the edges so he quickly wiped a sleeve across his eyes before the tears trailed down his face. He pressed his lips together, waiting for a response.

Landon shifted again and started fidgeting nervously, "That's.. interesting. It's good to hear you're still uh, doing what you love too." He answered, pretty much saying exactly the same thing Teddy had told him minutes ago. When Teddy looked off to the side, Landon's eyes followed and he watched the crew mess around with the lights and the camera a bit and frowned, irritated they were messing with his set but what Teddy was saying now seemed a bit more important than an internship he wasn't even being paid for. He listened quietly, feeling a bit bad that he was causing Teddy to get so upset but then he frowned and replied a bit angrily, "I get it, Teddy. You always cared about me.. and you're sorry but that's not going to fix-- Just.." He trailed off as Teddy stared crying and his frown grew softer, but also deepened, "Why are you crying?"

Teddy shook his head, "I'm not crying I just-" he breathed out sharply, steadying his nerves before looking up into those angry eyes that bore through him just like when he last saw them. He swallowed hard, "Yeah forget it. I shouldn't have said any of this, that was stupid of me," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You've got your life all figured out now, I shouldn't be bringing back things from your past." He waved at arm at the crew behind the other man and he sighed, defeated, "I'll just come and get what I need once you guys are wrapped up," he said, shoving his notepad and pen into his pocket.

Landon shook his head, "Hey.. no.. Teddy.. I.." Landon frowned, the words not making it out of his mouth like he'd wanted them to. He finally had Teddy in the same room as him, after all these years, and he was completely assing it all up, "Don't go.. You don't have to go." Now Landon was tearing up now and he reached out for Teddy, needing the physical contact and he hoped Teddy would allow it, "I'm sorry I-- I don't know what to say just don't go. You left last time and I've been missing you ever since-- I know you've probably like, moved on from me and everything but I would really love it if we could just.. talk. We don't have to now, whenever works for you, but I think we both said some things we regret and I'd really like to talk it out so I don't-- I'd just like some closure I guess."

Teddy looked at Landon's outstretched hand and a pang of hurt shot through his chest. He looked at Landon's eyes, brimming with tears then back down to his hand. He could barely wrap his head around what he was saying. Missing you ever since. Teddy looked up at him suddenly then, frankly shocked by the words, "Talk.. for closure.. oh," he said slowly, feeling his heart sink again, "I don't.. I don't know if I can do that, Landon, if you want to.. find closure." He happened across Landon by chance and if he was just going to lose him again, he couldn't drag it out with more talking if they would only part ways afterwards. He bit his bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

Landon curled his fingers back into his palm and slid his hand back into his pocket, taking a deep breath. This was all wrong. Being around Teddy shouldn't feel like this, "What the hell, Teddy? Seriously? It's been years and I just-- I just want to be able to move on too and you can't even help me do that? Even now I go out on dates and it's like nope, this person sucks because Teddy would have done this or that and it just.. this is just bullshit.." He finished angrily, frustrated as he tugged at the hem of his shirt, "You've got to be kidding me.. Maybe you should go then."

Teddy shook his head, feeling the frustration rise inside him to match Landon's. "What are you talking about? You think it's been any easier for me?" he asked with mild bewilderment, "I've dated two guys in the past four years, Landon, and both relationships were less than two months long. I've tried to move on - to forget you but I can't!" he said, loud enough for some of the crew to hear and turn towards them. Teddy merely glanced there way before turning to the floor in embarrassment.

Landon paused, a little confused. What was Teddy talking about? It was him that had suggested they break up, not Landon. Teddy was the reason they weren't together right now and even now Landon was sure if Teddy hadn't.. well, he didn't really know what had happened that made Teddy change his mind about their relationship but Landon had always thought it was one that would go the distance. He raised an eyebrow, confused as he ignored the few people around them that had turned to stare at Teddy's outburst, "What are you talking about?"

Teddy sighed tiredly, "I never stopped loving you, Landon," he said plainly, shaking his head. "Back at Monarch I.. I don't know, got worried that we'd drift apart with me going to Stanford," he said, eyes focused on the floor again. "And you just came out," he shrugged, continuing with his long-awaited explanation, "I wanted you to find out who you were as a person, not just who you were with me.. so I wanted to let you go." He pursed his lips, "I convinced myself it would be better that way," he finished, looking back up at the other man.

Landon frowned, not believing what he was hearing. He'd gone years thinking maybe he'd done something wrong. Sure, the other boy had said something similar at the time-- that they should take a break because he was going to Stanford and Landon had to stay in London and well, Landon had stopped really listening after the bit about taking a break so it was sort of fuzzy. He shook his head slightly as Teddy continued, running a hand down his face, "No.. you just.. You don't get it, do you? You didn't then and you still don't and Teddy I didn't want to find out who I am as a person without you. Did you ever think of that? Did you for one second think about how I would feel when you decided we needed to 'take a break'?" He asked, his voice rising a bit before he realized and toned it down, taking a breath, "The whole reason I came out was because of you. I'd had crushes in the past-- I'd liked boys before you, I knew I did.. but you were different and my sophomore year I did a hundred times more finding myself than I have since we split up.. You should have made it a discussion, Teddy."

Teddy rubbed his face and moaned, "I know! I know! God, don't you think I know??" There'd been so many times where he wished he could go back to Monarch and shake some sense to his younger self, "I was supposed to be the one who knew what was best because I was older. I wanted to do what was best for you and got so caught up in the idea of you being happy without me..." he trailed, "I just sort of.. lost it all. Lost you." He couldn't look at Landon right now, not after admitting to being so naive and stupid.

Landon sighed, "Yeah well, you didn't know. There is no happy without you and that's just all there is to it." He finished definitively, shaking his head and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand roughly. He glanced around the room and was relieved to find that not too many people seemed to be eavesdropping or had even noticed the tense conversation going on off to the side. The few he did notice though were given a bit of a glare and he was pleased to see they'd all shuffled off, embarrassed. The last thing they needed right now was an audience.

Teddy released a sigh of relief and a shaky chuckle before looking up at Landon. He wiped away the dampness on his face and managed to crack a lopsided grin. To think all these years when Teddy had thought they drifted farther than could be salvaged, when really both of them had only moved enough to turn their backs against each other in an attempt to forget the other. He never thought he'd feel so happy to fail at something. Teddy opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out, so instead he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Landon, pressing his face into his neck and muttered, "I never stopped loving you."

Landon returned the grin with a watery smile of his own and wrapped his arms tightly around Teddy when he went in for a hug. A sigh of relief escaped him and he tightened his hold, just a little scared that this was a dream or a trick or something because never in a million years had he ever expected this to happen and when Teddy whispered in his ear a few tears finally slid down his cheeks and plopped gently against Teddy's shoulder. He laughed a bit nervously and nodded, "Yeah.. I uh-- I never stopped loving you either." He relaxed into Teddy and felt all the years and years of tension just drain away. Yes, he was still hurt and upset and angry and yes, they still had plenty to talk about-- but right now Landon couldn't have been more content.

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