Sep 12, 2021
what if i was in love w him
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what if i was in love w him
A Few Small Wins
Well, I've successfully friend-zoned Mr. PHD. I replied to his text with, "Yeah I guess things just fizzled...I'd be happy to stay friends though if you like".
He seems OK with that - he replied that it'd be good to stay in touch and exchange some music knowledge.
That's fine. But it won't be any time soon. I really need this week to myself to concentrate on my fitness and restart my healthy diet. Plus, I'm going to be working ridiculous hours over the next few days. Main goal this week is to feel fabulous by Friday so that I'm super confident about my body for when the Irishman sees me. (5 days!)
On another note...
Winning feels like: Walking past your heinous ex with a guy like Hot Matt on your arm, to later confront the shitty, lingering old feelings toward said ex that had gone way past their use-by date. THEN, icing on cake moment is receiving a full apology from Hot Matt for acting like the dreg he was after flaking and sending inappropriate messages. OH YEAH! Officially feeling chuffed with myself!
No further word yet from Hot Matt. I replied to his apology with "no problem."
If he doesn't respond, who cares? But I'd like to play a little bit with him if I can. It would be the perfect kind of sequel to this whole series of events. I mean, when it comes to dating dregs, how often do you get to say that you came out on top?
Date #2 with Mr. PHD is scheduled!
Wednesday night: dinner (I’ll cook), wine and music at mine!
All I can think about is hearing that sexy accent again…
Warned the housemate, but he’s not going anywhere unfortunately. Nevermind…
Mr. PHD has been texting all yesterday and today. Seeming pretty keen so far, and not in an off-putting kind of way. Actually seems genuinely interested, and I also find him interesting...and hot...
Not sure if he’ll stay over - seems too much of a gentleman to go there too soon, though I got an essence of a cheeky message this evening when I was talking about my pilates class that I’m heading to tonight. On the end of his text he wrote, “So I assume you are very flexible, right? ;)” Yes, that’s a winky face on the end there! Hmm! I would love to know what was going through his mind…
Will he stay, or won’t he? Might be a later start at work on Thursday morning… Stay tuned…
Post-date Review - Mr. PHD
Ok, so admittedly I didn't have much time last night to do a proper mid-date update - as you can clearly see, the complete basics were all I could really manage.
I was running a little behind time on account of traffic. He'd gotten there first and asked if he could buy me a drink, which was considerate of him!
When I got there, it was majorly busy and I was looking around at everyone trying to see if I could spot him. It's a very hard thing to do when you've never actually met someone before and have only photos to guide you. Well I found him, initially his head was down as he was concentrating on writing a text message (directions for me to find him). I noticed there were two drinks at the bar (one was cider, which is what I had requested) so this must be him. He looked up when noticed a presence next to him. I took in everything at once, and realised that he's so much better than the pictures on his profile! Deep blue eyes, sexy 5 O'Clock stubble, slightly scruffy hair, muscular...*breath officially taken* Then he hugged me welcomingly without any hesitation. A proper hug, not a half-limp tap on the back, barely touching me.
I sat down, carefully, as I was conscious that the dress I was wearing was just a little bit shorter than what I would normally wear. We ended up talking in that one spot for a very long time. Our body language was pretty comfortable throughout. I was probably a little nervous/cautious at the beginning as I usually am, but then realised within the first hour, I was fully facing him and touching him on occasion.
Actually, I should probably point out a bit of a mistake in my previous brief about him - he's not European, he's Brazilian. But he'd lived in Europe for a few years, so that's where I'd gotten that from. He has the best accent! It's like this lovely little bow that goes on top of his rugged, charming and attractive package. Or the sprinkles on top of an ice cream that already has melted chocolate, chocolate flakes and cream on top.
Anyway, initially we really drilled deep into the noiances of online dating, both comparing similar 'face-palm' horror stories and having a laugh at all the awkward and outrageous moments we'd had to endure before now. It was good getting that out the way. Even got into a bit of a discussion about previous relationships.
My only faux par for the evening was when I was telling him about my art that I do as a hobby. I wanted to show him a picture of a piece that I had on my phone. I bent down from the bar stool, which was particularly high off the ground, to reach for my handbag. As I was doing this, I realised that my head was awkwardly close to his crotch (as he'd been facing me). In realising this, I quickly grabbed my bag and sat up, trying to make sure I didn't appear awkward in any way or that I'd realised what I'd done. I have no idea if anything was going through his mind. If anyone saw, I think that would've appeared odd from afar as well!
Then, he asked me 5 'probing' questions (he first asked if he could ask me probing questions - which I thought would be far more personal than what they actually were):
1. What's my stance on same-sex marriage?
2. What do I think about pro-choice?
3. What do I think about the legalisation of drugs?
4. What's the riskiest thing I have ever done?
5. What do I think about public displays of affection?
I won't bore you with my answers on the more political ones, but my answer to number 5 was along the lines of that I've never had a problem with displaying affection in public as couldn't care less what other people thought or would say. To that he said, "Good", leaned forward, and kissed me.
This make-out session went for quite a while. He wasn't a bad kisser - he got better from following my lead. I got the "you're a good kisser" compliment. We ended up changing venue at one point, started talking less and made-out more.
When we got up to leave the first place, I then came to realise just how tall he actually is. This guy is well over 6ft. He must be at least 6'5". In fact, I don't think I've actually been with anyone that tall before. It was definitely new territoy for me. He's not skinny-tall though by any means (you know, those bean-pole lanky tall guys that are skin and bones and unappealing). No, he's very muscly, but not beef-cake muscly. Thank you gyms, tennis and basketball!
I ended up with a bit of pash-rash by the end of the night. He'd pointed this out to me after walking me to my car. He even gave me his jumper as saw me shivering. A real gentleman - which really stands out as there's certainly not many of them amongst the pool of dregs out there.
This one is the epitome of a nice guy. Now I already feel as though I'm in a predicament as this whole experience has been so vastly different from other dates and other guys. I didn't actually get home until after midnight so we'd spent the entire evening together. As a comparison, my date with Hot Matt went only for about 2 hours in total, which was usually the norm for first dates it seemed.
However, with the Horny Electrician being back in full-swing contact again, and expecting that we'll be hooking up in June when he's in town, I'm not sure how that's going to run in nicely if I keep seeing this one - as I suspect that it's going to continue beyond this first date and maybe more during the next month.
I will play it out and see . For now, Horny Electrician can be my back up.
Date update
Not a dreg!
Date night with Mr. PHD
Well, we've finally set up a date. Tonight is just a cheeky drink at one of my favourite bars - turns out it's one of his as well! The 'good taste in venues' box has been ticked!
I'm about to get ready, and have found that the hot water tap in my shower isn't working. So somehow I have to wash my hair etc in the bath. Not a good start! But hopefully that means the date goes well.
We've continued talking over the last couple of days - all have been really interesting conversations, so I'm thinking the quality of conversation tonight should be good. One conversation involved us agreeing the perfect night = wine+cheese+music+movies+chocolate+sex.
Here's hoping he's still in the 'not a dreg' column after tonight! Stay tuned!
Mr. PHD
New guy in the wings... a 34 yr old PHD Student who plays tennis, football, basketball...you name it!
Bit of history with this one - we've both been on and off dating sites a number of times now. He'll get fed up and delete his profile, then I will do the same, but we always seem to find each other again (well, he finds me) and continue from where we left off. This has happened on about 3 occasions now. Never got up to meeting stage!
Forth time lucky...we're actually looking at setting something up! Saturday at this stage - just a quick coffee and chat to start with, if it eventuates. Possibility of going for a run together next time if all goes well. This one is a bit of a gentleman. Not a one-nighter type by any means. I don't know where I stand on this yet. It's been a month since I last got laid, and I'm getting to the point now where I'm needing a short fix of passion pretty soon! However he's really nice so I'm interested to see where things go.
June is still so far away, and the Horny Electrician has pulled away a bit lately (perhaps that's for the best, as he only really heightened my sexual frustration more than anything).
Anyway, Mr. PHD is European. I need to refresh on exactly where he's from, as we discussed that briefly months ago! We have the same music tastes (which, for me, is very rare to find) and seem to have a bit in common. So far, we've had some good, lengthy and intelligent chats. Going by his photos, he's quite attractive, very fit, and slightly scruffy (just the way I like 'em). Well traveled, mature...yes he's ticking a lot of the right boxes for me. So far my synopsis would be not very dreg-like, but will know more on Saturday!
The Unraveling of My Heart (Part 2)
For some reason, I texted Mr. PhD. I'd always had his numbers, but was never tempted to text him any other time. But one day I think I had to text him something or other and then he had my number back in his phone again. That was mistake number one. He loves texting. He will text me to death if it were possible.
Then we started talking on IM and Skype way too frequently. At first he would hit me up every now and then. I'd give my computer monitor the stink eye everytime a new chat window popped up with his name on it. I was trying to play nice on some, "oh I can forgive you, and I can act like this shit is totally normal now."
But it wasn't.
Over time, I just knew I was doing the wrong things. I began looking for him online. I began initiating IM and SMS conversations. Happy that he was talking to me. Because he actually likes me, I convinced myself.
And so this is where things get sticky. On the one hand, sure, I was dumb for my delusion that he possibly liked me again. I was holding out hope. On the other hand, this guy was putting on a full court press of flirtatious behavior. Mostly talking about sex, or saying flirty things about certain body parts of mine (draw your own conclusions here). Basically, he was the master sexter and everything in between.
And so silly me, I thought his flirts meant something.
The good thing was that he and I were in seperate cities for these months, so nothing could go down. Yet, before I returned I kept telling my friends I was worried about what would happen if we got in the same room alone. His flirting was that severe, I swear I thought I would not be able to keep his hands off of me.
Fastforward to my arrival and I invite him over to my house twice but it doesn't seem to happen. We don't live conveniently close to one another, so it didn't concern me. But I did think after the second failed attempt, I would not invite him over anymore. (To be clear, we had made plans to see a movie and order in prior to my return). If he wanted to come over, he would find a way. Right?
In the meantime I had bizarre interruptions of him telling me about some woman staying the night and annoying him to death. But that's another talk show.
The night came for an impromptu meetup at a bar by my house at 1 am. And we drank. And he walked me home. And while he sat on my couch intently trying to find something to watch on my TV, my drunken self sat thinking about what to do here. I thought to myself, self, he likes me. And he's looking all good over there. And he wouldn't come here if he didn't know the deal. So. Test the waters.
And testing I did.