This weekend I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I started thinking “hmm, it’s probably about time for me to read the books!” Because when I was a kid and had first watched the movies, I was put off from reading the books because I was told they were very long. But that wouldn’t put me off now. And I might as well become acquainted with Tolkien, because I’ve never read any of his works…
…oh, wait. I have, actually. I’ve read one book of his, and it’s on my shelf.
Mr. Bliss (by J.R.R. Tolkien)
In case you’re not familiar with this book (and I doubt many would be, since I don’t think it’s been in print for a while? But I could be wrong about that), this is a children’s picture book. I found it in my grandmother’s vast and sometimes unusual collection. It tells the story of a man named- you guessed it- Mr. Bliss, and- at least to me- it is so funny.
Mr. Bliss lives in a very nice house, whose main hall is studded with hat racks for all the various top hats he owns. He also has a pet Girabbit who lives in the garden (and who is probably the most memorable part of the story).
One day, Mr. Bliss decides on a whim to buy a motor car, and takes his bike (which has no pedals, because Mr. Bliss only rides it downhill) to the motor shop. He selects a yellow car, and drives off to fetch his purse in order to pay for it (leaving his bike behind as collateral).
However, he’s only on the road for about five seconds before deciding, again on a whim, to visit some friends. The trip to their house isn’t easy. On the way, Mr. Bliss runs over both a cabbage seller and a banana seller (and her donkey), both of whom decide to hitch a ride with him. Just when it looks like it can’t get worse, the path leads into the woods and the bears come out.
The bears take what remains of the cabbages and bananas in exchange for sparing the lives of Mr. Bliss, Mr. Day, and Mrs. Knight (though they’re almost certainly all bark and no bite when it comes to threats), and they decide just for the hell of it tag along on Mr. Bliss’s trip. So now the motor car is piled high with Mr. Bliss, Mr. Day, Mrs. Knight, and the three bears (and a donkey, who they tie behind the vehicle). This makes it difficult for Mr. Bliss to put on the brakes, and so by the time they reach the home of the Dorkinses, they give them a rude awakening.
After resolving this kerfuffle, the Dorkinses- just to be polite- asks their unexpected guests to stay for lunch. Mr. Bliss- not realizing they were just being polite- accepts. Which leads to the bears slipping away during the picnic to munch on the Dorkinses’ vegetables from their garden. As soon as they’re discovered, they run off, leaving the following as their parting words:
“Never mind! We have got lots of cabbages AND bananas at home!”
Mr. Day is incensed. “MY cabbages!” Mrs. Knight is aghast. “MY bananas!” The Dorkinses are angry, too. And so they force Mr. Bliss to set off on a search for the bears… And there’s a LOT more to the story, but I’m not going to spoil it.
I really can’t stress how zany and delightful this book is. Here are some of my favorite lines from it:
“When they came back the bears said: ‘Now we want a motor-ride!’
“‘But I am going to see the Dorkinses,’ said Mr. Bliss, ‘and you don’t know them.’
“‘But we could know them,’ said Archie.”
“They were fat people, but one of them was specially fat; and he was known as the Fat Dorkins.”
“‘No!” said Mr. Bliss. I am not going to chase bears. I would rather let them eat bananas than me.’
“‘That’s because they ain’t your bananas,’ said Mrs. Knight. And they pushed Mr. B towards the gate.
“‘I can’t see if my hat is black or green,” [Mr. Bliss] said.
“‘I know your face is white without looking,’ said Mrs. K., who was only just in front. ‘You come along with the rest!’”
“‘Anything we can do for you?’ said [the bears].
“‘No THANK you!’ said [Mr. Bliss]. ‘Well— yes, that is not unless you can help me to get my Girabbit out of the house?’
“‘Certainly!’ they said. ‘Delighted— but NOT for nothing!’
“‘Certainly not,’ said he, ‘I will remember you.’
“‘You will,’ said Archie. ‘I shall send in a bill.’”
So, yeah. If you can get your hands on a copy of Mr. Bliss, I HIGHLY recommend it. Specifically if you can get the first edition released in the 80’s, which sets each typed page side by side with Tolkien’s own handwritten pages (with illustrations by him, too). It’s truly one of my favorite stories, even if it was written for children. Which makes me wonder just how good his writing for adults must be, then. (Speaking of which, there are a couple side characters in Mr. Bliss with names that I recognized from LOTR. So that’s a fun little Easter egg for anyone familiar with that series, I’m sure.)
