Is the celebration promp thing or still open? I'd like 58 and/or 59 and/or 60 with Bucky... or Stucky. I know it's not in there but it's worth a try. 😋 and 😘 and 😎
My sweetheart, of course! Yours were the last request to be sent before the deadline!
58. “I’d die for you. Of course, I’d haunt you in the afterlife but really, it’s the thought that counts.”59. “Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I’ll never leave you again.”
Safe
Even with the conditioning broken, it’s a rough path back to some kind of normal, and sometimes Steve wonders if there even is a normal anymore. Normal is a strange concept. It is rations and art classes, dance halls and sickness. It is technology and conspiracies, a warfare he has had to struggle to wrap his head around. It is Bucky back in his life, but neither of them is who they once were.
It’s hard to imagine any kind of normal, any kind of regular life during the nights when Bucky wakes screaming on the floor, refusing both the bed and the couch. Sometimes, Steve will wake up in the middle of the night, torn from his own set of horrors, only for his heart to break when he spots Bucky curled up on the floor. His body shakes, the thin blanket clutched tightly in his fists, brow furrowed.
Tonight is rough for both of them. Steve’s pulled from crashing the Valkyrie, his back drenched in cold sweat, only to hear Bucky’s hoarse screams the next second. He’s out of his bed in seconds, wrapping himself around Bucky, quietly whispering his name into his ear to coax him out of his mind.
It goes as it always goes.
Disorientation. Disbelief. Disillusion.
“Где я? Кто ты?”
“Stevie, what- No, no, you’re not here, you’re dead- They told me-”
“Fuck, I shouldn’t be here. Steve, please, let me go, I’m not worth it.”
Tonight is rough on both of them, because Bucky can’t seem to pull himself out of it, wrenching away from Steve to restlessly pace, muttering to himself and eyeing the door with apprehension. Tonight is rough, because Steve is not sure if it would be better to hold Bucky tight and keep him here, or if he should let him run.
“Buck, please, I… If you want to leave, we can, I’ll come with you,” he pleads, still sitting on the floor where Bucky’s discarded blanket lies draped over his lap.
Bucky’s head snaps to focus his gaze on Steve. “Jesus Christ, Steve, you think I’d do that to you? You think I’d drag you down with me? Shit… Don’t you see? They broke me! They broke me and I can’t- You can’t come with me. You’ll end up dead, and you’re too important, you’re too-”
“Hey…” Slowly, Steve gets up, careful to let Bucky see every movement, give him time to react. “I’m not. I’m not important. I’m still the idiot getting beat up. You’re not a monster, Buck. I’d come with you. Hell, I’d die for you.” He can’t resist the dark chuckle that spills from him. “Of course, I’d haunt you in the afterlife but really, it’s the thought that counts.”
The pacing stops, Bucky’s body stilling and his gaze holding Steve’s in solemn contemplation, watching him approach.
“I don’t wanna go, punk. I really don’t, but this… I’m tired, Stevie. They say it’s over, but they don’t see this. Just because HYDRA can’t get me back in line doesn’t mean I’m not dangerous. I shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be among people, but damn it, I can’t leave you. I don’t want to lose you again.”
Steve smiles, lip quivering because why. Why did the world have to break the one good thing in his life, this beautiful man who was, is, will be his everything? Bucky’s breathing has calmed down, almost back to baseline of steady inhales and exhales when Steve winds his arm around Bucky’s neck, bringing him in close. If given a choice, this is what Steve would give up everything else for. If he had to pick a battle, a war, any old alley way fight to wrestle with the rest of his life, it would be this one; He’ll fight the world for Bucky, and he needs him to know it.
“What do you want, Bucky? Do you want to leave? It’s okay, you can, but I hope you know I’ll be following. And if you don’t want to, tell me. Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I’ll never leave you again.”
The way Bucky deflates against him should not bring him this much joy, but it does because Bucky’s finally letting go, the last of whatever nightmare claimed him relinquishing him back to Steve’s arms. He’s being hugged tight in return, his very body a reaffirmation of reality. When he finally speaks, his voice is muffled, lips moving against the crook of Steve’s neck.
“You know I’d never do that, Steve. I’d never leave you. Not again. Not ever.
“I know, Buck. C’mon, it’s still early. Let’s get back to bed.”
Bucky hesitates when Steve lets go of him, but Steve merely plucks a pillow from his bed before settling on the floor next to the spot that has been Bucky’s for months. It softens something in Bucky’s expression, tiredly joining him, sweeping the blanket over the both of them not so much for warmth but for the small sense of safety it provides. Together in that small enclosed paradise, he can relax, drift and know he’ll wake up still being himself.