#ms. peach

[istanbul-vvpppesc0rt]

Thor and Bran!

Bran:How is your health?

DOING AMAZING! I practically work out every day because I got no jobs no moes (idk if thats a good thing tbh). No more stress either! :D

Thor:Would you consider yourself pretty powerful?

Yea! Physically and mentally too! Currently starting to curl 35 pound dumbbells and eating a TON of protein and hopefully I’ll get to the point where I can lift 50 pound dumbbells with ease! Plus I got plenty of weapons I try to train with as well: Got me some claws, brass knuckles, 3 fighting sticks, a wooden katana, and some modern day/futuristic sword thingy with pointy ends haha~

Mentally too I feel powerful; I don’t really need help from people anymore (though I do appreciate the helping hands life and people offer from time to time!). I think I got rid of all the people that held me down in my life so now I have free reign over myself. It’s great!

[thosewhocan-teach]

It's been a while!

I have been avoiding blogging.  The task of summing up all that I am experiencing and feeling in one short post has seemed daunting.  It's hard to believe that I have been teaching for 6 weeks; they have flown by.  At times I have felt sure I am doing exactly what I am suposed to be doing.  I have felt the hope, possibility, and opportunity the next two years hold.  Other times, I have questioned that I am making any kind of difference.  I've questioned whether all of the work is worth it.  

The Best Parts:

1. The other TFA teachers at my school- There are 6 others and I am so thankful for them. I know a lot of teachers who are the only TFA teachers at their school and I think this could feel very isolating. It's so nice to have people who are feeling exactly the way I am.  Some of us have gotten pretty close and they are some of my best friends here.  We laugh together, complain about school stuff, and give each other feedback on everything from grade books to detentions.  I love them.

2. My students- They are starting to become my "babies" (a term I used to hate when teachers used...but now I'm starting to understand).  There are the few that always say "Hello Ms. Weaver!" when they see me, offer to help me in the classroom, and tell me how much they love class.  They are easy to love.  Then there are the ones who are unfocused, misbehaved, and at times disrespectful.  As much as I want to ring their necks at times, I truly do feel protective of and invested in my students. I love getting to know them outside of the classroom.  Yesterday I had a student serving detention and asked him why he never turns in homework.  He said that he works with his mom after school and after some careful probing, I came to learn that he cleans hotels with his mom after school until 10pm most nights.  Things like this remind me that my students are not just students, they are people with real lives and often very challenging situations.  I love them.

3. The mission- I am thankful to have a job with a purpose I believe so strongly in.  I go to work feeling like what I'm doing is important and worth it (most days).  I feel like I am making a difference (most days).  When I hear startling statistics- like the fact that 50% of our students do not graduate from high school- I am re-affirmed in the critical nature of my job.  If I don't educate my students in Social Studies, behavior, study skills, and even just life skills...who will?  I love it.

The Worst Parts:

1. Not having much of a life-I'm at school 12-13 hours a day five days a week and have gone to work in my trailer  every weekend since school started.  I know that this is not a sustainable work schedule (or is it?), but for right now, it's what I need to get everything done.  I hear that this is "normal" (in the sense that other TFA teachers are doing the same thing) in the beginning and that it will get better.  It is hard though to wake up super early, work all day, come home to get ready for the next day, repeat.  I wish I could spend more time exploring Atlanta, cooking, doing crafts, spending time with friends, etc....just having a life!  I miss having a life.

2. Being disrespected by students- I hate the talking back, the throwing away of the note sheets I worked so hard on creating, and the talking while I'm talking.  There is no way for me to articulate the frustration I feel with my students at times.  Many of them don't bring in homework...EVER.  They don't take the class seriously.  This is incredibly difficult when I am taking their education more seriously than anything else in my life!  

3. Being tired almost all of the time- Enough said.  Which is why I am ending this blog now and getting some rest!

Determined,

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

Game Day

24...The number of hours until I become a Social Studies teacher

150...The number of students I will have

34...The number of slides of my "First Day of Class" Powerpoint

9...The number of weeks of training I've had

22...The number of years I've been preparing for this

Tomorrow is the Big Day.  I have been dreaming about this day for weeks.  I have woken up every morning, heart racing, overwhelmed by all I have to do to get ready for  this day.  I have spent hours in my trailer (aka second home/castle/condo) preparing for this day.  I am terrified, excited, scared, and anxious....but I am ready.  I am ready to meet my students, who I have been told will quickly become my "babies."  I am ready to teach them all of my goals, rules, procedures, and expectations so that I can actually start implementing them.  Sometimes I feel like the waiting before any big race or performance is the worst part.  I'm ready to not have to wait anymore and just be "in it." I know that as soon as I start talking I will get into my element and be fine.  

The past week at my school has made everything feel very real. Although I certainly still feel supported by and representative of TFA, I feel like I've graduated from TFA and moved onto the real world of school districts, administrations, and politics.  Overall, my school is an incredibly energized, upbeat, and positive place to be.  I was worried other teachers would be skeptical of my competencies as a new teacher, not to mention a Corps Member, but I have not encountered this at all.  Not all, but some teachers have really made an effort to help me out and make me feel more comfortable, which I have appreciated so much.  I think the biggest frustration has been trying to navigate a new school without being given much direction and guidance.  I have had to figure out a lot of things on my own that I feel should have been communicated to me more directly. Being in a trailer has also been a challenge.  It is nice to have my own "space,"  but I sometimes feel isolated and forgotten about.  One thing I do love about my trailer is that I can come and go whenever I need to- even when the building is locked (this may be a bad thing though, since I'm a workaholic and never really get "kicked out" of work). I'm really happy with my classroom (pictures to come); it's colorful, fun, super organized, and in my opinion, a really nice place to be.  

After meeting a few of my students at Open House on Thursday, I am excited to get to know them as people.  Seeing students translate everything I said to their parents confirmed to me that the language barrier is definitely going to be a challenge this year.

As funny as it may sound, I think that my biggest fear about tomorrow is seeming too nice.  I know that the first day is critical in setting the tone of your classroom to your students.  It is not in my nature to be mean and stern, unless it is warranted by student behavior.  Since students haven't misbehaved yet, it is going to be hard for me to come off tough on the first day.  My roommate just told me she isn't smiling at all tomorrow. I just don't know if I can do that!  I think every teacher has their own style, and many different styles can be effective.  I'm afraid if I try to act more strict than I am, students will detect my inauthenticity.  My plan is to be firm, direct, and authoritative, while still being caring and supportive.  I want my students to leave my classroom tomorrow knowing that they are going to work harder than they ever have, but that I am going to support them in every way I can every step of the way.  Here we go!

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

A tap on the shoulder

"To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."  — Winston Churchill

A lot has happened since my last post!  With Institute and Round Zero both being over, I am now transitioning from "TFA world" to the real world of pubic education.  At the same time, now that our dorm days at Georgia Tech are over, I'm making the transition of establishing a life here in Atlanta.  In some ways this transition phase has been really positive and exciting; I really like my school district, I am so excited to get set up in my school, and I love my apartment and roommate.  Like anything else though, the transition into this new chapter also includes its challenges. I think one of the most difficult things is simply starting a new life in a big city.  Leaving Chapel Hill meant leaving a familiar environment and all of my favorite spots, leaving behind friends who knew me inside and out, and leaving a lifestyle where I knew how to be successful.  Coming to Atlanta means knowing nothing about my surroundings (I literally GPS everywhere I go), building new friendships (wait, how do you do that again?), and starting something I don't know for sure I will be successful at (but I really hope I am!).  I am trying to remind myself that this is exactly how I felt as a freshman at Carolina.  It took at least a full semester for me to really feel comfortable in the new environment of college and to establish some truly meaningful relationships.  Although I'm anxious to get to this "comfortable stage,"  I will patiently wait in the discomfort of constant GPSing, remembering how to make a new friend, and dreaming every night about coming unprepared to teach on the first day of school.

Today's Gwinnett County New Teacher Orientation was very inspiring and empowering.  I feel proud to work for the 14th largest district in the nation and am confident that between TFA, Gwinnett, and my school, I will have a LOT of support as a first year teacher.  The above Churchill quote was read at our Orientation and expresses exactly how I am feeling right now.  I love the subtleness of the analogy  "being tapped on the shoulder."  I certainly feel as though I've been called to join the fight in closing the achievement gap, to change lives, and to empower students, but there was never a neon sign with flashing lights saying, "GO TEACH!" I know I will wake up some days and wonder what the heck I've gotten myself into, but I don't think I will ever be able to deny the certainty I feel that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now.  

Patiently Uncomfortable,

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

WE SURVIVED INSTITUTE!!!

That is all. 

:)

[thosewhocan-teach]

Stars and Stripes

As I sit here in my Georgia Tech dorm room on this July 4th, I am 40% disappointed the rain is preventing me from enjoying firework festivities downtown, and 60% relieved I have a quiet night to prepare, plan, and relax before the last lesson I will give my eight graders tomorrow morning.  I guess I'm getting old.  

My eighth graders took their Post-Assessment on Friday.  This is an assessment created and given by TFA to measure student growth and teacher effectiveness in the classroom over the summer.  It is exactly the same as the Pre-assessment given to the students at the beginning of the summer and is perfectly aligned with the CRCT (state exam) the students will take which will determine whether or not they go to high school.  All of our students improved and our class average was nearly doubled, from mid-30s to mid-60s.  It was very encouraging and affirming to see this growth.  At the same however, it is not enough.  We can think of moving from mid-30s to mid-60s as "double" the level of mastery, but mid-60s is still not anywhere near mastery of a content area.  Not to mention, this is the second or third time students have taken this exact same test- EXACT same.  After the first time, they made corrections on all of their mistakes and we went over most of the questions as a class.  If I'm being honest, part of the reason behind the score increase was pure familiarization, perhaps even memorization of the questions and answers.  Additionally, TFA measures success not by class averages but by individual student growth, and rightfully so.  Without diving too deeply into the details, a student must meet his or her growth goal to make "significant gains."  This "goal" is one determined by TFA, and is quantified by a calculation involving the quartiles of students above and below that student's initial level.  Many of my students improved by 15-20+points, but did not make "significant gains."

All of this is to say that I both encouraged and disappointed by my students' success (directly a result of my teaching) this summer.  Looking at my students assessments, I see questions they missed that I KNOW they knew the answers to.  I TAUGHT you that! How could you miss it?!  I hope I have not failed them and that they will muster all of the skills, knowledge, and confidence I have taught them to pass that CRCT and become high schoolers next year.  I really, really do.  Really.

I love the 4th of July.  Despite the fact that I have not seen fireworks in the past 3 years, it remains in my top 2 favorite holidays.  This 4th of July however, I can't help but think about the inequality that still exists in the beautiful Land of the Free we live in. How can it be that one of our students - an eighth grader  - was attacked and raped while walking to summer school last week?  How can it be that most of our Hispanic students did not come to school on Friday for fear of being penalized by the recent HB 87 bill? How can it be that such a wide achievement gap exists within our country?  As we celebrate our nation on this day, honor those who have protected our freedom, and remember the history of our country, let us not lose sight of the inequality- of education, of opportunity, of protection- that still exists in the United States today.  There is still much work to be done.  I will continue to strive to do my part.

Patriotically, 

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

the Nuggets

Now that we've been teaching our students for two weeks, we have really gotten to know them as individuals....their academic strengths and weaknesses, their unique personality traits, the people they should never be seated next to, the motivational strategy that works for them,etc.  This week, my Collab. and I made a commitment to really zero in on the students who whose scores were consistently falling below the other students.  When I say "falling below"  I mean 0s, teens, and sub-40% scores.  

As a teacher, the most embarrassing part about these students falling behind is that behaviorally, these are our BEST students!  They are quiet, respectful, keep to themselves, and don't bother anyone.  Herein lies the problem. Compared to the rest of the students, these students are so quiet and well-behaved that it is so easy as a teacher to ignore them and instead direct my energy and attention toward those students who are major disruptions and behavioral "bombs" (don't get me wrong, I'm calling them behavioral bombs because they have the power to make my entire class explode, but I absolutely LOVE my bombs.)  As a result, I assume that since these students are quiet and working that they are in fact "getting it,"  which is actually NOT the case.  When we started anayzing data and noticing that these students were consistenly performing poorly, our Collab. committed to giving these quiet students more attention- cycling around to them more during the guided practice, checking for their understanding more, etc.  

Yesterday was the perfect example of this.  From the way that my introduction of new material went, I would have thought that all of my quiet students were getting it- they were quietly working and were not engaging in any of the distractions other students were.  Despite my inclination to assume their understanding and move on to controlling my "bombs," I knelt down beside one of the quiet students and asked him how he was doing finding the equation of the graphed line.  He said "Good." I pressed harder.  "Can you talk me through the process of writing the line's equation?"  He could not.  I stayed with him for a few minutes, talking him thgrough the steps a couple of times, asking him to apply it to an example, and then doing it again (meanwhile, shooting the teacher look to my "bombs" across the room, just daring them to make another noise).  And then....IT CLICKED.  I literally saw the concept of 1) find y-intercept, 2) count rise/run from that point to find slope 3) put it in y=mx+b equation CLICK in the eyes of my student.  He made a 100% on his assessment that day....when he had been averaging 30s and below.  

I could go on and on about Institute itself- what's hard, how tired I am, etc etc.  but I think this story is a much better use of this blog entry and sums up so much better what this is all about.  I come home every day thinking about what I could have done better (hundreds of things), dwelling over the students who aren't getting it, beating myself up over my behavioral management.....but it is these nuggets of pure joy and triumph- where a student who is usually ignored is recognized and who usually passes under the radar with a complete lack of understanding is able to master the material.  These moments are WHY WE DO THIS.  The story does not end here.  This student still has the lowest average in our class and is at serious risk of not passing at the end of the summer.  I will not give up on him.  He deserves this chance.  

Highs:

- The moment I just wrote about

- Having my best lesson in the classroom yet (according to my FA and CMA.)  By the end of it, my FA was trying to call her school to hire me!  

Lows:

- The frustration of having what I thought was a killer lesson and good class, but students failing the day's assessment.  Where is the disconnect?!

- Thinking about all that needs to be done...the amount I need to improve, the amount my students need to learn to pass, the work that needs to be done to close the achievement gap.  Daunting.

Relentlessly,

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

It's Happening

I am proud to report that I survived my first week of teaching and am 100% ready for week #2 (I think).  I feel like last week was 100 years long, but at the same time it happened in the blink of an eye.  After 2 weeks of workshops, trainings, meetings, and orientations, it was wonderful to actually meet and get to know these mystery students we had been preparing ourselves for.  It is amazing to think about how well I have gotten to know these students in the past five days. On Monday, I could hardly pronounce most of my students names, some of which seemed like 12 syllables long words of mostly consanants.   I wanted and needed to give verbal warnings, but didn't even know the students' name I needed to reprimand.  I came prepared on Tuesday with name tags.  By Friday, I felt like I cared about these students as if I had known them for years, the names were second nature.

One of the biggest teaching challenges for me has been the high stakes nature of the work we are doing.  The programs I have taught at in the past have been more enrichment, or supplemental programs, separated from students' academic promotion or retention.  This situation is very different in that my teaching team (4 of us) and I are fully responsible in preparing our students to pass a test that will determine if they are promoted to high school or not.  As if that pressure wasn't enough, we have to give our students mini-assessments at the end of each lesson (4 per day) to measure how well they have mastered the material (really how well we have taught it.)  Percentages range anywhere from 1% (class average) to 90% (haven't seen anything above that).  My personal average has been between a 46% and a 75%.  This measurement system is good and bad.  Good in the sense that it really pushes you as a teacher. Every day you wake up with a drive to push that % up a little more from yesterday.  Bad in the sense that the only measure TFA uses to quantify your success in the classroom is this percentage.  With this approach, it's not about making a "heart" difference- making that person connection with a student, being an encourager, supporter, and cheerleader- it's totally about the assessment.  I understand that ultimately we are here so that our students pass the test, but at times I feel frustrated that all of my hard work and care for my students comes down to one lame percentage.  

As usual, it has not taken long for me to develop a serious soft spot for my students.  17 boys and 3 girls.  Even though they can be the most challenging, furstrating, disobedient, and disrespectful group of kids ever, I really do love and care about each one of them already.  As tough and as hard as they are, I love seeing them smile when I give them "snaps" in our snap jar, I love seeing them work hard to win the "Math Master" award, and I love seeing them fight over who gets to write the answer on the board.  I hate their gang bandanas, their lying, and their defiance.  

All in all, I am doing just fine and being challenged in a way I never have before.  I am DOING IT.  This is what it's all about.  I love being a part of such a powerful team of amazing individuals.  I love my students.  We'll see how this week unfolds.

Highs of the Week:

- Getting closer to my Collab team.  We're passed the awkward getting to know you stage and we all get along really well.  We joke, complain, encourage, and laugh at each other.

- Seeing Scientific Notation "click" with one of my students.

- After four days of hard work, FINALLY reaching our class goal of a 75% on the assessment (sounds bad, but actually a huge feat.)

- Seeing one of my best friends, Maggie for all of 45 minutes during her layover in ATL.

- Telling a student he's "too smart for such bad behavior" and seeing him take pride in being called "smart"...maybe for the first time.

Lows of the Week:

- Crying for the first time I was here.  One of my students may get "released" from the program because of his disrespect.  He is one of our smartest students and I know he will pass the exam if he can stay. I felt responsible for his misbehavior (because my class could have been better controlled) and felt like it was my fault he may not get the chance to go to high school.  Serious low point.

- The 5:00am hour.  Brutal.

- Apartment searching.  Blah.

To all my other TFAers out there...WE CAN...and we WILL do this.

Because every child deserves equal access to the American Dream,

Ms. Peach