Those Who Can, Teach.

"Watching an effective teacher is like watching a work of art." -Geoffrey Canada

[thosewhocan-teach]

WWPMD?

Every time I feel like something ridiculous is happening at work, I ask myself, "What would Professor McGonagall do?"

Or, more specifically, "What if teachers at Hogwarts had to endure this?"

My guilty pleasure (should I feel guilty about it?) during my long commutes to work this year has been listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks. Doing so has turned what used to be an incredibly long and stressful drive into a relaxing way to ease into or out of my day. I am currently on the fifth book, featuring the dreaded Dolores Umbridge and the terrible "educational decrees" she forces on the school. How many of us read the books when we were kids, identifying with the hatred Harry and his friends feel for Umbridge's disregard of students, faculty, and worst of all, the magic of learning itself? My greatest fear is that our education system is adopting many Umbridge-like values, and that I myself have am sometimes guilty of following suit. This quote from the students' first lesson with Umbridge left me with chills: 

"'Now, it is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about...As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you should not be able to perform the spells under carefully controlled examination conditions,' said Professor Umbridge dismissively.  ... 'And what good's theory going to be in the real world?' said Harry loudly, his fist in the air again.  Professor Umbridge looked up.  'This is school, Mr. Potter, not the real world,' she said softly."

When reading the book in my teens, I idolized Hermione Granger, as I am sure many other people did. Not only was she incredibly intelligent, but also very courageous (and her two best friends were cute!). As a teacher now, though, I realize that I have a new HP heroine: Professor McGonagall. I never paid much attention to her when I was younger, respecting her as I would my real-life teachers. But as I reread the books now, I realize that McGonagall was a powerhouse. Stern, but loving, she is exactly the type of teacher I want to be. She recognizes Harry's talents and puts him on the quidditch team during his first year. She holds her house to the highest of academic, social, and behavioral standards, teaching them to waltz before the yule ball, but also taking points from Gryffindor when someone does not meet her standards. She supports and encourages Harry's dream to be an auror, even when he fears he doesn't have the aptitude for it. And she stands by her values, protecting Harry till the very end, even when Lord Voldemort's supporters come to takeover Hogwarts. What a boss.

What if McGonagall had to go to countless professional developments that didn't do much to professionally develop her? What if she had to turn in unit plans and lesson plans and materials plans and homework packet plans and science fair plans and classroom routine plans, etc, etc, etc?

This is not to say that all Hogwarts teachers were as great as Professor McGonagall, or even that Professor McGonagall had no room for growth. For example, I'm pretty sure the school and students' lives would have improved if Professors Binns and Trelawney were asked to plan out everything. All teachers have room to grow. But sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Hogwarts was forced to completely Umbridge-ify as the real world and real schools seem to have done. Along with the Binns and Trelawneys in real life, how many McGonagalls are we losing due to sheer frustration? 

---

It feels like I am nearing the end of the year because my students just took their state tests in math and reading. In reality, we still have a quarter of the school year left. I am busy planning lessons for our last units and creating materials and resources to help students with their science fair projects. 

I am also looking for other jobs. I will most likely still be teaching next year, but I am not sure whether I will be staying at my current school. While my unhappiness has...evolved over the course of the year, it has stayed constant. At the beginning of the year, I was unhappy because it was hard to get used to how structured everything was at my school, as well as how to respond to students who were often extremely disrespectful and also very far behind academically. 

Three quarters of the way through the year, these problems have not gotten much better because of the inconsistency among the school. Students are never to blame for this. However, students are very smart, and have realized that whereas there should be two general teams working together in the school (staff and students), there are actually four distinct teams that are essentially working in opposition because of the lack of communication and trust (faculty vs. leadership team vs. culture team vs. students). This division has created cultural rifts within the school that I feel are not good for anyone, and as a result, the environment at the school is generally negative for both students and staff. While starting over in a new school is extremely tough, I think a fresh start might be good for me. Currently, I am just exploring options, but I hope that wherever I am next year, I'll be able to let my inner Professor McGonagall shine.

[thosewhocan-teach]

Doing to vs. Working with

My students and I have survived the first quarter together! "Survived" seems like a fairly serious and pessimistic term, but that is actually what it feels like. "Made it through" does not adequately describe the struggles we have been through, and we are not at all close to anything like "thrived during." Still, there is a lot of progress to be celebrated, though as my last post indicates, most of this progress is behavioral and not academic. I now realize how lucky I was to be able to teach students over my last two years that could be pushed with high rigor lessons and questions. Right now, I am cheering when my students get the most basic of questions right. I used to be deeply upset when my students missed by 3 or 4 points our 85% mastery goal on absolutely everything - homework, quizzes, tests - when some of the questions were fairly rigorous. Now, I am lucky to get them to pull a 65% when I ask low-level questions. 

I am getting through lessons, building relationships with my students, and staying on top of lesson planning, creating materials, grading, and all the other tasks that are a part of being a teacher so that I can take care of myself. But recently, a bigger worry has been on my mind. One of my colleagues recently was telling me about how she doesn't really believe in any of the behavior management strategies we use with our students - giving or taking away points towards a total that determines whether they will go on field trips, what they can 'buy' at the school store, and whether or not they have weekly detentions; making them walk in silent, single-file lines in ridiculous traffic patterns as if they are all cars in our pretend highway hallway; asking them to use hand signals to indicate everything from whether they need a pencil, a tissue, or to use the bathroom to whether they agree with what a classmate is saying instead of verbalizing it like regular adults. She said that while she is really great at executing all of the demands the school asks her, as a teacher, to make of students, she doesn't at all believe in any of it. She asked me, "Do you?"

At first I thought, For the most part! This stuff works, right? 

The scary part of all this is that you can visit schools all over the country whose students are doing all of these inane things. The problem is, I don't think any of these schools are actually the ones that are sending students to the best colleges in the country. I don't think these schools are producing students that are actually graduating from colleges at a high enough rate. And I don't think that I do believe that this stuff works. I am truly terrified of what I am doing to students because I have blindly been following the structure outlined by my school. I am not working with my students. Instead of teaching students to think and solve problems on their own, I walk them through a Do Now, Direct Instruction, Group Practice, Independent Practice, and Exit Ticket. Every day. This academic structure, coupled with all of the behavioral structures put in place by the school, are supposed to give students a safe place where they can learn. But what exactly are they learning? To follow the predictable structures set up around them, yield to authority, follow the rules, and never, never question them. The people we value most in our society, the people who are the most successful, don't just follow the rules - they make them. I am afraid that my entire teaching career has been devoted to reproducing social class in the same way that Jean Anyon described it in her work 30 years ago.

It is extremely hard to do anything difficult. I am tired of the belief that good teachers can, and are supposed to, put every child on a dramatically different life path. Believe me, I am trying to give push my students both personally and academically. I teach them science at as high a level as I can. I push them past what their end of year test will require of them, and I set my standards higher than what they have had in the past. But I can't move mountains for 100 kids in a year, especially when the obstacles are larger than whether or not I plan a good lesson for 180 days.

This problem is bigger than the behavior management cycle, it's bigger than building relationships, it's bigger than high level Bloom's Taxonomy objectives. I recently watched an interview that Diane Ravitch did on the Daily Show where she talks about her new book, in which she addresses "the elephant in the room" - poverty. If I have learned anything from my time in the classroom, it's that I CAN move mountains for my kids, but they are going to need so much more than the attention of five or so teachers who are providing for over 100 children at a time. I hope that I am wrong, I hope I can see enough of my kids succeeding in the future that I don't forever feel like I have "done something to them" instead of feeling like I worked with them to help them achieve their dreams. But I just have a terrible feeling that that's not going to happen because our society, our teachers, our schools, my colleagues, and I - we are placing ever-growing stacks of band-aids on the problem. These band-aids disguised as better teachers, harder lessons, more tests, more structures, more rules, and stricter uniform policies. I think we are just part of the problem. 

Fearfully,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

On managing vs. teaching

Sunday. Oh, Sunday.

Recently, while getting my hair cut, the hair dresser, trying to make polite conversation, asked what I did. When she learned that I am a teacher, I heard one of my favorite responses:

"Ugh! So jealous! You have the BEST hours!" 

What? The best hours? I work at least 6 days a week, and I usually work 10-11 hours every day! And that's AT school. When I get home, I KEEP WORKING. What do I do for fun? I watch TV. Yeah, it's usually on in the background while I PLAN. And when I'm sleeping? I'M DREAMING ABOUT KIDS. It's never-ending. This is a choice I made, I realize that. But let's not pretend that teachers "have the best hours." Sure, I have summers off. Oh wait, except for the fact that I haven't had a summer off since, I don't know, 2006? The public perception of teaching is so skewed that I think that teachers would have it much better if we could only have everyone in the US just TRY to teach for a month or so.

I digress. I am about to enter my 7th week of school with my students. The first 4 weeks were so absolutely miserable that I couldn't write about them out of fear that things were not, actually, going to get better. 

They did...kind of. I had a great week 5 with my students, though this past week was a little more rough. I think a combination of things is happening - they are getting used to the new structure of middle school, they are getting used to me, and I am getting used to them...at least a little bit. The focus has shifted (sort of) from responding negatively every time they are told ANYTHING (Me: Please slide your chair in. Student: YOOOOO!?! Me: ?!?) to responding only slightly negatively (Me: Put down your pencil. Student: Yo! Me: ...), and sometimes, on really great days, responding not at all! Progress. 

Still, the most frustrating thing is I feel that my focus has been so much on managing my students instead of actually teaching them. Our school has hired an outside company to do coaching of teachers. The person who is my coach observes me a few times a week and then gives me specific strategies to work on in my classroom. But I feel like so much of attention has been on behavior management and while that is such an important part of teaching, I am really concerned that my students aren't learning enough science. First of all, it's hard to go from 70 minute classes 5 times a week to 45 minute classes 4 times a week. Mastery scores are no where near as high as they used to be at my old school - partially because the students are academically lower, but partially because I just don't have the same amount of time with them and I'm not receiving that much guidance about teaching content. I feel that I am a far better teacher than I used to be, and while quality of teaching shouldn't only be judged by student mastery, doesn't that count a lot? My students will take their first benchmark tests, designed by another outside company, in a couple of weeks. They won't take a state test at the end of the year because that doesn't exist for science in the grades I teach, so these benchmark tests will be the only standardized way to measure their progress. I am simultaneously curious and nervous to see how they will do. Keep sending them, and me, good thoughts!

I have to go back to work now, but don't worry - the TV is on in the background so I'm having lots of fun on my "off" hours. 

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Year 3, Week 1 feels like Year 0, Week -1

I just finished my first week of teaching at my new school, and to put it lightly, it was hard. I prepared my classroom with (relative) ease, felt good that my school had prepared materials for the first week of classes that centered around culture to prepare students for the changes that a new year would bring, and was generally ready for another year of teaching. I knew that this experience would be different, probably tougher, than my old school. But nothing could prepare me for the reality that Tuesday brought. 

When my principal told us on the first day of training that the neighborhood we work in has the highest poverty rate, highest crime rate, highest trauma rate, highest truancy rate, and highest everything-else-negative rate in the city, I did not realize that what she actually meant was that this was one of the most troubled neighborhoods in the entire COUNTRY. There is literally an ABC news special featuring the high school that is just down the road from where I teach. The high school is one of the most violent in the country, and it is where my students will go in a few years, unless they are lucky enough to be accepted into another charter school in Philadelphia. While my homeroom partner and I were standing outside after dismissal one day this week, a student passed us on a bike. She was one of my homeroom partner's former students. This past March, as she was walking home, she was caught in gunfire, and a bullet hit her in the eye. She now has a glass eye, and a completely new life.

Teaching with this reality is so, so scary. I was completely unprepared for it, and am still not sure how to work with this new understanding in mind. In ENC, I taught with the belief that, given the combination of a slew of great teachers over the years and their own hard work, my students could definitely go to college. I have no idea what to believe about my current students' future, and that scares me. I don't want to teach to help kids just pass time or to prepare them for subservient work. 

My first day with kids was the hardest day of teaching I've ever experienced. This was not entirely the kids' fault. The schedule was really rough on both them and me. We were basically asking them to sit and listen to teachers talk about the expectations they would be held to for 8 hours, and they didn't even really switch classes. Even so, I was expecting the first few days to be a breeze, since most students that I have taught in the past did not display any behavior problems for the first few days, at least. This was absolutely not the case, and not only did I need to be on my game, but I found that my game wasn't close to good enough. Luckily, I had several mentors and administrators in and out of my classrooms all day, and they worked with me on quick strategies I could implement. I have been trying these, and while things are not perfect, they are definitely better.

My first few months of teaching during my first year were so hard, and I was unprepared to experience the same thing all over again. The problem is not so much getting used to new policies and expectations, though that in itself is really difficult for me since I find comfort in structure and have had to adjust to a very new policies and expectations at my new school. The real issue is my body's physical reaction to change and discomfort. Every morning this week, I woke up feeling absolutely sick. I did not have much of an appetite, which, when you're teaching is not a good thing at all because it requires so much energy all day. But, unlike my first year, I started feeling better so much faster. I distinctly remember my 11th day of teaching, when I woke up and did NOT feel like I was going to throw up. I think I will reach that point much sooner this year, though who knows what Monday will bring. I am going to stay hopeful, though, because right now, this is the reality I'm in. I hope that I am in the right place, that I am the right teacher for my students, and that I can believe in them as much as I am supposed to help them believe in themselves. 

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

The art of teaching vs. the science of teaching

My second week of orientation is over, and my kids arrive on Tuesday! It was quite a week. We had lots of sessions like last week, but halfway through the week, the leadership team asked us for feedback on how the orientation was going, and enough of the teachers wrote about how they felt like they needed more work time to prepare their lesson plans and classrooms so that we finally got more time to do that. Now, the week is over and my room is ready overall, though I still feel really unprepared Tuesday. 

All of this work has forced me to think again about what good teaching really is. I thought about this question when I was starting as a first year teacher and was in seemingly endless sessions featuring Teach Like a Champion techniques (clearly I did not know the meaning of endless then, because those sessions were nowhere near as intense as the ones I am in now). Geoffrey Canada compared watching a good teacher to watching a work of art. But art can be messy and unpredictable and the final product is dependent on the artist. I think teaching is like creating a work of art, and should be. The hundreds of students we teach have millions of different needs, and if all teachers respond to those needs in the same ways, those needs can't possibly be met. But teaching strategies in books like TLAC seem to reduce teaching to a science. 

Don't get me wrong - I love science! More importantly, I do think that these strategies can be a really great starting point for developing a class culture that allows students to succeed. But thinking that you could just rely on these strategies to create lasting change in students' lives in robot teacher fashion is short-sighted. This is why I felt so frustrated this week when we had hours of sessions devoted to practicing TLAC strategies as opposed to preparing ourselves in all ways for our students.

Apparently, my school's test scores last year dropped to lower than they were before the charter network facilitated the turnaround of the school four years ago. Given this information, it makes sense as to why the school would be forcing teachers to norm on what "good teaching" is so that we can start the year off strong. Even so, I hope the leadership team will give all teachers the support to not only perfect the science of good teaching, but also the space to experiment with the art of good teaching this year. 

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Year 3!

Poor, neglected blog! I'm going to give blogging about my experiences teaching another shot for a couple of reasons: 

1) I think good teachers reflect on their practice, and I want to be a good teacher. I find myself constantly evolving as a person and as a teacher, and I want to keep track of those changes because I think they're interesting. 

2) I am in a new state! After finishing up my second year of teaching in ENC, I got married and moved to Philadelphia to be with my husband while he finishes up his coursework for a doctoral program at UPenn. Since I'm far away from friends and family, I think writing about my time here will be a great way to keep them updated on my experience.

Quick, Year 2 recap:

I taught 5th and 6th science (my first year, I taught 6th and 7th science). While I enjoyed teaching on just one team and feeling more comfortable in my own teacher skin, I did learn some pretty important things about myself and my teacher skillset. First off, I think 6th grade is my sweet spot. It might just be the way my school structured middle school (it starts in 5th grade) so that the 6th graders already had a year of experience with the new expectations and structure under their belts, but either way, I really love that developmental age. I think they're malleable, but at the same time, they are forming their own identities, and I think that's really cool to watch and work with. Secondly, I hold my kids to extremely high expectations and I don't ever let those slide. My class is rigorous, and my kids learn a lot. And that's a great thing. But finally, I need to work on building really strong relationships with a foundation of love. I think that I'm really good at pushing kids and really good at giving them the why, but I need to make sure I'm meeting them where they are, getting to know them personally, and ensuring that they know that I care.

Year 3!:

This year, I am teaching at a small charter network in Philadelphia. Like any self-respecting type-A person, I really enjoy pros and cons lists and bullets, so here is one about my new job:

Pros

Great culture, very similar to my old school - this is one of the first things I noticed when I applied in the spring. They even have the same colors as my old school!

I have at least two planning periods a day! Wow!

The teachers who taught 6th and 7th grade science last year are still at the school. 

People are supportive, professional, and friendly - if you know me, you know I have 10 million questions. Everyone I've talked to seems really nice, and is happy to answer my questions. The whole staff seems like a really big family, which is also nice (but somewhat intimidating to walk into.)

Though this doesn't seem like a big deal, I like that I am teaching just 6th and 7th science - at another school I applied to, I would have had to teach 4-5 different science preps. Crazy!

Everything is super structured and routinized - because the school is bigger than my old one, there are literally people in place to think about culture and expectations and management systems, which is great because so much of my job last year wasn't just teaching - it was EVERYTHING. It's nice to not have to think about every little thing I have to do. I just have to learn the routines that are in place, teach them to my kids, and hold them to those expectations.

Cons

...Everything is super structured and routinized - today at orientation, we had to practice delivering instructions about the routines to students, except we practiced with other teachers! It was super uncomfortable, partially because most of the other people had more experience than I did, and partially because I'm introverted, and partially because who likes teaching in front of adults? No one! I also feel really great about explaining the "why" behind routines and structures that I have created myself because I usually know the why. But sometimes I feel like really structured environments are really structured because...they are. I know that structure allows our students to feel safe and feel that they are in a predictable environment so that we can focus on more important things, like learning. Sometimes, though, I feel like teachers structure for the sake of structuring, and I don't think that helps to prepare students for the reality of competitive high schools and colleges. Also related: I've heard some language that concerns me (e.g. "Look around the room. These are the people you are going to war with for the next 187 days." I'm sorry - I'm a teacher, not a soldier? (Also: 187 days??)).  I wish we did less structuring and more preparing for what students will experience in the future. How else can we ensure our students' success? And when an entire school has a routine in place and you're new, how do you push back on systems that seem ludicrous? 

The school building itself is huge and there are a lot of staff members - I came from a one-story school with trailers. I'm pretty sure I've seen houses that are bigger than my old school. But not this one. This is the real, 3-story, dozens of classrooms, at least 100 staff members, deal. I feel really nervous about not knowing names of other teachers (today I suggested to my DCI that we should wear nametags, which she implemented for the middle school teachers immediately) and never getting to know people, which would have literally been impossible at my old school. 

The laptops - this is going to sound super whiny, especially if you heard me talk about my transition into my old school two years ago. We received new macbook pro laptops then, and they were beautiful and lovely and as soon as I had to turn mine back in, I got a macbook air, which is even more beautiful and lovely. But at school, we got Dells...old Dells. The worst part is that I HAVE to use it because the IT department (yes, there is an IT department at this new, gigantic school) doesn't at all support working with laptops other than the school-issued one. This means that I can ONLY check my email on my school laptop, ONLY access the share drive on my school laptop (who doesn't use Dropbox these days, anyway?), and ONLY use the Dell in my classroom. Kill me now. This thing takes like 10 years to even start up! And it's got 2 hours of battery life! That is not a laptop. That is a time machine to the 1990s. 

I am a little worried about my classes. I have three 45-minute blocks of 6th grade science and one 45-minute block of 7th grade science. This isn't necessarily a con, but I am used to teaching 70-minute blocks, so it will be a definite adjustment for me. I will also be doing some blocks devoted to culture and character building with my homeroom and one intervention block (reading and math) during one of my planning periods.

Orientation sessions are so long, and sometimes, so boring! I know I will long for these days when the kids come, but right now, I wish we could have less Teach Like a Champion strategies and more work time. Or, I wish professional development sessions like these were tailored to areas that individuals want to grow in. I already know how to have a strong teacher voice - shouldn't I focus on the science I will be teaching? 

There are more things that I'm sure I can add later. Right now, I am going to enjoy my breezy balcony and make a poster about my big goals! 

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Last day

I know that we haven't kept up with this blog well during the year - I think we were all a little more busy than we expected to be. 

BUT, big news: My last day of school is tomorrow! I know I sound excited, but I am so much more sad than I thought I would be. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that end of the year testing has lead to less structured time with kids, and that is the part of being a teacher I really like - the aha! moments that come from everyday life lessons instead of from Powerpoint slides. At the beginning of this week, my team took our kids camping. It was the best experience I've had during a field trip. I learned SO much with and about my kids, and I wish that we had taken the trip earlier in the year. I am so amazed by how loving, silly, joyous, and wonderful my students are. I have been pretty lucky to teach them this year. 

I have also been able to spend much more time with my homeroom and I have come to realize I truly like AND love those kids. I think that this year has really taught me so much more about the difference between those two words. Liking kids is easy. It's easy to laugh at their funny antics and the absolutely crazy things that come out of their mouths. It's easy to hang out with them on field trips and lunch. But loving kids for their whole selves - their misunderstandings, their yet unfulfilled potentials, their successes and their failures - is much harder. I think I was able to get there for some of my students, but I'm not sure I loved all of them as fully as I could. My 7th graders, especially, did not feel as much love from me, which is why the culture within my classroom in that grade just was not as strong. I know I'm going to have to work on making sure both of my grades next year (5th and 6th!) get more of my best self. But the 6th graders are another story altogether, and I truly love those kids. 

Tomorrow, I plan on showing my kids a lot of love. I want to make sure they know why I wanted to teach, what I have learned from this year, and how much I believe in them. I will miss them so much this summer, and thankfully will be able to see some every day at a summer program they will be attending. 

This year has been rough. I have felt exhausted, loved, regretful, powerful, overwhelmed, content, angry, strong, upset, excited, and the whole range of roller coaster-like emotions every day of the year. I am so excited to come back next year more ready to love, feeling refreshed (hopefully!), and prepared for an even better year.  I leave this year with this one, most important understanding: I might not be a life-changer for every kid. I am one person, and I am human. But, I still have incredible power in my hands. I can be a day-changer every single day, and some days, for every single student. I have the power to spark smiles, and to kindle small fires in big minds, and to ignite a love of learning about college and volcanoes and sound waves. And that type of power is good, and important, and worthwhile. And most importantly, my sweet, loving, lovable kids are good, and important, and worthwhile. 

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Horror of all horrors...

...I think I'm sick. This is no joke. 

With tissues,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

On dissections and quizzes

This week was emotionally and mentally draining in ways that I did not expect. It was also successful in ways that were surprising. It seems that this happens a lot in teaching, and certain weeks will leave you feeling hopeless and exhausted, while others aren't so bad. But these things are so hard to predict and it has been hard getting adjusted to the whiplash I feel when trying to understand why a certain week went a certain way while trying to prepare for the next one. 

My 7th graders finished the Human Body unit, which has lasted from around October till now. It has been an extremely long and involved unit, in short, and they now know a LOT about all of the human body systems. Some people ask me whether it's easy to teach science to middle school students, since it should be content that I am familiar with. I don't know - do YOU know off the top of your head the components of the excretory system, or the path of blood through your body? Basically, it has been a learning process for my students and I.

We finished up the unit with dissections. Usually, I'm against dissecting animals. I think it's fairly wasteful and I feel when I did it in elementary, middle, high school, and college, it was done for "fun" without any meaningful learning goals. In Biology lab in college, we dissected fetal pigs. But why? We didn't learn anything in depth about anatomy, and I'm not planning on being a doctor. Our test included being required to point out the organs in the body. In the end, I was able to point out the gall bladder (and numerous other organs), but not till I taught 7th grade science did I even have any idea of what the gall bladder does for the body. In the case of my students, though, they have been learning about the human body systems for months, and I think dissections were a great extension exercise for them.

I was so, so worried about management. We dissected a chicken leg after learning about the skeletal and muscular systems, but it did not go well. The students were all over the place and I still had not reached a level of comfort with them. So I feared this week, too, that dissections would be both mentally draining to prepare for and emotionally draining after the fact when I felt disappointment or anger that they had not gone well. The first part was definitely true. Altogether, I lead them through dissections of a crayfish, frog, and a fetal pig. They were able to dissect the crayfish in groups of 3-4, but we didn't have enough frogs or fetal pigs for all of the students so they had to watch. They also were able to watch a dissection of a dogfish shark, which one of the other science teachers at my school lead. Preparing for dissections took a lot of time, practice, and YouTube videos. But in the end, I think the dissections went really well. I had another science teacher in my room with me while my students dissected the crayfish to help with management, which really made everything go more smoothly. I think the students really enjoyed it and learned a lot too. There is such a big difference between learning about body systems in isolation and then being able to see them IN a body. We were going to dissect perch, but did not have time. The students still want to do that, so hopefully near the end of the year during testing, we can dissect those as well. 

I guess my 6th graders wanted to balance out the great week I had with my 7th graders. We are currently in the middle of a unit on earth science. They are learning all about plate boundaries, stress, faults, earthquakes, volcanoes, and mountains. To be fair, there is a TON of vocabulary for this unit, and we are moving pretty fast. I build in time for review every now and then, but as with any subject, sometimes you just need to go home and study before you know it. This week, I gave them their first vocabulary quiz in order to hold them accountable for all the vocab they need to know. They spent an entire day making cards that already had definitions typed on them - they needed to identify the word that fit with the definition and draw a picture to go with the definition, and then they would have a complete set of cards. As it turned out, my assigned 15 minutes (at least) of studying the cards that night did not cut it for them, and the class averages on the quiz were both a 65.

I have spent a lot of time talking to my students recently about their work ethics and how in order to really be successful in middle school, high school, college, and the work force, they need to step up their games. But I don't think the message is getting through, and that's really frustrating to me. At the end of the day, my students live in a society where they HAVE to work harder in order to be successful. I realized that while, on the whole, my 6th graders are sweet and well-behaved, they are not invested in my class because they don't understand why they need it to succeed. But even knowing this, my conversations with them have taken an angry and disappointed tone because I feel so frustrated in their lack of motivation to really work hard. This, of course, does not apply to all of them, and just in the past week, I have seen some students very obviously working harder. But I didn't enter this profession in order to teach my kids about volcanoes. I need to figure out how to make it clear to them why working hard NOW is important, and why it takes more than saying "I'm going to college" to get there. After all, that is what I'm here for, right?  

With determination,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Reality check.

In the last few months facing reality has been one of the most painful things I've been asked to do.. When I think about the relationships in my life, I'm really thankful for the love that flows into my life on a consistent basis. My friends have certainly been really instrumental in helping me find the courage to face reality.

Usually with tough situations, I either avoid them (to diffuse the pain) or get so consumed by them that pain is the only real emotion I experience...and that's not okay. That's not the life I created to live. I've been really pushed to kill my inner instinct to avoid the tough things about reality...and trust that as I face what is real in life, God will grant me the grace, strength and courage to see me through.

Especially in the last few months, I've been given several different opportunities to face tough realities inside and outside of the classroom. But I am strong. And our kids are strong. We are all facing reality, fighting and believing that we will be victorious.

Ms. Boom Pow

[thosewhocan-teach]

We're back!

I just finished my first week back from Winter Break. Surprisingly, it went smoother than I expected it to. I thought my students would be crazy, having lost all memory of the routines we have in place. Though some students definitely do need a reminder (or two, or ten...), it seems that most just needed the break. And I feel better after the break, too! I thought it would be really hard getting back into the swing of things, and it definitely has been difficult to deal with my alarm clock going off at 6 am again, but I was surprised at how fast I just fell back into my normal routine. That being said, we have only been back for four days. We'll see what happens next week...

The new year also brings some changes for staff. One teacher left (or was fired?) after school was out for break. Our principal let us know, but it is unclear why she is no longer at Sunshine. I did not know her that well since she taught a different grade level, but it was still a really strange mid-year change to make, and I'm sure, very stressful on her students and the teacher who has to fill her role. 

Other changes include smaller things. Our principal and AP visited a high-performing school for low-income students in December. He wrote and delivered an emotional reflection during a professional development meeting the week after he came back. He spoke about how he had to reevaluate his mindsets and goals for Sunshine, and how he was determined to make changes in order for our school to move towards being more successful. Some of these changes include now having to meet for 5 minutes every morning at 7:30, as well as now referring to our students as "scholars." He said that he did not intend to call out anyone, but that any teacher not on board with the administration's vision should plan on leaving. 

I appreciate a bold vision of uniformity and success for a school. I think having such a vision is important in creating a school that is running effectively, and I am thankful for a leader who can walk away from seeing a school that is operating well, reflect on the experience, and then make changes to make his own school better as well. However, just as individual lesson plans are not as strong without an overall unit plan guiding your daily objectives, I have a feeling that the small changes that are happening at Sunshine are just that - small changes. I have never lead a school, nor am I qualified to. But I have worked as a teacher under leadership that made sure every decision that was made was aligned to an overall bigger vision. Regardless of the reasoning we are given now (meetings in the morning mean we are starting the day as a team; our students are more than JUST students - we WANT them to be scholars) I think that the vision for Sunshine needs to be strong and clear before we make seemingly random, small changes that may or may not be greatly beneficial to our students or staff morale overall. If teachers were included in creating this vision for the school at which they worked, then they would be more likely to be on board with the vision, and any changes would be deliberate and logical. 

I am looking forward to seeing what these changes mean for our school for the duration of the year, and if there are visible effects next year as well. Hopefully, Sunshine will be dramatically better over this next semester and in future years, but I think we will need to do more than beg, borrow, and steal a few good ideas from other schools or programs that are working successfully.

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

On holidays, content, and responsibility

It's been a while! The dreaded, sluggish days of October and November are nearly over, and it seems that everyone is anxious and excited about Thanksgiving break. Both students and teachers at Sunshine are exhausted, though. For me, it shows in my tendency to be shorter with my students, and their tendency to be act up and get in trouble more often in their classes. But, I have passed the 1st quarter benchmark, and after Monday, will officially be 1/3 of the way through the school year. With the upcoming break, I feel a little bit more freedom in time to write, and hopefully you'll be able to hear from Ms. Peach and Ms. Boom-Pow soon too! 

I guess I could say that teaching has progressively gotten better, but I don't know if that's completely accurate. I think that I've just gotten used to it and my kids have started to get used to me. We still have our days when I think they have lost their minds and they think I'm the meanest person on the planet, and in some moments, I'm sure both of these things are true. It's not all bad - all four of my classes did fairly well during the first quarter and are keeping their homework and mastery quizzes around the 80% level, which is pretty good. Some days, I get sweet hugs or notes from kids, and others I feel like my life is the show "Kids Say the Darndest Things."

I worry, though, that it won't get any better than this until next year. Even while continuing to build on relationships with kids, I am in a constant state of discomfort because I don't know know my content until very close to when I teach it, have no idea how a lesson will go until after I deliver it, and don't really internalize the material until I've explained it thoroughly a few times. I might be able to relieve some of these content-related issues over Christmas break when I can plan ahead, but really, I don't see myself feeling comfortable until next year, when I can review what I taught and improve on weaknesses. 

Besides content, the other issue I really struggle with is my own feelings about what I'm supposed to be doing with and for my students. I feel like TFA puts pressure on their teachers to put their kids on a "transformational life path," that is going to guarantee a fundamentally different outcome for their entire lives. But is that even possible to do for 80+ kids? How much of that is my responsibility, and how much is accounted for by the students' own agency? Should I concentrate my efforts on W, who comes in on some days and puts his head down, refusing to even get out a pencil for several minutes, or T, who is motivated to succeed, and could do so much if he had that extra help? Teachers work hard, but I am no superwoman. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say that, at least in most cases, I can't help both. And I hate that I have to choose a kid to push harder, a kid that I'm going to put more of my efforts into. But honestly, if teachers are responsible for putting kids on wholly different life paths, then why give us 80? 

I do know this: I am trying to create my own definitions of success for myself so that I don't drive myself crazy with these questions. I also know that I will keep pushing both T and W, and myself. But, for now, Thanksgiving break is just around the corner, and I am content with that. 

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

A little bit of happiness

In an effort to focus on the positive, I wanted to report that I had a really great past three days! This is for a variety of reasons, but I'm going to focus on lessons that worked really well:

First, my 6th graders are, in general, so wonderful. They took their first unit test in science yesterday, and so we spent Wednesday doing a stations review and Thursday playing Jeopardy as a review game. I was super worried about this because I didn't know if my 6th graders could handle staying focused during a 50-minute review period and a Jeopardy game the next day. When I tried Jeopardy with the 7th graders, it went pretty badly. But the 6th graders handled both SO well. I arranged my desks in groups of 3 and 4 for the stations review, and my kids loved the set-up and worked with so much maturity and concentration. During the Jeopardy review, they remained focus and worked together well, too. After both days, I heard kids saying that they had had fun. :) I've graded their tests, and the overall average is an 85, which is great. 

On Friday, my 7th graders got to launch water bottle rockets with a fellow Student U teacher. I've had a pretty strained relationship with my 7th graders so far. This is probably for many reasons. First, last year they had a GREAT science teacher, and that's pretty hard to follow. Secondly, there are several new students in 7th grade, who have added both positive and negative aspects to the overall dynamic, which has been hard for everyone to get used to. And third, I'm not really a part of the 7th-8th grade team in that I have a 6th grade homeroom and their classes are in an entirely different part of the school. I don't teach 7th grade in my own classroom. So I was excited about doing rockets with them since Physics has been particularly hard on all of us. It's a complicated subject that I was never that excited about, and so I don't think I've done a great job in getting them excited about it. But I told them on the previous week to bring in 2L bottles so that we could build and launch rockets. On Thursday, I taught them a mini-lesson on the principles of rocketry as well as how Newton's Laws applied to rockets, and we put fins on their rockets. As I started teaching, I noticed an unnatural hush fall over most of the students, and it was clear that they were excited. On Friday, several students weren't in class because they were on a field trip with their art elective. While it's not great that many of them had to miss a lesson that could have been a great investment piece, I felt much more comfortable managing a smaller number of students, and I think that contributed to a great day overall. Mr. I came in and taught the students some simple trigonometry so that we could measure the height of the rockets, and then took the students outside where we had set up the rocket launcher. We launched 4 rockets in both classes and used the height measurements to calculate the speed of the rockets. While our calculations may not have been perfect, the kids loved the lesson, loved the rockets, and built on their understanding of Newton's Laws and Physics. We'll see how they do next week when they take their first tests on Physics!

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

Just keep swimming...

Well, I have now finished 1 full month of teaching. Even though I fully believe in the power of reflection, and tend to enjoy writing to reflect, I guess I haven’t done much of either because of the sheer amount of daily tasks that come with being a teacher as well as my constant search for something actually positive to write about.

I could say that it feels so wonderful and lovely to be changing the world, and my kids are all angels and I have found my destiny within my job. But, that’s just not true. And I find that incredibly disheartening and frustrating.

The truth is, there are moments in my day when a kid says something hilarious, or offers a genius insight, or just gives me a really good hug. There are days when I think, “This isn’t so bad,” or “That was a pretty good lesson,” or “I think I can, I think I can…” a million times. But there are also mornings when I wake up feeling physically sick, and days when I can’t believe that I have spent 14 hours either at school or thinking about work, and nights when I have panic attacks. And that sucks. 

Even though I have room to grow, I don’t think I’m a “bad” teacher. I’m incredibly lucky that I have reliable materials that I can use, developed by the science teacher who taught the 6th and 7th grades at Sunshine Charter last year. And, some of my kids are true sweethearts. I know that I am doing something positive for the ENC community, and that this is good work, and in turn, I get to work with kids and build a strong foundation for a career in education. Plus, I am surrounded by many great resources at Sunshine that are super helpful.  These are in the form of people helping me out and checking in on me, actual content resources, as well as material resources that come from working at a charter school that I might not have otherwise. I recognize that not every teacher has these resources, and I am very thankful for them.  

I know that I am better than some teachers my students could have, though unsure of whether I really am “changing their lives” with science. I just don’t know if being better than what they could have is enough. I feel angry that the state of education is such that a first year teacher would have to teach two different classes, as if one isn’t enough to handle for someone who has never taught before. I know it sounds whiny, and I know some people have been or are in worse positions, but it takes an incredible amount of time to plan for just one class, much less two, especially when I’m the only person teaching these two grades at my school. The amount of work, in general, is ridiculous. How do we expect teachers to carry such a gigantic load? I know that it could be much worse, but thinking about 88 kids and lessons and planning and delivering and management and behavior and investment is just…so much. It is hard coming from a world in which all I really needed to be concerned about was myself and a job that made sure I was put in a place where I could succeed to a system that tells you to make the impossible possible…and quickly.

I also feel frustrated that, while everyone at Sunshine is friendly and there are no major conflicts among staff (that I know of), because so many people are married or have families, there isn’t much camaraderie among staff. While I’m sure this is true of many work places, some days I go without having a conversation with an adult for more than 5 minutes. That’s hard. In college, I was always surrounded by others my own age, and while I can definitely learn from the teachers at my school, it’s not the same. 

Finally, I know this is important work, but I just don’t love it. I am told “it gets better.” But when? And how? My workload surely isn’t just going to magically lessen. And how much is building relationships with kids going to help? At the end of the day, I still have to plan and deliver lessons, and they still have to learn the content. 

So honestly, while I know I should feel lucky and happy to be doing work that is positive, most of the time I feel tired, frustrated, and upset. It IS getting slightly better as this job becomes my “new normal.” But just because it’s becoming more normal does not mean it is, by any means, good. Theoretically, getting to work in the world of education should be exciting, and awesome, and I should be feeling great about what I am doing. I’m just not there yet.

With hope,

Ms. Bumblebee

[thosewhocan-teach]

It's been a while!

I have been avoiding blogging.  The task of summing up all that I am experiencing and feeling in one short post has seemed daunting.  It's hard to believe that I have been teaching for 6 weeks; they have flown by.  At times I have felt sure I am doing exactly what I am suposed to be doing.  I have felt the hope, possibility, and opportunity the next two years hold.  Other times, I have questioned that I am making any kind of difference.  I've questioned whether all of the work is worth it.  

The Best Parts:

1. The other TFA teachers at my school- There are 6 others and I am so thankful for them. I know a lot of teachers who are the only TFA teachers at their school and I think this could feel very isolating. It's so nice to have people who are feeling exactly the way I am.  Some of us have gotten pretty close and they are some of my best friends here.  We laugh together, complain about school stuff, and give each other feedback on everything from grade books to detentions.  I love them.

2. My students- They are starting to become my "babies" (a term I used to hate when teachers used...but now I'm starting to understand).  There are the few that always say "Hello Ms. Weaver!" when they see me, offer to help me in the classroom, and tell me how much they love class.  They are easy to love.  Then there are the ones who are unfocused, misbehaved, and at times disrespectful.  As much as I want to ring their necks at times, I truly do feel protective of and invested in my students. I love getting to know them outside of the classroom.  Yesterday I had a student serving detention and asked him why he never turns in homework.  He said that he works with his mom after school and after some careful probing, I came to learn that he cleans hotels with his mom after school until 10pm most nights.  Things like this remind me that my students are not just students, they are people with real lives and often very challenging situations.  I love them.

3. The mission- I am thankful to have a job with a purpose I believe so strongly in.  I go to work feeling like what I'm doing is important and worth it (most days).  I feel like I am making a difference (most days).  When I hear startling statistics- like the fact that 50% of our students do not graduate from high school- I am re-affirmed in the critical nature of my job.  If I don't educate my students in Social Studies, behavior, study skills, and even just life skills...who will?  I love it.

The Worst Parts:

1. Not having much of a life-I'm at school 12-13 hours a day five days a week and have gone to work in my trailer  every weekend since school started.  I know that this is not a sustainable work schedule (or is it?), but for right now, it's what I need to get everything done.  I hear that this is "normal" (in the sense that other TFA teachers are doing the same thing) in the beginning and that it will get better.  It is hard though to wake up super early, work all day, come home to get ready for the next day, repeat.  I wish I could spend more time exploring Atlanta, cooking, doing crafts, spending time with friends, etc....just having a life!  I miss having a life.

2. Being disrespected by students- I hate the talking back, the throwing away of the note sheets I worked so hard on creating, and the talking while I'm talking.  There is no way for me to articulate the frustration I feel with my students at times.  Many of them don't bring in homework...EVER.  They don't take the class seriously.  This is incredibly difficult when I am taking their education more seriously than anything else in my life!  

3. Being tired almost all of the time- Enough said.  Which is why I am ending this blog now and getting some rest!

Determined,

Ms. Peach

[thosewhocan-teach]

A feelings post.

I am on my second full week (kind of - Labor Day!) of teaching now. There are many reasons for why I have not written till now: 1) Umm, I'm a first year teacher, which means I have no time to do anything but breathe, eat, sleep, plan, and teach...basically. 2) It has been overwhelming just trying to reflect on what this experience has been like for. These past 8 days of school have been emotional, if nothing. Thus, a feelings post: 

Tired: Tired is actually an understatement. I'm not sure what word adequately describes how I feel. I work 12 hour days, and there is no way around it. I have been waking up at 5:30, arriving at school at 7 am to get ready for my students who start arriving at 7:30, teaching four 70-minute blocks with some breaks and meetings mixed in until my students leave at 4 pm, and then planning for my 2 subjects/eating dinner/showering until 10 or 11 pm, when I finally go to sleep, utterly exhausted. I am not sure if first year teachers have the hardest or most demanding schedules in the world, but I do know without a doubt that I feel very, very tired. I was not really expecting this type of schedule, even though I was warned beforehand. 

Overwhelmed: I feel like I constantly have at least 3 to-do lists going in my head, on post-it notes, sent to myself in emails, or written in programs that are supposed to help me time manage. Nothing really cuts it. I am usually great at staying organized, but I think I'm going to have to kick it up 10 notches. There are also TONS of things that real teachers have to worry about that I never had to before. What happens when a kid is absent? Do they have to turn in the previous night's homework? What if they don't? Is it my responsibility to track them down? There is so much that I'm sure I'll sort out with time and experience, but for now, I am polling different teachers to find out the most popular ways to deal with these annoying little issues.

Angry: Actually being a real-world teacher, I feel even MORE angry about the way that teachers are perceived in our society. Salary definitely plays into this, but even that is negligible in my case since I am single and only supporting myself. I know how hard the teachers at my school work, and the profession deserves so much more respect than it currently receives. I also feel angry because it is so hard to look at my students, real people who work hard and are smart and have so much potential, and know how society perceives them. I know that I have to work 10x harder for them, and in turn, they have to work harder, just to be considered competent and worthy. Sunshine Charter* is fairly strong academically, and many students have been attending the school for a while, and so are doing well in school. However, others are struggling. It sucked explaining the achievement gap to my students and telling them what they are up against and why they have to work so hard. But I guess that is the reality. 

Dread: I know this sounds weird, especially because I have four summers of teaching experience under my belt. I used to look forward to the day, to my classes, and my students. But every morning, I wake up and I don't anymore. I fear that this summer left me feeling like I failed my students. The insecurity that that brought seems to have crawled into this year. What if I fail my students again? What if I'm not accountable for all that I have to teach them? It is hard not waking up feeling as energized as I used to feel every morning at Student U. Every day seems to get a little better, though, and when I'm actually teaching a lesson, I'm totally fine. I hoping that that continues to the point where I stop feeling nauseous every morning and can actually look forward to my time with kids. 

In love: My kids are...so cute. Well, most of them. Some of them look like adults, and so cute does not describe them very well. It is difficult at times, however, because I have over 80! It is hard to try to teach content while trying to get to know these people that I have to have so much responsibility over. But I do care about them, and I am sure I will grow to love them even more as I get to know them better. In turn, I hope I will also become more comfortable with this new job, and new life...and quickly. 

Always,

Ms. Bumblebee

*Name has been changed

[thosewhocan-teach]

positivity is a mind game.

There are one hundred ways I could describe myself right now. For most of those I can't tell if they're explanations or excuses, so I'll save those ideas for another day. 

I literally catch myself opening my mouth and singing "la la la la la" [if you knew me, this would be less difficult to believe] to quiet my insecurities. Times when I question my competency, ability and effectiveness I literally, verbally, out loud tell those voices to shutup and I get back to work. 

I remember when I was wrestling with so many things when I studied abroad and in one email back to family and friends at home I wrote, "everything we do in life is a process... most of us don't just wake up awesome, it's something we grow into." I believe that. Progressively I will get better. I keep wishing that I could just spend the perfect weekend setting myself up for perfection from here on out...I have to realize that this year is going to be frequent tweaks, corrections and realignments as the year goes on. I just HATE regrets. I hate them, so I do everything I can on the front end to make sure that those "If only I had..." or "If I had __________ my students would ____________" don't overpower my ability to give myself some grace...the best thing I can do is commit to prioritizing what I will work on now and work the rest in as I go.

Until later,

Ms. Boom Pow