Thank you to all those who have sent me their support for this story I wrote for MoreStories2SaveLives - Summer 2018 Collection.Â
My thanks to @sunsetsrmydreams for being my beta-extraordinaire and for gifting me this beautiful banner.
Here is a small preview of chapter 2 which I have just posted on AO3. I hope you enjoy reading it. Â
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It is written that angels who relinquish their immortality for a life in the mortal world will be sent to a dark place between heaven and hell called purgatory once their mortal lives end. They must wait to account for their lives with our heavenly father through purification before they can re-enter heaven again and to an eternal life in paradise. For some poor souls, purification never comes.
All Katniss Everdeen wanted was to see the one who got away one last time...
My contribution to the Fall 2018 edition of More Stories to Save Lives, in support of Hope for Caroline. Rated T.  Also cross posted to AO3.Â
Commander Katniss Everdeen stood in front of Trident Hyperrealism Industries, housed in a glossy candy-coloured glass building that stretched up to the sky, and wondered for the hundredth time what she was doing. This was definitely not her district, not her scene at all. But sheâd made a promise, and Katniss always kept her word. Clenching her jaw, she pushed through the doors.
Her perfectly polished uniform boots clicked on the slick marble flooring, echoing through the massive, opulent lobby. Vases of tropical blooms perfumed the carefully climate-controlled air, contributing to the feeling of decadence. Everything about the space, the building, the whole damned city, was an affront to Katniss. It was all too shiny, too gaudy, too fake.
Though she was on Earth, her planet, the Capitol was as different from her home in District Twelve as any of the outer rim planets sheâd visited in her two plus years in command of the starship Mockingjay had been. Foreign and loud and filled with people who had more in common with exotic birds than with Katniss herself, the Capitol might as well be in the delta quadrant instead of nestled in the Rockies only a fifteen second teleport from home.
Katniss shook her head. She had to stop thinking that way. The Capitol was her home now. District Twelve was no more than a memory.
She made her way to the reception desk, gave her name, and was directed to an elevator bank, a charmingly old school feature of an otherwise thoroughly modern building. The four-floor ascent in a mirrored box took longer than transporting to the building from her quarters on the outskirts of the Capitol. It reminded her of - no. She wouldnât think of that place or that time. Not now.
Not yet, anyway.
A man of extraordinary beauty stood to greet her as soon as the elevator doors opened. Tall, athletic, with golden skin, bronze-colored hair, his incredible sea-green eyes twinkled as he reached out to shake her hand. He couldnât be real, she thought. He must be one of the simulations that Trident Industries was famous for. The reason she was there, though she wouldnât have admitted that to anyone else.
âWelcome, Commander,â the man said, his voice deep and rich, flowing like melted chocolate. She couldnât help but be impressed. The simulations sheâd encountered in her years of training at the academy had been jerky, somewhat robotic, obviously fake. This, on the other hand, was incredibly convincing. He reached out to shake Katnissâs hand and she was startled by how solid he felt. As if reading her mind, he chuckled. âFinnick Odair,â he said. âOwner of Trident Hyperrealism Industries, at your service.â
âYouâre real?â she blurted, years of studying diplomacy forgotten in an instant. But he merely smiled, unaffected, perhaps unsurprised by her question.
âI am indeed, and Iâm here to make all of your fantasies come true.â
It was that comment, delivered in a slightly smarmy way, that broke the spell for Katniss. She couldnât argue that Finnick wasn't one of the most stunning, sensuous people on the planet. But she could honestly say he wasnât attractive to her. Maybe he was too pretty. Maybe he was too easy to get, or maybe it was really that he'd just be too easy to lose.
Katniss was somewhat of a specialist in losing people.
âMr. Odair,â she said, pulling her hand from his grip. âYour assistant told me youâd be able to design a package to suit my requirements.â
âOf course,â he said, gesturing towards a small red loveseat, then settling himself across from her. âTrident Hyperrealism Industries is known across the galaxy for our fully immersive simulations that allow you to visit anywhere in the universe and have the perfect vacation experience. No transport ships, no bad weather, no bad service, nothing but pleasure at any of our four hundred and seventy-six thousand pre-programmed destinations.â He glanced at Katnissâs Star Alliance uniform. âThough perhaps it isnât travel youâre looking for?â
âNo,â she admitted. âIâve been to all of the planets I care to visit and then some.â
When Katniss signed up to captain a two-year diplomatic tour, sheâd anticipated seeing strange new worlds and meeting fascinating new beings. Instead, she did nothing but work and sleep for twenty-eight long months. Her small crew was hardly sufficient to keep the ship running and sheâd pulled double, sometimes triple shifts to ensure that everything got done and that her people were sufficiently rested and taken care of. Every minute of each highly anticipated planetary landing was filled with duty and obligation. Though sheâd been to Rigel Seven, sheâd never gotten to see its twin moons. On Juno, sheâd only glimpsed the legendary Tower of Inysis from the window of a transport. During her last excursion, to tiny Bacchus Minor, she hadnât even set foot on the ground, her meetings and resupply mission having taken place on a satellite orbiting the pretty jewel-green planet.
Adrift in the cosmos, Katniss struggled with the isolation of life on a starship, the exhaustion, the loneliness.There was no glamour, no adventure. And while there was definitely satisfaction in a job well done, it was hollow when she had no one to share it with. Her few hours not occupied with work she had spent alone in her bunk, staring at the ceiling, remembering. Regretting.
So after her tour, sheâd resigned her commission and accepted a teaching position at the Alliance Academy. She was due to begin work in just two weeks time. And though it would undoubtedly make more sense to be spending her first week back on Earth exploring or setting up her new quarters, she was sitting on a candy-coloured couch in a candy-coloured office, chatting with a candy-sweet man who made her teeth hurt and her skin crawl.
âAh,â Finnick said, and a wide smile showed every perfect, sparkling tooth. âSo you are looking for a more personal experience.â
âI was told that you could arrange for me to see someone. Or, to see a simulation of someone,â she mumbled, and Finnick nodded enthusiastically.
âYes, yes. We have simulations of a wide variety of the most popular beings from history, all impeccably programmed with perfectly rendered with historically accurate voice and speech patterns, reactions and abilities. You absolutely will not be able to tell that the person youâre speaking with isnât the real deal, guaranteed! You can spend time with Elvis Presley, Alabaster Harrington or Henry Cavill,â Finnick said, listing several sex symbols of the past two centuries. Katniss frowned. âOr,â he hedged, âMaybe youâre looking for a more intellectual experience? Maybe Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein is more your speed?â
âNo,â she said. âI want to see someone contemporary. Someone who is, uh, still alive.â
âOf course,â he said. âCaesar Flickerman is a popular choice.â Katniss recoiled. Caesar Flickerman had to be over a hundred years old. He had been performing on entertainment broadcasts for as long as anyone could remember; his appearance - white face paint, blue lips, and brightly dyed wigs - virtually unchanged in all of that time.
âI didnât know he was even still around,â Katniss mumbled, suppressing another shudder. âBut no. The person Iâd like to see isnât famous.â
âI see,â Finnick smirked. âA custom simulation.â
âYes. Will that be a problem?â
âNo, no of course not. We are quite capable of fulfilling all of our customersâ special requirements. As long as he has a digital record, I can produce a simulation so perfect, it would convince his mother.â The slick grin was back in place.
âHow did you know heâs a he?â Katniss asked.
âIâve been doing this a long time, Commander. And I can assure you that all of our simulations are fully functional, solid, firm, and programmed with a full library of skills.â It took Katniss two, perhaps three beats to understand the subtext of Finnickâs words. Fire raced up her throat, painted her cheeks.
âMr. Odair,â she said tightly, âI am in no way looking for some sick sexual fantasy.â
âOf course not,â he soothed, but his lecherous expression was unchanged. âBut what happens in the simulators is none of my business, so long as your expectations are fulfilled.â
Katnissâs attention drifted as Finnick outlined the specifications of the program, the cost, the amount of time she would have in the simulator, and what she could expect in terms of realism. Her mind wandered, as it often did, to the man she had spent two and a half years missing with every fibre of her being, to the things sheâd said the last time sheâd seen him. To the things she wanted, needed, so desperately to tell him now, even if it was only pretend.
âAnd where would you like this encounter to be?â Finnick asked, the smarmy tone creeping back into his voice, catching her attention again. âYour quarters?â
âIt doesnât matter,â she sighed. âYour lobby, the sidewalk out front, the virtual location wonât make any difference.â
âSurely youâd like something comfortable and private. A hotel? A Turkludiaan den, perhaps?â He was all but sneering; clearly heâd made up his mind that she was some sort of sexual pervert looking to get busy with a stranger on whom she had a crush. But he was dead wrong. Not about the crush part, but about the rest. She wasnât looking to screw a make-believe stranger. She wanted to see the love of her life. To tell him she was sorry.
âItâs not like that,â she snapped, half-rising, and his eyes widened, hands lifting in supplication. She deflated, sinking back into her seat and dropping her head into her hands.
Katniss sighed. Every rational thought screamed at her to simply leave. Sheâd known all along that this was a bad idea. But after twenty-eight months of what was essentially a self-imposed exile, twenty-eight months of not having taken a single shore leave, a single vacation, even a single day off, she was at a breaking point. And it was obvious to everyone around her. Even her cousin, Gale, had noted Katnissâs sadness during their weekly video chats. She was tired and worn out, and Gale was worried enough that heâd threatened to come home from school on planet Spectra to take care of her. Katniss couldnât allow that. Gale was settled on Spectra and was a model student, hardworking, brilliant. Allowing her own heartbreak and stupidity to compromise his future was unacceptable.
So when Gale, who was frugal to the point of being cheap, sent her a Trident Industries gift card two days ago, just before sheâd disembarked from the Mockingjay and walked away from her life on the starship, Katniss had promised to actually use it. âTake a virtual vacation,â heâd insisted. Sheâd tried to tell him she was fine, needed nothing, but Gale knew her too well. âLive a little,â heâd begged, silver eyes shining in the video relay. âYou deserve this, after everything.â
âI just want to see someone I used to know,â she murmured to Finnick, staring at her shiny boots. âOne last time.â
âSomeone you canât speak with in person.â It wasnât a question, not really, and the soft tone caught Katniss off guard. She glanced up. The leering, lecherous salesman was gone. In his place was just Finnick Odair, still incredibly gorgeous, but with a kind, compassionate expression instead of a dazzling smile. It made him seem more human somehow. More real.
âRight.â
âI can do that. Iâll need to access his public records, to ensure the simulation reacts as closely to how he would really act as possible.â
âI donât know where he is now,â she admitted. âHe was a student at the Alliance Academy, up until a few years ago. Last I heard, he was teaching at the Panem School of Fine Arts.â Finnick nodded.
âThat will help. There should be plenty of biometrics available. Whatâs his name?â
o-o-o
Katniss talked herself into and out of showing up at Trident a dozen times, but in the end her frugal nature won out. Fifty-five hundred credits was a terrible amount to waste, even if they werenât her credits to begin with.
She berated herself as she got ready, brushing out her long black hair and agonizing over what to wear. It was a simulation. It wasnât going to care what she looked like! She could have - should have - shown up wearing anything; her uniform, her old hunting clothes, even pyjamas. And yet she pulled from her closet a dress that she hadnât worn for more than two years, a pretty orange frock patterned with autumn leaves. It had been his favourite, another lifetime ago.
The building was just as garish as it had been her first visit, but this time Finnick Odair wasnât there to greet her. A beautiful young woman with an ethereal calmness led Katniss down a long white corridor to a set of imposing silver doors.
âEverything has been programmed to your specifications,â she said softly. âThe simulation is completely self-sustaining, you donât have to do anything. But if for any reason you need to exit before the completion of the program, the computer will respond to your commands.â
Katniss nodded. Sheâd studied engineering at the academy before being hand picked for the command program. And while this simulator was leagues ahead of the simple holodecks she was accustomed to, she understood the fundamentals. âThank you,â she said, but remained motionless outside the closed doors long after the young woman had walked away.
Finally she shook aside the lethargy and doubt and entered the simulator. And then gasped. Katniss knew this place, knew every bench, every rock, every flower. Sheâd spent the past two years seeing this place every time she closed her eyes.
The gardens on the rooftop of the academy training centre.
Out of every possible place in the universe, how had Finnick Odair chosen this? There was no way he could he possibly have guessed how much this place had meant to her. Had meant to them.
It was almost enough to send her running back out of the simulator, down the corridor, back to her spartan grey quarters at the academy. Back to her spartan grey life. But Katniss Everdeen was done running.
She stepped cautiously forward, barely hearing the soft snick of the simulator doors closing behind her, immersing her completely in the illusion.
She wandered the garden paths slowly, reverently, mouth agape. It was incredible, every detail exactly as she remembered it. She reached out to stroke the glossy green leaves of a hanging vine where it twisted around a pergola. It felt exactly like the vines sheâd practiced tying into knots during one of her last visits to the real rooftop gardens. Apple trees perfumed the air. Their gnarled branches just like the ones theyâd climbed with abandon during their academy years, playing catch with the sweet fruit. Even the wind chimes tinkling above a lush flower garden were exactly as she remembered them, their gentle chords the soundtrack by which a quiet young woman and a kind young man had made love all those years ago.
âKatniss?â
She turned slowly at the voice she knew better than her own, the voice of her heart.
He was standing perhaps a dozen steps away, an old-fashioned wicker picnic basket in hand, the artificial sun filtering through his ashy curls, crowning him in gold.
Peeta Mellark.
He was smiling softly, the smile that had always made her feel like the most important person in the universe. As if she could have forgotten how gorgeous he was, how strong and broad and solid. He set the basket down and took a few steps towards her, his grin unwavering.
She marvelled at how life-like he was, every detail utterly perfect from his golden eyelashes, so long they brushed his cheeks with each blink, all the way down to the double knots that secured his shoes. It was as if sheâd been transported back in time, to those days more than two years ago when life had been perfect, when sheâd been happy and loved.
All of her pent-up longing overflowed, and she let herself just for the moment forget that it wasnât real, that it wasnât really Peeta standing before her, and with a little laugh jumped into his arms.
He caught her and spun her around, the arms encircling her just as warm and strong as she remembered. A thousand moments surged through her, all the times those arms were her only refuge from the world. Perhaps not fully appreciated then, but so sweet in memory, and now gone forever. As if reading her mind, he pulled her in close and buried his face in her hair. Warmth radiated from the spot where his lips just touched her neck, slowly spreading through the rest of her body, enveloping her in comfort. It felt so good, so impossibly good, that she knew she would not be the first to let go.
âStill the most beautiful woman in the galaxy,â he murmured, and Katniss laughed, a pained little sound stained with longing and regret. The real Peeta wouldnât be so kind, she thought. Heâd still be angry, and he should be. Sheâd hurt him terribly. But when the simulated Peeta pulled back, he was smiling at her as if she were more radiant than the sun.
âPeeta,â she started, but he laid a gentle finger across her lips, halting the apologies that yearned to trip from her tongue.
âShhh,â he said. âWe have time. Letâs relax first. Have a bite to eat.â
Peeta led her down one of the sun-dappled paths to a patch of grass right at the edge of the rooftop. She wrapped her hands around the railing and looked out over the edge, where the sun hit the glossy buildings spread before them, making them twinkle like a vast field of fireflies stretching to the horizon. He moved to stand behind her, his warmth against her back.
âIâd almost forgotten how pretty it is up here,â she murmured. His puff of laughter teased the shell of her ear, made her shiver.
âThatâs my line,â he said, amusement colouring his voice. âAnd you always insisted that itâs not as pretty as our woods.â He wrapped an arm around her collar bones, pulling her back against his broad chest. She smiled, leaning into him, letting herself truly live in the memory made real.
Eventually, he led them away from the railing, to where heâd lain a blanket over the soft artificial grass. When he opened the basket and started to pull out the food it held, she laughed with true delight and his grin widened. Inside was a feast â fresh rolls, goat cheese, apples, reminiscent of all of the picnics theyâd shared in these gardens over their years together. âAnd the pièce de resistance,â he said almost shyly, lifting a tureen that she was certain contained lamb stew on wild rice. The very dish she had always said was the most impressive thing the Capitol had to offer.
She sobered. âYou have a remarkable memory,â she said haltingly, regret again flaring in her gut.
âI remember everything about you,â Peeta said, tucking a loose strand of soft ebony hair behind her ear. âYouâre the one who wasnât paying attention.â
âI am now,â she whispered.
âWell, I donât have much competition here,â he chuckled, self-effacing as always. He never had any competition anywhere, she wanted to say. But she didnât, because it wasnât true. Heâd always been in competition with her drive, her ambition. Itâs why sheâd lost him.
They sat together in the computer-generated sunshine of an unnaturally perfect day. Peeta fed her bites of bread, slathered in goat cheese and topped with apple slices and they reminisced; about their childhood in District Twelve where they knew each other only by sight, about the friendship that bloomed between them when they found themselves the only two children reaped from their district to join the Star Alliance academy, plucked from their impoverished obscurity and dropped into the garish Capitol to train for the elite star force. A friendship that grew so much deeper when only a couple of years into training, a rogue asteroid destroyed their home district in a hail of fire, leaving them both orphaned and alone with only each other to count on.
When the food had been consumed, and the remnants tucked away, Katniss took a deep breath. Sheâd arranged this simulation for a purpose, there were things she needed to say. âIâm sorry,â she said, and his soft smile fell.
âNo,â he started, but she wouldnât let him finish. She knew heâd simply absolve her, the simulation was behaving exactly as Peeta had before sheâd left him, kind and forgiving and always putting her needs before his own.
âItâs not okay, Peeta,â she said, her voice low but steady. âIt never was. I was wrong. I shouldnât have left. Not without fixing things between us.â
She thought back to when sheâd been offered the command of her own starship, years ahead of when most young officers were picked to head up missions. It was so unexpected, had flown completely in the face of their plans. Theyâd always intended on being commissioned together. She would cut her teeth serving under whatever commander headed up Peetaâs first intergalactic diplomatic mission. His talented silver tongue, his ability to paint pictures with words were abilities that made him a star at the academy. They both knew he would ascend the ranks fastest.
But he didnât. She did. And flush with pride, sheâd gone to him, excitement about her accomplishment colouring her every word, every thought. Heâd been calm, rational, reminding her of their plans, their future. Sheâd been angry defensive, afraid to listen to anything that could have jeopardized her independence. Unforgivably, sheâd accused him of not supporting her dreams. Peeta, who had been her biggest supporter forever. Even as sheâd said the words, sheâd known they were untrue. But each one flew from her lips like arrows, each hitting her target, piercing him deeply.
The fight had been awful. Sheâd said so many terrible things, and heâd responded with stony silence. Angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, sheâd run. Left him standing on the lawn of the academy stooped in defeat, the waning sun glowing against his dress whites. That image was burned into her retinas, into her heart, and had haunted her for the past two and a half years.
She hadnât seen or spoken to him since.
The anger sheâd clung to like a shield only lasted so long, replaced quickly by regret. Sheâd tried looking him up in the database, but heâd left the academy almost as soon as sheâd boarded that damned ship, moved on to a new life that didnât include her. So she moved on too, threw herself into her work, tried not to think about him, about what he might be doing, who he might be loving.
Peeta listened, the slight breeze tossing his curls as he sat on the blanket, their knees just touching, the warmth of his presence giving her the strength to say everything she needed to say. He never once interrupted as she poured out her heart in a way she couldnât have with the real Peeta, the one who had been so angry heâd blocked her access to his communicator, who probably hated her. This Peeta listened attentively as she told him about her years in space. As she confessed to having thought about him every single day. âI knew I could survive without you,â she said. âBut itâs a terrible, lonely life.â
âEnough,â he said finally, pulling her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. âIâm to blame too. I shut down, cut you out of my life. If I had stopped being so wounded I would have remembered that our relationship was so much more important than my hurt and jealousy.â
Katniss whimpered, burying her face in his shirt, enveloped in his scent. Sheâd loved him, had always loved him, and yet when sheâd walked away that awful day, heâd let her go. When he hadnât contacted her even once those months before her ship left, sheâd simply sealed off her heart. Years of friendship, of passion, of love, were walled up, destroyed, and tossed aside like so much trash. Commander Everdeen needed no one. But sheâd been lying to herself. Thatâs why she was here, on a rooftop, tucked into the embrace of a fake version of the only man sheâd ever truly loved instead of virtually touring the lavender sand beaches of Astrazaria. She knew sheâd never be able to move on without saying it out loud, without telling at least some version of Peeta she was sorry for all of it, even if heâd never actually hear the words.
âDo you forgive me?â she whispered, more for herself than for the illusion of him. His arms tightened.
âYes,â he said. âCan you forgive me?â She nodded against his collar. Sheâd forgiven the real Peetaâs tiny part in their break up years ago.
The sun slid lower in the sky as they clung to each other, soft sighs and gentle caresses speaking of regret, but also contentment. Streaks of pink and gold kissed the horizon, reminding her that their time was almost done. That all too soon, sheâd be alone again. The dream, her fantasy, would be over. But sheâd accomplished what sheâd set out to do. Sheâd told him, and in doing so had freed him from where sheâd caged up all of her happy memories. Now maybe she could start to heal.
âAh Kitten,â he murmured, and she froze. Kitten was the pet name Peeta had used when they were intimate, never any other time, and certainly never where anyone else could ever have heard him. How on earth had that gotten into the simulation? It was their secret, something that was only for them. She could feel his soft exhale against her temple. âI miss you so much.â His voice cracked, just a little, and her heart shattered. It was too much, his arms, his voice, his words. It hurt too much. This wasnât going to help her get over him.
âI canât do this,â she mumbled, tears stinging. She wouldnât let them fall though, sheâd never once cried in front of the real Peeta, not even when sheâd left him behind two years ago. She sure as hell wasnât going to cry in front of this simulation, however real he might feel.
His expression when she pulled away and scrambled to her feet nearly gutted her, the confusion, the fear. She turned away, couldn't bear to watch. âComputer,â she barked, listening for the acknowledging beep.
Behind her, Peeta gasped. âKatniss?â he rasped. She couldnât do this anymore, she missed him too much. She was a fool to think that anything could ever heal the Peeta-shaped hole in her heart. This had only made things worse, only made her confront how badly sheâd screwed up. How much she still loved him.
âEnd simulation,â she whispered.
In the blink of an eye, it all vanished. The rooftop, the gardens, the tinkling wind chimes, all of it disappeared, leaving behind just the bare grey walls.
âWhat the--â a voice from behind her. Katniss whirled. Inexplicably, the simulation of Peeta was still there, staring at her, wide-eyed. âOh my god,â he whispered.
âEnd simulation!â she yelled, but he didn't so much as flicker. âShit,â she hissed. What the hell was wrong with this computer? She spun and marched towards the sleek panel on the wall. She'd have to override it herself.
Behind her, he kept murmuring her name. And she tried, desperately, to ignore the pleading, disbelieving tone of his voice. He sounded like he had when she'd told him she was leaving. When she had broken both of their hearts.
She was trying to manually key in a set of commands when his hands fell on her shoulders, so warm and solid that it made her tremble. This was not supposed to be happening. Finnick promised she could end this at any time. Was it her own desperate need for him holding his avatar there, manifesting him with the force of her desire? âKatniss,â he whispered again, and she felt his warm breath caress her ear. Then he was turning her to face him, and she didnât resist.
Blue eyes roamed her face, as if searching for something crucial. His hands, those hands, so perfectly rendered, long-fingered and elegant, rubbed up and down her arms, shoulders to elbows. Then he smiled, a confused, bewildered little half smile. âYouâre real,â he whispered. âHoly shit.â
Katniss rolled her eyes, she couldnât help it. Of course she was real, and this simulation was a little too sentient, it was starting to alarm her. But then he was laughing, he was laughing and pulling her into a tight embrace. âItâs really you,â he choked, laughter mixing with something much more poignant.
âI don't know what kind of sick game you're playing, Odair,â she mumbled, voice muffled against Peetaâs shoulder. She knew she needed to push away from the simulation, but surrounded by his warmth, by his clean, spicy scent, his big hand cupping the back of her head in that familiar way he always had, she just couldn't. His chest shook as another bout of rich laughter rumbled from his chest.
âI thought you were a simulation,â he said once his laughter had calmed. âBut itâs really you. Youâre really here.â He pulled back enough to see her face, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Her brows furrowed.
âYou thoughtâŚâ Katniss trailed off as finally the pieces clicked into place in her mind. âYou bought a fantasy from Trident?â Was that possible, that heâd been thinking the same way she had, feeling the same regrets, the same need to set things right, however pretend the setting? Or had Finnick Odair somehow arranged this, convinced him to show up, to pretend to be a simulation? Her head spun.
But Peeta nodded. âI paid 6 000 credits to relive the best day of my life,â he said, and his words made her stomach flutter, a tide of hope rising. âYou did too.â It wasnât a question, exactly, but there was a hopeful lilt to his voice. She shrugged helplessly. âYouâre really here.â He cupped her cheek in one huge hand, his thumb stroking her cheek.
âI just got back to Earth six days ago,â she whispered
âI thought Iâd never see you again,â he admitted.
âAre you disappointed? That itâs really me?â She squirmed with embarrassment; It had been one thing to bare her soul to an empty room. Knowing it had really been Peeta, her Peeta, was horrifying. She fought with her emotions, elation at seeing him again when sheâd thought it would never happen and terror that he hadnât meant the things heâd said, had only been playing a role. âYou were so angry when I left.â
âGod no,â he said, pulling her against him again, his joy palpable. She didnât resist in the least, wrapping her arms around his waist, her heart overwhelmed by the knowledge that he was here, flesh and blood and Peeta. He was here and he was holding her, like he once had. Like he did in her dreams. Her smile was so wide, he must have been able to feel it against his shirt, but she didnât care. âI was hurt, and scared, and more than a little selfish,â he admitted. âBut I meant every word I said in here, Kitten. Iâve missed you so much. I wanted to see you again so bad.â
âMe too,â she whispered.
His soft lips brushed across her temple and he sighed, a contented little sound that she had missed so much. âHow long are you staying?â he asked.
âFor good.â She tipped her head up to meet his confused gaze. âIâm home. I resigned my command and took a job teaching at the academy.â
The joy that split his handsome face was almost heartbreaking in its beauty, before he schooled his features into a more cautious optimism. âWhat does that mean? For⌠for us?â
There was no âusâ as far as Katniss knew. Sheâd come here to get over Peeta, to finally be able to move on after years stuck in limbo. But she finally realized that was the fantasy, that was the ânot realâ. She could never get over him. And she didnât want to.
âThat depends on what you want, I guess.â She had been so busy spilling the contents of her soul that she hadnât asked him about his own life. For all she knew, he had a wife and a dozen gorgeous blond babies waiting at home. The very idea was a like a spear through her heart.
âI want you,â he said, serious and solemn. âIâve wanted you since we were five years old, back in Twelve. Iâve never stopped. And I never will.â He leaned in to kiss her, to really kiss her, and the tears sheâd spent forever holding back trickled down her cheeks.
âI love you,â she murmured, the words maybe too soon and yet also far too late. He picked her up and spun her again, laughing as he kissed his own loving declarations into her skin, every word and every caress a healing balm.
âLetâs get out of here,â she said when they broke apart, breathless and flushed.
âAre you sure?â He waggled his eyebrows, voice brimming with mirth. âWe could relaunch the simulator to one of Finnickâs fantasy programs. How about a Pfflachlin coital suite?â
Katniss laughed, really laughed, her joy overflowing. âNo,â she said between giggles. âNo more fantasies. I want real.â
This masterlist contains links to stories donated for the 2014 âStories to Save Livesâ Collection. We have posted links to as many of the submissions as we could find, however please note that some were never published publicly, and others have since been deleted by the authors. Â
In 2014 and 2015, the S2SL fundraisers were run by @streetlightlove1, in memory of Caroline Cronk, a 5 year old girl who died of DIPG; a devastating inoperable incurable pediatric brain tumor that occurs in children ages 5-9 and led to the foundation of Hope For Caroline, Inc., a nonprofit foundation to support other DIPG families and to provide hope by funding research for a cure.
In 2016 and 2017, the fundraising continued with MoreS2SL, organised by @sohypothetically.  A new round will be soon be running for 2018, so please check out their tumblr @mores2sl for details of how you can get involved!Â
2014
3rd Down - An Interlude by Court81981
Anesthesia by Ro_Nordmann (no link)
A Toast to Victory by ghtlovesthg
All the Right Moves and All the Right Faces by BaronessKika (deleted)
B-Side by thesagaciousowl (deleted)
Breathe Again by hakanaii
Cold Hands, Warm Heart by Sohypothetically
Covet by Misshoneywell (deleted)
Crush by atetheredmind
Even Outtake by Annieoakley1
February 14th, 1933 - (An In Name Only Outtake) by Izzysamson
House of the Rising Sun by SolasVioletta (no link)
It Begins - Finding Home Part 9 by Angylinni
I Kissed A Girl by LBug84 (deleted)
Just the Three of Us by Wollaston (no link)
Keep Quiet (An Eggshells Outtake) by Amelia Day (deleted)
Kissing Booth by Hutchabelle
Make A Wish by Court81981
Make Our Garden Grow by Fairmellarky
Midnight Confessions by Famousfremus
More Than One Night by iLoVeRynMar
Neighbours by Lbug84 (deleted)
Never Have I Ever by everlarkanxiety (no link)
Paint the Blur by Jamiesommers
Paradise Lost by Tomistaccato
Peeta and I by lulubee1234
Poet  by HGRomance
Pretty Peeta (Epilogue) by Kismet4891
Professor Peeta Mellark, PhDÂ by english5672
Raisin Nut Bread by karycautivo
Saturday Prep by Hon B (no link)
Seeing Double by alatariel_gildaen (no link)
Shifting Gears by Pookieh
Surrender to Passion (No More Chaste, Pt3)  by Peetaandherondales
Synchronicity: Return the Favor by Everlark_Pearl
Thaw  by alatariel_gildaen
The Pearl of the Antilles by titania522
The Reconstruction of a Heart by IzzySamson
Tonight We Play by titania522
Under My Skin by Court81981
Until We Meet Again - Part 2Â by Famousfremus
Wake Up State - An ATPM Outtake by BaronessKika (deleted)
I'm back from a much needed summer long break and I'm itching to write some Everlark fanfic!
I've participated in the MS2SL fundraiser for the past 5 years. It is a worthy cause, raising money for charities supporting research for curing childhood cancer. Last year, for another fundraiser with Love in Panem, I let my readers choose which fic to finish and contribute.
I'd like to do the same thing with this year's MS2SL. Below you will find the title and summary of my three unfinished fic. YOU, the reader will choose which fic I will finish. You can message me, indicate the fic in the comments or if you reblog, your vote will count twice.
You have until August 12th to vote, after which I will get to work on finishing the fic.
The three unfinished fics are below (you can find them on AO3 here):
The Pearl of the Antilles - Historical AU set in Saint Domingue (French Territory) in 1790, one year before the Haitian Slave Uprising. Capitaine Peeta Mellark is the incorruptible Captain of the French Army in Le Cap, Saint Domingue. Katniss Everdeen is the daughter of a wealthy French merchant and mulatta mother. After the death of her parents and the dissolution of her fatherâs estate, Katniss survives by becoming one of the most sought after courtesans in Le Cap. A chance encounter in a Saturday market leads to a passionate affair set against the backdrop of one of the most brutal slave uprisings in recent history.
The Sharp Edge of Memory - Even if by some miracle I did survive and he did not - if I did not follow him to the grave from desperation soon after - I would live my entire life trying to solve the puzzle of how to get him out." What would have happened on the beach during the Quarter Quell if Finnick had not interrupted them?
Heretics - Attachments lead to loss. Loss leads to suffering. Suffering leads to fear. Fear is the path to the Dark Side." But in a universe where Jedi are hunted and Good struggles to exist, it is Katniss and Peeta's uncommon connection that makes them powerful...and wanted. Based loosely on Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Star Wars: The Extended Universe.
Itâs that time of year again! For those of you who arenât aware, @mores2sl is the continuation of what was once called Smut 2 Save Lives. It is a charity collection of fanworks published annually to raise funds and awareness for DIPG, a rare and usually deadly form of childhood cancer. The collectionâs charity of choice is Hope for Caroline, but you donât have to donate to them. All it takes is a $10 (thatâs an equivalent to ten USA dollars) donation to either Hope for Caroline, or to a non profit cancer research group of your choice, and you receive access to the entire MS2SL collection.
I have contributed stories to the collection for the past two years and intend to do so again this year. Cancer in general sucks, and sometimes it feels like if you live long enough, youâre going to know someone who fights with it. For me, I had a teacher, a band director, in junior high who was pretty much the only reason I got out of bed in the mornings and went to school. He was energetic and caring, empathetic and encouraging. He was also slowly dying of cancer. The worst of it occurred once Iâd already moved on to high school, but I never forgot him and when one of his last requests was to have the townâs high school marching band escort him to the cemetery, I was one of the first to volunteer. How could I not?
Itâs gotten a little closer to home this past year, as my Mom was diagnosed with rectal cancer earlier this year. Itâs been a painful struggle and she just finished her final chemo treatment this past week. We wonât know for another month if the rounds of chemo and radiation worked or if sheâll be facing a highly invasive surgery. My Mom has been the rock in our family for decades and watching her fight this thing was both humbling and horrifying. Iâve never seen her so scared. She said something to me one day when I accompanied her to chemo and we were in a large room with five other people all undergoing some kind of chemo therapy. She said, âItâs easier to accept when theyâre older, but when theyâre so young...â she nodded towards the young woman in the chair just next to hers. She couldnât have been older than 25, and thatâs frightening enough. To battle cancer when youâre still a child? Unimaginable. These are the reasons I contribute.
For this year, we have something exciting! Hereâs a brief preview of the Everlark story Iâll be writing, featuring race car driving Katniss and Peeta as a mechanic. It will be rated at least M, probably E though because itâs me.
9000 R.P.M.
SUMMARY: Stuck in a dead end town and a dead end job, Katniss takes a gamble with the one thing she got out of her divorce -- a beat up sports car turned racer. She was always the better driver anyways. With a little help from a mechanic with blue eyes and golden hands, she turns that gamble into a chance for a better life for her and her daughter. But racing is still a boys' club and the road is never easy for a single mom.
In the morning she wakes up and her mother is already feeding Raven. She gives Katniss a once over and shakes her head. Katniss scowls at the judgement, kisses her daughter, and fixes her own damn breakfast.
âIt was your first race back since Raven was born,â her mother says and Katniss stiffens, then relaxes as her motherâs words sink in. A soft kiss to her forehead and Katniss breaks into tears. âOh baby girl, donât cry.â
Her mother holds her as she cries it all out and as they rock and hold onto each other while Raven smashes her cereal to dust. Katniss slowly calms. Each tear leaves more room for resolve.
âIâm gonna take care of her, Mama. Ravenâs gonna have a good life. Weâre gonna get out of this shit hole where everyone knows Gale cheated on me but Iâm the one they call a slut. Weâre gonna live in a nice house and Primâs going to college and youâre never scrubbing another toilet or shelling out drugs again.â
âAlright, baby girl. Thatâs your goal, then weâll make it happen. Just keep at it.â
AND! Because the amazing ladies over at @mores2sl have decided to try something different, should you donate $20 instead of $10, you will get access to the 2017 and 2016 collections as well. Why is this important you ask? Well because some writers (*cough cough ME*) never publicly posted their contributions to last yearâs collection. So if youâve been curious or wanting to read mine, hereâs another chance to do so. Itâs the first installment in whatâs planned to be a trilogy, if I can ever stop getting distracted with other stories. ;-)
SUMMARY: With all the empty space between planets and stars, one would think that two galaxies colliding is a fairly peaceful process. What if itâs not? What if life complicates the process as once distant planets become neighbors? Populations of species vanish. Others colonize new worlds. And some pick up arms against fellow living organisms as resources shift and change, become scarce. And humans...we take war with us everywhere we goâŚ
Meridia: A planet caught between strictly adhered to ancient rituals and customs, and the questions and progress that inevitably follow scientific advancements, the people of Meridia have been fighting a war to protect their sovereignty and that of their neighboring systems for over sixty years. Peeta Mellark, one of three Crown Princes vying for the throne and the future General of Meridia returns home after sustaining a severe injury in combat, but heâs not allowed to stay for long as his father sends him back across the galaxy on an errand that promises to be far more difficult than he initially thought and will test his loyalty to family, king, and home.
Arcadia: A colony of humans on a vibrant planet, intent on protecting their freedoms and their valuable resources from falling into the hands of Coriolanus Snow, self-proclaimed emperor of two still merging galaxies. In a desperate attempt to push back and end the fight once and for all, the Lady Katniss Everdeen reluctantly agrees to what she believes is a marriage of convenience in exchange for troops and allegiance from the military might of Meridia. But just because she agreed to the marriage doesnât mean sheâll go quietly. After all, itâs more than just her life affected by this arrangement.
WARNINGS: RATED E, for explicit sexual content, sci-fi themes and elements, violence and wartime shittiness, character deaths, child soldiers, genocide, arranged marriages and associated general fuckery, one slight dub-con scene and a few serious age gaps in sexual partners, awkward public sex, interspecies sex, also polyamory and polygamy. Oh and Peetaâs bisexual and there are several scenes of him with someone who is not Katniss. Both explicit and implied mentions of Katniss and Peeta being with someone else sexually before they wind up together. There is no Peeta or Katniss committing outright infidelity here, so if that bothers you, fear not. However, other characters may commit infidelity and there are several open relationships. It's set in another galaxy and not everyone is a homo sapien here, please try to keep an open mind in terms of culture variations.
RELATIONSHIP TAGS: Contains M/M, M/F, M/F/F+ and M/M/F relationships as well as associated sexual content. While this is primarily an Everlark+ story, some of these sex scenes are with characters who are not Katniss and Peeta. As in none of the participants are named Katniss or Peeta.
Inspired by a word prompt: Agelast - A person who never laughs
Warnings and tags apply to the entire series and therefore might not apply to this specific installment. Just want you to know what kind of ride you're in for before you climb aboard. I swear it's not as depressing as all those tags make it sound. Okay, maybe it is. So the real question here is...How much do you trust me?
Movement catches his attention from the corner of his eye and he glances down. He sees the injured, not dead, Capitol soldier aiming the blast rifle, right at Katniss. He moves, but the soldier fires, the blast striking rock and causing a rockslide. He hears her scream something and everything goes black and hazy. Peeta falls on the soldier and grabs his head, smashing his face into the ground with a sickening crunch. Satisfied that the man is now truly dead, he whips his head up, heart in his throat, and scans the rocks.
âPeeta!â she yells from her position right before loosing another arrow. âNorth!â
He nods and takes a deep breath before motioning for his troops to follow behind him.
Sheâs fine. Sheâs fine. He has to repeat the words over and over as they move, and still, he constantly checks on her until Mitchell elbows him to get him to refocus. The snow distracts him from fretting over Katniss as it starts up again and he curses the damn stuff.
Soooo.... I am very late in posting my October 2016 MS2SL story. But I hope all those still out there reading my stories, that you enjoy this one. I want to dedicate this to my December babies - @pearlpromises, @mockingjayne12 and @deltagirl74. You are all wonderful ladies I am so grateful to have in my life.
Summary:
Peeta Mellark never intended to stay in Hawaii. It did not fit in his neat life. It was too sunny, too sandy, too unpredictable. But he was here to help out his brother with his new bakery for a short time and that's it. But the best laid plans go awry, especially when Katniss Everdeen is involved.
The sweet tropical breeze billowed through the curtains as Peeta pulled the last shirt out of his suitcase and tucked the neatly rolled fabric in the top drawer. He sighed deeply as he stared down at the perfect rows of clothes indicating he was done packing. Old habits died hard, especially when they were enforced by a tongue lashing and a harsh hand. Frustrated with himself, he ran his hands furiously through them trying his best to make it look like he was a normal guy who didnât care how his drawer looked. Satisfied he turned around to close his suitcase and stow it in his closet.
âHey Peeta! Are you ready to go out for lunch?â He could tell his brother was impatient to eat and he was ready to step out of his temporary bedroom when anxiety rolled through him and he stopped.
âHold on Mitch I just have to finish unpacking!â He yelled back. He sighed in defeat and he went back to the drawer to quickly make it neat again.
________________________
âYou know that preppy look is going to last like a day out here. You look like a damn tourist,â his brother said looking him up and down. They were flying down the empty road, wind whipping his neatly combed hair in a frenzy in his brotherâs open jeep as the massive greenery flew by. The vines seemed to take over everything on the island from the stop signs to the electric wiring. He was afraid it would take over him if he stayed long enough. And he knew his brother was right but he couldnât help being⌠neat.
âHey whereâd you go Peeta,â Mitch said waving his hand in front of him. Peeta tried uselessly not to grip his door hand as his brother took a sharp turn, using only the palm of his hand to turn the wheel. The vehicle jumped and shook as it turned into a cracked parking lot, slamming his brakes just in time to fit in a tight spot.
âIâm right here Mitch. And where are you taking me?â He asked through gritted teeth.
âYeah your bodyâs here but your brain still seems to be in Seattle. All grey and foggy like that damn city. Look at where you are! In Paradise man. And the first stop is the best soup youâll ever eat in your life - saimen.
âItâs over 80 degrees out and you want me to eat soup?â Of course his oldest brother would think something like that was a good idea.
Hello, my wonderful readers. Iâm back with the mother of all stories. Iâm sorry itâs so long, but I wanted to give the story justice because this topic of terrorism hits very close to my heart. Itâs not something Iâm proud to portray from the country I call my own, considering it has a lot of painful history. However, itâs something that needs to be written because the Shining Path Terrorist group is still at large and causing great strife in my beautiful country. Not as much as before but the presence of people like these are still a constant reminder that we cannot move forward. I wrote this story in the mid 80âs to early 90âs because thatâs when the most strife hit the country. Especially within the Capitol of Peru. This conflict has been going on since the 70âs but only picked up momentum.
There are of course several people Iâd like to thank, beginning with my amazing beta @walkthemoonandchill  who had been extremely patient with all my mistakes and to have done it in such short notice was going above and beyond the call of duty.Â
I would also like to thank the amazing @akai-echo  for her beautiful artwork! To my lovely Lilo to my Stitch @mega-aulover for all her unconditional support and cheering on. And finally, to my wonderful family who has been so supportive and patient with all my late nights! I hope you all like this behemoth of a story!