#mt muses

[mthollowell-writes]

I've been thinking a lot and reading a lot about creativity in a world of noise. How finding magic in the everyday and moments of solitude to allow boredom to creep in are essential to cultivating your inner life.

It's a practice. I'm still finding my steps but I'm trying to find time for it everyday.

I hope everyone who reads this finds a moment of peace today

[mthollowell-writes]

My heart, a tangle, and other fine messes

When starting something new, it's difficult not to hone in on its imperfections. Ideas are fragile things in the stark light of reality. They shrivel on the vine of scrutiny.

Starting new journals feel the same. Perhaps even more profane. I behold a clean, empty space with all its crisp lines, and think of all the ways I will dirty it all with my thoughts and feelings and half ideas: crooked lines and smudges and oil stains from clumsy, imprecise fingers.

My heart, a tangle, and other fine messes

For some context, I’ve started the practice of writing a sort of note to myself at the beginning of new journals. Sort of like an introducti

[mthollowell-writes]

Somehow it's the end of the year...

Reflections on 2025

Trying to make sense of the longest, shortest year

[mthollowell-writes]

Currently took to reading a contemporary history of the 1920s and it’s interesting to see human nature follow familiar rhythms

Like, following a national trauma (like a war and/or a pandemic) the people crave normalcy and lash out against anything perceived to threaten it.

We just want things to go back to the way they were, but there is no going back. We are different from who we were then

[mthollowell-writes]

Mr. Grim Makes Their Demands

A new idea is at the door.

I apply some finishing touches to the table and check my teeth in the silver spoons. It's been a long time since I let someone in and I'm a little nervous.

I take a breath, pat down stray hairs, and walk towards the door. Putting on my best smile, I open the door and invite them in.

Oh no.

This idea isn't new. It stands before me awkwardly, shuffling on one foot then the other. Their head is cast down, but I would know that face anywhere. I've picked them up and abandoned them so many times already.

Mr. Grim. Where would I even begin?

My heart sinks but I try not to let that show in my smile. Ideas are fickle creatures. If they sense a whiff of doubt, they scatter to the winds.

"Please come in," I reiterate before I make my way back to the table and sit.

They stand at the threshold, surly and unwilling to come in.

What did I say? Fickle.

I lean forward and curl a beckoning finger.

"It'll be different this time. Please."

Mr. Grim curls their lip and marches in. They throw themselves into the chair across from me and sneers.

"You say that," they huff, "but how will i know you won't abandon me for the next shiny thing?"

I couldn't promise them anything. Humans are fickle too. We both know it.

Instead, I open my notebook and look them in the eye. "What can I I do to make this work?"

Mr. Grim makes their demands listed off as a list of "I needs."

I need research. I need time. I need all of your attention.

No more. No less.

I take another deep breath before reminding Mr. Grim that I am only one person and this is a lot to ask. That we both need time to get reacquainted because we've changed in ways that'll take some getting used to. That expecting so much so soon will only burn us both out.

I start sketching something out. "Why don't we break this all up into a plan?"

They mutter something under their breath but are amendable.

And so we bring our heads together and do some work.

Sometimes you need to personify your ideas and give them a seat at the table to make them more approachable. I haven't really touched Project: Grim Lore since 2019 because the project always felt so big and unwieldy. I was intimidated by the research since its set in the mid-19th century. I'm rebuilding the outline and rethinking some characters.

Wish us luck!

[mthollowell-writes]

The Sinking Time

Here's the sinking time.

The floor is sinking in the pit of my stomach. The fear centers in my brain are corroding my gut.

I need to write. I must write.

But my brain and body fear the exercise.

I've been reading a book called Written to learn strategies of vaulting over the obstacles of writer's block and lack of motivation. Bec Evans and Chris Smith do a good job explaining the psychology of writing and the strategies of getting things on the page. The latest chapter I've read talks about starting small and scaling up your efforts depending on what you ultimately want/hope to accomplish. If writing a blog post is too much of a project to wrap my mind around, start with a sentence, a word, a simple name for the document. The key is to start and scaffold each task done until you have a finished product. What you want to accomplish and how soon will be determined by your own time table.

The important thing though is the practice. The habit.

I started this journal entry because I was afraid. I thought to myself, if I write something down, no matter how inane, I'd feel better.

And I do.

[mthollowell-writes]

I've been doing a lot of musings about what success with writing means to me. I've always written for myself first, but without a clear idea of what "success" means, I've left a lot of unfinished projects in my wake.

"Writing for me" is hard to do since the client (to borrow business speak) is woefully fickle and hard to please. I want to do something, but I'm unsure what that means at this stage.

My classes are winding down and I'll have a good two months to get my house in order before the next semester starts. It'll by no means end then. It's an ongoing process.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who took the time to read my ramblings and Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it!

[embraced-chaos-archive]

MT MODEL ANDROIDS

The MT model

CyberLife’s MT model line is a line of androids made to help those going  into medical professions by offering fully realistic models to train on, that also offer accurate and clinical feedback. These models are some of the most realistic androids ever created and the most human and life like. They feature replicas of various human organs, whole systems of the body. Students can practice various injections, and insertions. Shots, drawing blood, starting IVs, catheters, etc.

These androids have heartbeats identical to humans instead of the rate other android pumps beat. They have lungs, and soft palpable abdomen with stomachs, bladders, intestines, livers, ect and they have fully anatomically correct genitals.There are two similar model lines that have the same function, the PT and GT. PT models are pediatric models, GT are elderly models. They are just as fully functional and anatomically correct as the MT line.

All the model numbers within the MT series and lines:

Female infant PT100 and Male infant PT200

Female toddler PT300 and Male Toddler PT400

Female young child PT500 and Male young child PT600

Female older child MT100 and Male older child MT200

Female teen MT300 and Male teen MT400

Female adult MT500 and Male adult MT600

Female elder GT700 and Male elder GT800

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The MT series (and related lines) come in all ages, genders, sizes (height, and weight), and ethnicity.

They were not all that common by the time of the revolution. They were a newer and more expensive model as such only a few schools and hospitals purchased MTs. Those who did bought at least one of each age. Most did the ‘full line’ with at least one from each age and gender. Some had two or three.

MT models ‘human’ parts were made to ‘break’ for the purpose of training medical students in finding and diagnosing various ailments, injuries, etc without anyone knowing beforehand what is wrong with the ‘patient’. And then the trainer is to treat what was wrong. Improper and proper actions are logged and given to students and instructors. The ‘broken’ parts resume normal function if properly treated.

They can also be programmed with various ailments or injuries for students to practice with specific situations. They can also simulate emergency situations.

In deviancy these can in theory be turned off but if they don’t manually turn their human systems off they can find themselves hurting or uncomfortable as ‘breaks’ happen. Some aren’t as lucky to be able to turn the settings off or adjust things as needed.