Hey I was rereading the last chapter cuz new content yk gotta get it memorised! But I was just thinking of how the scene with Ford freaking out would have gone if the reader tried to get closer physically to calm him as well as the cigarette, like as he’s smoking and shaking slightly the reader just perches themselves next to him not looking over pr anything and just stays there for a while before a) letting their arms touch B) slowly linking arms with him, or C) slowly rests their head on his arm/shoulder. Don’t get me wrong I adore how this chapter was writen and the fact that they didn’t touch at all and Ford completely freaking out and the reader is still mad about being left in the dark but also understanding is gorgeous and makes everyone feel oh so very real and I’m eating this shit up on every reread, but forgive my silly little fluffy thoughts I’m a curious lover girl deep in my soul! Hope all is well 🫶🏼
Thank you so much!!
I'm not sure if this is a divisive opinion, but if someone is freaking out badly and they're in a state, I really think the worst thing you can do is put your hands on them. Before, during and directly following the event itself.
It's like cornering a frightened animal; you're probably going to get a violent reaction because their brain is in fight or flight. It's not their fault obviously, but the chances are higher and it's safer for everyone if you give the person their breathing space. People (at large) generally don't react well to being crowded and it's not something you should do if you can help it.
For Ford in particular, he's made it clear that he's hesitant with regard to physical contact. It's something that (even in the right frame of mind) gives him pause and he finds it hard to give and receive. It doesn't come naturally to him and it wouldn't be advisable to just reach out to him like that in a moment of fear.
He's sensitive, and so he has to be treated with respectful sensitivity. It's why Reader explicitly approaches him in a way that doesn't seem like he's being chased. If it seemed as though they were pursuing him then that would get his back up. He values his space and it would be disrespectful to walk all over that boundary, irrespective of his state of mind in that moment.
PTSD can make you react violently and Ford explained that that's why he avoids sleeping near them. He's deathly afraid of hurting them. It'll come up later on, but he has hurt people in the past in the same way and he doesn't want them to get the same treatment if he can help it. It's both a piece of information and a warning. It's him saying "sometimes I'm out of control, please keep that in mind."
Trauma victims have to be treated with respect and with the respect that they request, even if it doesn't make sense to others at the time. You may think a hug would be helpful, but anyone with severe PTSD/trauma responses will tell you that it's the opposite.
A hug, a touch on the arm, your face near theirs, it's all a threat of violence. It may not seem like it, but that's how it will be read. A brain can't comprehend what's safe and what's not, even after the initial panic has passed, and so even the slightest of touches can seem like an aggressive response to the victim.
MtB!Ford isn't just a little bit mentally unwell. He's not a digestible, popularised diagnostic category. He's profoundly, deeply traumatised and seriously ill in a very complex way, and he doesn't even know it. He has to be respected in relation to that. It's a part of him and it's no less worthy of love than all the more positive parts, which means it has to be treated with love and respect and that, in turn, means recognising boundaries.
He's been repeatedly violated by people that claimed they cared about him. His trust has been betrayed, his love has been exploited, he's been hurt so badly that he doesn't know which way is up, and he can't cope with it. To have Reader violate his boundaries, even in a small way, would speak volumes to him.
If Reader were to have touched him (certainly unannounced at least) at any point during his meltdown/panic attack, then to be perfectly honest, I think he would've hit them. Ford's a big, strong chap. Getting a hit from a man like that doesn't tickle, trust me. It can kill you! And if he were to have hit them then it would've destroyed him completely. He never would've forgiven himself. He already thinks he's a lost cause, so that would've cemented the 'truth' in his mind that he's dangerous and violent.
Reader keeps their distance because they care about him and they care about their own safety. It's the sensible thing to do. I know this is fiction and I can make him do whatever, but I'm aiming for a fairly realistic depiction of complex trauma and therefore I want Reader to reflect how it should be treated in the real world by others. This doesn't mean they're always going to do the correct thing all the time, but they're going to try where they can if they're thinking straight.
Personally, I've experienced it when people ignore those boundaries. I've been on the receiving end of someone who 'knows better' and it's not fun. You can tell someone a million times to not do the thing because it won't end well and then they do it anyway and you react badly and then you're evil even though you're the one that's been violated. It destroys trust, and Reader wants to maintain Ford's trust in them even if theirs naturally wavers due to his lying.
It's a very complicated situation. Ford is complicated, Reader is complicated, feelings are complicated. Their relationship is messy. I don't always care too much for a fantasy version of things. I like real world, grounded, gritty depictions that show how things really are. I want my writing to reflect that where appropriate. It's important to me as someone who is similar to both Ford and Reader.
In short: we don't touch things that don't like to be touched, even if we love them very much. We leave them be until they're ready precisely because we love them very much!