kotaro uchikoshi is such a fucker/pos because dude spent years making zero escape and having it be all about linked consciousness and timeline hopping and parallel worlds. Shrodingers cat and such. Then he makes aitsf and iris' route shes like omg you jumped into a parallel world where im not dead and the little bug in ur brain is like ah classic uchikoshi i know your game. and then NO it was just a different dead body lol. and then PSYCHE again! because date is implied at the end to ACTUALLY be an esper like junpei or sigma/phi. and then it's just never talked about its like uchikoshi i know your games and u still got my ass u fucker.
This is so silly but when I was younger and my anatomy was way worse I used to have people critique the way I would draw shoulders, collarbones, and necks, and I'm not saying my art was good but I was so confused because I was using my own body as a reference lmao.
Fast forward to July 2024, I haven't drawn much in years and I want to draw Juniper so badly. I take advantage of a full length mirror while on vacation and take a few references. I fade the image and do a quick trace on the anatomy then get to work. I had to shorten her neck so much because it looked ridiculous. That was MY neck. I have very defined tendons in my entire body, like I look strained all the time, but especially my clavicle sticks out really far and my neck is just. Doing things. I thought it would look cool for a tiefling but it really just looked silly.
It's really long and very thin (I think it's only 12.5 inches around, and I'm not a small person) and I have general shoulder problems because they have no slope whatsoever. I always look tense even though I'm not. So when I draw people using myself as a reference, the shoulders tend to be very squared.
This is nothing except leading up to my 4 year old telling me about how long my neck is. Looooong like a giraaaaaaffe, she said
So if you ever see me draw Gale and his neck looks a little too long, I probably used myself as a reference and forgot to fix the neck proportions lmaaoooo. I drew a comic during dragon Con where it's soooo obvious. Gale be looking like he does during the magic lesson if you're playing a masc dragonborn (it stretches his neck out)
So what this actually is is me saying I really love looking at people's anatomy differences in their art, because sometimes (not all) it is a reflection of their own anatomy, because we all often use references of ourselves. I see it in my brother's work, and I think it's so endearing. I think mine is less endearing but you know what, I just have more room for giant earrings.
Drawing on the packet thing for my grandmas birthday party instead of actually doing the activities in it
Just drew some punch out boys and some of my favorite Harvest moon grand bazaar characters
And yes I’m excited for the Grand Bazaar remake it’s one of my favorite harvest moon/story of seasons games and I’m gonna ramble about it. They seem to be allowing gay romance in the newer games and I hope it’s the same with this one because I want people to play this game and love who they love without mods(ik they won’t bring rival couples back since they haven’t been doing that but maybe gay rival couples would be nice. Like put Antoinette with Sherry(or Sophie now ig) instead of Dirk. Of course romance isn’t everything it’s a farming game. I love the Bazaar mechanic since it’s a change from the usual shipping bin and it makes this game stand from other ones. I’m curious to see how it will be in the remake considering how limited the ds was. Also there seems to be full on voice acting which is interesting considering normally they don’t talk at all in these games. In the original they did have voices unlike in other games but they didn’t say much so I’m kind of interested in that. Sorry I’m just so excited
Also here’s a wip of something I’m working on since you read all my rambling. Joe my little strawberry 🍓 :3
So I have a really important announcement to make. I know I resigned as a freelance writer, but I was thinking of doing hobby writing. I'm not anymore. I am no longer posting my writings on AO3.
I have a few reasons as to why, but I'll break them down below.
cw: depressing material, dark thoughts, and discussion of censorship.
First off, I've been going off about this for a while, but I'm going to be upfront about it: lack of engagement is the main reason why I've given up. I have said time and time again that writers are getting drained due to a lack of kudos and comments. I am one of those writers. I am thankful for those who did leave kudos and comments. I really am. It's kept me going this long. However, as time as passed, I've seen some serious decline. It's as if sharing my soul and my hard work meant nothing. Engagement is what keeps the fire alive and it's been snuffed out.
Secondly, it's the zine community. I'll just be blunt. This was the final nail in the coffin that made me realize I just couldn't do it anymore. Not even as a hobby. I like being told what to do and have a central theme to work with, but I don't have the skill to be accepted into any projects. I've been a zine mod before and they're extremely strict on writers. I can't make the metrics they need. I have no excuse. It's been six years. I should have been decent enough to keep up. Getting rejection after rejection this year has made me realize I probably got into more projects due to the fact I had connections, not based on my skill. This has absolutely crushed any confidence I had in my writing skills.
Thirdly, I'm just tired of censorship and discourse about if I post something "moral". There are times I held myself back because I was too worried I was going to scare off my audience. Which is ridiculous, because I know I can handle difficult topics well. I'll always tag. Yet, my fears always won. I realized during this whole censorship mess that I am a firm believer of people should tell the stories they need to as long as they tag properly for those who can't/don't want to handle the topic. With that, now because those practices are now being penalized by the literal fucking government, I'm just exhausted fighting these constant changes when I post. With that being said, I'll still fight and call to stop bullshit like KOSA passing. Mass censorship is never a good sign.
Finally, it's just me. The sad truth is that I've been burying this for a while: writing now stresses me out. It's no longer fun. I always worry I'm messing up. I can't keep up with professional writers. The worst part of it all is that I get the impression people don't want me to continue writing, either. Again, lack of engagement and support has been a huge issue for me. Bluntly, you can tell me I'm a good writer all you want, but I am lucky if my fics get ten kudos. I'm seeing other authors getting literally hundreds. I know comparison is the enemy, but I couldn't stop asking what I was doing wrong. It ended up destroying me. I just have to apologize it wasn't enough.
I'll probably still occasionally draw, but I'm never pursing the arts as a career ever again. The truth is, I never should have. I'm way too type A and a perfectionist to create professionally. I need to accept that about myself.
At least, I no longer need to and that's actually been more freeing than many realize. For years, I had to be a freelance writer. I didn't have a choice because I lived in a state that refused to help me out with anything. I went to so many resource centers and they laughed me out of the door. I had to beg for help so many times and it was humiliating.
Last year, I had a chance to make a risky move and I did it. This year has been full of risks and I got an opportunity that I don't think I'll get again. I will be changing careers in September. I can step away from the internet for hours and just enjoy life after work. I don't have to worry about "keeping up" anymore.
To end this on a positive note, I want to thank everyone who has supported me over the years. When I lived in Utah, every commission kept the lights on and helped pay my bills. Every kudos and comment kept me sane as I literally spent my days editing, writing, and pouring everything I had into my efforts. It meant a lot.
As a side note: This will not impact my personal project or the last two zines I've been accepted in. In spite of how I feel about my writing, they are done and I'm not going to inconvenience the mods of the projects to remove them due to my own insecurities.
