Apr 27, 2017
That system feel when you get stuck at the front and everything feels trippy because you've never fronted before.
(Insert gif of kitten in socks trying to walk)
seen from Malaysia
seen from Canada
seen from Germany
seen from Yemen
seen from Mexico
seen from Vietnam
seen from Vietnam
seen from Vietnam
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Spain
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Vietnam
seen from China
That system feel when you get stuck at the front and everything feels trippy because you've never fronted before.
(Insert gif of kitten in socks trying to walk)
Questions for other systems
Before you first accepted or knew you were a system, did less alters front? And then when you finally accepted that you were a system did more alters start fronting? Like they finally felt like they could front without worrying about the host/main fronter freaking out about it? Cause before I accepted I was a system only a few alters fronted. I had been in serious denial. But now that I've accepted it more are coming to the surface. Ones that used to only talk in the headspace but NEVER fronted. Maybe it's something that only happened to me. But I dunno. I don't really think that that's the case. (If I'm getting terms wrong I apologize. I'm new to this.)
Like serious question though. Can an alter call herself sapphic if she herself is woman aligned and attracted to women even though the host isn't? Like I would assume yes but I just don't know.
I mean what it really comes down to is that I don’t feel meaningfully plural but occasionally I feel really different and start using “we” and don’t like any of my names, and that one thinks we’re plural. but like it’s all the same stream of consciousness so who’s to say really
do I get a bingo
I stomp into the back of my head and yell ANYONE ELSE BACK HERE? I COULD REALLY USE A BIT OF A BREAK!
The only response is an invisible pat on my back and a voice from a different direction telling me to go fuck myself and then preferably die painfully.
I turn around and stomp back.
I do dislike how multiple times I've had irl friends I respect and who are otherwise good on acceptance for mental health issues or queerness randomly bring up people faking alters or systems. I guess part of it is that most people only know about DID and the one strict definition of plurality but it's kinda crazy hearing one friend talking about a bad roommate who was "making up that they had alters" or another friend bringing up how many people thought they were plural during the pandemic as an example of people getting wrong ideas of mental health stuff from online
And sure, maybe those two examples have some truth to them and they're otherwise supportive, but it's one of those things where the tone makes me wary that it's the person thinking they may be plural in the first place that's being used as a taken for granted negative...
IDK! idk... I just think even if someone isn't DID we shouldn't automatically reject how they understand themselves?
20 Soti
It had been nonstop. After the defeat of Mordremoth, it had been one thing after another. Jormag and Primordus awakening, the White Mantle rising, the revival of a mursaat, then finding out said mursaat was, in reality, the human god Balthazar in disguise. Not to mention, Livia, the Livia was alive and Soti helped her destroy Lazarus for good.Despite the small successes, she still had too much on her plate and whenever she had any moment to rest, the thoughts and worries overwhelmed her. She began to understand why Gaulla had started to step back from it all. She began to ponder how long she can handle it all. Especially without Gwen by her side.When they had lead the fight together, Soti was always sure of herself and her decisions. If she made one that wasn’t right, she could count on Gwen to let her know and come up with a better solution. Lately, the norn couldn’t make a sure choice. Yes, she was working for the safety and protection of Tyria, but was she doing it the right way? Was she right?She sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands. “I can’t do this anymore,” she thinks to herself.There’s a voice clear in her mind, a familiar one with a distinct accent. A reminder of words he said to her before they fought Zhaitan. She can remember encouraging words in her sister’s voice. Soti thinks of the woman she loves and how Gwen has been strong through is all. How she keeps going despite it all.The guardian is reminded that she is not the only one willing to risk everything, nor is she the first. She certainly won’t be the last to do anything to protect Tyria and those who call it home.She stands and pulls her armor back on, reaching over to pick up her greatsword. She looks it over for a moment before hooking it onto her back.They weren’t done until Tyria was safe. She wasn’t done.