#munanxiety

[poppyknitt]

Yknow now that i think of it

with the amount of posts that @rorald-spooks reblogs, she’s probably getting to be a fairly recognizable blog within the community for a shit ton of people but like

i guess because i met her before this became a probable thing, i just???

don’t have any/get much anxiety from interacting with her??

and tbh the more i think about this the weirder it gets because with literally every other blog that’s at least somewhat well known in the community, i can barely even work up the guts to even just reblog most of the posts i wanna reblog from them, regardless of its context/content or whether i actually SAY something when i do so or not

idk man its just weird

[poppyknitt]

I experience the 5 stages of grief on a regular basis and i think i may have a few existential problems

[poppyknitt]

No anxiety meds in keeper for the day? No way of accessing the safe mom keeps our medications in?

Pssh! No big deal, I’ve gone a day without taking them before! not like it makes living hellish or anything

[poppyknitt]

i cant tell if im dissociating, panicking, depressed, or just... literally dead inside

[poppyknitt]

i feel like there’s not really a cure for social anxiety

like

yeah over time it seems to go away but like

I... just...?

it’s sorta just always there

always just kinda

lurking in the back of your head

just sorta waiting to come back and drop kick your poor unsuspecting ass to the ground when you least expect it and at the worst of moments-

so like

how the fuck do you expect someone to be cured entirely of it

[poppyknitt]

Question

does it weird anyone out that i legitimately have a nervous twitch thingy

like

the triggers for my twitches vary usually but the only triggers that stay consistent are ones related to high anxiety levels

and even though i can’t exactly see myself twitching, whether im looking in a mirror or not, i happen to have a good feeling that it actually tends to look somewhat like the twitches that Anti has

but yeah

Tl:dr, i have a nervous twitch that i only call a nervous twitch because the main trigger for it is anxiety and given this and my occasional sadistic ways i may actually somewhat be anti in real life regardless of how much i may deny it

[poppyknitt]

Okay so according to my grandparents I used to be p extroverted as a little kid but apparently some unknown thing must’ve happened and that aspect of my personality did a complete 180 so now I’m terrified because what the fuck happened to me that was so bad that it flipped part of my personality and made me repress the memory of it and everything that showed signs of what I used to be like

[poppyknitt]

Having depression and anxiety is like,,,

Constantly a mood of either that one “heyyyyy how you doin just fine” vine or “In My Blood” by Ed Sheeran

No in between

Just

Constantly

“I lied i’m dying inside”

Or

“i just feel like giving up, (but) i just can’t...”

Oh yeah and the occasional random hyperactive screaming, but that’s probably just my adhd talking