Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned the goddamn duck? Well, here’s the update you’ve all been waiting for!
One of the injured dwarves, Udib the Farmer, passes away from her injuries because Iton is too stressed out to diagnose and treat her. I'm not entirely sure who Unib was attacked by -- she wasn’t listed on the justice screen as the victim of a tantrum spiral but --
oh
what
the fuck
Okay so I managed to track down Udib's combat log and uh
"Oh!" you say "she got murdered by a dragon!"
Uh
Here's the thing
that's not what "drakes" are in DF
A "drake" is a duck.
Evidence:
In the library, right next to where Udib's body was, is a dead... duck.
That's right.
Udib got killed by a fucking DUCK.
There was eleven pages of this duck biting her to death
She lost use of her legs and severed an artery and died of her injuries
*when you and your friend do angst and are like...what if they fuse?
*me and my discord friend were voice acting Murder bell (im sure some of you remember her from October.) With My friend’s G sans (Grape)and...yeah We made Shatter, standing at 10′7″ *both the others are around 5 feet* they are a psychopath and will destroy anything. and there voice is shared between the two of us.
Well there’s stabbing involved in war, isn’t there?
Isn’t there?!
So let’s take a look at the war with the second most amount of deaths, between the Robust Gulf and the Silvery -- now hold on a second --
Oh
Fuck
I think I started this one
Yep, that’s right folks: in my bid to Destroy All Elves I may have accidentally started a war with over fifteen hundred deaths.
I didn’t think I killed that many elves, but apparently I did.
And I definitely started it. I recognise the name of my commander in the first battle:
Dear Commander Kivish, the Ochre Ape of Fragrances, the aunt of Zan and Kivish, who were both injured when some elven prisoners got loose and wrought havoc.
*Clears throat*
Right.
The actual spotlight. So uh, time for me to air my war crimes I guess.
On the 27th of Obsidian, 166, the Silvery Glazes attacked the Late Zephyr of the Robust Guld at Watchgulfs. Due to Commander Kivish’s brilliance, the defenders were caught with their pants down, and the Silvery Glazes rampaged throughout Watchgulfs.
It was the beginning of many assaults.
The Silver Glazes was brutal. Out of the over fifteen hundred kills, fourteen hundred belonged to the dwarves. 167 saw many more battles, but the Robust Guld wasn’t incompetent, merely outmatched; battles that didn’t involve Murderbell were sometimes won by the elves.
Ah, how naive we were to assume the elves wouldn’t lash out at other Silvery Glazes settlements, because lash out they did.
Remember this picture, and how I mentioned something was hidden in it?
You may have spotted that one of the dwarven settlements wasn’t highlighted red. If you have a particularly good memory, you may have realised this was Beeglen.
It was Beeglen that paid the price for Murderbell’s bloodthirst.
In 167, the Robust Gulf, led by Sethe Diamondstones, lashed out at Beeglen. The attackers lost over half of their force, but Beeglen lost all but three of their citizens, losing a grand total of 111 people and animals. They attacked Beeglen again later that year, but by then reinforcements had come; although Beeglen’s denizens were far outnumbered, they lost nobody and took down 11 attackers. Despite that, the Robust Gulf insisted it was another victory.
One might call them arrogant, but their confidence was well-founded:
Next time the Robust Gulf marched on Beeglen, they stayed. Beeglen became an elven settlement.
The dwarves did not take this insult lying down.
In 169, Gorgemine was roused like a cloud of angry bees, furious at its brother’s demise and humiliation at the hands of elves. Dastot Gloveglowing the Intricacies of Slaughter led a force of six against impossible odds. No less than 177 elves had swarmed the site since its occupancy, and if you thought Dastot was suicidal, you’d probably have many agree.
Dastot and her squad slaughtered a hundred and seventy three elves, and faded away into the night with zero casualties.
Only four elves survived, and those survivors later fell in the war anyway. Beeglen belonged to the dwarves, regardless of who dined in its halls, and Dastot would remind the Robust Gulf of that over and over again with however many elven corpses it took.
Fittingly, this particular battle was called the “Assault of Smoke.”
In the years that followed, the Silvery Glazes would scorch the earth and burn Beeglen until nothing was left, rather than let the elves keep a hold of it. The slaughter continues to this day, and shows no signs of abating.
I’m in a tantrum spiral now, and it just claimed Atir’s life.
To my followers who aren't DF players -- a tantrum spiral is basically a downward spiral where the fort is a powder keg of stress. In this situation, when one dwarf throws a tantrum, they'll upend furniture or assault dwarves. This will upset other dwarves, which will trigger more tantrums, resulting in more upended furniture, more punching, more tantrums, etc...
Basically, good fucking luck recovering from one of them.
Tantrum spirals used to be really bad in previous versions. When I first started playing tantrum spirals never happened because alcohol was making dwarves way too happy, but it was fixed a few versions ago and now tantrum spirals are back.
So. Since I have a prison and a sheriff (to whom frightened witnesses are reporting the tantrums), I can imprison the dwarves and give them time out.
The tantruming dwarves' moods will get worse as a result of imprisonment, but it'll protect the other dwarves from assault (and therefore further stress) and hopefully stick a wrench in the gears of this tantrum spiral. At least for now. With luck, their releases will overlap enough that things will be better by the time they come out and they can, one at a time, reduce stress upon their release.
Crimes and sentences:
Id the Leatherworker -- 7 counts of disorderly conduct (AKA beating the shit out of someone), one of which claimed the life of Atir the Gemcutter, and 1 count of building destruction. Sentenced to a beating and 101 days in prison.
Id then made things worse with another 2 counts of disorderly conduct, which took the life of a human dancer. The sentence has been amended to aforementioned beating and 126 days in prison.
Meng the Fisherdwarf -- 2 counts of disorderly conduct, sentenced to 26 days in prison. Already has a criminal record including vandalism and disorderly conduct.
Captain Fath -- 4 counts of disorderly conduct. Sentenced to a beating, and 76 days in prison. One of her victims was a Baron Consort.
Unfortunately Fath is one of two doctors, so Doctor Iton, who is Tosid the Clothier's husband, is on his own scooping up the victims of the tantrum spiral all by himself.
Lor the Tavern Keeper -- 8 counts of disorderly conduct. Sentenced to a beating and 151 days in prison. He doesn’t take it well, and strips naked in his cell.
Dodok the Poet -- 2 counts of disorderly conduct, sentenced to 26 days in prison.
The first migrants finally arrive, a stream of 9 dwarves -- and among them, a gay dude and an ace female! Yay for queer dorfs!
The gay guy is a jeweller.
... Why are my gay dwarves always jewellers?!
Trying a new strategy this time: wiping my dwarves' labours (except for misc labours) when they arrive so it's easier to keep track of who can do what.
Oh, here’s a gif representing Murderbell’s proximity to Beeglen.
Dwarven settlements on the world map are indicated by omega symbols. The first omega symbol I stick my mouse under is Beeglen. Murderbell is the second one, to the south east, by the river.
By the way, you might spot a couple of purple Is -- one to the north west of Murderbell in the middle of the (badlands, I think?), the other in the opposite direction. Those are both necromancer towers!
at least it does until the elves go “nah, mate, fuck this” and attack the dwarf that’s hauling them into the pits. There... seems to be a bit of a trend going on here.
Aaaaand the elves hurt more dwarves. The squad’s away on another mission so can’t guard the civilians while they do their thing.
What I think is happening here is that if I try to pit too many elves at once, the others catch on and learn to break out of the dwarves’ hold, escape, and then attack them.
Zan, the first dwarf to be attacked, is taken to the hospital by the broker, Bim. Zan wasn’t able to walk, so Bim had to carry them.
Zan has a younger sister in this fort, Kivish, who's named after Kivish the military commander, their aunt. Their aunt is currently away ransacking the necromancer towers.
The other dwarves in the hospital include Id the Leatherworker, whose hand was injured; Obok the Scribe; and then Bim winds up there themselves.
Not long afterwards, Kib the Asexual Mechanic loses her mind from stress, attacks another dwarf in the tavern, and has to be cut down.
Rest in peace, darling. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it better.
