#must document

[user64290]

in an i love ppl mood!

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

This? Is? Maddening??? I keep trying to send requests and they are all being denied and normally when that happens I can open up the help center thing in a new tab and in the url it’ll say what the problem is, but of course I have to use my phone since my WiFi SUCKS and I can’t do that on my phone. And I just want to talk to my friend and this the quickest way to do so but I can’t and ugh ( ˘ ³˘)♥ x3 (if this actually goes through you can delete it, I’m just trying to see if it will)

It has gone through!!

[lifetimed-blog1]

[liminalsimian]

something really weird happened this morning. i was going to make coffee and on the way everything took a turn for the bizarre

first i realised there may have been some ... dissociation. it was like ... i suddenly remembered i had a body, indicating that i’d been unaware of it for some time?? and it was hard to believe that the body in question was really mine. it seemed all wrong. i stopped in front of the mirror to look at my face and that was wrong, too. then i found myself picking at blackheads on my chin and wished i hadn’t looked.

next, [warning for mentions of past self-harm]

i noticed that a vein on my hand seemed much darker than usual. it was one of the thin ones, so for a moment i actually thought there was a scratch there or that i’d accidentally marked myself with a pen. but no. the longer i looked, the more obvious other veins became, too. it freaked me out because i have this thing about the cardiovascular system. blood is fine, in fact i find the sight of it fascinating, but i don’t want to know what it’s doing while it’s still inside the body. *shrugs* can’t really explain it.

naturally, the sight of all these bizarrely blue veins made me think it’d be super easy to make myself bleed right then. i still don’t understand where that comes from because unlike other people, i don’t want to punish myself or feel pain. (if i wanted to feel pain, i could simply press down on an area that’s already hurting. yay fibro.) it’s the blood. well, other people’s blood is kind of disgusting in the same way that you find other people’s snot more disgusting than your own, but ... i have literally experimented with methods to make myself bleed with as little pain as possible. i don’t know why.

all of this put together made me feel extremely anxious and i’m impressed that i somehow managed to force my eyes away from my hands and make coffee.

i wanted to take a short nap and then drink the coffee, or possibly drink it before lying down to further increase my chances of actually waking up, but of course nothing went according to plan. i was so tired i just lay down and was like “fuck this coffee”, but then i couldn’t sleep, except eventually i must have fallen asleep after all because by the time i woke up, i had missed my appointment. so ... what a mess.

[all-systems-no]

Ok but how hot do I look today

[the-fartographer]

Raise your hand if you take quite a lot of photos of yourself and post next no none of them

[unkempt-ly]

Monday, March 3rd, 2014

This is the first time I actually feel kind of pretty.

[kniteoftheoldcode]

So a really cool thing just happened! Our first foster kid unexpectedly stopped by for a visit! Which was awesome, because he was our first and only good kid... haha but that was because he wasn't even supposed to be in the program originally(long story blahblah) but yeah! The last time we saw him was probably about.. 7 years ago? Crazy! We caught up and talked and he's doing really well (he's only about two years older than me but has already done so much) and everyone was excited and... it was just really nice and it was nice to see everyone happy c: I love unexpected good things yes.