every time i rewatch the scene where rory speaks to lorelai after losing her virginity to dean, i am more shocked with how frequently people use it to give a bad faith reading of her character. the ‘my dean’ of it all is so often used as a “gotcha” moment to somehow prove what a selfish and horrible person she is, but when taken in the context it takes on a completely different meaning.
was rory right for sleeping with dean whilst he was married to someone else? of course not. does she have some sort of claim to dean? no. BUT that’s not what rory thinks either, not really.
she says, “i’m lucky too, because Dean, he’s … well aren’t you glad that it happened with someone whose good, and really loves me?”
this isn’t about rory’s entitlement, it’s about her compulsion to always be perfect (a narrative that season 4 in particular was stressing throughout). dean, in rory’s mind, is synonymous with a period in her life that she associates with stability - the certainty that she herself is a “good” person.
at this point in season 4, rory hasn’t come to terms with jess’ departure. jess, who lorelai et. al reiterated to her was not “good” and could not “really love [her].” it’s almost as if she’s trying to reassert the balance - to reclaim the stability she associates with her pre-jess relationship (which in reality was never really present, but that’s a whole different tangent).
the word “good” in this scene is so loaded, because we as viewers are not meant to be agreeing that dean /at this point in the show / is a “good” guy. the goodness rory is so desperately clinging onto is her own.
it feels so clear to me that rory in this scene was never meant to be portrayed as a selfish homewrecker, but rather someone on the cusp of a breakdown. a nineteen year old girl unsure, and uncertain, and desperate and afraid.
