#my final post

[hxneylavendxr]

i guess boneless wings are convenient if youre just tryna eat and be done with it, but i like being the feral beast tearing meat and flesh from bone with my teeth

[kiwipharmer]

Welcome

Some people have appeared to stumble across my blog in their pursuit to learn more about me, so allow me to break the ice here.

I have a very complicated past, I've gotten to draw out a little comic to help describe my experience a little better.

you can view it here. but if you prefer words then I'll start explaining to the best of my ability.

I am Ame. my name was an awkward typo of Amaterasu, which funnily enough ended up sticking. I am biologically male but I identify as female, and, as strange as it may seem, I do not have a face.

well, I mean I DO, but I don’t really identify with it... erm, let me just start from another place.

I’ve grown up with a lot of trauma that caused body dysphoria and Dissociation. In other words, i share my body and mind with another identity. however, It’s not similar to DID (Dissociative identity disorder) or OSDD (Other specified Dissociative Disorder) because I do not have amnesia or episodes of possession. Because of my body dysphoria, I am constantly disconnected from my body, taking on a form entirely separate from it all together as i watch and interact with my other identity as they control our body. 

In this sense, we both have a perception of the world that we observe simultaneously. two different perspectives going on in one body at the same time.

I am slightly capable of controlling the body myself, but only very minor things, like typing and playing video games. It’s more like puppeting than being in the body, because I mirror concepts in my own space in the world. Though, there are instances where i get too entranced into something I'm doing and end up inhabiting too much of the body, and before i realize it, I'm actually *in* the body controlling it.

 If i see our reflection or i look down at the hands when I'm in this state, my sense of self becomes distorted, and i start panicking and freaking out. I have to fully dissociate myself from the body at that point all over again to maintain my sanity. Its also because of this that I've considered myself mute, because in my dissociated state, i have already formed an entire identity, from body to voice. If I try to talk though the body, our voices sound too different, and my state of panic kicks in again.

So I am perpetually disconnected from our body. Hence, why i say i do not have a face. 

well.. I do, but its not visible. the “me” that I see is only one that I can see, I do my best to draw and describe myself to people, but at the end of the day, I exist more as a concept of a person rather than a real person.

And yea... I’m sure some would chalk it up to delusion, or role playing, or denial.

rejection, schizophrenia, etc. There is a plethora of things people can say about me. and they’re all free to believe what they want. You’re free to believe what you want about me.

but I am me. regardless of what people think otherwise. When i look at myself, when I perceive myself, I see something that is me. And that is all I want to be.

No, I will not transition. It is not my body alone. I share this body.

No i will not seek help to be “normal”. Normal is subjective, and its not something I'm interested in.

No, I will not sit down and let you try to convince me otherwise of any part of who i am. I’ve done enough of that already.

This is who I am. And I am going to finally be free to be me.

the me who doesn’t fit in anywhere.

the me who does whatever she wants without a dam what you think.

the me, who lives for me.

and that's it. Thanks for reading. There's plenty of “me” in this blog, so feel free to browse if you’re curious.

or not. Most people don’t actually read that far. This is more for me anyways, so I can finally move on from the redundancy of explaining who I am to people.

[genlirema]

You would not believe your mitts

If you’re the girl reading this

[pragmatisch]

integra, 30 years later: wrinkles = walter, easily fatigued, ‘worn and grey’, more of a mother than usual, young punks get off my lawn, my hips me boyo they hurt, ow i’ve fallen and i can’t get up.

[aknightawayfromhome]

Hey everyone, it’s been a while...

First off, I wanna say I’m sorry. :(

Sorry for all those times where it seemed like I would come back but didn’t. Sorry for the posts I said I would do, but didn’t, and sorry for what I’m about to do.

From now on, this blog is on permanent hiatus.

For those of you wondering why I’m doing this, the most simple answer I can come up with is: I got tired of drawing ponies for a story. Now that doesn’t mean that I hate them or anything, it’s just the stress of coming up with the poses/positions for each update, coupled with making the dialogue wore me down, and turned me off of them.

It really does hurt me to do this because I had a huge epic journey filled with many characters and amazing locations planned out, but lack of willpower and motivation ultimately caused the downfall.

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Second off, all the characters that would have been in my story, and Arty, will be moved to my mod blog!

Which can be found here! --> http://askjustalio.tumblr.com/

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Third off, I have made a new blog! Sadly though, it’s not pony related (though they can interact with them). It’s a blog based on my robot characters!

These two! (and Aliobot, but nobody cares about him.) And this blog can be found over here! --> https://ask-arthur-and-friends.tumblr.com/

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Lastly, I will keep this blog up, y’know, as an archive of what could have been.

Also! Feel free to unfollow me if you want, I can’t stop you.

I’ll probably reblog this tomorrow as a final reminder.

But that will be all. It’s been fun while it lasted, good bye, and good luck!  \o/

 - Just Alio

[genlirema]

One last line art before the FCC screws us all.

[notgoingtoheavenorhell]

Wow omg I might actually die from my period pains this time

[starchinhell]

bro i hate living in a dangerous town

im at the skatepark smoking and theres this dude just staring at me from his car

like go away you seem like a murderer