#mydearestcatastrophe

[mydearestcatastrophe-blog]

October 5, 2015

The sky cried out for you today. Did you hear it? The ground flooded with my mistakes And it trembled in fear Because each day that passes Is another day I lose with you. My words are simple And they are selfish: I choose to love you because it is all I knew. The sky cried out for you today. Did you hear it? Did you hear me?

[mydearestcatastrophe-blog]

Just love.

[mydearestcatastrophe-blog]

September 20, 2014

DEAREST,

I woke up and thought of you today. Actually, I wake up everyday and think about you. You never seem to leave my mind. I’m always wondering what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, whether you woke up and felt a little brighter today. I want to know these things. I want to have the blessing to ask these things. I want to be a part of your life. But this can never happen.

Why do you always push me away? Why do you always cut me out of your life when I’m the one person who would’ve given up my own for yours? Why can’t you accept the fact that I will never stop caring and worrying about you? All I’ve ever wanted was to be your friend. I hoped and wished for something more but as time passed, I learned to accept the realization that you will never be mine. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to kiss you anytime I wanted and hold your hand whenever I wanted. I wanted to just be next to you and feel your warm tight hugs. I wanted to be the one. Why won’t you let me in your life?

There are moments where I just want to grab that handsome face, shake you like crazy and beg you to open your eyes. And your heart. Please let me fix you. Please let me heal the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and the loss of trust. Please let me give you strength and peace and acceptance in yourself. Please let me tell you how amazing you are, how capable and confident and powerful you are. Please let me fix you. Please let me hold you up when you feel the world crashing down on you. Please let me heal the scars and kiss each and every single one. Please let me tell you how much I would give to see you smile again. Please let me love you.

I think the hardest thing in life has always been knowing you’re out there but you choose not to see me or talk to me. For a decade, I’ve lived under solace knowing you’re somewhere out there breathing and safe and under the same moon and stars. For a decade, I waited and hoped and wished you would want me back; love me back. For a decade, I prayed for your happiness. And having you back in my life for that last week, talking to you everyday and knowing what you were doing brought a sense of calmness within my soul.

And now you’re gone.

And i’m sitting here wanting you again. I’m writing a letter to you again. I’m begging you to love me again.

In silence.

For a decade, I’ve loved you in silence.

The sad part is, I still love you.

I will always love you.

Forever.

[mydearestcatastrophe-blog]

September 29, 2014

LIGHT YEARS AWAY.

I missed you today. Actually, I miss you right now. I miss you everyday.

You somehow never fail to sneak your pretty little self into my mind when I least expect it.

It's always a surprise. Sort of like a bolt of lightning straight into my heart -

the sudden crash of the realization that today is another day I lose you almost knocks me down but it doesn't.

I didn't fall and break today.

I didn't cry.

I didn't say your name under my breath wishing you were here.

I'll deny it if you ask.

I didn't smile nor sleep.

Nor did I stare at a picture of you.

No, I didn't.

I didn't do anything today that would purposely make me miss you.

I just do.

Like yesterday,

And the day before and the day before.

Just like everyday...

I, just, missed you.

[mydearestcatastrophe-blog]

September 10, 2014

SILENCE.

I loved you yesterday. I loved you today. I'll love you tomorrow. I loved you in the arms of another. I loved you in tears. I loved you in confusion. I loved you in light. And I embraced you in the darkness. But mostly, I loved you in the silence. The understanding that burning stars Can never tear my eyes Away from your glance. I sat in the dark Wishing this was a reality; Your arms held me like the sky And my heart beat Sang along with yours I cried out for you In that moment, I begged for you. I loved you in the silence. I loved you through the waves. I loved you in clarity. I'll love you until I do. I loved you in the arms of another. I loved you with scars. I loved you with hope. And I ached everyday. In your hesitation, Unconditionally, I loved you still. But mostly, in your imperfect perfection, I knew in the depths of a broken heart that I will love you Today, Tomorrow, Forever And Always. I will love you in silence.