It’s funny knowing it took me about a year to grow obsessed with you, yet about a year to show you this. You heard me before, however as I write this message, I'm still nervous and deeply embarrassed knowing you never knew the rest. Knowing the purities behind my actions and words. With that being said… allow me to explain and make my own entry specifically to you in a way that is clear.
My dearest flower.
The end of 2022 and beginning of 2023 was an adventure for me, so meeting you solidified that time as a meaningful one. My first surgery, my escape, and my first friend after a painful tragedy… You enjoyed my company regardless of my history or... odder interests, and that's one of the things I love about you.
I cherished every moment we'd been in the same resonance. We don't both communicate with each other in the most ideal way, but there is always weight and substance behind our loving words. You might read this… and because there's a chance you will notice this, I have a few things I'd like to say.
First, I deleted those 2 recordings mentioned. I respect you too much to keep something without your consent or knowledge. I only want to keep the memories you let me, instead of something more one sided. While some of my posts were inspired by you, they aren't exactly fully accurate. Not what I did, but things I thought about. This place wasn't made to confess as much as it was to put my thoughts somewhere. I thought about you. I thought about a lot of things…
Second, you saying I inspired you to make your own diary is incredibly flattering. I'm honored you trust me to take a peek into your thoughts and feelings. I never think of myself being able to be comforting for others. I'm grateful to be a safe place for you, especially as you've been a safe place for me.
Lastly, your fourth chapter hit me so strongly that I can't stop thinking about it. While I said the first one was the cutest, the fourth made my face flush as I read and heard your words. I'm probably going to re-read your diary over and over thinking about you. The fact that you read them to me as well made me feel like I was going to explode. (Ironic huh?)
It feels relieving knowing you don't just want me as a character. You want me as myself. You want my honesty. You want my reality. You want me, and it feels really nice. You want me for me… and by now you must know I feel the same. Don't “play your role and smile." Don't hide anything, or pretend anymore. Fall apart for me. Break for me.
You're allowed to want, need, and crave me. You're allowed to be obsessed. Do you know how long I've desired love like that? I have been longing for years with almost nothing in return. I ran for over a year from my feelings but the farther I ran, the more it hurt. I denied how I felt because I thought that maybe I should “save” our friendship. I was nervous I’d scare you away. I was scared to say how I felt to you, so everyone else but you had to hear about it. I was scared to confront those feelings with myself because I knew it would hurt to do so. Knowing you wanted me similarly is maddening. There's no such thing as “too much” for me. I can take everything you want to give me and then some. I want all of you and at this point, I’m afraid to be aware that I need you.
Do you still love me knowing what I felt? Do you still want me? Are you willing to accept me? If not, we can go back to how it was. Teasing words, playful glances, and minds shrouded in carnal wishes. We can go back, but will we ever truly go back? I know what you think about when you go silent. I know what you sound like when my very existence is too much for you to handle rationally. I know what you sound like when you cum. I know how you think, and I know my words bury themselves into your mind every time I speak.
Please... Love me harder. Love me so much you can’t breathe.
Love me the way I love you.
