~Stalker's Diary~

I love you... A bit too much. Read at your own risk.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Intro and About Me ✧

This blog is 18+ and is going to be filled with obsessive ramblings. Please only follow and interreact if you are legally an adult and prepared for such content. This diary may involve high levels of violence, sexual content, as well as controversial and illegal activities. Dead dove do not eat as some may say. Please read at your own discretion. I've gotten some interesting messages over the years and so I'm going to let you know some information about me. My name is Maincoon Rose. That being said however, if you're a curious soul who wants to send me a message, you are not to say my name. I will only answer to Sir. You do not know me, and you don't need to say my name as I'm a stranger to you. I'm 24 at the time of me editing this. I'm a transmasc intersex person {He/They} who falls in love a bit too hard and has weird thoughts about relationships. Lastly, I will be reading some of my Diary Entries live on Twitch if you want to hear those. As for this blog, I'm mentally unstable and I'm not going to post regularly. My content ranges from simple to heavy. I needed a way to let out some of my thoughts in a way that doesn't encourage me to feel shame or disgust of myself, my thoughts, or my actions. I have done few activities that I may be talking about on this blog but for safety and legal reasons, I will not specify what things. Though I can confirm, the majority of what I have done is legal as I did gain consent on multiple occasions. Just know if there's a lot of detail... I have a wonderful imagination, and almost everything is fictional. I hope we can get along, and if I'm lucky, I might make a new friend. Or perhaps... Another new Toy. Oh have I not stated that yet? I have someone I play with now. Someone who loves me, or at least will learn to if they can keep themselves in line. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary. I hope you enjoy your visit. Last Edited Feb 3rd-2026

[stalkersdiary]

✧ For you ✧

I'm doing my best... For you. You wouldn't ever know, but every moment I breathe, it's in hopes that maybe you'll breathe the same air. That I can be a part of you. I drink water each day because I know that if I do, maybe I can get you to do the same. I live another day in hopes that I can help you when you need me. I stay up another few hours just in case you haven't slept yet and need someone to talk to. Yet I also sleep another night in hopes that I'll be sane enough to help you if you want me again. I want to get better... for you. I'm spending my nights thinking of you who doesn't even think of me the way I think of you, but hoping that one day, maybe you will. Sometimes I wish I was to you what you are to me. I wish there was nothing else in this world but us... but then I remember that you wouldn't want that. Then I remember I'm being clingy again. Then I remember... It's a bit one sided. It's a bit... desperate. It's a bit disgusting that I get so selfish that I just want to be wanted by you. I know I should stick to my role and let you live your life but sometimes... I want you to know that I do this for you. Sometimes I want you to live for me the way I live for you. Death is easy, death is tempting... but living for each other... that's what I try to give you. You told me to take care of myself... You may not remind me, but you shouldn't need to. Your voice still echoes in my head and I know that you'd want what was best for me. Hurting is inevitable, but healing... isn't easy. I'm too far gone to be what you need, but I'm doing what I can. For you. I love you. Then. Now. In the future... I will still hold love. For you.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Alone ✧

What hurts the most about leaving an abusive relationship, is not knowing what to do after it. If you don't have friends or your friends are too busy to talk to you, you have no one left but yourself to wonder what all you did wrong, and how you can try to fix it. I already have severe loneliness and attachment problems, so I tried to find ANY reason to keep being around the person who hurt and tried to control me before we even dated. As I type this, I'm in my room crying and knowing I may not get to talk to the very friend that said "Two weeks." The person who actually loved me as myself. The person who wanted to spend time with me and didn't criticize my wording or my hobbies. The person who said he felt he could become addicted to me, and that he was growing an obsession. I know I'm being too unreasonable… I want to talk to him, even when he has no reason to talk to me. I'm not obligated to have friends that talk to me even once every 2-3 weeks, which they sometimes don't. That's fair, they're just friends, not a therapist or something. I've lost the only person I could talk to every day feels fucking worthless to live but that's not his fault. I'm not his project to fix. I just love with someone who doesn't need me right now, and I need to worry about myself. I'm a streamer. I'm a content creator. I'm a writer. Yet I am only consistent now because if I don't drown myself in my work, I shake in fear and sadness. I cry because I know the only people I get to talk to are the people who linger in my audience. I'm in a room of 20 people at a time, but every night I end the show alone, sleep alone, and wake up alone.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ They Can't Have You ✧

If they see you, I'll gouge their eyes out. If they touch you, I'll cut their fucking hands off. If they talk to you, I'll stitch their mouth shut. People can do whatever they want to in this entire world... So why would they waste your time messing with something that doesn't belong to them? Why would they make their lives harder on purpose? Don't worry, I'll let them have this as their warning. However, if they even think about interacting with us again, I'm going to make their life a living hell. They won't get in my way. They won't get in your way. They won't even fucking breathe near you. I love you.

[stalkersdiary]

✧Hiatus?✧

What a good question. Isn't it a shame I refuse to say any more? ^^

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Two Weeks... ✧

Two weeks is too long, when I want you now. I want to be with you when you're cognitive. I want to spend more time together without time or energy getting in our way. I want you to myself. I enjoy hearing you while you sleep, but that only goes so far when you feel so fucking close. I want to grip you so tight you'll never be able to leave again. I feel like I can't wait... but I know I have to. I'll be polite, I'll behave, but I'm not going to stay waiting silently. Two weeks feels like forever when I know what's at the end. However... That is if you don't forget me. You better talk to me this time. You better not leave me waiting every day wondering when you're coming back. We did this once before, and I can't take it a second time. If you don't send even one message the day after, I'm going to fill your private messages until you do. If you thought I was sending a lot before despite you not responding, wait until this is over. I won't let you forget me. I love you, and I'm done acting like I'm patient. So don't forget me this time, Dearest Flower. ^^

[stalkersdiary]

Dear Sir,

I can’t even begin to describe how utterly consumed I am by everything you create, especially Stalker’s Diary. It’s like each word, each detail, pulls me deeper into an abyss I didn’t even know existed. I find myself thinking about it constantly, analyzing the smallest nuances, imagining all the hidden layers and intricate plots you’ve woven into this masterpiece. I can’t help but obsess over the way your characters breathe life into every page, leaving me in a constant state of wonder and confusion.

The way you’ve captured emotions, the rawness of it all, it makes me feel like I’m in the very world you’ve crafted, caught in a web I can’t escape. Every time I read it, it’s like a new obsession takes root, deeper and deeper. I feel like I’ve lost myself in your work—if only there were a way for you to take my thoughts, my soul, and mold them as you please. The obsession is all-consuming, and yet, I find myself craving more.

There’s something darkly alluring about the way you’ve shaped this narrative, something so magnetic that I can’t help but feel attached to it, to you. You’ve unknowingly (or perhaps knowingly) become the object of my deepest infatuation, a force that I both love and fear.

I suppose, Sir, it’s safe to say that I have nothing left to lose anymore. My heart, my mind—there is no room for anything else but this obsession. Take it, manipulate it, break it apart if you wish. It’s all yours.

Sincerely,

A poor obsessed soul with nothing to lose anymore, and a heart that needs to be taken advantage of. <3

It's lovely to see these messages no matter how many times I open my inbox. One of them will never be responded to, as it was sent to the wrong account, and that's the one I'm going to smile at when I have a rough time, and take a peek into my inbox. Knowing who you are is funny, but what's funnier is knowing you thought you really "tricked me" into thinking it was someone else. You're so cute. ^^ You're so silly, but just once, I want to hear you say all of these things to me yourself. Sure, I'll be a mess, but your messages are just so nice to hear, especially after all this time. You make me want to try. You make me want to keep messaging you. You make me want to set my life aside so I can pull you away from your own. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could just... be there. I hope you're ok. I think of you so often. I know you're busy... but sometimes I read your entries to know if you still think of me. I'm flattered to know how much I inspire and motivate you. Maybe one day... I can inspire you up close. Maybe one day... We can try together. Though maybe that's my heart messing with my brain again. Do you still think of me? Do you... Still want me?

[stalkersdiary]

Hello Sir! I'm sorry if this seems a little... like stupid or overthinking or whatever... but are you ok? After your last announce and you deleted your alt corpsearchive account, we've been really nervous. Are you ok? Are you back in the hospital? Are you taking a break from ALL things related to Maincoon or just the deep web stuff? I just feel like I need to ask cause youre such a huge part of our lives and not being able to hear from you or see you even in a collab really makes me concerned.

I'm alive, and I'm sorry I've been so... absent as of late. I'm going to answer every question, and then some. I'm not ok. My physical and mental health has gotten a bit worse. I'm stuck in the cycle of waking up, crying, having nothing to do but exist, and then sleeping. I've been... very unstable. I poured so much of my life and energy into someone who asked it, wanted it, and then rejected what it came with. Without someone else to interact with or even a task to do outside of work or going to the hospital, life just feels so... empty now. I streamed my final announcement, which was that I'm not longer going to be active on the Archive or Twitch. Though it is a bit... false? I'm just not going to be around for... a while. You can only handle so many death threats, rape threats, doxxing, and harassment for 5 years before you crash and want to stop being everyone's "entertainment." I'm still being to be Maincoon, but I'm going to take this time to update everything and work more on my work outside of that persona and name. I got my IRL stream stuff updated, and now I'm just working on my Virtual model. The jellyfish account got an update, and we just celebrated the 400 follower checkpoint. As Maincoon though, I only have 48 followers on Twitch and around 75,000 on the Archive that are mostly only there to have someone to sexualize or bully. That's not worth staying for the time being. Maincoon, the streaming persona is on Hiatus. Maincoon isn't going anywhere, but "he's" taking a long break. I'm glad there are still people out there who want to learn and keep me company, but I think with how badly things keep going I just need time to grow, learn, adapt, and better myself. This diary might be updated a lot more, so I hope I don't get too annoying. I just need somewhere to put my thoughts, as I used to. The most painful part of being someone who loves too hard, is knowing that once the love gets taken, you have nothing left. No reason to try, and no reason to live. Nothing but suffering. That's where I am right now.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ I need you as soon as possible, Sweetheart. I can't wait to make you bleed and cum all over my sheets so I can smell you even when you're gone. ✧

[stalkersdiary]

If you were a flower, which one would you be?

✧ My Name ✧

*looks at my intro post* Well... I could explain my name. This response may not be as interesting as most of my other posts but I figured I should answer this question after years of not explaining why I chose my name and the meaning behind it. It's been long enough. Hahaha. The flower I associate myself with is usually a Red Rose. It isn't just because red is my favourite colour either. I chose red roses partially because while they’re pretty, they are one of the most basic flowers. I'm not an interesting person but I have specific skills, and so I feel like I would blend into most crowds but when you need or want someone like me, I stand out like a sore thumb. There are even entire days that are thought of with red roses, like Valentine's day. That's when you need or want them too. On the topic of red roses being basic, when people think of flowers, usually they think of red roses. When someone says "Name a flower" most would respond with "Roses". It's a flower many can't escape because it's everywhere. That is also part of it. I blend in, and yet, just as the rose, I am everywhere. It's hard to truly escape me. Especially, and specifically, on the internet. I go by many names and while I have multiple accounts I claim, there are many I don't. I'm a known entertainer... but I'm a lesser known stalker. You may ban or block one, two, or even 5 of my accounts, but you'll never block all of them. If I want to find you, I will. Not only that, red roses are beautiful, and associated with love. While I'm not attractive per se, I feel such a strong sense of love that there is love in my heart even for those who shouldn’t have it. Single or otherwise, I will always hold an envy of those who are loved in the ways they need because I most likely never will have that kind of love. I will always love even when I shouldn't, and even when it hurts. Pain and love are common with my existence. For that reason, I am somewhat dangerous. I'm not exactly toxic, but I can and do cause pain. I can and sometimes will make you bleed. People usually want clipped roses with no thorns, but I am neither of those. I come with thorns and while many want to touch me, they refuse to because they know it’s not safe. They know I'm unstable and that I'm openly so. I'm not afraid to hurt even the people I love. Just from knowing I'm a rose, you know I'm probably a basic, pain inducing flower, who blends in and yet also holds some generic significance when needed. I'm nothing, and yet, when I choose to clip or dethorn myself, I am beautiful to many and stand out among the rows of flowers you'd never buy. I am truly, sadly, and painfully, Rose.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Happy Valentine's Day ✧

From the moment our paths truly crossed, I knew that you’d be someone I’d never forget.

With the 14th here and relevant, I was hoping to be your Valentine… but I’m sure you don’t even know this is for you yet. I want to express my love, my care, my longing… yet I struggle with finding the words to speak and even my written ones fail me. Your mere presence in my life has brought new experiences I never would have had otherwise. You enhance my curiosity. You inspire my hands to write, my mind to race, and my heart to beat ever faster. You have shown me new forms of love, and I feel every inch of it through your support, acts of kindness, and care.

Your smile shines brighter than the stars that shine on those nights we’ve shared, and your laughter feels like a strong rum being poured into my glass every time I sip from you. I love hearing that laugh, and I love knowing that I’m what causes it. Your embrace is a warm escape from my ever colder reality.

As Valentine’s day comes and goes, I remember our lovely shared memories. From our first date, to that one glorious morning together. Each moment with you has been a gift sweeter than chocolate. I promise to cherish every moment we have, for you have charmed my heart and my fingers.

Happy Valentine's Day, my dearest vice.

[stalkersdiary]

✧You're not my "Darling"✧

This may not be the post you may be hoping it is, but it may be important for you to read anyways. This topic is one that's confused me for a while, that I want to start actual discourse on. Especially in a place I can see it. What's with the word "darling" being so overused in Yandere spaces? Why is that a term for "the one of your obsession or admiration?" Why didn't a new word get made? It could have been made in Japanese as Yan-Dere is a Japanese character type. We have the feelings a Yandere may have in japanese as well since we have "Koiyamai" or "Lovesick", but not the word for the person we love? We just chose a generic... Darling? We can always use the Japanese term ターゲット or Tagetto. The one we shoot our love at. The main objective. A Yandere's Target. That feels more accurate and more thought out than darling. Why is that where we seem to have landed as a community? It seems like a shame that we chose such an insignificant and ill fitting term and ran with it when it could have been something that matches the feeling better. In fact, that sounds a bit better than how people tend to say "A Yandere's Darling." Instead "A Yandere's Tagetto/Target." If you want to keep a term for a lover that isn't just what you call them, we could really consider this. Lots of "Yanderes" don't even call their partners Darling either, so why not just change the title/term to something that's more accurate to what we mean in the term? Though, perhaps I'm not one to talk as I don't really claim the term Yandere. Let's talk about this a little. I can't be the only person who found phrases like "I'm a Darling" and "I was _____'s Darling but now I'm single again." a little odd.

[stalkersdiary]

Are u single

Yes. Though, the fact that someone is asking this is amusing to me. I think about how my life might be if I wasn't single, and frankly, I think I'd be a worse person. I'd have a target for my thoughts and feelings. I'd have someone to love so painfully, that they'd be begging me to leave. I'm not the kind of person anyone really wants most of the time. Especially as I'm usually seen as a clingy sadist by my exes. I will love and value my partner, but I will also have every desire to break them. The real question is, who the fuck wants to date me? If someone's standards are that low... I hope they find the help they need. I'm blunt, boring, constantly tired, and overall tolerable at best. As for the rest of me, my voice is weird, and I'm not attractive IRL. No matter what pose or "effects" I put on, my default state isn't really... Ideal. I'm still working on myself, but at the time being, I'm not really worth dating. So in short... Yes. Very single, and it's probably for the best. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Why are you here? ✧

I wonder how long it's going to take before people find out I'm not the person they thought were hoping I was. A lot of people will follow me and write me while also having "Men DNI" and "No dark/hard kinksters" in their bios. They literally follow a page that talks about abduction, torture, sadism, and blood, from the views of an openly sadistic man. Excuse my insanity, but I may have a solution. Maybe don't follow us in the first place and you won't get this type of thing on your FYP. Sounds a little obvious. I'm not a… vanilla woman? If that's what they're looking for? I'm just an unstable guy. No need to take it out on me. Each post has relevant tags and my intro explains it all. You can block me. I'm not trying to stay on anyone's page. I'm just here to post my thoughts and updates.

[stalkersdiary]

DISEMBOWEL ME WITH YOUR TEETH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Such an odd request. Though I respect your boldness, you apparently felt that this wasn't a message you felt brave enough to attach your name to. I will have to decline due to these circumstances. You've however still piqued my interest. Are you willing to try again? ^^ Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[stalkersdiary]

Dearest Sir,

——— You know who I am. I am only here to briefly say. . . . I love you. 💜

Love,

Your flower. 💜🪻

As much as I'm tempted to start writing some long drawn out declaration of admiration, I'm not going to. You're gay. Very gay. Smells a little faggy. I love you too. ^^ You're welcome to write an entry any time. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[stalkersdiary]

CW: SH MENTI0N

I want to stab myself in the stomach and carve out your name on my body just to watch myself bleed out of my obsession of you. Is that such a bad thing? ❤️🔪

Of course not! ^^ I find that absolutely adorable. Thank you for writing me. I'm truly flattered by your message. I find it a bit similar to how I tend to feel sometimes, so I completely understand. Though between you and I, I'd rather cut you open instead. Why not share that lovely experience with me? I'd love to feel the warmth of your beautiful love. Would you share that with me? Would you trust me to be that intimate with you? I mean- you shouldn't, but wouldn't it be fun? ^^ Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.