#myfourswords

[notesandchai]

01.10.2023

2022 Winter (Q2)

Week 7 Day 2

It's nice to be 'home'. It is. Throws me off my rhythm though. It would be nicer if I did not get so distracted by everyone in the house, my brother comes in and I get distracted, my mother stops to ask me a question and we keep talking for like 40 minutes. I'll go downstairs for a quick snack and won't end up back in my room until I've made a cup of tea and accidentally watched half an episode of whatever's on TV and also gotten into an argument with someone.

What's worse is that I feel terrible for keeping my visits home short and sweet. I planned out this trip perfectly to align with my brother's birthday, a high school friend's engagement lunch, and my 9 day cycle in the numerology app. If I'm almost a quarter of a century old, I should be able to make my plans and stick with them. Somehow, I've gotta release the hold other people's words have on me... or at least just my dad heehee.

All of this is just pulling my attention away from the theories and ethics discussion posts I have to write by tonight as I will be d r i v i n g thru K a n s a s tomorrow.

We're a bit down on strength today. I'm doing my absolute best to stay out of my comfy, cozy bed. I've sat up at this table, and I've gotten my notion updated for this week's assignments and tasks. I've gotten some journaling started (thank you, audience <3).

Today:

The plan is to start by attacking the Feminist Theory chapter for Dr. K's theories course. There's also an overview video I will dive into after posting that should give me some general context before I start breaking my brain with the text. Then it's a simple case conceptualization (I say simple but this class is the one I struggle with the most as I orient myself theoretically) for the discussion post. I will get this done tonight {if I could just breeze through it, I would love that @ "the universe" thx}

Then I dive into some ethics ~ this week we're talking boundary violations. There's a chapter on it in the text and some references to find violations in my local state board's website... how exciting -- then a quick discussion post (again, I say quick, yet I barely crawl along it seems). I will also get this done tonight...

and all with enough time and energy and mental/physical eye power to finish the last half of the new Matilda musical with the fam. Techniques will wait until Thursday, once I have already driven through Kansas.

May doc have mercy on my soul (@ doc hudson from Cars)

[notesandchai]

11.28.22

2022 Winter (Q2)

Wk 1 Day 1

As I deem today a syllabus week, I'm finding myself scattered. I've been looking forward to this quarter all fall and now that I'm here I see the fear coursing in my chest as I breathe. So instead of staying jumbled on the pages, I will unravel my thought knots and give my self an audience. #selftherapy?

Took a break earlier to treat myself to some taco bell and blackrock coffee, but now that I'm fed, I just want to curl up and just not. Not an optionnn 🌚🌝

Taking 3 classes this quarter, so for ten weeks, I want to buckle down and getter done. I also want to keep up with going to the gym that my boyfriend and I are planning to hit this week ~ weekly swims actually sounds like motivation for once. Last quarter was an initial adjustment to being back in school after a pandemic and online school in general. I appreciated that I had time to see friends and socialize for some time with that schedule and the class(es) were not as rigorous as I had anticipated off the bat.

Not so, no longer. My theories class seems pretty straightforward. Discussions each week and two open book exams. We got that, book has arrived, and I will actually do all my discussions for this class, I promise (me @ me)

The techniques class has gotten me a bit ope'd out. {overwhelmed processing externalizing} I'll have video assignments, lot more real-time synchronous interactions and zoom lectures, and now a healthy dose of Please Don't Disappoint This Lovely Professor. This may be the big Doozy for me this Q so stay tuned,

Ethics and Legal Issues is just gonna be dense. That textbook is looking mighty thic but I feel excited to dive into it. The assignments are varied and so I think it'll be a nice go-between class to keep me on my toes. The professor seems like they know what's up too, so I anticipate some interest tidbits.

Now that I've got a feel for each class and see the vibes together, I suppose it's actually time for me to do the damn thing for weeks 1 huh

[notesandchai]

Winter 2023 (Q2)

February 2, 2023 _ Groundhog's Day + VaxxedUpp

Week 10 Day 4

I finally submitted a discussion post for theories with which I am happy. What a concept, it was the personal integration for personal orientation week.

I commence my exams now. The past ten weeks have officially dwindled down to the final few tasks left to complete. No pomp, no circumstance. Just me alone in the house with Gordon Ramsay swearing in the background.

I finally met my new therapist this week. I think I have some things to learn and can work with him for a little while. I wonder if there will be a big breakthrough in each session, regardless I am curious to observe his style of counseling. I walked away from our interaction reminded that I really do need people around me to feel content and connected. My major downside with an online program. The invisible lining.

On another note, Lavender is Back at Dutch Bros!! I celebrated my little vaccination adventure this morning with a lavender dutchie soda and they gave me a free sticker! Then I agreed to go out with the boyf tonight to a coworker's gig. Officially, we are trying to not avoid social interaction.

The goal today is to work my way through the Ethics exam. I'm gonna write each thing down as I go and take my time,,, this may be the class that's keeping my GPA above board.

Anything more I say here is procrastination. so imma gettit now

[notesandchai]

Winter 2022 (Q2)

01.24.23 | Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday mesh together

Week 9 Day 2 + 1 + 3 + 4

So I had a bit of an epiphany this morning. Just kidding, but was thinking; I am the fool on this journey, I accept this and I undertand that part of the learning curve is to lower my expectations to a novice level. H8 it but it is wot it is m8. I was reviewing the plan I have in place for my courses and practicums and there are exactly twenty-one 5-credit courses that I complete. The first one felt like the orientation of the fool, I learned to experience the wonder and envision what I wanted to down the line. This quarter, the Theories, Techniques, and Ethics feel like the first three figures of the Major Arcana. Theories is the study of how to embody the different aspects of the theoretical approach

Ok so I watched the Fundamentals of Caring for the Ethics Discussion. I want to make sure I am able to put together the PowerPoint presentation and then I can record the audio tomorrow

I am watching the Narrative Family Therapy video -- make sure I connect the video to the post!! Still using the same case for the conceptualization, but each new theory gives me a bit of a headache. It's a bit jarring to comprehend it without any sort of lecture or explanation by the professor. All interactions happen within the Discussion Assignments ~ and I don't know how to process the fact that I hate online class discussions. I knew it would be a challenge with the Online School vibe, but here we are. And why is it so hard to get 10 points? This course has been humbling to say the Least. I am still in Fool Territory here.

Techniques : I have the final mock counseling session with The Client tomorrow (Wednesday) and I want to be able to finish up the worksheet due by Friday? I also want to finish the Skillsetter practice by Saturday.

This week, I want to do nothing on Sunday.... ideal I know. I've been struggling with the timeline of this quarter. I Hope to Howdy next quarter is smoother. But it's hard not to think outside of the present when you're actively pressed in the middle of the 10-week-sandwich.

_______

As of day 4: I got the two discussion posts in, both late, one by a day the other by an hour.

I had my final session with my mock client and so far, it has been the best one. I feel more confident in being able to execute what I want to during a counseling session and being able to get out of my head and stay present and focused on integrating techniques. A game changer.

Now I take a brief break before I actually dive into my techniques worksheet and Mock Counseling Reflection paper...

jeepers yikes eeps

[notesandchai]

Winter 2022 (Q2)

Jan 20, 2023 | Aquarius Season is upon us

Week 8 Day 5 (my 3rd)

"I flow easily with new experiences, new challenges, and new people who enter my life"

Lousie Hay affirmation of the day

Today, I started the day in bed. I may have been struggling this week with getting out of bed, but I have a friend asleep in the living room and I want to give him his space and rest. So, I climbed back into bed with my laptop and nothing else.

On one hand, I am really proud of myself for getting my discussion posts in -- if only a day late in the long run. We're getting there, slowly but surely, I am making progress.

On the other hand, hey google, find me the nearest void and allow me to throw myself inside. Kind of joking.

Today: Today is a techniques day because I have a mock counseling session at 4:00 pm ~~ and I am stuck in "I don't know what I'm doing mode" I really thought this class would be the easy-peasy I can show up and show out and just be myself -- how different from the Pathly training could this actually be??? Quite. I did not realize I ask so so so many questions in my daily conversations. Turns out therapists are supposed to talk less; smile more. Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for. Therapists who run their mouths off wind up *unemployed???*

So then, today's goal is to make a master notion page of the different tips and tricks and techniques we have covered thus far -- ideally based on the different parts of a counseling session and how to incorporate them together. The purpose of spending the day doing this is that somewhere along the way, the content will begin to click and I will actually understand the material.

Can't that just make it easier to execute and also acknowledge when I do it? The last video assignment ended up with a technical glitch so in re-doing the video and everything, I got way too in my head about it.

It's really not that deep, I'm just stuck in the depths right now and we are almost done with Week 8/10 -- Next month, I'm going to France!!!

et sur cette note, j'ai besoin de me concentrer sur mes révisions.

[notesandchai]

Winter 2022 (Q2)

Jan 18, 2023 | Mercury slowly swivels forward

Week 8 Day 3 (1)

"I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself"

Louise Hay affirmation of the day

Ok it might be the middle of the week, but I am finally caught up and ready to hit the week 8 content. Is it fair to say that I'm overwhelmed and officially 25? Birthday weekend/MLK has passed and so officially Holiday Season has passed. It is now just the cold months.

Regardless, you would think after taking minimal breaks and reading two chapters as fast as possible, I would have been able to submit two measly discussion posts by 10 pm.

Not so.

Boyf and mother and everyone in between keep encouraging that I am doing great, and the timing is fine, and I'm doing my best and that my best is enough. And I know that the real actual important things in life are not the things that are graded. And I know that I have the challenge of having to unlearn my old habits and thought patterns. And I know that I know these things. It's so easy to succumb to the need to be perfect and then sit there paralyzed at 10:14 pm when I very clearly was once again unable to hit my deadline.

They keep reminding me that I am more than school. And school is more than 10-point discussion posts. And discussion posts are more of a synthesis of everything that I've learned.

At the end of the day, school is me sitting in the same spot in the same room with the same feeling of losing my mind and paralyzing frustration -- and nothing done to show for it.

Here's to hoping I feel a sort of positivity tomorrow. We're gonna keep going, but I really wish I had the ability to just be the maladaptive teen I was in the mid 2010's with my AP fueled frenzy. On the flexy side, I have a little onyx elephant I was gifted as a birthday present. I am satisfied to report that he has been my misery business partner this week as I can lament to him without repercussions.

Thursday goals : keep up with my flexible pomodoro timer method! We're doing 1:30 on :45 off at a time and I think it is actually helping a little bit (placebo beliefs count in my field)