11/10/17
I just wanted to take a moment to really establish how proud of myself I am and to really reflect on how far I’ve come. I started this thought process, consciously, maybe 5 years ago, and I buried it for those next 5 years until now. Back then, I very briefly shared the idea that I might be trans with two friends, and my most recent ex knew as well. Through telling them back then though, I knew I wasn’t ready to accept it in myself, despite all three of those peoples supporting nature. They let it be, and so did I, and now we are here. Now every friend in my life who’s love and opinion of me matters, knows. Now, my closest brother - my favorite person on this planet - knows and supports me. And I am recognizing all this love and all this support. I look back at the very first post on this blog and can already see so much growth. I only started this blog back in September, before I even started therapy, and where I first stated I didn’t know where I fell, I now accept that I am a trans guy. I am so proud to look back at a timeline of my thought process, which is why I started this is the first place. We are now at almost mid-November and I am gearing up to tell my parents. I never could have imagined how much and how fast I’d grow by talking it out with a professional and being open and honest about how I feel. I can’t even believe I buried it so deep within myself for so many years, through all sorts of therapy I had growing up. It’s funny because though I’ve always been open and honest in therapy, I was never willing to share that piece of myself. I now wonder where I would be now if I had worked through these thoughts in high school, had I recognized them as something that was suppressing me becoming my most authentic self. I am so happy. A few months back, with not expressing myself in the correct gender, and being stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, I would have never imagined reaching the amount of happiness and freedom I feel within myself. I feel so at peace and I feel so thankful for the path God paved for me to get here. I know there are so many great things to come and I couldn’t be more proud to stand where I stand. My heart is so full of love and support from the people who matter and I have the people who belong in my life standing right by my side. They are the ones who made it. They are the ones who bring truth and honesty to my life. They are the ones who want to push me to live out my most authentic self.. I am so so so proud of myself. I honestly never would have imagined I’d get to this point. I am happy, I am healthy, and I am at peace. What a beautiful journey this life has been, struggle and all, and I plan to enjoy every minute of what’s to come. No one can stop me now.