The things we cannot have: Part one ~ The things we’ve lost 8 (last chapter for the part)
Here’s the last chapter for the very first part of this project. Up to this point, this was all written one chapter per night with a back that killed me, just before I collapsed.
These chapters were the only reason for me to wake up at all. It was a horrible time.
Just like my situation got better, Saeran and MC’s situation will eventually change. I hope you’ll enjoy it once more!
Somehow the bodyguards had found them and brought them back to the bunker after Saeran’s treatment. Neither Mc or him had been able to drive or talk after their encounter with the person they had believed to never see again.
For days their phones rang again and again but neither of them could gather the strength to get up or talk to anyone. The RFA members began to visit them again but nothing seemed to change this time. It was as if the last month and all the progress the two had made hadn’t happened at all. They wouldn’t talk. Not to their friends and not to each other. They wouldn’t go outside. And with the lost progress even spoken words had left the bunker they shared as a home.
Saeyong had left them again without looking back. The situation was so similar to the last time, it pained them even more whenever the memories popped up in their heads. As if one time had not been enough. And Saeran really had enough of it. He didn’t want to believe in his brother anymore. Not again. Seven had his chances countless times and he had thrown them away without hesistation. Not trusting someone and keeping secrets had been accepted somehow but this was different - it had pulverized the base of trust they had.
It had taken Saeran more than a year to accept his twin back in his life. To see him every day and live in the same home. He had worked so hard and long to give him a chance after he decided to move in with him. The look on Saeyongs face had been pure and happy. And yet the redheaded hacker failed him. Another chance and the same outcome. Saeran couldn’t bear with it any longer.
These days MC had the worst mood swings he had ever seen in a person. One moment she would call him, with an excitement in her voice he couldn’t even imagine, because she had found a new awesome ice cream flavour combination she wanted him to try. Other moments would follow where shadows darkened her face, before she went silent and ran out of the room sobbing. She wouldn’t talk to him anymore. Even if he tried she blocked him out every single time. But at night he hugged him desperately or clawed at his shirt and her tears left his clothes damp.
A letter informed them that the bunker now officially belonged to Saeran. He hadn’t asked for it but he accepted the gift without questioning it further. He would need a place to stay and he liked the safety this place provided, especially after the attack on MC. And somewhere deep in his mind an idea of him and MC here, happy, still had him captivated.
The night he had kissed her was nowhere near the situations he had imagined in his head. Back then he had wanted to wait way longer. Maybe after a few months she would slowly forget Saeyong and see him, right beside her. And when she was ready for it, he might have given her flowers or other things she liked. Things that made her so happy, her eyes would shine brighter than usual. Step by step he would fight his way into her heart and cure the pain his twin had left.
And then, after all that, he had planned to gently surround her and confess his feelings that grew deep inside his heart like the roots of a flower despite all the pain he was in. Saeran wanted her to feel the same. With every breath he ached for that unsure moment in the future. If he would ever get there, he swore to himself, the kiss he would plant on her lips would be gentle and as sweet as her favourite ice cream.
So he officially offered her to stay as long as she wanted to. He even told her that he was glad she was here with him. But all she did was look away and hide herself under the pile of countless blankets and pillows in the living room.
When he crawled underneath the blankets this night, she was still awake, her back turned to him. She wouldn’t turn around to face him, but she finally spoke. It was a soft mumble, barely a sound. Additionally she was shivering, so he moved closer, trying to warm her a little through body contact.
“Saeran, I can’t stay like this any longer.”
His heart skipped a beat at the sound of her words. What was this supposed to mean? When she went on talking, he realised he had held his breath all this time. Her quivering voice startled him even more. And she told him how everything in the bunker reminded her of Saeyong. How it sickened her every second. That she couldn’t stop thinking about him since they had seen him in the hospital. After a break she quietly added “even you remind me of him. I’m sorry Saeran, I know you’re not the same. I really do. It’s just…,” she stopped and took a deep breath as if to relax herself. “You look so similar. And you’re so nice to me. I don’t think I can handle it.”
Everything inside him froze when she told him again, that he reminded her of his brother. He hated it. How could she still compare him with this idiot? He bit his lip which began to bleed a little again, but this time his rage couldn’t consume him. He was prepared to fight his emotions this time.
So he remained quiet, trying to take the painful words in. He really tried to understand them, for her sake. He couldn’t allow to scare her any more and endanger his dream. Instead had to protect her, as much as Saeyong hadn’t. Saeran swore to himself he wouldn’t break his promises.
So instead of getting angry at her for comparing them, he asked what he should do, what might help her.
Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
First part done, at least three more to go.
Hey, I’m interested. Are you team Saeran or should Saeyoung get another chance?
The things we cannot have: Part one - The things we’ve lost 6
Mistake. MISTAKE.
When she shuddered beneath him, an internal alarm went off and stopped him from forcing the kiss on her. The anger was gone, replaced by fear. He immediately realised he had gone to far, too early. And he couldn’t take it back.
The more it surprised him when he distanced himself a little and she followed. Longing for him. Less aggressive than he had been, but still demanding she stole kiss from him as sweet as ice cream. And that was it.
Somehow he had let go of her wrists that now were around his neck. Somehow she had come even closer, pushing her body cool body against him in a close hug. And somehow he stood there without a clue what to do, his hands hovering in a hug like gesture without touching her.
She was crying again. And he wouldn’t have it. Wanted to apologize for what he just did to her. If it helped her he would hurt himself, he would leave immediately, anything to erase the moment he took advantage of her. the way she shivered made his stomach ache again and left a dull pain he couldn’t run from. Guilt.
Minutes must have passed before he found the strength in him to tell her to go to bed. Which she didn’t. She wouldn’t make a single move, still clinging onto him. A sigh escaped him when he gave up on persuading her. She was as stubborn as ever and he had no idea what she wanted right now.
Since she didn’t answer him, he decided to take action on himself. Again. He had carefully calculated what to do this time. If this wouldn’t work, he had no idea what else might.
“MC. Shall we go to sleep?,” he whispered, fear filling his voice. She nodded on his shoulder but still showed no intention to move towards the couch or one of the bedrooms. Before he could ask her for the reason why, she mumbled something.
“Can you carry me?”
He twitched a little at the words. Carry her? Not that he didn’t want to, but..
“My knees are wobbling. I don’t feel able to walk right now,” she said with a whiny voice. Which was enough for him to carefully pull her up bridal style and carry her to the bedroom they had slept in earlier. She leaned her head on his shoulder, eyes already closed. It was only a few steps to the room but when they arrived there she was already asleep.
The next day had been weird all the way. None of them knew what to do with the other one. They couldn’t stay far away from each other yet they couldn’t look each other in the eye either. And they couldn’t talk to each other. Everything ended up feeling weird so they just stayed in the same room filled with awkward silence.
MC was in a hot bath when the messenger vibrated. He stayed in the living room again, sitting on the couch with a small bowl of ice cream. Curiously he looked at the message. Usually the RFA members didn't use the chatroom anymore, so it must be something out of the ordinary. They were still friends but it felt wrong to chat like they used to back then when Saeyong was still with them. They all had lost a dear friend.
Did MC recover?
The three words made his heart beat faster, filled him up with rage and made his fist clench hard enough to break the phone. The glass of the screen shattered and dug into his skin, red blood drops starting to fall to the ground. He didn't feel any of it.
Furious he threw the remnants of the electronic device into the garbage can. Did she recover? Was that really all he had to say? If he knew about her former condition he must have known what was going on. That she was under attack. That she stayed at the hospital for a WEEK. And yet he only sent three words.
It pained him to see how little his brother cared for his girlfriend. Former girlfriend? Ex? Whatever they were right now. Since Saeyong had just left he wasn’t really sure what their relationship was right now. He knew he shouldn’t care if he wanted to avoid hurting himself any more. Yet his mind circled around his twin.
And after a month that was all he sent. He asked about her. What about him? Why wasn’t he here, taking care of his girl himself? His brother was such an idiot. He never really understood his or MC’s feelings. He never deserved a girl as caring and bright as her. And after all the times he had told him they would spend their lives together his brother just..
“Saeran? What happened?,” MC asked as she entered the room, her hair still in a towel from the bath. When she saw his hand she immediately rushed to him. Her eyes went from taking a closer look at it, then at him again, demanding an answer. It fluttered him to see her this concerned about him. Maybe..
No. Telling her the truth would only hurt her. He might tell her everything and break her heart. Blackmailing his twin would be refreshing to a certain degree. But he doubted he could get any closer to her through that. It would only rip her wounds open.
“It’s nothing..,” he tried to tone it down but she wouldn’t have it. Instead she glared at him, her head turning a shade of red. When he still didn’t answer she puffed her cheeks which ended in the colour deepening. With furrowed brows she went on louder than before.
“Saeran, what happened?”
“Don’t get mad, okay?” he pleaded, his eyes searching hers. While she still stared at him without a sound, be bit his lip, unsure whether he should tell her or not. In the end he gave up. Resisting her pout was hard on his own. The bath towel added just enough to convince him.
“He sent me a message through the messenger. He asked if you had recovered. Three words, nothing else. I just got so angry, I couldn’t..” During his speech his words had flown out of his mouth. His voice broke when he was searching for words. Should he have answered? Would he come back if he did?
She stared at him in disbelief. Still holding his hand she stared into the air as if she was somewhere far away from the bunker. Seconds passed and he wondered whether he had made a mistake. Then she snapped back and investigated the wound again before she let go of him. There were red marks on his wrist where she had touched him.
“I’m taking you to the hospital. I can’t take care of this by myself,” she mumbled expressionless as she put on her shoes and helped him with his since she wouldn’t let him use the hurt hand.
The things we cannot have: Part one - The things we’ve lost 5
She had woken up earlier than usual. Somehow she had fallen from the bed she had slept in seconds before. A single look at the other person in the room told her she had not woken him up. Which was good. Concerned she watched him sleep for a while until she decided to leave him alone for now. She was in desperate need for some water and didn’t want to wake him up for such a minor reason.
Slowly MC stood up and tiptoed to the door before she opened it, sneaking towards the kitchen. The rooms were lighted by dimmed neon signs that had all kinds of warnings on them. She didn’t mind them anymore. Just like most of her surroundings. At least they kept the darkness a bit further away.
Emotions circled in her and tried to reach the surface but with every day that had passed, she had gotten better in controlling them. Suppressing them if necessary. Whenever they threatened to overwhelm her she locked herself in the bathroom until they passed by.
Saeran had questioned her behaviour often in the first days after they had come home again. Whenever she left the room he followed immediately. The bathroom became her safe place. A heaven for her to be alone.
Somehow his presence pressured her. Saeras existence took the air out of her lungs and filled her head with memories of his twin. When she was half asleep she would confuse him with Saeyong just to realise her mistake seconds after. It ripped her wounds open again and again in a never ending circle. And she didn’t know how to escape it.
The urge to get away from him had grown with the passing days. First it was a small ache in her heart but now it was pain, blinding pain that filled her heart whenever she looked at his face. His concerned looks didn’t help at all.
He looked just like Saeyong. Again she cursed the fact they were twins.
After a glass of water her thirst still wasn’t stilled. A chill accompanied the feeling. She sighed, and a slight regret crept up her spine. She should have slipped into warmer clothes.
Yet her body wouldn’t move. She would wake him up. He would orbit around her again. No. NO! She didn’t want to see his face. If there was a way to enjoy the loneliness of the night any longer without the redhead she would gladly take the opportunity. Just a little bit longer before she had to face him again.
The temperature was getting more uncomfortable which made her decide to drink something warm instead to heat her up from the inside. A hot chocolate ignited her searching eyes. Perfect.
The hot beverage didn’t take long to make. She took it and sat down on the sofa in the living room, across Saeyongs working place. The photo of her, the twins and the RFA members caught her eyes. They had taken it short after she and her boyfriend had saved Saeran with Vanderwoods help. Everybody had come over to celebrate the success of the last fundraising party. These had been happier days.
She didn’t realise the tears. They would fill her eyes, coat her face, and drip to the floor. Here and there she would sip on the cacao, deep in thought about the past. Memories kept coming up, reminding her of everything that had went wrong.
The relationship had not always been happy and she knew that. Ups and downs had come but after every fight they had come out stronger than before. Their love had been strong, she was sure about it. But still a single word haunted her. Why. Why had he thrown everything away. Didn’t he believe in her anymore, in their relationship? Had he found somebody else?
Quiet whimpers escaped her mouth before she could suppress them. Immediately she held her breath, covering her mouth with her empty hand. And listened for signs. Not a single sound filled the bunker. Slowly she began to relax and put her hand away again. He was still asleep. Good.
An hour had passed and she drank her second mug filled with the hot sweet drink. The picture still haunted her. Somehow she couldn’t look away or avert her eyes. Without her consent they would wander there again and again and she was sick of it. To free her mind she shook her head and stood up in a swift motion to bring the mug back into the kitchen before she could fall asleep with it still in her hand.
A person peeled from the shadow of the hallway, following her. The second she heard the voice, she froze. He had called out to her but she wouldn’t respond. All of the bottled up pain kicked in again with full force, her knees went weak, and she dropped to the floor.
Just before MC could hit the floor he caught her. With both his hands gripping her arm and waist he pulled her upwards again. Helped her stand so she couldn’t slip away again. Her eyes filled with tears again. She had wanted to escape her memories, escape this face that was burned into her brain. But here in the dark it looked even more real that it did with the lights on. She knew it was Saeran that held her in his grip but all she could see was Saeyong’s face.
And she screamed. Yelled at him to get away from her, to leave and never come back. His expressions darkened at her demands, as if all emotion left him. As if he was dying inside. She could see the pain enter and leave his eyes again and none was left in these mint colored eyes that proved he was not Saeyong at all.
“What is wrong with you,” he growled, as he grabbed both of her upper arms and shook her angrily. She screeched as an answer, trying to push him away but she couldn’t escape his unforgiving grip. Finally she glared into his eyes and screamed at him: “I can’t do this anymore, OK?! I really try to survive the fact he left me but everytime I see you I just…,” she paused, gasping for air before she continued.
“It rips me APART, Saeran! Everytime I think it would be HIM and it hurts AGAIN! I can’t look at you anymore because every single time I do, I see HIM!”, she blasted out, shivering beyond control. His mouth opened a little, disbelief plastered all over his face. His brother had left many days ago and still he haunted both of them. How could she ever compare him with that person?
“I know you’re not him, but you feel like him! You sound so similar, you even look exactly like him. And I’m so sick of seeing your, seeing HIS face EVERY SINGLE DAY, Saeran!” Her accusations hit a spot deep in his heart, destroying walls that had been kept up for too long. He hissed through his teeth, eyes closed to mere slits. Anger welled up inside him, flooded his mind, and took every bit of restraint with it.
Immediately he pushed her against the kitchen wall, pressing both her wrists above her head with one hand, the other under her chin. In a abrupt and brutal motion he pulled her head upwards, forcing her to look into his face that hovered mere centimeters in front of hers.
Surprised by the anger and violent action she grasped for air, staring at him in disbelief.
“MC,” he hissed again, so close she could feel his breath on her skin. The feeling gave her goosebumps and weakened her knees again. If he hadn’t held her ass brutal as he did, she would have slid down the wall towards the ground.
“Never EVER compare us again. I think you need to be TAUGHT he and I are not the same,” he threatened, his voice deeper filled with hazard.
In this moment he forced his lips on her, pressing her against the wall with his body. And MC realised he definitely wasn’t Saeyong.
At the thirty-first night she broke. Sobbing beyond control she fought her way through the night while Saeran hold her in his arms. He couldn’t find words to comfort her or himself and he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. His brother had left both of them and he didn’t care at all. He wouldn’t came back.
He let go of the walls he had carefully pulled up and the straight face he had kept to help MC crumbled under the endless tears. It was liberating to some degree. All the emotions he had bottled up until now slipped out, burying him underneath them. When the morning came they both fell asleep at the end of their strength.
The things we cannot have: Part one - The things we’ve lost 4
Saeran had been told to call a nurse as soon as she would wake up but his emotions made him wait, hesitate. Maybe it would be alright. Maybe he could hold her, just a little bit longer before she might be taken away by the doctors. She was awake, so she should be alright. Right?
The idea made him shiver, grossed out by his own thought. Had he really just put his own wishes before MC’s health? He must have gone crazy. Since when had he become so possessive - again? He didn’t want to admit it, neither did he want to allow himself to give in to the feeling. But he wanted to possess this girl, keep her close, so he wouldn’t be alone again. Her warmth and her voice for him alone to shelter him from the pain. He wanted her to belong to him alone.
Voices in his mind tormented him, fighting over his senses and the decision he was about to make. Noone other than him should see her in this state. He had to guard her from the world's eyes, keep her safe from another attack! The doctors, the nurses, EVERYONE could be the next one to hurt her! Especially his twin brother. He would keep the idiot that had hurt her feelings as far from her as he could.
Another voice joined him, deepening the headache that controlled him more with every passing second. What if she didn’t want to be close to him? She would run away and get hurt again. Her nightmares would keep her from sleeping and as far as he knew she wouldn’t even eat as long as nobody reminded her to do so. Even more scenarios flooded in, forcing him to grab his head with both of his hands in a desperate attempt to dampen the ache.
“Saeran?” Her voice reached him as if from far away. He didn’t realise it when she moved a little forward to turn around and get a better picture of what was happening. Startled by the look on his face she held her breath and hesitated to make a move as not to scare him in his state. But when she heard him wincing she couldn’t hold herself back any longer.
Immediately she hugged her arms around his head, pressing him to her chest and whispering sweet words to distract him from his growing panic attack. It took minutes to get him to shiver less and some more to reduce it into a heavy breathing. She’d count the seconds for him to produce something he could hold onto, something to trust. Still his hands held hers in a tight grip around his head. Both of them had been so possessed by his demons, none had noticed when he had reached out for her.
“You’re awake again..,” he pressed between his lips, clearly struggling with words. She nodded as an answer, not even thinking about why it was something that terrified him like that. In an attempt to make him look at her she gently squeezed his hand before she pulled back to brush a strand of hair from his face. His eyes followed her every movement, still filled with emotions she wished to never see again.
Continuously she would brush his hair in slow motions with her fingers until he stopped her by gently holding her wrist. With his voice trembling he slowly explained to her what had happened at the garden they had visited a week ago and everything that had happened after that until this day. Of course she had questions. And he would make sure to answer them all without a single exception. He wouldn’t hide anything from her. If it was her, he didn't need to keep a single secret.
Suddenly she shivered and tears welled up when she realised what the mens’ intentions had been. He could understand the helplessness she felt, it had been his companion for a long time. By the time he finished his explanations the sun had risen high in the sky already, forecasting a beautiful day. The expression on her face told him otherwise. It would be a horrible day for both of them.
The thought of leaving her behind only for a second left a foul taste on his tongue. No way he was going to do that. On the other hand, it had to be done. Unwilling he sat up from the bed they had shared for so many nights when she suddenly grabbed his waist and pulled him back.
“Don’t leave me,” she hummed, placing her head against his chest. Of course she could hear the fastened beat the surprise had caused. After hesitating for a few seconds, struggling with thoughts about what he should do, he hugged her gently before he touched her chin with his fingers to lift it. This way he could see the expression on her face more clear. It screamed at him, begged him not to leave her alone.
A small scowl fled his lips as he pressed her back to his chest and hid his face in her hair. Before that he didn’t want to go but now it seemed impossible to him. Minutes passed again while he thought about how she had acquired so much power over his thoughts.
“MC, I need to get a nurse to look after you,” he left out a sigh, filled with a painful sound. Immediately the girl would shake her head, which clearly screamed no. It would take a long time to finally convince her to let him go. And he hated every step of the way there. When she finally accepted his pleading, he hid his face deeper in her hair, taking a deep breath of it’s scent before he left her alone on the bed to call one of the nurses.
Within seconds a lady dressed in white clothes rushed in and began her routine check-ups to see if MC had suffered any damage besides the almost healed scratches on her body. Afterwards doctors would ensure her health a second time before she got an ‘ok’ to leave the hospital the next morning. Even if the tests didn’t show any negative results, they made her stay one more night for surveillance, which might have been caused by Jumin.
Jumin’s bodyguards brought them back to the bunker after MC’s last checkup the next morning. It still seemed unreal to her that she was unconscious for a whole week. Which meant it was almost a month since Saeyong was gone. Again they would spend her days mostly indoors after Saeran had made sure no security guard entered his house.
From now on they couldn’t make a single step outside the bunker without the supervision of their new guards. They didn’t feel any better with them but Jumin wouldn’t accept MC’s wish to send them away. Saeran had saved her and she knew that. She trusted him with her live, so he was enough in her opinion.
Days passed and MC became more nervous. She slowly understood Saeyong was gone. And the more she struggled against it, the harder it was during nighttime to sleep or at least cry quietly to not wake Saeran who still slept next to her every night.
The things we cannot have: Part one - The things we’ve lost 2
None of them had ever thought to end up in this situation. A few days had passed already without them knowing time had passed at all. On the same time it felt as if it was rushing away from them. Like sleepwalkers they existed in their bubble of a home without a goal or motivation. It was a week since Saeyong had left. And still they were alone in the bunker.
Caring about themselves had become more distant than ever, but they cared for the other one. When she cried, he would hold her until she went back to her lifeless self. When he screamed and destroyed everything in sight including himself, she would grab his wrists and stopped him from dealing more damage. Without words they spent their time in each others company with questions none of them dared to ask.
They both couldn’t eat much but tried to motivate each other to eat at least once a day. Their friends tried to persuade them to go out with them, come over or go eat something with them. But every time one of them declined. Not ready to face the world outside the door Saeyong had closed in front of them.
When Yoosung found out there was no food left he came over more often and cooked for them, always leaving meals in their fridge. He went as far as bringing them fresh ice cream and stocking up on everything they needed without a single question. The blonde had a feeling they weren’t ready yet to talk or operate like humans yet.
Day after day one of the RFA members came over to look after them, trying to cheer them up or helping them with simple tasks up but nothing would work. The wounds Seven had left were too fresh, too deep to be ignored.
On the fourteenth day Mc decided they had to go out, see the sun, get groceries, anything. Something normal outside the bunker. Saeran would follow her without a word, not wanting to be alone. His brother had broken his promises again when he left. The quiet redhead was different. He was better than that and he constantly told that to himself to not break down. And while he could survive the days on his own by ignoring his feelings, they would always follow him, ready to haunt him during the nights. Whenever he fell asleep he’d dream about the moments when Saeyong left him without looking back. He would wake up either screaming or shaken by MC and her scared expression.
MC told herself that Saeyong would return if she waited long enough. Whatever hazard he was so afraid of - he would defeat it and come back to her. He was brilliant so of course he would. And as long as the sun was up she could always believe the lies she told herself. But with sunset her fears consumed her night after night. Making her cry again, struggling with insomnia until she gave up on sleep and slowly shuffled into the living room where she munched ice cream or watched movies with Saeran whenever his nightmares kept him from sleeping. Every morning they would wake up on the couch cuddled closely to each other. It became their ritual, one to give each other strength to get through another night full of pain.
On the twentieth day they went out for the second time. This time Saeran had decided to get ice cream. Since MC ate as much of the sweet dish as him, they were left with none. They had thought about walking first since the only cars in the garage belonged to Saeyong but decided against it in the end. It was a small step but they didn’t want to run from that as well. So they went with the first car in sight, trying to forget to whom it belonged.
On their way Saeran decided to make a stop at a garden he had liked a lot. Maybe she would like it too. Maybe she would smile. When he stopped at the parking lot she looked at him with her big eyes asking what they were doing here. So he nodded with the biggest smirk he could accomplish, trying to motivate her to leave the car. And so she did.
Slowly they strolled through the garden under the muted sun, looking at one flower after another. MC had never been as obsessed with them as he was so she just followed him but today they couldn’t fascinate him either. It didn’t take long until both decided to leave this place. It didn’t spark joy as they had hoped, it only left them more depressed.
Before they left Saeran went to take some flowers with them. They didn’t make him as happy as they once had but he liked the idea to put them into the living room. These special ones would fit the best for his mood now. On his way out another sort caught his eye. He disliked these for their meaning in the language of flowers but they suited the situation even better so he picked them as well. Before that he had never thought of combining these two. But they complimented each other better than he could have imagined.
When MC saw them, a sad smile appeared on her face.
“So you chose these? It fits,” she mumbled. Years ago he had taught her the meaning of some flowers and these were ones she recognized immediately. He nodded without an answer. There was no need for more words. They had learned to communicate without sounds on those lonely days.
The things we cannot have: Part one - The things we’ve lost 3
He slowly regained his senses. Everything was blurry, slowly getting clearer. The ringing in his ears was almost deafening, so he tried to shield his ears with his hands, cupping them around his head. Something must have happened. Where was MC?
She lay on the ground a few metres in front of him. A scream filled with fear escaped his lungs as he threw himself in her direction. Was she still alive? Had he hurt her?
“MC? MC!” he screamed desperately at her, trying to reach her somehow as he kneeled on the floor. She didn't answer no matter how hard he shook her. The girl wouldn’t react to his desperation. But she was still breathing. Without hesitation or looking back he lifted her up, put her in the car and brought her straight to the hospital, breaking every traffic rule on the way.
During the ride his memories slowly came back to him. They left the garden, walking towards the car to get to the ice cream parlor. It had happened faster than he could act. Men had pushed him to the ground. Others had grabbed her and without thinking he just ticked. When he came to his sensed the men were gone. And MC was unconscious. At least it wasn’t him who had hurt her. He was glad about that. The feeling of treating her that way would have killed him. He had done that long ago and it still haunted him, it might go on like forever.
The ride to the hospital wasn’t a long one but strained his nerves. He wondered if she would be alright, who these men were, if he had possibly hurt her himself while fending off the aggressors. The thought was unbearable for the man. He bit his lip as he glanced over to her. Still no sign of consciousness. But there were no signs of serious damage to her body it just looked as if she were sleeping.
When they arrived he never left her side, even when the doctors threatened to throw him out of the hospital and call the police. He would stay with her. He would keep his promises. When the police arrived they asked him endless questions about the incident, what happened, who attacked them, why they were under attack. The flow of questions seemed to be endless to him and with every question he got more nervous. He hated being here where he couldn’t see MC. Did the doctors treat her well? Was she alright?
With a growing headache he tried his best to answer them but at the end he barely knew anything helpful despite the clothes and height of the men. An officer gave him his card with a phone number and instructed him to call as soon as he remembered anything, MC woke up or they were under attack again. Saeran nodded absentmindedly barely listening to what the man said.
He rushed to MC’s room immediately. A nurse checked her blood pressure, glaring angrily at the intruder. Saeran had to discuss the matter for minutes before she gave in and let him stay under the requirement he’d be quiet and stop disturbing her duties. With a sad smirk Saeran grabbed a chair and sat down next to MC. When the nurse left, he didn’t look up, his eyes still glued to MC.
His phone vibrated many times before he looked at it the first time. Their friends were in the chatroom again, discussing an upcoming party. When he told The RFA members what had happened, Jumin immediately sent them bodyguards over and ensured the best treatment for MC. Yoosung brought him fresh clothes the next day. Zen came over after auditions and sang songs for MC she liked.
Saeran was glad for the efforts they all made, yet the only person he could endure was Jaehee. The others tried to engage him into conversations, to cheer him up but he couldn’t have any of it. She just said hello to him with her calm voice, asked if he needed anything and sat down quietly next to MC, holding her hand or reading next to her. These were the only times he would leave the room for a few minutes, leaving MC under Jaehee’s care and every time he came back with new flowers for MC.
The doctors had given up on making him leave. Instead they had put another bed in the room after Jumin demanded it. He was grateful for the powerful man’s help; It made things a lot easier for him. At least he could see her now. No more fights with the hospital stuff that wanted him to leave. He didn’t have the nerve to deal with people anymore. He just wanted it all to end - Mc waking up and both of them leaving the hospital.
Outside the sun was rising again. It was a week since Mc had fallen unconscious. Fear gripped Saeran’s heart more any more with every passing day. He wondered what took so long, why she didn’t wake up. Did the doctors treat her wrong? Did her brain get damaged during the fight?
His stomach cramped again, making him whimper quietly as not to disturb her. He hadn’t eaten the last day and the day before. Whatever he tried to consume just wouldn’t stay down and he was sick of it. In addition another headache was tormenting him in pulsing waves, sending pain everywhere. All he had left was a tiny ray of hope and he held on to it as he tightened his arms around MC’s waist.
He had tried, really tried to use the bed they had brought in for him. But every night he would sneak over to her, cuddling under the blanket to hold her during the night. Their old habit helped him relax, sometimes enough to let him sleep. But not tonight. His emotions held him tighter in their grip, destroying every bit of control he had gained over himself during the years away from Mint Eye. When rage and fear slowly made him disappear and almost become unknown, she cuddled closer to him and whisper “Saeran..” in her sleep. This time he was crying.
