#mytarotnotes

[psychic-cat]

#monthofspreads Day 3

How I can develop more:

1. Self acceptance: page of cups. I need to recognize and accept my own emotional complexities. I need to see my emotions for what they are; examine them instead of simply drowning in them.

2. Clarity: The Devil. I need to look at the things that frighten me. I need to address the sources of my pain. They are scary to look at, but they’re mine. I’m responsible for dealing with them. I often see my mental and physical pain reflected in this card. I have depression and ptsd, as well as chronic pain due to a clubbed foot and they’re like a couple of goblin monsters that live inside me and … it’s really scary sometimes. I don’t always cope well, usually because my perception gets warped as I get overwhelmed.

3. Peace: Queen of Swords. This one has me a little stumped, but I think this has to do with reevaluating some of my ideas. I’m open to suggestions.

[psychic-cat]

#monthofspreads Day 4

Blockage

Two of swords

What I notice: the blindfold

Feelings: confidence, peace, comfortable and joyful within solitude.

Blockage: i don’t trust myself or my intuition.

Six of wands

What I notice: the barrier of wands

Feelings: anxiety, exhilaration, adrenaline, victory.

Blockage: I see competition where there isn’t any.

I wrote pages and pages for this reading. The Lovers kind of sent me for a tail spin.

I HATE the Lovers as the rider Waite depicts it. Detail that draws my attention: the divine figure looking over the Lovers. Feelings it makes me feel: unease. Fear.

This card has so much christian imagery in it. Imagery that reflects all the horrible, incorrect, and harmful ideas I was conditioned with about gender, sex, sexuality, love, relationships, my body, etc. I just. UGH.

I use witchcraft to distance myself from my upbringing. I use tarot and magik to protect myself from that. And I never wanted to admit how much of that shit was in one of my tools. I chose to ignore the large figure looking down on them. I never really realized how weird this card was for me until I was asked to examine it honestly. It hurt.

But anyways … The blockage here is clearly that I’m still afraid of an all powerful being punishing me for gay stuff lol.

I think I might need a break from tarot for a day or two after this lol.

P.S. I have PTSD from religious trauma, DO NOT message me to say J*sus loves me or I will block you.

[psychic-cat]

#autumntarot Day 3

Where to focus my energy for…

1. Prosperity: The Devil. -sigh- I know, I know, I know. I need to commit to my OTHER job as much as I do this one.

2. Love of self: King of Swords. This has been coming up a lot recently, but I need to learn how to see myself objectively, to allow myself room for mistakes because that’s part of reality and I have to accept that.

3. Love of others: Four of Pentacles. There are two main things I see here, the first being that I don’t need to be able to give people material things to be worthy of their love and affection. I’m a poor, van-dwelling hippy and that shouldn’t keep me from pursuing new friendships and relationships. If I go a little deeper into this card I also see that I need to budget my love. Not that I don’t have much, but loving someone actively requires time and energy, which ARE finite resources. It’s better to give large, healthy portions of that to a few people than to try spreading it out too thin between several people.

[psychic-cat]

#monthofspreads day one.

This reading turned out to be really impactful and I learned so much about myself. Everything about this reading and this spread is different from what I’m used to and I really enjoyed trying something new like this.

A lot of this was deeply personal and while it filled up three pages of my journal, I’m making their interpretations very brief here.

Significator: eight of wands. Even though the magician is my significator, I chose to still pull one specifically for today. I’ve really felt my practice coming together recently and I see that reflected in this card.

Message from my past self: six of Swords. “You did what was necessary and you don’t need to feel guilty or regretful.”

Message from my present self: knight of pentacles. “You can do many things with what you have right now. Relax.”

Message from my future self: six of cups. “Be kind and gentle to yourself. Fill your world with beauty.”

I’m so pumped for tomorrow’s spread!

[psychic-cat]

#autumntarot Day one

While shuffling for this reading, the queen of cups fell out two different times. I felt really conflicted about whether or not she was trying to say something and just chose to ignore it. After drawing the king of Swords, I realized they’re to be read together.

The queen of cups was there to speak to my intuition about self reflection, while the king of Swords was pulled to speak to my intellectual self about challenging my ideas. Both come together to tell me that this month I will need to be very self aware.