❛ People don’t really want to know. They think they do, but knowing only makes them miserable. ❜ (for vax)
A DARKER SHADE OF MAGIC / ACCEPTING.
“ no. ” the refusal comes in harsher tones than he’s addressed scanlan with thus far --- WE ARE LEARNING TO FORGIVE we are growing fed by love. vex is further along than he is. he’s not yet willing to extend an open hand to syldor without a clenched fist at his side. “ don’t you fucking do that. don’t you put that on us. that isn’t fair. ”
he is keeping his voice level, his head cool. he will not rise an octave into indignation, will not make the mistakes made in the last conversation of this nature and this magnitude. people DON’T REALLY want to know. “ we did. we do. you can’t --- god, that’s what family is, sometimes, is --- being FUCKING miserable for the sake of each other! ” well, that whole plan of not raising his voice went squarely OUT THE WINDOW about as quickly as most of his plans. “ we’re all fucking disasters, the point is we’re in it together, we have to be, or what’s --- ” the fucking point of any of it?
this isn’t going where he wants it to go. he breathes deeply, wraps his arms tight around his midriff as though HOLDING HIS RIBCAGE CLOSED. inhale, exhale, think like keyleth has shown you how, the veritable master of having a rapidly vocalized train of thought derail. this isn’t about berating scanlan, PILING ON THE GUILT of his absence, his SILENCE TOWARDS THEM. he’s gotten that. this isn’t about --- what is this about? vox machina. EVERYTHING. he had questions like these the day before the conclave, alone in his room in their old keep, with vex, questions without answers. he knows now. IT’S ABOUT LOVE. what else could it ever have fucking been?
vax exhales, softly, and unwinds his arms from his torso. “ we all said A LOT OF SHIT, the day you left. and i know you didn’t mean the half of it. i know you didn’t. so you don’t have to --- ” stop. breathe. he doesn’t like standing SO FAR ABOVE the gnome, not right now, not like this, so in one motion he drops, plants himself on the floor and crosses his legs and looks up to his friend, eye to tired eye. “ I LOVE YOU. so does my sister. so does everyone else here. so for the love of --- fuck, scanlan, whatever you want --- FOR THE LOVE OF US. we tell each other. when we need help, we tell each other, because otherwise we don’t know you’re hurting and everything GOES TO SHIT and then everyone’s hurt. we tell each other because it’s worth it. having this, us, THIS FAMILY. it’s worth shouldering more burdens than just your own. ”