#mytwenties

[elsaikogato-blog]

#ancientcivilizations #minoans #crete #soudabay #greece #ithink #iusedtodrinkalot #mytwenties #blurry #faded #pastlife #amodelidiot (at Knossos Palace -Minoan Lines)

[bigsalmonguy]

i may never own property or retire but i have a weekly hbo show and they seem to be coming up with a new mochi flavor at trader joe’s every week so…

[boyinjeans]

these will be the good ole days one day

[hyperfixatingqueen]

i feel so hurt sometimes. just hurt. like my chest is empty and i need to fill it with something. so i fill it with goofing around and making people laugh and anxiety and dread and unproductive work. until it gets too much. i don't even know what i'm hurting about. but i hurt. i refuse to give myself permission to feel it though. i sought permission to cry when people forgot about my b'day. if someone gives me permission, my feelings feel more valid. but until they don't, i don't want to feel it. so i'll continue to goof around and make people laugh and feel anxious and dreadful.

[expatmichael]

Just a bitchy column from an early Project X magazine complaining about how I was chosen to represent New York nightlife in Japan. The issue says 1990 but the trip was actually November-December 1989. Sigh...I was so young and had only been giving the whole Goldy Loxxx thing for less than 2 years. But what a wonderful trip that was! I felt like a rock star. #clubkid #goldyloxx #eighties #youth #mytwenties #flashback #tokyo #allexpensespaid #memories #projectxmagazine #shade #gossip (at New York City) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci_pucrI_TvJi41RQa7j8TxkB_3p2wQjaC-PzM0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[expatmichael]

Hugging Lahoma Van Zandt at The Love Ball with RuPaul, International Chrysis and David Spada in the mix. May 10, 1989, Roseland, New York City. #theloveball #1989 #originalclubkids #mytwenties https://www.instagram.com/p/CQlRb6PoH3JQ5eDsgP69R2fgRAM0NSxaZ0IF4c0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[fromthistime]

Pursuit #7

What a shame to feel trapped inside just skin and bones and organs. To know in your heart you are made up of stars. The best intentions. To be moved by this skull and framework that traverses me. Surrounds my veins and makes me.

What crushes me.

This love.

This tree of limbs and eyes and mouth. It swallows me whole in pain. Most days. No day is the same. A travesty of sorts I call the dark days. The remember when days. The not so great cry for six hour straight days.

And then there's one day. One day of freedom. Of limitlessness. Of raging love. Of passion and strength. It feels odd.

Off.

I was made for this one day.

In some weird way. As if you're not supposed to have it. As if the floor will fall right from under you. And then it's gone. Back to the dark abyss. It comes and it goes just like so. In waves.

It comes and it goes.

You see, this is physical pain. This is pain in the body from a not so right neck, a messed up spine, horrible knees, a non working digestive system, from failing eyesight, from allergies that wage war on the senses, from broken fingers to healed collar bones.

This skin I'm in has scaled time and wounds and hardships. This frame has broken apart into pieces that God gathered for me. This magnificent work of the grand Crafter has shown me glory. It has shown me a broken heart filled with a lost love. It has shown me the darkness of night in my human soul. This framework of me has show me, humanity.

Humanity in contrast with divinity. The flesh and the divine working, moving, living, breathing, dying. It has shown me grace when I least deserved it. Patience when I pushed past limitations.

There are three major lessons my twenties have shown me.

1. Pain is necessary.

2. You don’t know anything...and that’s ok.

3. God is faithful.

Pain has been my healer. My energy. My enemy. My pusher. My safe place. My agony. In all these things pain has taught me relentlessly. I have learned about my humanity. My strength. My limitations. And of course, my God. Jesus came into this world and lived a life marked my suffering. Not glory. And is now glorified to the highest place. At the right hand of the Father.

Let us never forget. The cross is painful. Jesus tells us to pick up our cross daily, be like Him. Mirror Him in life and in D. E. A. T. H.

All of the things I thought I knew these past 9 years. All of the certainty of many wrongs I believed were right. My oh my I thought I knew so much!! So much at 21. The world was easy to figure out. Unbeknownst to me, my vision was clouded. God protected me with the not knowing. I needed to learn to trust Him. To gather into His embrace and not my control (and lack of) knowledge about every single plan in my life.

That all leads to this point. The most central theme of the past decade of my life:

God. Is. So. Faithful.

My twenties were legitimately a WILD time. I was saved by grace and living under a blanket of fear. I was given mercy and withheld it from those closest to me. I was broken. And still very much am but I am healing. And this is the best part of turning 30. Knowing that healing exists and is for me. And possible. And happening. I love 30 for all of the possibilities. For all of its newness. For all of its uncertainty. It brings me joy and comfort and peace. Knowing my healer, my God, El Roi, the God of seeing... Sees me in this humanity and loves me still.

Join me.

From this time.

#Pursuit

[expatmichael]

Yes I have more pictures of myself then you do. Guilty as charged. But when you study Visual Media with. A Concentration in Photography at university you set yourself up for a life of pictures, both your own and of others. Probably a day doesn’t go by thAt I don’t take a picture. I wAs taking selfies well before the term was ever coined. This portrait is another Fran Gealer shot from the early 90’s. Back during that short period when I had a henna. I’m glad I experimented so much back when I did cause I don’t even slightly consider these transformations now. #clubkid #goldyloxxx #90s #henna #mytwenties #headshot #frangealerphoto #frangealer #silencio https://www.instagram.com/p/B7hKzmBoKINsVOQzYryT5VKfqvebQGoVjT0ENU0/?igshid=1xl8205kk46az