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god i'm on the website for my local children's hospital now and like. i'm having such good memories. they're such a good hospital. like. oh my god i'm reading through one of their picture stories and i remember the video i watched before and how they gave me a little print out packet and i, a voracious reader who wanted to know Exactly what was going on and what to expect, read that thing so many times n like idk anyway children's hospitals are cool and great

#maybe not all of them idk #but i'm speaking of hospitals that are exclusive children's #free standing i think th term is?#not that like regular hospitals have bad pediatric care or anything #i just have really positive memories of what was an objectively bad experience #like i #oh my god when i was getting blood drawn a lot there was a point where like #they had to call a nurse from the children's hospital #bc my veins just don't like blood being drawn #n idk #yeah #mine #not about warriors

fellas i’m.... considering deleting n remaking..... but idk....

#personal #im going thru some shit #n idk

thinkin about Roland...

#ive been rlly emotional today abt BL1. like loving it n its characters so hard. n I've been saying that it's the game in general #but it's rlly been him specifically #i love him sm;;;#n idk #i love all of the BL1 vault hunters a lot n obvs im a huge Mordy stan #but like. there's so little love for Roland in the fandom. n that's mostly BL2's fault so I've been feeling pretty passionate abt him #like i wanna make up for the lack of appreciation he gets bc honestly it should be a crime #he👏deserved👏better👏#he deserves the world honestly

It's like my whole life has been on hold since fucking dorms and now things are moving and going but it means that the memories are Right There and I couldn't sleep like at all last night and I'm sad just so sad I'm sad sad sad I just want to be left alone for a little while I'm sad! I'm really sad!!!! Sure it's all far away from me now but when did I actually let myself get close ? Like every person I've let close to me has hurt or betrayed me in a Major way like.....I don't even know how to fully do it anymore. I never have w bf and he's as close as I get. And even that is so hard rn. It's so unfair. It's so unfair !!!!!!! Why does it still hurt so bad all these years later. Why this one. It wasn't the first or the last. We were friends yeah but I've had family and friends and strangers and best friends do it so friends like big whoop. When I was talking to momma abt everything I kept talking abt how we used to go to the pool together all of us I had a friend group. I've had 2 friend groups in my life and they both sucked but God damn. And she said "you're always trying so hard to fit in" yeah and never quite making it!!!!! Always too something. Too much someway. Too little that. But usually too much. Almost always too much. I'm too much for everyone I think. I'm too much for me

#diary.txt #bfs friend got kicked out so he spent the night w us n i feel awful bc #like the guys in a bad way im not trying to be unempathetic or cruel #but i really needed bf to prioritize n choose me n my comfort #n idk #i just dont know

not to be the one to say thi sbut doesn't ochette just look very autistic to u-

#like maybe this is jsut me projecting onto my fave again #but she seems really emotionally mature yet childish #n idk #sounds familiar sounds familiar

me when i hate crushes bc how i feel abt myself depends on whatever happens jn the crush

#i was fine. but then #my friends bf #whos friends w crush #was like oh ok n didnt rly gaf when friend told bf i like friend #n idk #its j makijg me feel like shit #bc i should care what he thinks like idfk idgaf abt him either #but its annoyijg bc i was hopijg he could help n ykyk #it j feels bad..#shit post #crushes #no way i cried abt it too #only a few tears but still

i cannot decide if i am sad or happy rn

#i made myself sad thinkin bout some shit #but like that some shit didnt effect me as much as it wouldve a few years ago #n idk #its not like its gotten better n idk if its good 2 b used to shitty stuff #but #idk its nice to be able to stop crying after a minute n think abt happier shit #idk #would all b less complicated if there was less shitty stuff but uknow my chest can ache sometimes its okay #delete later

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