#n.marie

[belongtothe-world]

When we first started dating, I was ending a previous relationship. One that I was not happy to be part of. I was so drained and thought I had no more energy to give. And when I thought I couldn’t love anymore, you lifted me in ways I never thought possible. 

[belongtothe-world]

I am mentally and physically tired. It doesn’t help that I suffer from anxiety either. Its my last semester at college and I can honestly say that it’s been a horrible ride. I am not happy with where I am on an academic stance and feel like I have no idea with what I am doing with my life and where I am going. Everyone around me seems to have an idea or is already doing what they love and here I am with nothing. I thought I did and I’ve come to realize that either I am not ready for what is to come or I just simply just don't know what I want to continue. Its so frustrating to be in the position that I’m in right now. It was expected of me to go to college to further my career, but what career am I aiming for. 

It doesn’t come easy for me as I’m sure of others in my generation. It makes me think if Im going to stay where I am right now. Just get my degree and keep working retail. That’s not what I want. What I want is to have a good job, and good place to live, and a family in the future. But, I have no idea how to get there. I feel like I’m leaving college with “nothing,” other than how I was able to better my time management and get things done. Education wise, though I feel smarter than what I was in high school, I didn’t really get much out of it. There was really no application of what Ive learned.

Who knows, maybe its because I didn’t make the right college choice. I just went to this school to just go and get a degree. That’s the worst feeling that I can feel. I feel like a disappointment. I’m below where I should be. I want things to turn around. I want things to get better. I want to know what I’m going to do with my life. I want to get a better idea of who I am. That could be an issue. I don’t think I know who I fully am and what my potential is. I know what I’m capable of doing. But how can I make things better for me. 

[walkin-in-faith-blog]

Sometimes our past comes knocking at our door. To remind us and tempt us to go back to it. Dont! God removed and helped us moved past that. Dont go back, no matter how good it looks, how much we miss it or how sweet the words taste. Its a test. Make peace & move on. Don't fail it!

N.Marie